On top of everything, there's no Fear

Richard Murphy6 said:..just anxiety disorders, neurosis, Fear 'for no reason'...all with similar symptoms..mine right now is just feeling numb..so I can't really say anything smarter than that..plus I'm a bit dizzy
What's happening on the outside is what's happening on the inside
can't get you out of my head Ethan Cox3🙂 ..if I messed up, it's because I'm staying on standby...numbness is better than high blood pressure..I'm a coward🙂
My default state is just being numb🙂
And it's Sunday...to hell with the future

Honestly? I think you're pretty cool and you aren't any crazier than the rest of the world😉
still reading you...🙂

It’s been a while, so I figured I’d check in.
Twix and Richard Murphy6, sending love to you both. It’s such a beautiful sunny day today. Yesterday, my son and I were jumping on the trampoline, and honestly, it was wild. My heart was racing and my head was spinning. When I finally hopped down, the world was spinning so much I could barely walk. Sound familiar? Even so, it felt different this time—I was actually happy. Maybe by summer, I’ll be able to hit the beach without feeling that sudden wave of panic. Maybe things will feel comfortable again?

I was acting like a total idiot yesterday, but today I’m back to following Jesus again. I actually get why they killed him... but the Truth? Well, given how much I try to overthink everything, I’m terrified that the Fear is still hanging around. I can rationalize just about anything, really, but I still haven't cracked the code on why the Mona Lisa's smile and the Mysterious Stranger are linked. I used to have it all figured out once, but I got so spooked that I just wiped my memory clean. Honestly, it isn't even funny, and I'm definitely not laughing anymore.
It actually just hit me—what if I tried re-translating the New Testament? I’d tweak a few things here and there, though I’d keep the metaphors pretty much the same. If I actually pulled that off, I’d either end up in a crisis or someone would toss me straight into a psych ward. To be fair, an asylum has its perks, right? Hopefully... look, I'm not *that* dim-witted. I might be afraid of the Truth, but it’s nothing compared to my fear of Kenny.😁

First, they feed us these fairy tales, then they have the nerve to act surprised when we actually believe them!
They blast romantic movies and love songs everywhere, only to turn around and claim none of it is real and that we’re just being unrealistic.
Honestly, who’s to blame if I didn't trust my own gut? People like you... go jump in a lake.
It's not my fault I was born smart and sensitive. Maybe I should've just stayed in the womb, right? You guys "saved" me with all your fancy science, and now you want to deal with the fallout without asking me for a single bit of help. I'm out. Just look at what you've turned me into... I used to be fine on my own, but you people changed me into this.
Jesus save us... Freddy save us... Jim save us... Johnny save me!!!🙏
God... mind your own business!!! And hey, don't get offended if I forgot to mention you... maybe Hendrix, though.

Frost still hasn't recovered... meanwhile, Narcissus is basically dying because he fell in love with his own reflection.
The Titan Father is trying to take out his sons, while Zeus is busy saving himself with some help from the god of the underworld.
Why do you think a person can't achieve divinity? Is love really supposed to be the ultimate fix for everything?
Now I can finally take a sip of Praxitelus... though I'm worried it won't even work. This whole thing is still way too close to my consciousness... it's too close... I feel like I'm going to snap in half.

Honestly, I live for the chaos... I actually feel most alive when things are falling apart. I love that feeling when my legs are sliced up, or even when I’m just stuck in a deep, numb depression. I thrive when my blood pressure spikes so high the whole world starts spinning. But then, there’s also those quiet moments where I’m just chilling, watching the world rush by—people sprinting to work, cars zooming down the highway—while my head feels totally paralyzed and frozen. I love that electric sting running down my spine that makes me feel like I’m about to explode. But you know what the absolute best part is? It’s when I finally muster the courage to pour my heart out to someone, thinking they might actually get it, only for them to stare at me with a blank face, look away, and immediately change the subject. Yeah, I love all of it. Every single bit of it.

