Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

Harold Flores4 said:But how? How are you supposed to actually pull someone away from a social circle that's clearly dragging them down?
My buddy is dealing with the same kind of questionable crowd, but I don't really have any major issues with him personally... he isn't drinking heavily... or doing drugs (as far as I know, anyway)... even though some of the people he hangs out with definitely are.

Look, my friends finally realized what was actually going on and they just cut ties. Period. Just went cold turkey. They kept showing up to work, she stayed home, locked the doors, took a gap year, lost her old crew... gave her all that time to actually sit there and think. Luckily, she used that time for something good. It ain't easy, trust me, but you can still steer people back toward the right path if you try hard enough.👍

Scott Howard74 said:Look, my friends finally realized what was actually going on and they just cut ties. Period. Just went cold turkey. They kept showing up to work, she stayed home, locked the doors, took a gap year, lost her old crew... gave her all that time to actually sit there and think. Luckily, she used that time for something good. It ain't easy, trust me, but you can still steer people back toward the right path if you try hard enough.👍

Yeah... it really isn't easy... especially since he still hangs out with the "normal" crowd too... so it's not like he's exclusively running with the guys who cause trouble.
I want to be clear that I don't have any major issues with him personally, more or less... when he goes out to parties or big bashes, I'm the one driving him and his crew home, so I see firsthand how some of those guys act versus how he actually carries himself.
I realize I don't have any right to go around forbidding him from doing anything... he respects our agreements most of the time, even if there's a bit of pushback now and then, but I can't help the constant fear sitting in the back of my mind about whether he'll always stay this responsible.

🤷

Harold Flores4 said:Yeah... it really isn't easy... especially since he still hangs out with the "normal" crowd too... so it's not like he's exclusively running with the guys who cause trouble.
I want to be clear that I don't have any major issues with him personally, more or less... when he goes out to parties or big bashes, I'm the one driving him and his crew home, so I see firsthand how some of those guys act versus how he actually carries himself.
I realize I don't have any right to go around forbidding him from doing anything... he respects our agreements most of the time, even if there's a bit of pushback now and then, but I can't help the constant fear sitting in the back of my mind about whether he'll always stay this responsible.

Of course they will be. No parent is totally chill about it—when your kid is out late, between all the typical teenage drama and worrying if they're actually gonna make it home in one piece or get jumped by some jerk... it's a lot. When mine goes out, I'm wide awake until I hear the door click. We don't even have a car, so he has to rely on the bus or something, which sucks. You've definitely got it easier since you can just pick him up when he calls; all I can tell mine is "grab an Uber and we'll cover it."🤷

Scott Howard74 said:🤷

Of course they will be. No parent is totally chill about it—when your kid is out late, between all the typical teenage drama and worrying if they're actually gonna make it home in one piece or get jumped by some jerk... it's a lot. When mine goes out, I'm wide awake until I hear the door click. We don't even have a car, so he has to rely on the bus or something, which sucks. You've definitely got it easier since you can just pick him up when he calls; all I can tell mine is "grab an Uber and we'll cover it."🤷

We actually do the whole Uber thing sometimes too, especially when there's a group of them and they can split the cost.
Honestly, the hardest part for me is when he goes through those phases with girls, because then he gets super neurotic and starts picking fights or just shuts down completely, telling me that I have absolutely no clue what his life is actually like. Whenever he hits me with that line, I start to panic, even though it usually turns out to be something totally trivial in the end, which is just how it goes, but you really never know when it's happening.

Look, my kid's 17, right? Claims he’s got a girlfriend, but honestly, I think it's total BS. Kid barely leaves the house—like, maybe three times a year tops. He's basically glued to his PC playing games all day🤷, so if they actually hang out, who knows... maybe after school or something🤷

My kid is 16...and he started dating girls pretty early on. About a year ago, things went totally sideways with his girlfriend from school...apparently, she was at some party...some guys did something to her...she ended up pregnant and dumped him (my son) because she felt bad that he’d be stuck dealing with the consequences through no fault of his own. Naturally, everything just blew up into this massive panic. I sat him down to talk, asking if she’d even spoken to her parents, and he told me she supposedly hadn't. I kept nudging him to try and explain to her that she absolutely had to talk to her mom, especially since there's a baby involved, but she just wouldn't listen. I tried to be really careful when explaining to him that girls that age sometimes make stuff up for all sorts of reasons...but he just snapped at me, saying I always think people are being shady...blah, blah...he didn't want to hear another word about it. Then, out of nowhere, these random guys started threatening him, telling him to stay far away from her or they'd make him pay. He really wanted to stand by her side at first because he believed everything she was saying...only for it to turn out she was lying just so she could dump him for a new guy (thank God that was the worst of it). I spent those days in such a heavy dilemma over what to do. If what she was saying was actually true, I felt this intense weight that I had to step in somehow...luckily, it wasn't long before my boy realized what was actually going on.

Sadly, everyone loves to play armchair expert and lecture you on the consequences after you've already messed up and learned the hard way.

