On top of everything, there's no Fear

Richard Murphy6, I didn't mean anything by that sentence, I swear. I know exactly where you're coming from—I went through a nearly identical phase myself for over three years. I used to call it my "purple phase," but honestly, things are looking a whole lot better now. 🙂

..look, 123, I know you didn't mean anything by it... I just wanted to tell Angry that I’m doing alright, just feeling a bit low on fuel lately (which is honestly one of the reasons I mostly just repost stuff instead of writing my own). I intentionally titled this topic "No Fear" rather than "Anxiety" or whatever... I just needed to vent, clear out the mental clutter, and tidy up a little bit of the internal chaos—though "chaos" isn't even the right word, nothing really is. I haven't spent much time posting about specific symptoms or how they feel (we had Kenny 🙂 for that, after all), and I didn't want to freak anyone out; I knew there was no point. I've been doing a lot of heavy lifting on myself over these last three years, making some tough corrections (even if I've been a bit scattered about it), and the process is still ongoing. It'll probably take a lifetime. My goal is to live completely without Fear. And I know it's possible, even if I'm realizing just how much struggle and resistance comes with it. I don't know about everyone else, Angry, but I have to, and I can. I know how to do it, even if I forget sometimes and slip back into those old fears (classic me)... but I can sense the lie in that kind of life. It feels dull and empty.
My anxiety disorder actually helped me make some huge self-discoveries. I always thought I was just stupid, never realizing I was actually insecure and trying to compensate for that insecurity in every way possible... thinking I was dumb made me work like a dog, studying and analyzing everything until I hit a wall... and then I'd just crash like a total wreck. That intense fear is what pushes me to dig deeper...
And regarding those quotes from Stulic and the others—I used to enjoy them, but I always thought they were either full of it, pathetic, or just totally out of my league. I often found myself repeating Stulic’s line: "The so-called connoisseurs of things they don't understand"... and I definitely felt like one of them. Or Corba’s: "Oh, how wonderful it is to be stupid"... I truly believed those lyrics were written just for me. Ever since I "got sick" and grew up a little, I've started to actually grasp their lyrics. With Floyd and Morrison too, I went from being scared, to being blown away, to being scared all over again
The posts I've shared were intentional. If you read closely, you'll see they suggest that anyone can become anything, provided they put in the effort—this or that. I've come to realize that all ideals are within reach (honestly, I think I always knew that deep down)... and that we define our own authorities. It's nothing profound, really, just common sense. The problem is that some people find that hard to believe, maybe even harder to believe themselves; some call it a fear of success. Anyway, you encounter Fear (especially the fear of death), you encounter the resistance or the mental sluggishness, and you encounter the fear of changing your perspective. You meet yourself (though I'm still not sure if that's even doable, and it's starting to seem more and more likely that we're all just playing roles and kidding ourselves... I know for a fact that I am *extremely* lazy... among other things). Anyway, I'd love to drop a poem right now, but I'm too afraid of the consequences... I guess I'll just have to register under a new nickname 😢 ....
Well, a bird in the hand knows that a copy is never the original... it's time for Richard Murphy6 to learn that too. Still, whenever I did quote someone, I tried to give credit, so my conscience is relatively clear... and for the record, I have my own poems too... though E.A. Poe and Baudelaire would probably be terrified... even Stulic would have to take a massive hit to his ego to realize it's not symbolism 🙂
Angry, if you want, we can just vent. You can feel the fear, the resistance, the weakness in your knees, or that light dizziness. Just remember Stulic's and Gruden's words—So what!!!
Sorry, Mesecev's daughter... I have to... a violent impulse from the depths of the subconscious
morning visits the scene routinely
with due respect
I step out of the way
a double cross on his face
makes every transparency redundant
how can I control myself when it's killing me
a feeling so different from everything I understand
from everything I want to see

something like a flash

I watched that movie about hopelessness again
or maybe it was just a chronicle
of the unknown, just as he was called
a man neither living nor dead, nor even a sailor
if I ever get to grant that wish
and you tell me I'm right, thinking

it’s the only way I can hold onto him

if I ever make it to that place where fear ends
I'll be ready to let it all go

those torn-up streets
the glint of wet subway tracks
that first train rattling through Brooklyn
the light shining in your eyes

Richard Murphy6 said:...I don't have any other choice but to register again under a different username😢 ....

