Schizophrenia - General Discussion

urbanwalker22 said:I’m currently on Zyprexa in the mornings and taking Lamictal at night... because I hit a total breaking point. I went through this massive depressive episode once everything just let go of me—that moment when I finally realized the world keeps spinning exactly the same way, no matter how many lives I tried to "save" while working at the hospital.

briskgull27 said:Once for all those hallucinations, whereas I deal with them constantly.
Man, I used to have hallucinations too—ugh, they were always sexual in nature.
I would move to the VA hospital in a heartbeat, but the facility in Queens has much better access, and the Subway is right there.

Taylor Campbell4;7130386 said:So, you aren't dealing with those illusions or delusions anymore, now it's just the depression eating at you, right? (Did that hit you recently or what?)
Are you seeing anyone for psychotherapy?

I see a psychiatrist once a week ($100 - 45 min), but I'm honestly not seeing much of a payoff. I can't say it actually grounds me sometimes, but it all just feels... empty.

briskgull27 said:"And why are you always heading back to the hospital? What happens when you go?"

urbanwalker22 said:I’m doing alright, I guess. Starting a new job tomorrow... I’m just praying it doesn't turn into a rerun of last time, because I completely lost my mind just two weeks after starting my first gig.
I’m still playing back the whole tape in my head, obsessing over everything I said or did, because some of it feels so incredibly real. Like, that part about things syncing up to my computer at home... I honestly can't tell if I was actually tripping or not. Probably was, but then again, anything is possible these days, right?

I still find myself replaying everything in my head—all those things I was convinced were true—because some of it felt so incredibly real.

briskgull27 said:Who really knows
I’ve just reached a point where I don't care anymore
since I feel like I'm already gone inside
If God actually existed, He would have taken me at seventeen—but we all know that isn't the case😕 🙄 😎 😉 👍 😉 😎 🙄 😕

briskgull27 said:Who really knows
I’ve just reached a point where I don't care anymore
since I feel like I'm already gone inside
If God actually existed, He would have taken me at seventeen—but we all know that isn't the case😕 🙄 😎 😉 👍 😉 😎 🙄 😕

Taylor Campbell4 said:I forgot to mention earlier how great it is that you found work. Honestly, it’s a luxury people without these kinds of struggles wouldn't understand.

And don't even get me started on those psychiatrist fees—it's absolute robbery. In my opinion, they're just greedy opportunists, much like certain lawyers, except they hide their greed even better behind a professional mask... (I wanted to start a whole thread about whether it's even ethical for them to charge those kinds of numbers, but I didn't quite have the energy to dive into it..)

I still find myself replaying everything in my head—all those things I was convinced were true—because some of it felt so incredibly real.

Just curious—do you think it's possible to laugh at those delusions you had? Personally, I think that would be a pretty healthy way to look at it. Just a way of accepting yourself and your own past.

urbanwalker22 said:It’s all just madness, isn't it? Once you decide to cut ties, you really cut them. That nagging little voice telling you, "Oh, just go ahead, do it," eventually just falls silent.
It all started when I’d be up in the middle of the night, pounding on doors because I was convinced some imaginary soulmate was about to walk through. My parents would wake up, and even after they spent ages trying to convince me that nobody was coming—telling me to just go back to sleep—I’d find myself up again, knocking away. Eventually, they just put me in the car and drove me straight to a clinic in suburban Chicago. Even during the drive, there was this internal voice—though maybe it wasn't even mine 🙂—whispering that everything would turn out fine, and that my mother would be the one staying at the facility in Chicago, not me. Honestly, I’m still a bit stunned that I’m actually the one staying here now.
Heading to bed. Fingers crossed for work!!!!

Jesse Hayes2 said:Honestly, what is there even to say about comments like these? It’s pretty obvious these people don't have the slightest clue what mental illness actually entails, because if they did, they wouldn't be out here peddling such incredibly moronic advice and half-baked conclusions 😉