I want to be a villain and a criminal!

So, they say you can't be both a villain and a criminal at the same time. 😕 But as a criminal, you run afoul of the law, which means—even in this country—you might actually face consequences for your actions. For example, you murder some poor guy from a local militia in a Chase Bank branch because you're a scumbag, just like the militia leader himself who refuses to give his employees decent pay, body armor, or even a fair shake. You get caught, and you serve time.
Well, there are exceptions. You can walk away with a factory using zero down, take out a mortgage on someone else's property or whatever, then fire everyone on the street, sell off that factory or the land it’s sat on for eighty years, and suddenly you're a wealthy, respected member of the "Council of 200."

As a villain? You're winning. Laws don't apply to you. Sure, they labeled you a "suspect." Whatever. You can still cause a "collapse of the legal system," as that clown on CNN said yesterday (didn't he sound incredibly arrogant?). You can call the witnesses whatever names you want. You can be under the microscope of every yellow journalist and every "gray" hack out there tracking your every heartbeat. We know every single agony of your wretched little existence. And you haven't even tasted battery acid yet. Honestly, brother, a little abuse of power doesn't mean much to you, because the justice system in this dump is about as independent as a cheap hookup. (First "s" in "sex" like "sis"... oops, Soye.
) You can show up in court and have those "Cosmopolitan" columnists filming you looking all polished and polite, telling everyone that compared to the pathetic, miserable representatives of the prosecution, you've got better odds than the fifth-string team playing the Lakers. Every mother would want a son-in-law like you. Even though you're a criminal, the Secretary says the organization you belong to simply... doesn't exist.
You can violate a ten-year-old girl and they won't just call you a criminal; they'll call you a "beast" and a "monster," only for you to walk free on parole after two years.
You can kill a twelve-year-old girl and still "walk," just because someone screwed up the legal procedure.

I am currently accepting applications for induction into the "3rd Criminal Exadron."
Immunity from the flu, AIDS, humanity, morality, and the law is guaranteed!

I think your initiative is actually worth looking into. I’m voting for it, and honestly, I’ll fight politically to support this whole criminal element. We have so much untapped potential here, and plenty of hidden talents just waiting for their big break. The political climate has never been more favorable to push for the promotion of crime.
Why should just a tiny handful of people get to enjoy all the legal and political perks in this country? Don't you think everyone deserves an equal shot at becoming a criminal? 👍

Bryan Martin31 said:Well, they claim you can't be both a villain and a criminal at the same time... 😕 But as a criminal, you clash directly with the law, so it is entirely possible—even in this great nation—to face the consequences of your own transgressions. For instance, if you were to take out a poor officer from some elite SWAT unit in a local Chase Bank branch because you are just as vile as the man himself, refusing to provide your employees with decent pay or basic safety gear... you get caught, and you serve your time.
Actually, there are plenty of exceptions to that rule. You can walk away with a factory after paying zero dollars down, leveraging someone else's property as collateral, or whatever other scheme you conjure up, then proceed to throw your workers out onto the street, sell that factory or the land it’s sat on for eighty years, and suddenly find yourself a wealthy, highly respected member of the "Country Club 200."

As a villain, you are practically riding high... for you, the law simply does not exist. Sure, they might label you a "suspect," but regardless, you can still cause a total "collapse of the legal system," much like that obnoxious pundit on CNN argued yesterday (doesn't he look incredibly arrogant to you?). You can call the witnesses whatever names you please. You can be under the microscope of every yellow journalist and every "gray" rag in the country, tracking your every heartbeat... we know every single agony of your wretched, broken body. And yet, you haven't even tasted battery acid. My god, the abuse of power doesn't even move the needle for you anymore, because justice in this dumpster fire of a country is about as independent as a cheap date from a politician... (the first "s" in "sex" being more like "sissies," if you catch my drift... op. Soye.)
You could find yourself standing in court, only to have those "Cosmopolitan" style columnists filming you looking all polished and dignified, telling everyone that compared to the pathetic, miserable representatives of the prosecution, you have the same chance of losing as the last-place junior varsity team playing against the Dallas Cowboys. Every mother would want a son-in-law like you. And even though you are a villain, the Secretary says the organization you belong to—in your capacity as such—simply... does not exist.
You could commit unspeakable acts against a ten-year-old girl, and they won't just call you a criminal, they'll brand you a "beast" and a "monster," only to release you on parole after two measly years.
You could murder a twelve-year-old girl, and you’d still be walking free because someone, somewhere, botched the legal procedure...

I am currently accepting applications for induction into the "3rd Criminal Exadron."
Immunity from the flu, AIDS, humanity, morality, and the law is absolutely guaranteed!

🙂

Bryan Martin31 said:...accepting applications for entry into the "3-member criminal exadron."
immunity from the flu, AIDS, humanity, morals, and the law guaranteed!

Where’s the application form? And where am I supposed to pick up the processing fees—or can I just show up unannounced without a referral?

Charles Fox10 said:Where do I find the application and those tax stamps? Where am I supposed to buy them? Or can I just show up unannounced without any formal referrals?

You definitely can't go without referrals! The best references you’ll get are probably from the bank manager you just robbed, or maybe you could attach a criminal indictment for white-collar fraud. Those are really trendy right now.
If your "crime" involves ringing a doorbell and running away, they won't even look at your application.

Edward Barrett8 said:References are non-negotiable. You can either get them from the bank manager you robbed, or just attach a criminal indictment for white-collar fraud. Those are quite trendy right now.
If your crime involves ringing a doorbell and running away, they probably won't even look at your application.

Well, damn. I guess I was wrong to think Soye meant we could just walk in without any references.