What kind of logic is that? Everyone is going to figure out it's you anyway, because you can't exactly run away from yourself.
Is it just that you can't stand this one?

..honestly, I’m starting to get a little nervous that I might actually figure it out—or worse, that I’ll just burn through all my energy for nothing. I have this Fear that she’ll just walk right past me with her eyes glued to the sidewalk. Man, if I just had that sense of Jesus' peace, things would be so much easier... I can't tell what that look meant. Was I being oversensitive again, or am I just recharging the batteries for round two? Right now, my awareness feels like a tiny little bird that’s never even seen a sunrise, let alone found a decent worm to snack on
Look, Kenny, just keep talking, man. You finally realized there's something real in the journey—probably thanks to that Red Hot Chili Peppers track "Road Trippin'." The only thing you haven't cracked yet is the mystery of love or God. Take it easy, buddy, you've got plenty of time... You're still looking for validation from the outside world, but the real magic is already inside you. Dammit, there's just too much trash out there, man... total trashcans. Where’s the love, big guy? Go deeper... go to that place where Fear ends. Travel to those places where no human foot has ever stepped. Be a pioneer! Maybe you'll find some calm... or maybe I'll join you in the fray. A sailor heading into the unknown! Go somewhere totally uncharted and shoot me an email... or a text. You're way too soft to send a message in a bottle; you'd probably try to lug a MacBook along with you. I know you too well🙂
Too Much Love Will Kill You
Just as sur as none AT All It'll drain The Power that's in you make you plead and scream and crawl and The pain will make you crazy you're The victim of Your crime Too much Love will kill you - every time Yes

Too Much Love Will Kill You
It'll make your life a lie
Too Much Love Will Kill You
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul
Too Much Love Will Kill You
In the end
In the end

Too Much Love Will Kill You

Is anyone even following this?

How family shaped my path

A
Man, if I’d actually hit the books, I might’ve ended up as some big-shot
cardiology specialist or maybe a biology professor. Instead? I became a
blues musician, all because of my relatives...

The first time I flunked out of school, my old man told me:
"Alright, it happened. But think about this, son.
Life isn't playing games with you—look at everyone else.
All your peers are straight-A students, and you're the only one at the bottom..."

My brother Savannah was studying law, so they wanted me to follow suit.
Thinking about all that stuff just gave me a massive headache—too much noise, not enough sleep.

I never really bought into the idea that a degree is everything,
so I just lived life my way, sometimes feeling like a king and sometimes like a bum.
(voice of conscience🙂
That's how it goes when you spend too much time dreaming and not enough facing reality.
That's how it goes when you spend too much time drifting through those hazy dreams.

When I failed my classes the second time, my dad said:
"Now we're talking serious business. Son, you better give this some thought.
Because life isn't playing games with you—compare yourself to the others.
All your friends are top-tier students, and you're still stuck at the bottom..."

My uncle Joe was an editor, so they figured I should be handling letters too.
But I was busy waiting for new dawns, somewhere caught between heaven and sleep.

I never really bought into the idea that a degree is everything,
so I just lived life my way, sometimes feeling like a king and sometimes like a bum.
(voice of conscience🙂
That's how it goes when you spend too much time dreaming and not enough facing reality.
That's how it goes when you spend too much time drifting through those hazy dreams.

By the third time I failed, my dad just stayed silent.
He didn't say a single word. But honestly? I already knew.
I knew life wasn't playing games with me, and I felt like I was heading toward a dark abyss.
All my classmates were perfect students, but I didn't care much for any of that.

My uncle John was such a socialite, so I wanted to be just like him.
To make that happen, I cooked up this amazing, though seemingly impossible, plan.

I never really bought into the idea that a degree is everything,
so I just lived life my way, sometimes feeling like a king and sometimes like a bum.
(voice of conscience🙂
That's how it goes when you spend too much time dreaming and not enough facing reality.
That's how it goes when you spend too much time drifting through those hazy dreams.

