Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

We still cuddle, hug, and sleep in the same room when Dad isn't around... girl is 13, boy is 12... but we’re still doing everything mentioned in those previous posts—fighting until our very last breath.

I haven't dealt with outright disrespect or blatant hatred yet—at least not from my perspective🤣—but the daily battle over basic responsibilities is constant... if I lock myself in my room for two or three days, they won't even let me out, and they're somehow studying during school breaks🙄

I’m actually in a decent mood today because we had another talk yesterday... they helped me with a practice test and studied, and then today they actually cleaned up after themselves and bragged about how "helpful" they were... sure, sweetie, you did such a great job cleaning up the milk and bread, but leaving a knife stuck in the Nutella jar wasn't exactly part of the act... precious...😠🤣

Just popping in here to see how other parents are holding up—turns out I'm not the only one totally lost half the time. Hopefully this thread is mostly actual moms (and dads) dealing with kids in puberty, rather than a bunch of armchair experts who think they know everything because they dealt with their own awkward phase or some neighbor's kid once or twice.

I’ve got three kids hitting that pre-teen/puberty stage—13, 10.5, and 8.5.
And honestly... most days they drive me absolutely insane. It's just constant bickering, poking at each other, and the absolute worst part—they're total snitches. They aren't outright rude to us yet, though they definitely talk back sometimes. My husband and I have a zero-tolerance policy for that, so if they get mouthy, all privileges get cut immediately and they get sent to their rooms to cool off.

The oldest is pretty chill and isn't ever disrespectful to anyone except his brother, but the middle one? Total menace. I'm betting he'll be the biggest headache. The youngest is okay for now, though he has his moments where he's super moody or starts crying out of nowhere. Is he even old enough for pre-puberty stuff, or is he just picking up bad habits from his brothers?

wiredcanyon25 said:Why would that surprise you?
I don't treat him like a baby anymore; we just head to his room together, he lies down, and I give him a goodnight kiss. It's our little ritual, and I really hope it stays this way for a long time...
There isn't anything strange or wrong about a mother kissing her child before bed, no matter how old they get.
Even when my own mom comes to stay with us for a few days, she still gives me a kiss before sleep and in the morning.

John Doe, mine didn't believe me when I mentioned that the last time he actually sat on my lap was when he was thirteen—and even then, he was already taller than me... But a kiss goodbye is a staple in our house, especially now that he's a college student.

Alexander Ross2 said:

I can't believe people actually fall for this garbage... absolute nonsense... kaže:
And here we go... another one added to this lovely group...
My son does everything in his power to drive us crazy every single day... literally, and he’s really getting to me...😁
He finally realized that damn thing was broken for good. After hours of staying calm, explaining himself, and basically begging... nothing worked...
He thinks he knows everything, obviously. Everything else is just stupid, pathetic, and boring. And why does it always have to be this way right now? It’s the same endless grind from sunrise to sunset... just one thing after another, day in and day out. No breaks, no rest, just constant fighting... like some sick competition to see who can suffer the longest...🤷This is freaking exhausting and just plain hard. I honestly think he’s struggling too, but let's be real... it's hitting me way harder...😁
Are there any other suckers left in this country...?

How would we even exist without this...🙄
My daughter doesn't exactly go out of her way to drive us crazy, but she definitely does whatever the hell she wants...😳
And now he’s already shouting about it, acting like he can't wait to turn 18...😂She honestly thinks the world is going to revolve around her... like she's actually got that much influence... newsflash, nothing's changing...😁

I actually took a very direct approach with my own kids. I told them I was looking forward to their 18th birthdays because that's when they become legally responsible for their own actions. Once I said that, the threats stopped immediately.🙂

I almost feel embarrassed even posting in a women's sub-forum (John Doe), but I’m genuinely curious. I know if I posted this on the men's side, I'd just get mocked or have my orientation questioned. So, do you actually talk to your adolescents about sex? How do you approach it, and when does it start? I was just reading some advice on a website suggesting you should start early—like, eight years old??? It said things like, "Boys have a penis and testicles, and as their voices deepen, they grow body hair. Girls have vulvas and uteri, and as they grow, their breasts and hips develop." What a load of nonsense. Eight years old? Seriously?
So, how much do you or your better halves (ha!) actually discuss this with your adolescents? My kids tried to bring it up once, but I was already more informed than they were by then [honestly, I don't even know where or how I learned it]. I don't know why they even bothered. Since I already knew the deal, the whole conversation just boiled down to my dad's classic line: "Son, just don't do anything stupid," and that was that.
How do you handle it with your sons versus your daughters? Do you initiate the conversation, or do they come to you? And at what age? Just curious...

