In-laws or a spouse from a different background: what would you choose?

Dear fellow forum members,

Imagine a day when your child—regardless of their age—comes to you and announces they are getting married. But then comes the catch: "But Mom, Dad... 😉 he isn't from our background, our faith, or our way of life; he is actually [insert a group you personally struggle to accept]!"

How would you handle such a situation?

It’s all about how you raise them. Just tell them the real story about the American Civil War—the stuff the textbooks conveniently leave out—and you're good.👍

Well done, kid. They're all true Red American 😍

Valderrama said:The OP is basing their whole argument on a single label—being Muslim. As a Christian myself, I’d be against it. Period.

I have zero interest in dictating who my kids or my friends associate with while navigating life's ups and downs. To me, someone's nationality, religion, ideology, or race doesn't move the needle. I might step in if I thought I was dealing with someone genuinely crooked, dishonest, or aggressively toxic, but even then, I'd tread lightly. Bottom line: let people make their own choices.

I always figured I’d be pretty indifferent to all this stuff because, at the end of the day, I tend to see people as individuals first... but as time goes on, I’m starting to have these nagging doubts. I don't know if I could really stay neutral if it were my own kid dating someone from a Muslim background...

I don't have the right, nor do I even want to be the one deciding who’s a good match for my kid. Honestly? It would bother me, but I certainly wouldn't let it show.
I suppose there are cultural, religious, political—you name it—reasons why a relationship might feel heavy from day one. And if we're being completely honest, those same factors would make me uneasy if the partner were from a different background entirely.
But like I said at the start, it isn't our place. I have no desire to play judge and jury over something as delicate as who my child chooses to be with.

Sana said:🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏

You truly have an incredible amount of patience... personally, I just don't have the energy to mess around with idiots... they ask questions and then act completely dissatisfied with the answer if it isn't exactly what they wanted to hear! 👍

z

@Manita, @Sana, I completely understand where you're coming from! Everything you both said is spot on... I feel the exact same way. While it wouldn't be ideal if things were to escalate—and I sincerely hope they don't—it seems true that these situations tend to hit those who fear them most, so you ladies are absolutely right!

Men can be so incredibly narrow-minded sometimes. I mean, would any decent man really cast his own daughter out onto the streets just because she brought home someone of a different faith, nationality, or skin color?😲 What kind of person would even do that? You know the type... someone who barely spoke to their child, someone who didn't spend enough quality time together, a parent who only ever maintained a superficial connection... yeah, that’s exactly why they’d throw their child away. It honestly feels like they'd be better off facing their own failures head-on rather than doing something so heartless...😉

If I may add my own thoughts:
Regarding the choice of partners, I believe everyone should be free to choose whoever they wish.

That is all there is to it. Whether Sana or Manita ends up with someone from the deep South or perhaps someone of a different ethnic background, it doesn't matter. They might even have beautiful grandchildren with rich, dark complexions. 🤣 🤣 🤣

In my experience, these daughters-in-law might actually prove to be much better than some local Stephanie, who might try to reshape your son's character and drive a wedge between him and his mother, leaving you to regret the match.

No one can truly predict the future. Life is full of such surprises.

ZDS said:kick them out of the house

That is exactly how it should be; honestly, one shouldn't have children at all for that reason.🤣 🤣

Look, just like I wouldn't want some old geezers calling the shots on who I live with, sleep with, or have kids with, I’m sure as hell not going to mess things up for kids just because they made their own choices. It’s simple math: no matter how you make the bed, you're the one sleeping in it.

I wouldn't be thrilled about it, Ali, but if you're a decent Human being—and I mean anyone, regardless of gender—you eventually just get used to it.

And sure, that’s assuming the grandkids actually show up.🙂

I’m going to teach my kids that there are three types of people out there:
1. Humans, 2. Scum, 3. Mexicans
1. The first group? They're good, noble souls, no matter their language or faith.
2. The second group? They might even be your own kind, but honestly, it's better if they didn't exist.
3. As for the third? Never trust them. Someone can be your brother for fifty years and then suddenly have a knife at your throat.

So, kid, you decide what kind of life you want to lead.

ZDS said:you're giving me an ulcer.😠
where exactly did you adopt those kids??? on Mars??
please don't get me banned again because of you and the postman

That's democracy for you; someone adopts children, and if it isn't strictly by the book, then it's just a little bit off the grid.
Well, that's his business.
I am not a HomoCroat, but I am certainly not homophobic either.
Quite simply, live and let live!