You're gonna tell me...

That's how it goes when you spend too much time dreaming and not enough facing reality.
That's how it goes when you spend too much time drifting through those hazy dreams.

Ugh, you're getting on my nerves...

That's how it goes when you spend too much time dreaming and not enough facing reality.
That's how it goes when you spend too much time drifting through those hazy dreams.

(Fortunately, the voice of conscience eventually quiets down and disappears completely.)

..my sister is a sharp woman—she’s got experience, she’s empathetic... I tell her how brutal it gets when you just can't find it in you to hate anyone. You know that feeling? When you desperately want to feel that rage, you think, "Okay, here we go, it's finally happening," and then... nothing. It just stops. You can't do it. So you try to dive back into those old movies, trying to trigger those old fears, looking for injustice, psychopathology, hell itself... but it won't work. I just can't hate. Honestly, I find myself praying to God, begging Him, "Please, just let me hate someone for once!" I’m practically pleading. And I vent all this to my sister, but she doesn't buy it. I know she doesn't believe me... so I just swallow it down. I'm used to it by now, anyway... Que sera, sera... none of you believe me either. There was one guy who did believe me, though. I used to write all this stuff to him, but he passed away... eheheheheheheheheh
The Psychedelics has one good point!!!:
I'll never regret not taking a job with him
And I've always loved the same things you do. Just like you🙏

I adore them all, really! It’s nothing strange to me... I’ve found true love, pure and simple. But at the same time, it feels like I’ve stumbled into an Erosovski kind of love—I'm constantly caught between these massive dilemmas and intense Fear. Maybe she isn't some moon goddess or anything, I'm not quite sure, but she's definitely stronger than that. I've been watching her, seeing if she studies my face or my hands, but I don't think so. My gut tells me we aren't the same, not even close. It's like those Stulicev lines about how everyone fights for what they lack; that's exactly what he was trying to get at. Man, if only I were a prophet or actually believed in destiny... That Brian May lyric keeps looping in my head, and I think I'll finally post it up there.
Too Much Love will kill you song Duration 4:18 Written by Brian May

Written by Brian May, Frank Musker, Elizabeth Lamers.
Sung by Freddie Mercury.

Comments
Comments Released 26 th February, 1996. Reached number 15.
Lyrics
Lyrics I'm Just The pieces of The man i used to be Too many bitter tears ara raining down on me I'm Far away fra home and I've been facing this alone for much too Long oh
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone
For much too long
Oh, I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
in my tangled state of mind I've been looking Back to find Where i went wrong Too much Love will kill you if you can't make up Your mind Torn between The lover and The Love you leave behind you're headed for disaster ' Cos you never read The signs Too much Love will kill you - every time I'm Just The shadow of The man i used to be and IT seems like there's
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong

Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover
And the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster
'Cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you - every time

I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be
And it seems like there's no way out of this for me
I used to bring you sunshine
Now All i ever
Ooh, how would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose no there's no Making sense of IT Every way i go I'm
No there's no making sense of it
Every way I go I'm bound to lose
Oh yes,

Too much love will kill you
Just as sur as none AT All It'll drain The Power that's in you make you plead and scream and crawl and The pain will make you crazy you're The victim of Your crime Too much Love will kill you - every time Yes
It'll drain the power that's in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you - every time

Yes, too much love will kill you
It'll make your life a lie
Yes, too much love will kill you
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul
but here IT comes again Too much Love will kill you in The end in The end
Too much love will kill you
in The end
in The end

...when I finally kick the bucket—though I’m fully planning on living another 200 years, obviously—they’ll probably celebrate Saint Valentine and Saint Richard Murphy6 instead. Just being humble, you know? Yeah, just being humble.

I'm not really getting into the nitty-gritty of what's happening here, but since I happen to be a bit of a mentalist, I figured I’d offer some services. To start things off, Litany against fear. Let's all recite it together:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
I will face my fear and
I will let it pass through me.
When the fear is gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

(And here we go again...)