Richard Murphy6 said:Personally, I’m a sucker for pure panic... it actually feels good when my legs are sliced up—I love being depressed and numb, too. I enjoy the high blood pressure that makes the whole world spin, or those moments where I’m just sitting perfectly still, watching the world rush by—people running, cars speeding past—while my head is stuck in a knot so tight I can't even move it. I love the feeling of tingles shooting down my spine until I feel like I might actually explode. But honestly? My favorite part is finally opening up to someone, thinking they might actually get it, only to have them stare at me blankly, look away, and immediately change the subject. Yeah, I love all of that. I love it all.

Well, you basically forced my hand to write something...
It's impossible to stay indifferent to stuff like this.
Your comments are absolute insanity—keep 'em coming...

By the way, I adore every single one of your poems; sometimes I find myself getting way too lost in them.

Maybe it's better if I don't write much more, though—I'm sitting here with a 101 fever, so I'm definitely not at my sharpest right now.

Anyway, just keep going!

Cheers!

Honestly, I’m actually pretty glad someone decided to weigh in on this... even if it caught me totally off guard! I’m out here doing my best to live by the Truth, but man, that is easier said than done. Every single lie just feels like a rip in my soul. I really took a massive hit earlier because I didn't know any better, didn't believe what was happening, and—if I'm being real—I just wasn't listening.
So, here’s my current dilemma: I’ve got to find myself a date by 8:00 PM tonight, and honestly? My expectations are sky-high. I know, I know—I probably shouldn't be putting this much pressure on things. But man, what can I say? It just hit me all at once how badly I need a partner in my life. Jesus, He’s really putting me through the wringer with this one!😎 I know I really shouldn't be totally honest with her... and honestly, if I am, it’s going to absolutely wreck me. If I tell her the truth, she’ll probably just bolt out the door! I can play along with anything, really, but man... I’ve been obsessed with this my whole life. It is so hard to control that subconscious part of your brain, you know? But seriously, you're playing with fire here. You're working with Rizb! What am I even supposed to say if she asks how I'm doing? She just won't get it. Holy smoke!!!
Man, I am just out here asking my subconscious to do me a massive favor! Just... please, let's just drop all this drama and conflict already. Seriously. It’s like that Lunar daughter energy, you know? Just pure vibes. Da-da-da-da-daaaaaiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzyyyyyyy!
I know I’m not ready... history just keeps repeating itself. I’m going to have to step up and play my part, much as it pains me for the sake of humanity.

Hey Richard Murphy6, don't be so hard on yourself! Just go ahead and finish off that other half of the Praxiteles... what's there to be afraid of? I mean, you've been dealing with much heavier doses from your mom for years now. And look at Kenny—those big pharmaceutical companies are practically throwing money at him! So why are you sweating over this little bit?😉

..honestly, I think I found the girl of my dreams (but I won't talk about her... trust me)
Vlad, thank you! I’m doing all of this because of you. Seriously, if it weren't for your books, I might've ended it all, or at least I'd be stuck writing them myself... maybe I'll shoot you an email with some new rules of the game just to help finish that mosaic of yours. You've helped me so much. You know your work is some of the most powerful stuff ever put to paper (assuming the author is still around, and that it's just one person writing it). It's the most beautiful rationalization, the most natural logic, and the truest words. You're even more influential than the Communist Party USA under Josip Broz Marshall. Kant doesn't even come close. The sophists are falling flat on their faces. Jesus is waiting for you... you'll probably start believing in reincarnation, maybe even believe in SaiBaba🙂 ..go ahead, try running on water..
Here’s a song for Stormbringer!!!!!
Seven Seas of Rhye
Song Duration 2:46
Written by Freddie Mercury.
Sung by Freddie Mercury.