Harold Flores4 said:My kid is 16...and he started dating girls pretty early on. About a year ago, things went totally sideways with his girlfriend from school...apparently, she was at some party...some guys did something to her...she ended up pregnant and dumped him (my son) because she felt bad that he’d be stuck dealing with the consequences through no fault of his own. Naturally, everything just blew up into this massive panic. I sat him down to talk, asking if she’d even spoken to her parents, and he told me she supposedly hadn't. I kept nudging him to try and explain to her that she absolutely had to talk to her mom, especially since there's a baby involved, but she just wouldn't listen. I tried to be really careful when explaining to him that girls that age sometimes make stuff up for all sorts of reasons...but he just snapped at me, saying I always think people are being shady...blah, blah...he didn't want to hear another word about it. Then, out of nowhere, these random guys started threatening him, telling him to stay far away from her or they'd make him pay. He really wanted to stand by her side at first because he believed everything she was saying...only for it to turn out she was lying just so she could dump him for a new guy (thank God that was the worst of it). I spent those days in such a heavy dilemma over what to do. If what she was saying was actually true, I felt this intense weight that I had to step in somehow...luckily, it wasn't long before my boy realized what was actually going on.

Reading this makes me wonder what the future holds. The other day, I was watching the local news here in the States—and honestly, things feel ten times more intense here than back home—about something that happened right in my city.
A girl and a Boy, both only 13, ended a five-month relationship🙄. The girl's mother, furious that her daughter was dumped, threatened the Boy, saying if he didn't get back with her daughter, she'd leak all his private nude photos online to his entire friend group😲😲😲 The Boy and the girl had been exchanging explicit photos over the phone, and now this mother is actually indulging her daughter's blackmail. The Boy eventually told his parents, even threatening self-harm, and it all escalated until the police got involved🙏. 🙏Most likely, we'll see that mother facing a courtroom and potentially jail time🙏
. It’s wild how "advanced" kids are these days (at 13, I didn't even know how to wipe my own nose🤣), but parents are also going way too far by allowing all this craziness. Clearly, it's fine with this mom that her daughter is taking naked photos🙄; if my child ever did that...ugh, I can't even wrap my head around it...the consequences would be
. corrina If I were in your shoes, I would have done exactly what you did. Good luck!👍

Michael Parker15 said:Reading this makes me wonder what the future holds. The other day, I was watching the local news here in the States—and honestly, things feel ten times more intense here than back home—about something that happened right in my city.
A girl and a Boy, both only 13, ended a five-month relationship🙄. The girl's mother, furious that her daughter was dumped, threatened the Boy, saying if he didn't get back with her daughter, she'd leak all his private nude photos online to his entire friend group😲😲😲 The Boy and the girl had been exchanging explicit photos over the phone, and now this mother is actually indulging her daughter's blackmail. The Boy eventually told his parents, even threatening self-harm, and it all escalated until the police got involved🙏. 🙏Most likely, we'll see that mother facing a courtroom and potentially jail time🙏
. It’s wild how "advanced" kids are these days (at 13, I didn't even know how to wipe my own nose🤣), but parents are also going way too far by allowing all this craziness. Clearly, it's fine with this mom that her daughter is taking naked photos🙄; if my child ever did that...ugh, I can't even wrap my head around it...the consequences would be
. corrina If I were in your shoes, I would have done exactly what you did. Good luck!👍

Everything is just circling the drain at this point. Americans have basically managed to mess up the entire world in every possible way...

To paraphrase a classic line: we are just sliding further into the gutter every single day, in every single sense of the word.

rapidmaker10 said:Everything is just circling the drain at this point. Americans have basically managed to mess up the entire world in every possible way...

To paraphrase a classic line: we are just sliding further into the gutter every single day, in every single sense of the word.

I couldn't agree more! While everyone else is looking at things happening thousands of miles away and wondering what on earth is going on, I’m sitting here genuinely wondering how I’ve managed to stay sane this long, especially with my two daughters growing up in this country.😕

The absolute worst thing about how things work around here is this whole culture of hiding grades. Honestly, all it does is screw over the student, not anyone else.🤷

Around 3:15 this morning, I was woken up by the sound of some drunks screaming and fighting right out on the street. My first thought was just, thank God my son isn't out roaming the streets at this hour, so I don't have to deal with any of that nonsense. Otherwise, I’d probably be stuck playing the neighborhood night watchman from my window or balcony all night long...

nimbletrucker132 said:Around 3:15 this morning, I was woken up by the sound of some drunks screaming and fighting right out on the street. My first thought was just, thank God my son isn't out roaming the streets at this hour, so I don't have to deal with any of that nonsense. Otherwise, I’d probably be stuck playing the neighborhood night watchman from my window or balcony all night long...

Even my mother-in-law is sporting scrapes on her elbows today after she tripped near the window while waiting for the kids to get home safely. It’s just wild—here in the States, they aren't even supposed to be in bars until 21, though you know half the kids can grab a fake ID for ten bucks and slip right in, and plenty of teenagers are behind the wheel of a car way too early. Honestly, it makes me want to lose my mind! When I look at the big picture of everything going on, I think I seriously need to start preparing myself mentally for the chaos.