👍

Man, I am totally spent. Seriously, what a mess... every single glance drains me, every word drains me. It takes a toll when I sit down, when I talk. I write, I read, I eat, I sleep... everything just slowly chips away at me. And now? Now I’m not allowed to stop right when I need my strength the most. Talk about irony! Even writing this is draining me, but hey, this one is worth it😉. For now, anyway... I don't have to, but I want to. Just give me your hand and give me a kiss; finding my peace is my top priority, kind of like paying off all my credit card bills before heading to paradise
. Twixy, maybe I should go study biochemistry and tell me what's actually going on with those substances swirling around in my brain—what are they, really, are they just... tot-tooooooo>? Or maybe histology, so I can figure out if those little (s)things in me are wired incorrectly... or maybe psychology, to see if it's just society's fault. Or molecular biology, so someone can explain if it's just hardcoded genes>, or if it's because of my dad, or my mom, or some random pharmacist's great-uncle... or theology, to see if I'm just a lightbulb that's a bit too bright... or physics, to explain if something inside me is expanding or stretching... oh boy, oh boy, oh boyyyy... or maybe philosophy, to see if I'm just denying reality. Or maybe an art academy, so we can paint these deep lines... or do some performance art... who knows? Is it hormones or monks? That thing that glows—is it because I'm glowing that I feel like this? If they could just extract it so I could finally be normal like Kenny... hehehehehehe.....> I read this thought in a book today... I think it was written by a certain Mr. Boža Plazibat, whom I respect immensely$: All things are difficult> before they are easy... Boža, you legend!!!!!!!!! I'm right behind you, just say the word and I'm in... wherever we need to go. I used to look up to Marshall, but now you're my only role model and authority... I'm still not quite ready for Christdiv>>.

Hey everyone... sending big love to you all from yours truly, whose heart is absolutely racing right now—whether it's because of some sudden Fear, a massive spike in adrenaline, or maybe just because I'm feeling super alive... honestly, who cares? None of that matters! But look, I've gotta be real with you guys: I don't regret a single thing. My only problem is that I’ve got way too much love bottled up inside. Like, an overwhelming amount! Does anyone have any bright ideas on how to handle this?? How do I spend it or give it away? If I were the sole person in charge of a huge charitable foundation, I’d just hand everything over to my mom and dad. Is that why I do everything? For them? Yeah, yeah, I know, I know... you're already rolling your eyes. You think I'm being annoying. I know, I know, I know! Ugh, just let me live my life! I know everything, okay? I get it! Stop lecturing me! Just let me beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... the internet is freaking awesome!!!!
Test tube babies being born, mothers, fathers dead and gone
It's a miracle
We're having a miracle on Earth , Mother Nature does IT All for US i dati pupati
Come on, Richard Murphy6, loosen those knots... Wildeva, you are seriously the best!🙂

I just want to drift off into an apple-scented dream,
to pull away from the chaos of the graveyard,
to sink into the dream of that kid
who wanted to bleed his heart out on the open ocean.

I’m done hearing that the dead don't lose their lifeblood,
or how a decaying mouth keeps begging for a drink.
I don't need to hear about the agony of the soil,
or about some serpent-mouthed moon
struggling through the hours before sunrise.

I just want to sleep for a bit—
whether it's a minute or a hundred years;
but let it be known that I haven't passed away;
that there's a golden silence held within my lips;
that I am a quiet ally to the West Wing;
that I am nothing more than the heavy shadow cast by my own tears.

When morning comes, cover me with a veil.
Because the dawn is going to pelt me with handfuls of ants
and soak my shoes with freezing water
just so the scorpion's sting can slip right through.