Charles Fox10 said:Man, I thought Soye was actually giving me some solid leads, but this is just a random entry without any kind of referral.

Charles Fox10, isn't nepotism basically my middle name? I'm practically hiring you blindly here. 👍

Wait!
Did you at least swipe some candy from a CVS? Look, I’m planning on recruiting a crew of pure villains, so I need to make sure you aren't going to screw us over...

Casey Lopez61 said:🙂

not that it matters!

Casey Lopez61, until you figure out where on earth you got that username, I can't exactly take you seriously—even if you do seem like a decent candidate... 😬

Bryan Martin31 said:Charles Fox10, isn't nepotism practically my middle name? I'm hiring you on pure instinct. 👍

Wait.
Have you at least stolen gum from a CVS? I'm planning to assemble a crew of absolute villains here, just so nobody can pull one over on us...

I started out with the animal kingdom; the gum thing came later. Then I graduated to yogurt and wandering through self-service aisles early in the morning—just grabbing a windshield wiper off a car here and there. Every true villain needs their own little syndicate for stealing poultry or grapes, but ever since the women in our lives cleaned house, I've been a solo operator.

Is this enough for the initial application?

Charles Fox10 said:I started out with the animal kingdom, then moved on to gum. After that, I pivoted to yogurt and wandering through self-service aisles early in the morning—just me, a windshield wiper from a car, and my thoughts. Every true villain needs their own criminal organization to steal poultry, pork, and grapes, right? But ever since the women in our lives finally cleaned house, I’ve been operating as a solo rogue agent.

Is this enough content for my first official application?

Hell yeah you are!!!😲

You were basically born to be part of a death squad.!!!

Charles Fox10, I think it's time for our first mission... any ideas? I can handle a few... 😎

Bryan Martin31 said:total death wish!!!😲

You were practically born for this, weren't you? "

Charles Fox10, I think it's time for our first assignment... any thoughts? I'm thinking of a few... 😎

Don't go pulling my leg just so Charles Fox10 can pull it tomorrow. Are you the founder and the mastermind here? Yes. Fine then. Share some ideas, assign the tasks, and let's get to work.

Charles Fox10 said:Don't try playing me here, thinking I'll just take a hit from you tomorrow. Are you the founder? The visionary leader? Yes. Then fine—lay out the ideas, delegate the tasks, and let's actually get things done.

Ouch. Someone's grumpy... though I might be open to radicalism once the clock strikes midnight.

But seriously... if we're starting small... maybe we begin by turning churches into museums? Actually, no. Atheists aren't my only target audience. I'll pass on that one.

Maybe we should try again with that old advisor to the former President? You know, that doctor, that man without a name? Only this time, let's make sure he doesn't end up blaming everyone else or someone's head... after all, he was the one who helped screw everything up to begin with... think about it and let me know. We can find some kind of firecracker... or at least a water balloon... 🤣

Cheers, my friend. Stay healthy and well. As for the rest, we'll figure it out.👍

So, someone drops $30 million just to have some awkward individual taken out... and here we all are, obsessing over windshield wipers.

Bryan Martin31 said:Ouch, that's dark... though I suppose radicalism gets more appealing as the hour grows late.

But fine... to start, I’d want something smaller... converting churches into museums, perhaps... actually, no. Atheists aren't my only targets. I'll pass on that one.

Maybe we try again with that unnamed advisor to the former President? That doctor, the man without a name? Just this time, let's ensure he doesn't get accused of—who knows—treason... after all, he was the one who helped facilitate the mess... think about it and let me know. We'll find some way to make a little noise... or at least throw a water balloon. 🤣

Cheers, my friend Charles Fox10. Stay well and stay healthy; we'll figure the rest out later.👍

Why museums, though? Wouldn't sports arenas be better? You get the scale, the space, and the acoustics are great—if you mention a mother-in-law, everyone hears you.

And if you don't want the church to lose its soul by becoming a museum, just turn them into hybrid spaces. Keep the altar, keep the exhibits; you get a priest and a curator, and the public gets a bit of culture.

I've already eaten 🙂

Bryan Martin31 said:I hope you're doing alright out there!

Casey Lopez61, I simply cannot bring myself to take your opinions seriously until you finally reveal the true origin of that handle of yours, even if you do seem like a decent enough candidate otherwise... 😬

Honestly, what kind of criminal would actually go around exposing the secrets behind someone's username? You just don't find people like that anywhere in this country, as people tend to guard those kinds of things like their lives depend on it...😁

coppernomad59 said:someone drops 30 million dollars just to take out an inconvenient person... and here you are... obsessing over windshield wipers.

Wipers are where you start. With 30 million, you retire.🙂

Charles Fox10 said:You start with the windshield wipers, and by $30k, you’re basically ready to retire.🙂

😬 heheheh, I’d happily take early retirement if I had that kind of cash lying around.😬

Not much to say here. Just passing through. said:😬 I’d love to retire on that kind of money.😬

Same here.🙂

Bryan Martin31 said:Charles Fox10—come on, isn't favoritism practically in my DNA at this point?! I’m basically hiring you sight unseen. 👍

Wait just a second!
Have you even committed a petty crime in your life? Like, did you ever swipe a pack of gum from a 7-Eleven? Because if I’m going to assemble a crew of absolute degenerates, I need someone who won't get played...

And what about those thirsty, little redheaded girls—the ones who kick off their criminal careers by wearing micro-minis and tight leggings
while those bearded, old-school creeps
end up getting forced
into the web of corporate ownership,
bleeding their wallets dry just so they can buy some overpriced designer trinkets for those girls...