Comments

Comments Released 25 th February, 1974 - Spent 10 weeks on the charts, peaking at number 10. This was the first single to hit the charts. It was also released as the B-side for friends will be friends - 9 th June, 1986.
Lyrics
Fear me you lords and Lady preachers i descend upon Your Earth fra The skies i command Your very Souls you unbelievers Bring before me What is mina The Seven seas of Rhye
I descend upon your Earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine
The seven seas of Rhye

Can you hear me you peers and privy counsellors
I stand before you naked to the eyes
I will destroy any man who dares abuse my trust
I swear that you'll be mine
The seven seas of Rhye

Sister - I live and lie for you
Mister - do and I'll die
You are mine I possess you
I belong to you forever-ever-ever-aah

Storm the master-marathon I'll fly through
By flash and thunder-fire and
I'll survive - I'll survive - I'll survive
I'll survive - I'll survive - I'll survive
Then I'll defy The laws of Nature and Come out Alive Then I'll get you be goniti with you - you shod and shady senators Give out The good , leave out The bad evil cries i challenge The mighty titan and his troubadours and with a smiliti I'll taka you to The Seven seas of Rhye
Then I'll get you
Be gone with you - you shod and shady senators
Give out The good , leave out The bad evil cries
I challenge The mighty titan and his troubadours
And with a smiliti
I'll taka you to The Seven seas of Rhye
- Oh I do like to be beside the seaside
- Oh I do like to be beside the sea
- Where the brass band plays - tiddly om pom pom
- Oh I do like to be beside the seaside
- Oh I do like to be beside the sea

Richard Murphy6 said:..I honestly think I found the girl of my dreams (and no, I’m not going to talk about her... believe me)

😉 You know what I mean?

It’s like it’s happening on some subconscious level🙂 when it finally clicks, she's just going to blow right past everything... but this time, I'm not letting go. I want to grow old with her, watch our kids grow up... and teach others what a real marriage and relationship actually looks like. How to live, and how to face the end... I'm just terrified I might get struck by lightning first.
...there’s one thing about her that’s honestly beautiful... she cares about everyone else more than herself. That’s exactly why I want to love her. She’s going to love me like nobody ever has. I’ll finally learn how to love someone even more than my dad loves himself (and believe me, I've got a lot of work to do!)-...'You're such a gem!!!'😁

You're spot on, Vlad. That old nostalgia hits hard... huh... Man, I used to just soak up those depressions, that melancholy, all that pathetic drama... whether it was Steely Dan, Dire Straits, the Rolling Stones, or just sitting around writing letters and hanging out. I know there are ways to deal with all that too—you actually wrote something about it once, but my brain is a total blank right now... And Barry says to stay true to yourself (yeah, thanks Mother... haha), but you still gotta evolve. Those constant inner storms? It’s all right there under the surface, just waiting to explode. I can feel it... God, those were the days. It was something special living back in the era of Josip Broz Marshall
I’d go through it all over again with her, the old-fashioned way—dropping to my knees, weeping at her feet... ugh, I swear, psychoanalysts are the absolute worst... they’re the reason everything is broken. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been alive for two million years. It doesn't feel like any of it passed quickly. Man, I’d love to just send her one pathetic little text right now... you know, like "I can't live without you," "I'm thinking about you constantly," "what are you doing right now?" etc.🙂
Private investigations... man, good old Corbin... I can't even bring myself to listen to that yet, not until I've fully "unwound" from everything.
Sometimes you used to drive me crazy (Uranus)
It would hit the spot so perfectly today
Everything is moving way too fast for me. I feel like I’m tripping up somewhere, just a gut feeling... huh... the display just takes it all in its stride

..What would happen if I actually gave her this song? If I let her believe it... the whole thing about projection, or the idea that we finally hit some kind of perfect ideal... she’d just get confused, and then I’d end up looking like some kind of predator. Instead, I'll just stay the fool. Just your local court jester.
Black Swan

The moment she walked in, it hit me like a bolt:
Hey, there's my partner!
It’s our first time meeting, but I feel like I already know her,
it's perfectly clear.

Where has she been living? Where was she hiding?
Why didn't I notice her sooner?
Who was she loving, who was she dreaming of?
Some poser types—I can't stand those guys!

She orders a Campari, taking a slow, calm drag,
tapping her glass against the bar.
The cards have turned, now I see it plain as day,
she's the one calling the shots now.