Drew Hernandez said:I almost feel embarrassed even posting in a women's sub-forum (John Doe), but I’m genuinely curious. I know if I posted this on the men's side, I'd just get mocked or have my orientation questioned. So, do you actually talk to your adolescents about sex? How do you approach it, and when does it start? I was just reading some advice on a website suggesting you should start early—like, eight years old??? It said things like, "Boys have a penis and testicles, and as their voices deepen, they grow body hair. Girls have vulvas and uteri, and as they grow, their breasts and hips develop." What a load of nonsense. Eight years old? Seriously?
So, how much do you or your better halves (ha!) actually discuss this with your adolescents? My kids tried to bring it up once, but I was already more informed than they were by then [honestly, I don't even know where or how I learned it]. I don't know why they even bothered. Since I already knew the deal, the whole conversation just boiled down to my dad's classic line: "Son, just don't do anything stupid," and that was that.
How do you handle it with your sons versus your daughters? Do you initiate the conversation, or do they come to you? And at what age? Just curious...

I actually laid out my whole philosophy on this in two different posts over in the "Adolescents and Contraception" thread, so feel free to go check those out if you're interested! 🙂

Here's the first one.

And here's the second.

Our family has always been big on being totally honest and open; honestly, we don't think eight years old is too young to start having these conversations. We never did that thing where you hide things or use weird euphemisms; we just called everything by its real name instead of using silly little nicknames.

Quincy:

I explained what PMS was to her when she was only six years old. We were at Barnes & Noble, waiting in line while picking up her very first set of school textbooks.

Okay, that's just bizarre. Her first trip for school supplies and you're giving her a lecture on PMS????😕😕😕
I really wish I hadn't read this... (no offense intended) [SIX YEARS OLD???]

Drew Hernandez said:Quincy:

I explained what PMS was to her when she was only six years old. We were at Barnes & Noble, waiting in line while picking up her very first set of school textbooks.

Okay, that's just bizarre. Her first trip for school supplies and you're giving her a lecture on PMS????😕😕😕
I really wish I hadn't read this... (no offense intended) [SIX YEARS OLD???]

What would you even say to a six-year-old if they asked, "Hey, what's PMS?" 🙂

Do you really have anything better to offer than, "It's just a period of time where certain changes happen in your body that can affect your mood or cause some aches, but you can help manage it by eating healthy and staying active"—which is pretty much the gist of what I told her? It was quite a while ago, so I can't remember my exact wording word-for-word. 😁

Drew Hernandez said:Quincy:

I explained what PMS was to her when she was only six years old. We were at Barnes & Noble, waiting in line while picking up her very first set of school textbooks.

Okay, that's just bizarre. Her first trip for school supplies and you're giving her a lecture on PMS????😕😕😕
I really wish I hadn't read this... (no offense intended) [SIX YEARS OLD???]

I don't see anything bizarre about it. Kids ask questions, and you just tailor your answer to their age.

It’s the exact same thing for me—kids asking what a cloud is, or what drugs are, or how babies are made.

I always try to give them an answer, to explain things clearly. And if I don't know the answer? Well, I go out of my way to find it.

That’s why my pre-adolescent isn't afraid to come to me and talk about his girlfriend, his feelings, or his fears.