Honestly, whenever I hear an ambulance siren wailing nearby, I just lose it. Total panic mode. My brain immediately jumps straight to the absolute worst-case scenario.

Scott Howard74 said:The absolute worst thing about how things work around here is this whole culture of hiding grades. Honestly, all it does is screw over the student, not anyone else.🤷

Heh... I actually managed to pull one over on them.
Look, I’m not saying he shouldn't get his unit, but until things actually get squared away, there’s just no way he’s getting any time out on the town. It’s pretty obvious that he’s got every reason to avoid those outings, and honestly, whenever he does end up having to face the music, he’s going to try to fix the situation as fast as humanly possible just to get back to his life.
Of course there were a few attempts at sneaking around, but since I’m basically checking the news feed every fifteen minutes, everything gets sniffed out pretty much immediately. Once that happens, he just puts me on lockdown until I make things right, plus whatever extra days we agreed upon to make up for him keeping quiet about his hookups. There's no actual pressure being applied here, though; it’s just the deal we made between us and we both need to stick to it. He expects us to honor every single promise and agreement we've laid out, and honestly, we expect the exact same level of accountability from him. He tried pulling that stuff two or three times, but it won't be happening again.

Harold Flores4 said:Heh... I actually managed to pull one over on them.
Look, I’m not saying he shouldn't get his unit, but until things actually get squared away, there’s just no way he’s getting any time out on the town. It’s pretty obvious that he’s got every reason to avoid those outings, and honestly, whenever he does end up having to face the music, he’s going to try to fix the situation as fast as humanly possible just to get back to his life.
Of course there were a few attempts at sneaking around, but since I’m basically checking the news feed every fifteen minutes, everything gets sniffed out pretty much immediately. Once that happens, he just puts me on lockdown until I make things right, plus whatever extra days we agreed upon to make up for him keeping quiet about his hookups. There's no actual pressure being applied here, though; it’s just the deal we made between us and we both need to stick to it. He expects us to honor every single promise and agreement we've laid out, and honestly, we expect the exact same level of accountability from him. He tried pulling that stuff two or three times, but it won't be happening again.

and then we just cut off the Wi-Fi. Since he’s stuck inside anyway, that’s his only real outlet. Once the internet goes down, you'll see how fast he starts acting right.😂😂

Honestly, we’ve tried absolutely everything at this point. A couple of days ago, she went over to her dad's place—you know, the one where he actually tries to set some boundaries and told her she couldn't go out. Well, being the rebel she is, she ended up climbing out of his ground-floor window in the middle of the night. I heard from a few friends that there was a full-on party going on all night long! Her dad eventually realized what was happening and actually nailed the window shut just so she couldn't sneak out again. So, what does she do? She slips out through the terrace instead, leaving the whole house wide open. And since they live right off a busy street, with a tiny baby in the house? It could have been anyone walking right in—it was incredibly risky. He gave her a massive earful afterward, but even that didn't seem to stick; if anything, she just came storming back to my place to make a point. I live on the second floor of my apartment building, so I figured escaping would be a bit more difficult from here—but clearly, I was wrong! If I tell her she can't go out, she just vanishes. I’ll lock the door, and what happens? She calls the neighbor who has a spare key and begs them to let her out. I’ve cut off the Wi-Fi, stopped giving her cash—I've tried it all. Nothing works. She simply does whatever she wants, and all I can do is pray she actually comes home safe, sane, and sober.

Heh, they grounded me after I failed my remedial exams 😁
Having learned my lesson the hard way, I decided to play it much smarter during the next term. I managed to pull off a flawless grade alteration on one specific credit, and the administration didn't have the slightest clue that single failing mark ever existed. It allowed me to enjoy my winter break in peace, then I simply caught up on all the coursework during the first week back and corrected the grade to a passing C. Since then, I refuse to breathe a word to them about upcoming midterms, finals, or any potential failures, because I know exactly what follows: a massive lecture and a complete loss of freedom, which honestly just kills my motivation to study anything at all. I prefer to keep my business to myself; if I mess up, I fix it quietly and move on. Dealing with those people directly was an absolute disaster, and frankly, my grades were significantly worse when I actually tried playing by their rules.

Oh, so you're really gonna flex that looks of yours...

I am certainly not boasting here; the entire point of my argument has been missed entirely.
It is an undeniable truth that everyone operates differently. For instance, being micromanaged or facing arbitrary restrictions does nothing for me but spike my blood pressure and systematically destroy whatever shred of motivation I have left. That said, I am fully aware that I am studying for my own sake, not to satisfy some group of elderly bureaucrats. Of course, I occasionally stumble, but when I do, I possess enough personal accountability to rectify the situation within a reasonable timeframe. I do this not because I am under some mandate or because someone is breathing down my neck, but because it is what I *choose* to do. Ultimately, everything hinges on internal motivation. While certain individuals might find discipline through strict prohibitions, such tactics only serve to irritate me, and once I am in a foul mood, my ability to study evaporates completely. Regardless, despite these "flaws" I am supposedly bragging about, I am bringing my studies to a close with excellent grades. Why? Because I want this. Because it interests me. Because I actually enjoy the process. I am driven by genuine interest, not by coercion or external pressure.