So elegant, slender, and mysterious,
it's like she barely touches the ground when she walks.
It all reminds me of Peter Ilyich,
that story about the lake, about good and evil.

Come on, lead me, Black Swan, I knew you were coming!
Just kiss me and lose me, I'm ready now, I'm ready to go.

She gives me a look that feels like a momentary touch,
hey, but that moment lasts forever.
I know, I've tried everything and now I'm finally hers,
she's closing the loop.

She's different; there's no games with her,
and she wears my style much better than I do.
She isn't someone on a waiting list,
once she packs her bags, she's gone.

Come on, lead me, Black Swan, I knew you were coming!
Just kiss me and lose me, I'm ready now, I'm ready to go.

I spent my life like a candy cane,
hey, sweet and pretty.
Chasing thrills, playing games, causing nothing but pain,
just dancing with the devil.

You're the one paying the price for all those delusions,
I see my own cross around your neck.
I've been waiting for you, my Black Swan,
since God knows when, let's go right now.

Come on, lead me, Black Swan, I knew you were coming!
Just kiss me and lose me, I'm ready, I'm ready to go,
with you.

Come on, take me, Black Swan, and don't hold back tonight.
Go on, lead me, set me free, we all have to go through this once,
at least once.

Come on, lead me, Black Swan, I knew you were coming!
Just lead me, let me confess, I'm ready now, I'm ready to go.

..and one more thing, that refugee from Czechia wasn't Kundera, he was Skvorecky..don't ask me why, that's just why I hate groups and labels..Vlad would say..I'll dig up the aggression..Oh Vlad, oh Vlad

I love you so muchoooooooooooo!!!!!(who loves me!!???)
You used to be consumed by this massive wave of anger
An anger that felt as bright and clear as a summer day in California
An anger that gave you vision for miles
An anger that haunted your sleep
An anger that occupied every single second of your day
An anger that acted like fuel for you for a long, long time
Yeah, I really do think I get you
You just couldn't wrap your head around why people lived the way they did
Home didn't feel like home
Your bedroom was your sanctuary
A tiny little corner was your world
Basically, anywhere they weren't...
That's where you felt at home
I truly see you
You're incredibly sensitive
But you keep it all locked away
You're terrified of being crushed one more time
Because it feels like whenever you actually show a sliver
Of any kind of vulnerability
someone takes advantage of you One of them steps on you They mistake kindness for weakness but you know The difference you
One of them steps on you
They mistake kindness for weakness
But you know the difference
You've been absorbing everyone else's bullshit for years
You definitely understand what strength means
You had to dig deep just to make it through
And now, you know exactly who you are
You've stopped trusting people
Because you see right through them
You're searching for that one special person
Someone you can truly be yourself with
Someone you can hold close
Someone you can actually talk to
Someone who doesn't make you feel like an outsider
But you've realized those people are basically unicorns
You actually feel more connected to characters on a movie screen
Yeah, I think I know you
You live most of your life in your own head
People have definitely pointed that out
Calling you self-absorbed or selfish
But they don't have a clue, do they
They don't know about those lonely late-night shifts
About the years you spent just being your own companion
All those nights you held yourself tight
Just trying to pretend someone else was there holding you
The endless moments of "what should I do?"
The crushing self-doubt
The heavy, dark depression
The white-hot rage
The fury that made you stumble
The absolute gut-punch of being rejected
Well, maybe they *do* know
But if they do
They are experts at acting like they don't
It blows your mind how smooth they can be
How they breeze through life
Like life is some incredible blessing handed to them on a silver platter
It drives you crazy watching yourself
With that uncanny talent you have
For messing everything up
See, life is this massive, epic journey
Scary as hell, but beautiful too
The birds singing in the trees at night
The rain and the sunshine
The turning of the seasons—those are your real buddies
Being alone is a tough friend to win over, but once you do, they're
Loyal and steady
Yeah, I think I know you
How They seem to pass thru Life as if Life itself was som divin gift IT infuriates you to watch yourself with Your apparent skill in finding every way possible to screw IT up for you Life is a Long trip Terrifying & Wonderful birds Sing to you AT Night The Rain & The Sun The changing seasons ara true friends Solitude is a hard won ally Faithful & patient Yes i think i know you by Henry Rollins fra “ Black Coffee blues ”

😉

If I had to pick just one... for my own soul's sake...