Drew Hernandez said:I almost feel embarrassed even posting in a women's sub-forum (John Doe), but I’m genuinely curious. I know if I posted this on the men's side, I'd just get mocked or have my orientation questioned. So, do you actually talk to your adolescents about sex? How do you approach it, and when does it start? I was just reading some advice on a website suggesting you should start early—like, eight years old??? It said things like, "Boys have a penis and testicles, and as their voices deepen, they grow body hair. Girls have vulvas and uteri, and as they grow, their breasts and hips develop." What a load of nonsense. Eight years old? Seriously?
So, how much do you or your better halves (ha!) actually discuss this with your adolescents? My kids tried to bring it up once, but I was already more informed than they were by then [honestly, I don't even know where or how I learned it]. I don't know why they even bothered. Since I already knew the deal, the whole conversation just boiled down to my dad's classic line: "Son, just don't do anything stupid," and that was that.
How do you handle it with your sons versus your daughters? Do you initiate the conversation, or do they come to you? And at what age? Just curious...

Well, it starts right when they begin asking questions—and honestly, some of those questions might surface even earlier than the ages you're currently wondering about.

A child needs those answers, and you can—quite simply, really—provide them exactly as requested. There isn't some grand, complex strategy required here. For instance, I suppose an eight-year-old could be given a perfectly straightforward explanation of PMS or whatever else happens to pique their curiosity.

If a parent starts acting awkward or tries to dodge the topic, the kid learns two things: a) that sex is something shameful, and b) that if they want the "real" scoop, they should go talk to that one kid in middle school who "knows" everything—you know, the one who claims 🙄 you can't get pregnant from your first time, that STIs are just urban legends, and that women are only fertile on the fourteenth day of their cycle, specifically between 10:45 AM and noon.

By failing to maintain that open line of communication regarding sexuality, a parent is essentially digging a massive, unnecessary trench between themselves and their child. And yes, I believe that includes having honest discussions about contraception as well.

rustydrifter10 said:What would you even say to a six-year-old if they asked, "Hey, what's PMS?" 🙂

Do you really have anything better to offer than, "It's just a period of time where certain changes happen in your body that can affect your mood or cause some aches, but you can help manage it by eating healthy and staying active"—which is pretty much the gist of what I told her? It was quite a while ago, so I can't remember my exact wording word-for-word. 😁

So, I was sitting there watching a rerun of Judge Judy last night—you know, one of those endless loops they play on cable—and I witnessed something that actually left me a bit stunned. There’s this little girl in the episode, maybe around six years old, and she just looks up at her mom and asks, "What's an orgasm?" I mean, honestly... you're just sitting there with your coffee, and suddenly you're hit with a question that most adults aren't even prepared to answer properly. It’s one of those moments where you realize how much the world has changed, or perhaps how little we prepare people for the sheer randomness of life. I guess it makes you wonder about the state of parenting these days, though maybe I'm just being overly cynical. Still, it was quite a jarring moment to witness during such a mundane evening.

Amy Schumer responds: "I seem to have forgotten—I'll probably need to double-check the manual." 🤣

So, here I am—currently navigating the chaos of an adolescent (13), dealing with the pre-adolescent phase (10), and trying to manage a tiny baby, all while keeping my sanity intact every single day. It’s manageable enough right now since it's summer, I guess, but once school starts back up... I honestly have no idea how I'm going to pull it off.

I’m new here, so I figured I’d jump straight into this topic 🙂
Basically, my son is in 6th grade, and lately—it's been a total disaster!!!
I mean, I remember going through puberty myself, but I honestly have no idea how to handle his...
Anything I say to him is wrong; if I even try to have a serious conversation, he just breaks down into tears immediately... and he’s always been a bit stubborn, but now he’s just 🙂
Yesterday at the PTA meeting, the teacher said she doesn't know what to do with them anymore—grades are slipping, and their behavior is becoming impossible...
The thing is, he’s actually an excellent student—really bright, and his grades are perfectly fine—but I’m terrified he's going to start following the crowd.
Is there any way to fix this, or do I just have to wait for it all to pass?
And then there's still the next stage of puberty waiting for us!!! 🙂

rustydrifter10 said:I actually laid out my whole philosophy on this in two different posts over in the "Adolescents and Contraception" thread, so feel free to go check those out if you're interested! 🙂

Here's the first one.