Because I want to dream that apple dream,
to find a dirge that might finally wash the world off me;
I want to exist alongside that dark-hearted child
who wanted to carve his heart out on the high seas.

fg lorca

THE DOORS

Take It As It Comes

Time to live
Time to lie
Time to laugh
Time to die
Takes it easy, baby
Take it as it comes
Don't move too fast
And you want your love to last
Oh, you've been movin' much too fast
Time to walk
Time to run
Time to aim your arrows
At the sun
Takes it easy, baby
Take it as it comes
Don't move too fast
And you want your love to last
Oh, you've been movin' much too fast
Go real slow
You like it more and more
Take it as it comes
Specialize in havin' fun
Takes it easy, baby
Take it as it comes
Don't move too fast
And you want your love to last
Oh, you've been movin' much too fast
Movin' much too fast
Movin' much too fast
Jim Morrison😎 and that thing about how I love him—well, maybe I don't!🙂 Long live Jim!!!!!! LOL

..take the hit, run for cover, regroup, then charge back in and run again just to lick your wounds—and hey, film the whole thing while you're at it... when Fear hits hard, it hits *hard*. It's the heavyweight champion, always trying to put you in shackles. You’ve gotta break that cycle, otherwise, you're just stuck in neutral forever... take a breather... don't be foolish like I was; listen to what I'm telling you rather than just watching what I do🙂
Do you feel those octane levels surging through your veins? Can you feel that pressure pounding in your head? Well, guess what... hm

I just don't have the bandwidth for a better future right now—not enough time to catch my breath or actually feel alive again once more.
I’m running my final race here, and man, my blood pressure is through the roof (170/90)... honestly, I'm not even surprised; I thought it was even higher.🙂
And what I'm doing isn't right either, my own words are turning against me😛
Ljutika, I really hope my situation makes a bit more sense to you now.
Life out here on the streets is dangerous and brutal, but from here on out, my name stands for justice.
I can already hear the stories being told about how I'm flirting with death... well, I live right alongside death, and my pressure is only 170... so, not bad! It could be way worse. My veins are incredibly elastic and my kidneys are young, even if I do smoke like a chimney... ahhhhhhh.
The end ..

So, hey, where have you been?

Emol,C,Fis,H
I wasn't exactly the guy making all the headlines,
but honestly, I think I’ve got some charm and a bit of swagger.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm just built that way. D,C,H

Some people think I'm ice cold, others say I'm pure fire,
but frankly, I couldn't care less what they think or desire,
since Dona doesn't have a clue about any of it.

I'm always dreaming up some fresh new rhyme, a totally unique vibe every time,
but whenever I run into her, I always say the exact same thing:
Hey, where have you been? I was actually thinking about giving you a call lately.
Hey, tell me, do you still have that old number from the 203 area code?

So, seriously, where are you? Why don't you swing by? I'm home this afternoon.
Hey, tell me, how's Mom, how's Dad, how's Grandma, how's everyone? C,D

Every single night I dream of a movie where she's the star,
I wonder what colors she loves, what kind of soul she has.
How she sleeps, stuff like that.

I want to know if I love her, I want to spend my time dreaming of her,
to protect her, to kiss her, to lie to her, to forgive her
- I want to do all that for her in person.

And I'm always dreaming up some fresh new rhyme, a totally unique vibe every time,
but whenever I run into her, I always say the exact same thing.

So, hey, where have you been? I was actually thinking about giving you a call lately.
Hey, tell me, do you still have that old number from the 203 area code?

Seriously, where are you? Why don't you swing by? I'm home this afternoon.
Hey, tell me, how's Mom, how's Dad, how's Grandma, how's everyone?

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm dreaming or if this is actually real,
I wanted someone exactly like her—it's a strange coincidence, really,
exactly like her, I'm telling you, dead serious.

Some say she's gentle, others swear she's tough.
Some think she's amazing, others think she's a bust.
Me? I agree with everyone, I'm always on board.

And I'm always dreaming up some fresh new rhyme...

What kind of illness is this? If it's even possible to explain... Richard Murphy6?

..man, anxiety disorders, neurosis, just pure Fear for absolutely no reason.. it’s all such a weird mix of symptoms.. right now, I'm mostly just feeling this heavy numbness.. honestly, I can't even find the right words for it.. plus, I'm feeling a little lightheaded too
It's like, if things are chaotic on the outside, they're chaotic on the inside, too
I seriously can't get you out of my head, Ethan Cox3🙂 ..if I did anything wrong, it's probably because I'm just sitting here on standby... I mean, feeling numb is better than dealing with high blood pressure, right? I'm such a coward🙂
Numbness is basically my default setting at this point🙂
And hey, it's Sunday... screw the future