Sunrise

Sunrise as i look into Your eyes i see The sunrise
The light behind Your faca helps me realise

will WE sleep and sometimes Love until the moon shines
Maybe the next time

I honestly can't tell if you've even thought about it
It might be me
Right here, right now
Is it even on your mind?
It ought to be me, it really could be me
Always

As you drift through life, will love ever find its way back to you?
And that love you're chasing forever—will they actually stay true?

Will we sleep and sometimes love until the moon shines
Maybe the next time I’ll be yours and maybe you’ll be mine

I'm not sure if it's even crossed your mind
It could be me
In this exact moment
Love is something you just can't put into words
It should be me, it could be me
Forever

feralbear49, check out that woman at the bottom of the screen "inviting you to gamble"... she kind of looks like her... doesn't like taking photos, doesn't like being seen

I’m coming for you like a phantom of freedom
so show me everything you've got
I’m coming for you like a phantom of freedom
to lead you straight to the bottom

A poorly hidden desire, a distant goal
Routine settling of scores for monkey faces
A small-town prom with a song at the end
The night fell apart
I drifted off over an open book
Consciousness shackled in a deluxe edition

I’m coming for you like a phantom of freedom
so show me everything you know
I’m coming for you like a phantom of freedom
to lead you straight to the bottom

And when you wish to return
Just look
Your own shadow, lured by solitude
In the window
In the mirror
At the doorway

I’ve seen the fury of tough guys
The demonic games played by outcasts
Who took the seat in paradise?
Integrity or power?
Who praised the Emperor's nakedness?
The little guys on the magazine covers

She is absolutely stunning.
I’m a little jealous of all that for you—all that excitement and anticipation. It sounds lovely.

Lately, everything’s just been clicking into place in my head. Like, for my whole life, I’ve been spinning these tiny little details around in my mind—childhood, school, college... trying to find the "why" behind everything. Society, love, God... why I hit those lows, how I react to the ups and downs, my relationships with girls, my parents, my buddies... even the roots of my own dissatisfaction, that insecurity, the laziness. The music, the books, the movies I used to obsess over... it's been heavy, man.
I'm listening to old tracks now without any Fear, none of that old melancholy. It’s wild—it's almost like I wake up as the same person I went to bed as. Total madness.
Even a buddy of mine tracked down some tunes by Bogdan Zvonak, and honestly? It felt great. It settled almost all my internal conflicts.
I finally realized where I messed up, too—especially regarding my treatment. I’m seriously speechless.
I’ve finally buried the hatchet with myself. For the first time, I can look back at what I did without that crushing guilt, just smiling instead. I'm just cruising along, totally at peace.
Was IT All Worth IT song Duration 5:43 Written by queen

Written by Queen.
Sung by Freddie Mercury.

Comments
Lyrics

What is there left for me to do in this life
Did I achieve what I had set in my sights
Am I a happy man, or is this sinking sand
Was it all worth it, was it all worth it
Yeah, now hear my story, let me tell you about it
We bought a drum kit, I blew my own trumpet
Played the circuit, thought we were perfect
Was it all worth it, ooh giving (hey yeah) all my heart and soul and
Staying up all night, was it all worth it (hey yeah)
Living breathing rock 'n' roll (ah), a Godforsaken life
Was it all worth it, was it all worth it (hey) all these years

Put down our money without counting the cost
It didn't matter if we won - if we lost
Yes we were vicious, yes we could kill
Yes we were hungry, yes we were brill - ha ha haa
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
We served a purpose, like a bloody circus
We were so dandy (yeah) we love you madly
Was it all worth it
Living breathing rock 'n' roll, this Godforsaken life
Was it all worth it yeah, was it all worth it
When the hurly burly's Done WE went to bali , saw god and dali sol mystic