And here's the second.

Our family has always been big on being totally honest and open; honestly, we don't think eight years old is too young to start having these conversations. We never did that thing where you hide things or use weird euphemisms; we just called everything by its real name instead of using silly little nicknames.

You nailed this. (The first one was great too, but this one is 👍)
Quincy:

We’ve always been super upfront and honest with each other; eight years old isn't too young for the truth. We never sugarcoated things or talked in circles—we just called things what they actually were.

I was watching a video from recently... my little one was lounging on a chair about a year and a half after we met and goes: "Mommy has a gun"... she had the whole word down pretty fast.😁

wiredwalker14 said:I’m new here, so I figured I’d jump straight into this topic 🙂
Basically, my son is in 6th grade, and lately—it's been a total disaster!!!
I mean, I remember going through puberty myself, but I honestly have no idea how to handle his...
Anything I say to him is wrong; if I even try to have a serious conversation, he just breaks down into tears immediately... and he’s always been a bit stubborn, but now he’s just 🙂
Yesterday at the PTA meeting, the teacher said she doesn't know what to do with them anymore—grades are slipping, and their behavior is becoming impossible...
The thing is, he’s actually an excellent student—really bright, and his grades are perfectly fine—but I’m terrified he's going to start following the crowd.
Is there any way to fix this, or do I just have to wait for it all to pass?
And then there's still the next stage of puberty waiting for us!!! 🙂

Just wait for it to pass.😉
We've all been through the trenches ourselves.
I dealt with the exact same thing in my house—his father (since I'm not his biological mom) was the primary influence, and he had this way of being both incredibly tough and deeply gentle, which led to hours upon hours of talking things out.
Back then, we truly felt like we were going to lose our minds from time to time.😁
But, as they say, this too shall pass.
In our case, our little guy hit puberty extremely early, so we were riding those waves during 5th and 6th grade, a little bit in 7th, and by 8th grade, he finally turned a corner.
You absolutely have to maintain control, though; you'll find yourself losing your cool and snapping at them like you're the one going through a mid-life crisis, but the main thing is just surviving until it ends.
Patience is the only way through.😁

My little girl just turned eight, and she’s at that stage where she insists on sitting on the toilet while I’m in the shower, just rambling away about absolutely everything under the sun.
Honestly, it’s never bothered me; I only really shoo her out when I actually need some privacy for a bathroom break. 🤣
Because of this, she’s seen me dealing with my period and has noticed I’m breastfeeding. 😁.
We’ve actually been talking about menstruation and all that stuff since well before she hit this age.
Just the other day, she started getting really curious, peppering me with questions about anatomy and how babies are actually made.
She even asked if I could draw some diagrams for her.
So, I grabbed a pencil and got to work, sketching out female anatomy and the whole process of conception—she was genuinely fascinated by it all.
At one point, she even asked why I take those birth control pills.
And look, I just gave her a straight answer.
I’m honestly relieved she feels comfortable enough to ask; growing up in America back in my day, these things were strictly taboo, and I couldn't have asked my own mother a single question about it.
Our kids are lucky because most parents today aren't as stuck in those old-fashioned, restrictive ways.
Even though she's only eight, she's incredibly mature, and she's already starting to see some early signs of puberty, like fine hair growth.
She definitely inherited my genetic predisposition for hitting puberty early.
Sometimes I catch a faint scent of sweat from her armpits—not right when she's standing next to me, but more noticeable on her shirt later on. It’s nothing alarming, but it makes me wonder; I don't think it's time for deodorant yet. When did you all start using it, and is there anything truly gentle out there? In my opinion, most of the stuff on the shelves today is just way too aggressive.
For now, we’re sticking to plain soap and water, but I’m trying to plan ahead.