HomoCroat said:Why not? My John and I have been happily married for three years now, and we recently adopted two little girls. It brings John such joy when they call him "Mom," and honestly, I am on cloud nine whenever they call me "Dad"! 😍
The divine Marija is Black, and Mislav Dmitar is Asian. 🙂

Think about it! There aren't even any gay marriages in the States yet, at least not everywhere:
firstly, there are no gay marriages in this country, still
secondly, child adoption isn't an option here

thirdly, my personal take is that you should find yourself a grown woman—not a minor like your supposed "daughter"—and then go ahead and start a family of your own!
I'm not gay, nor am I homophobic, I just believe in one thing:
live and let live!

gentleeagle45 said:That's democracy for you; someone adopts children, and if it isn't strictly by the book, then it's just a little bit off the grid.
Well, that's his business.
I am not a HomoCroat, but I am certainly not homophobic either.
Quite simply, live and let live!

Tell me, isn't that kid going to end up totally warped when they raise him thinking "mommy" is just a label?🤮

It's sick, if you ask me! It's definitely going to mess with how that child sees the world!

HomoSapien said:Why not? John and I have been happily married for three years now, and we’ve adopted two little girls. Honestly, my John just beams with joy whenever they call him "Mommy"—and let me tell you, hearing them call me "Daddy" puts me right on cloud nine!😍
The lovely Mary is Black, and Michael Davis is Asian.🙂

Don't take offense at the question, but if you really are gay, tell me—do you and John ever actually think about what it looks like when you're performing oral sex on one another?
Or when you're taking turns anal sex? I mean, isn't that what the anatomy is for?
I am asking this in good faith, and I’d ask the moderators to please refrain from banning me.

For the record, I would never kick my daughter out of the house just because she brought home, say, a Black boyfriend. I’m not a racist.
Of course, I wouldn't kick her out—she's my child—but I would pull that guy aside, deal with him quite violently, and make sure he's sufficiently beaten and broken before telling him very politely that if I ever see him near my daughter again, I will absolutely destroy him so thoroughly that even a team of specialists at Mayo Clinic won't be able to fix him.

HomoSapien said:😲 Good grief, why on earth are you so jealous just because he’s packing more than you are?
I honestly think—and I say this as someone who values family above all else—that any decent parent should prioritize their daughter's happiness. And frankly, she'll be thrilled with a husband who is... well, exceptionally gifted in that department. 👍
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what color the cat is—it only matters if she can catch the mice! 😬

And where exactly are you getting your "facts" about this being true? I've heard quite the opposite.
Since you clearly hold such high regard for them and their physical attributes, why haven't you gone out and found yourself an exceptionally endowed man in a place like New York City, instead of settling for one of our own "unfortunate" locals?

Seriously, can you people really not help yourselves when it comes to posting such mindless garbage? Get your heads out of the sand, because I’m one step away from wiping the whole lot of you off the map.

I don't even know where to start with this one. Just... wow. said:Look, I’ve been thinking about this—mostly because I keep seeing cases where this kind of stuff absolutely tears families apart. It seems like it always hits the people who make the most noise about it, you know? The ones shouting, "Not in my house!" or "I'll disown him if he does that." It’s always those exact types.
Look, I’m not saying I’d give up my life or any of that nonsense—but if it meant losing my husband too? Yeah, it would kill me. I honestly don't know how someone even survives that kind of heartbreak. Once you fall in love, there's no turning back... it's game over. People need to start teaching this stuff to kids from day one—just constant, honest conversations about it. But hey, what can you do? What is God going to do about it?
He’d rather date a Black girl than someone from the neighborhood—just saying.😁

👍 🙏 👍
Anything but that.
My 14-year-old nephew? Man, the second he hears a girl’s Mexican—I mean, if she's even remotely from that part of the world—he’s gone. Just vanishes. He’ll walk right past a Miss Universe type just to stay clear. What is wrong with kids today?
Man, he just loves him.😘

HomoSapien said:Poor kid.

Poor? Please. He’s the pride and joy of his Uncle.😘
I told him straight—🧐look, kid, you can be whatever you want, just stay away from those girls from the South.🙂
Thank God he didn't go the other way,😬and as for those Southern girls... he won't even hear of them.🙏
Uncle's little sunshine.😘

granitemarlin77 said:👍 🙏 👍
Anything but that.
My 14-year-old nephew? Man, the second he hears a girl’s Mexican—I mean, if she's even remotely from that part of the world—he’s gone. Just vanishes. He’ll walk right past a Miss Universe type just to stay clear. What is wrong with kids today?
Man, he just loves him.😘

That’s just what he tells you to your face, but when Uncle isn't looking, this is how he actually acts.😘 😘 😘