When the hurly burly's Dona WE went to bala , saw god and dati sol mystic
So mystic, surrealistic
Was it all worth it yeah yeah, giving all my heart and soul
Staying up all night, was it all worth it
Ooh living breathing rock 'n' roll this never ending fight
Was it all worth it, was it all worth it
Yes it was a worthwhile experience
Ha ha ha ha haa
It was worth it
Ha ha

... man, screw you Richard Murphy6, you totally trashed me... now I look like some kind of idiot because of you...

Whatever it is that went wrong... Kenny did it... anyway, this guilt is eating me alive right now, and now you're telling me I'm doing everything wrong too... dammit...

First off, gotta say hey to the old crew👋 (even if it's just the bitter one hanging around, though I'm honestly glad they pop in once in a while—sometimes I get hit with this massive wave of nostalgia for those first monitors and all the old-school handles we used to have)... these new kids don't have a clue what anxiety even feels like... and here you guys are, trying so hard to explain it... it's crazy. Honestly, if someone doesn't get it, they should just take a trip, maybe two or three... and imagine they're actually dying... heh... then let's see what real Fear feels like... and having it every single day, 24/7.

...I haven't been around for a while, but Richard Murphy6 can probably explain it better than I can (truth is, I was running away from myself)... so here I am, just saying, let's see what's hiding in my subconscious... taking a little peek online... although Richard Murphy6 is right... I run, I search, I hide... but damn anxiety always finds me... I know, Richard Murphy6, I know, I can't hide from myself... and what am I supposed to do? You soak up everything—the Bible, the Quran, soup, Balasevic... the great Black Stone and Dylan Dog... personally, I'm just over all of it. Honestly. I'm sick of it all, I'm sick of the world (I think I might be going through a depressive phase... spring is coming, hormones are spiking and all... at least that's how my mom used to explain it... and moms always know best when it comes to their kids... if I'd actually listened to her, I'd probably have two kids by now, a car, an apartment, a job... and a wife who couldn't stand me... instead, I'm just wandering around playing the bohemian lifestyle)...

...man, Richard Murphy6, Richard Murphy6... I just don't give a damn about anything anymore.

I'm trying to find my own way... trying to find myself in my own unique style... I've never listened to anyone in my entire life... and now, I just can't deal with authority... not even in writing... I want to be MYSELF!!!!!!... and if I fail, well, that'll be my own failure... I'd love to believe in God... truly, I've looked for Him, He probably exists... but I haven't seen Him clearly, or rather, I haven't seen Him at all. (I mean, I know He exists... He HAS TO EXIST)... yet... I'm scared that He does... am I such a monster that I'll end up in hell... that's what scares me. If God exists, then heaven exists and hell exists too... and I'm terrified of hell😈... though I feel like I'm already there.
...but I'm blindly contradictory, so I'm actually okay with how my life is going... just living it as it comes... even if I can't sleep... and man, I want to sleep like a baby so badly

Anyway... I see the old gang isn't around anymore... I hope they're doing alright... or maybe they're also hiding from their own (un)conscious...

Actually... just so it's understood... I LOVE RICHARD MURPHY6... AND THAT WHOLE COMPLEX... HE IS GOD🙏 ....

..don't worry about hell, worry about heaven.. besides, what do I even have to do with the Quran?🙂
..you can mess with anyone else, but don't you dare touch my Dylan Dog!!!!!
And right now, I'm just blasting AC/DC
I've had two coffees already and my brain is totally fried.. but man, the sun is shining.. I wish it would shine just for me.. people actually look pretty happy out there
Long live Josip Broz Marshall!!!!!!!
Long live Alberto Tomba(Bomb), and pizza, and piazza, and pasta, and Piaggio, and piccolo, and Pompeii, and Tyrolean Salami.. and Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla
..and honestly, I'm never gonna figure out how to edit a post or reply or quote or whatever the heck this thing is called