wiredwalker14 said:I’m new here, so I figured I’d jump straight into this topic 🙂
Basically, my son is in 6th grade, and lately—it's been a total disaster!!!
I mean, I remember going through puberty myself, but I honestly have no idea how to handle his...
Anything I say to him is wrong; if I even try to have a serious conversation, he just breaks down into tears immediately... and he’s always been a bit stubborn, but now he’s just 🙂
Yesterday at the PTA meeting, the teacher said she doesn't know what to do with them anymore—grades are slipping, and their behavior is becoming impossible...
The thing is, he’s actually an excellent student—really bright, and his grades are perfectly fine—but I’m terrified he's going to start following the crowd.
Is there any way to fix this, or do I just have to wait for it all to pass?
And then there's still the next stage of puberty waiting for us!!! 🙂

Just arm yourself with patience (we have plenty of love, that part is unquestionable 😍), talk to them constantly, don't make a massive drama out of every little mistake, lower your standards slightly regarding grades, and keep a watchful eye on things (but do it subtly so they 😉, don't notice who they are hanging out with, what they are doing, or where they are going... and it will pass.

That is what everyone says, anyway.😉

My little one is also in 6th grade.😉

Charles Murphy6 said:My little girl just turned eight, and she’s at that stage where she insists on sitting on the toilet while I’m in the shower, just rambling away about absolutely everything under the sun.
Honestly, it’s never bothered me; I only really shoo her out when I actually need some privacy for a bathroom break. 🤣
Because of this, she’s seen me dealing with my period and has noticed I’m breastfeeding. 😁.
We’ve actually been talking about menstruation and all that stuff since well before she hit this age.
Just the other day, she started getting really curious, peppering me with questions about anatomy and how babies are actually made.
She even asked if I could draw some diagrams for her.
So, I grabbed a pencil and got to work, sketching out female anatomy and the whole process of conception—she was genuinely fascinated by it all.
At one point, she even asked why I take those birth control pills.
And look, I just gave her a straight answer.
I’m honestly relieved she feels comfortable enough to ask; growing up in America back in my day, these things were strictly taboo, and I couldn't have asked my own mother a single question about it.
Our kids are lucky because most parents today aren't as stuck in those old-fashioned, restrictive ways.
Even though she's only eight, she's incredibly mature, and she's already starting to see some early signs of puberty, like fine hair growth.
She definitely inherited my genetic predisposition for hitting puberty early.
Sometimes I catch a faint scent of sweat from her armpits—not right when she's standing next to me, but more noticeable on her shirt later on. It’s nothing alarming, but it makes me wonder; I don't think it's time for deodorant yet. When did you all start using it, and is there anything truly gentle out there? In my opinion, most of the stuff on the shelves today is just way too aggressive.
For now, we’re sticking to plain soap and water, but I’m trying to plan ahead.

My daughter is ten and she’s already hitting that stage where she’s sweating quite a bit, and yeah, the scent is definitely getting stronger now that she's heading toward puberty. I ended up picking up a Johnson & Johnson roll-on for her, and it seems pretty gentle, you know? It has a very light scent and actually does the job without being overwhelming.

So my 12-year-old kid comes up to me this morning asking why I won't let him hang out downtown at night. Fine. We start talking about it. Where he’d go, what time he’d be back, all that stuff.
He totally blew a fuse on me in like five minutes. Says he's not a baby, says all his friends have girlfriends except him (which actually caught me off guard) 🙂 and then asks what kind of "normal" kids stay out until nine at night.
After I tried explaining why certain things just aren't happening yet, the kid just stood up from the table and stormed off to the bathroom. I followed him because we weren't done talking, and man, was I in for a surprise. He had a massive handful of hair gel shoved in his hair. I told him he couldn't go out looking like that because his hair looked ridiculous—seriously, it looked like a bowl of ramen noodles. So, I grabbed a towel and went to work on his hair, and then the screaming started. He's yelling about how I'm bullying him and won't let him live his life, blah blah blah.
Honestly, I'm terrified of the idea of him having a girlfriend at 12. I see kids his age making out in the local parks all the time and it's just gross.
My husband is just like, "Eh, let him live, let him enjoy himself." Look, I don't care if he has a crush, but some things are just way too early. I should probably mention that when we're walking around together, he knows how to flirt with older girls and isn't shy about commenting on their bodies. 😲
My husband thinks it's hilarious, but I'm just in shock. Looks like puberty finally showed up at our door. 😁
Satan is testing me, seriously. I lowkey want to go buy some Durex and just shove it in his pants while he's standing there.
Husband's response to that? "You're crazy."

redseal23 said:So my 12-year-old kid comes up to me this morning asking why I won't let him hang out downtown at night. Fine. We start talking about it. Where he’d go, what time he’d be back, all that stuff.
He totally blew a fuse on me in like five minutes. Says he's not a baby, says all his friends have girlfriends except him (which actually caught me off guard) 🙂 and then asks what kind of "normal" kids stay out until nine at night.
After I tried explaining why certain things just aren't happening yet, the kid just stood up from the table and stormed off to the bathroom. I followed him because we weren't done talking, and man, was I in for a surprise. He had a massive handful of hair gel shoved in his hair. I told him he couldn't go out looking like that because his hair looked ridiculous—seriously, it looked like a bowl of ramen noodles. So, I grabbed a towel and went to work on his hair, and then the screaming started. He's yelling about how I'm bullying him and won't let him live his life, blah blah blah.
Honestly, I'm terrified of the idea of him having a girlfriend at 12. I see kids his age making out in the local parks all the time and it's just gross.
My husband is just like, "Eh, let him live, let him enjoy himself." Look, I don't care if he has a crush, but some things are just way too early. I should probably mention that when we're walking around together, he knows how to flirt with older girls and isn't shy about commenting on their bodies. 😲
My husband thinks it's hilarious, but I'm just in shock. Looks like puberty finally showed up at our door. 😁
Satan is testing me, seriously. I lowkey want to go buy some Durex and just shove it in his pants while he's standing there.
Husband's response to that? "You're crazy."

So what did he say? Where's he even headed, and by when?
Quincy:

He drove me absolutely crazy in five minutes flat. He’s out here acting like he’s just a kid, complaining that every single one of his buddies has a girlfriend except him. Like, seriously? Who even says that? 🙂 And what kind of "normal" kids are we even talking about? Realistically, most decent kids are already tucked in by nine.

Honestly, with it being noon and this heat hitting right now? I feel like he could definitely stay out a little longer.
Quincy:

After he gave me this whole long-winded explanation about why certain things just won't work, the guy straight up stands up from the table and heads to the restroom. I ended up following him out because we weren't even finished talking, and man, was there a sight to see. He had dumped a massive handful of hair gel in there. I told him, "Dude, you can't go out looking like that," because his hair looked absolutely ridiculous—just a total mess.

So what? Let them grow up a bit.
Rachel Jones8:

So I grabbed a towel and started drying my hair right when the screaming started. Like, seriously? Am I actually bullying him now? Is he just gonna act like I can't even breathe without being harassed? Give me a break.

Well, if you ask me... at least in this case, that's how it goes. Right?
Quincy:

Honestly, it kind of scares me that he already has a girlfriend at twelve. I see so many kids his age hooking up in the local parks and it just hits me wrong. Is it just me, or is that totally messed up?

What's there to be afraid of? Why the panic?
Quincy:

My husband says I should just let him do his thing, and honestly, I don't mind him having his fun. But even so, some things just shouldn't happen before they're ready, right?

So, when does the hair gel and the first date finally happen?
Quincy:

I gotta say, whenever we're all out walking together, you can really see it in the older guys—they just can't help themselves. They’re always loud and making comments about women's bodies. It's pretty wild, right? 😲

If that bothers you, just tell him straight up that it’s not appropriate. He needs to take that energy elsewhere—to his friends, not his parents. Right?
Quincy:

My husband thinks it's hilarious, but I'm honestly just in shock. Looks like puberty is officially knocking on our door. 😁 The Devil is making me restless—I lowkey want to go grab some Durex and surprise him right in his pants while he's just standing there. His reaction? He was just like, "You're nuts."

First you're upset because he has a girlfriend, and now this... 😁... instead of just buying stuff for him, maybe try having a real talk? (If you haven't already). Just because he's seeing someone doesn't mean he's going to start acting like an adult overnight. It might be a few years before things get serious, but he isn't clueless about how the world works.