I'm so over these "toxic positivity" people

I wonder if anyone else here can relate to the sentiment I’m about to share.

To give you some context: I enjoy my solitude just as much as I enjoy good company. While I certainly show emotion, I tend to keep the vast majority of my internal world to myself—not because I’m being secretive, but simply because I don't feel the need to, nor has it ever been particularly wise to do so. When it comes to the people I actually choose to spend my time with, they absolutely must possess a few specific traits:
1. The ability to engage in abstract conversation—you know, discussing ideas rather than just gossiping about other people or rehashing daily events.
2. They cannot be the type to mock others, especially those who are less fortunate or weaker.
3. They shouldn't be prone to talking back—even accidentally.
That is essentially my baseline for meaningful connection.
Of course, I would never be unkind to colleagues who don't meet these criteria (and frankly, they never do), but I simply have no desire to socialize with them outside of the office if they don't fit the bill.

As for whether people are generally "good-natured" or in a high spirit... well, that has never really been a deciding factor for me. If someone is having a rough day, I will likely be the one stepping in to help; conversely, if they are in a fantastic mood, I am more than happy to celebrate their happiness. Most people exist somewhere in the middle—navigating their own ups and downs—and I find that perfectly acceptable.

However, I find I have a much higher tolerance for the perpetual grump than I do for the eternal optimist.

Now, optimism is wonderful—provided it isn't "performed" with excessive, jittery energy—and I certainly don't have an issue with it when it's genuine. For instance, I tend to be the resident grouch in my household, while my husband is always in high spirits, and we function together beautifully. It’s not that I’m constantly complaining or venting, nor is he walking around shouting about how "absolutely maaaaagnificent" life is; we actually behave quite similarly, though he simply worries far less about everything than I do. And that works for us.

But I have noticed a real struggle for me when dealing with that specific crowd—those who are constantly laughing loudly and performatively, offering incessant compliments, or incessantly prattling on about how incredible their weekend was. These are the people who seem to find everyone likable and will never, ever admit that something is bothering them. I’ve observed that these types rarely actually listen when others are speaking. Instead, they might spend the conversation checking their reflection in a window or interrupting a deep thought just to give the most insincere, overly cheery wave to someone passing by the table. To them, every concert is a masterpiece, regardless of how terrible the sound system actually is.

I realize this might sound harsh, and please believe me, I don't consider myself superior—I just value sincerity. Sometimes I truly wonder how much room these people leave themselves to experience actual, raw emotion. I once lived in an American community where almost everyone behaved this way, and it seemed like half the population was seeing a therapist multiple times a week. Not to mention the prevalence of stress-related issues like ulcers or tumors. I honestly find it difficult to believe they aren't just performing, and as a result, I generally avoid being in their orbit. Perhaps I'm just out of touch, but there it is.🙂

Are there any others out there who feel the same way?

Austin Murphy5 said:I wonder if anyone else here can relate to the sentiment I’m about to share.

To give you some context: I enjoy my solitude just as much as I enjoy good company. While I certainly show emotion, I tend to keep the vast majority of my internal world to myself—not because I’m being secretive, but simply because I don't feel the need to, nor has it ever been particularly wise to do so. When it comes to the people I actually choose to spend my time with, they absolutely must possess a few specific traits:
1. The ability to engage in abstract conversation—you know, discussing ideas rather than just gossiping about other people or rehashing daily events.
2. They cannot be the type to mock others, especially those who are less fortunate or weaker.
3. They shouldn't be prone to talking back—even accidentally.
That is essentially my baseline for meaningful connection.
Of course, I would never be unkind to colleagues who don't meet these criteria (and frankly, they never do), but I simply have no desire to socialize with them outside of the office if they don't fit the bill.

As for whether people are generally "good-natured" or in a high spirit... well, that has never really been a deciding factor for me. If someone is having a rough day, I will likely be the one stepping in to help; conversely, if they are in a fantastic mood, I am more than happy to celebrate their happiness. Most people exist somewhere in the middle—navigating their own ups and downs—and I find that perfectly acceptable.

However, I find I have a much higher tolerance for the perpetual grump than I do for the eternal optimist.

Now, optimism is wonderful—provided it isn't "performed" with excessive, jittery energy—and I certainly don't have an issue with it when it's genuine. For instance, I tend to be the resident grouch in my household, while my husband is always in high spirits, and we function together beautifully. It’s not that I’m constantly complaining or venting, nor is he walking around shouting about how "absolutely maaaaagnificent" life is; we actually behave quite similarly, though he simply worries far less about everything than I do. And that works for us.

But I have noticed a real struggle for me when dealing with that specific crowd—those who are constantly laughing loudly and performatively, offering incessant compliments, or incessantly prattling on about how incredible their weekend was. These are the people who seem to find everyone likable and will never, ever admit that something is bothering them. I’ve observed that these types rarely actually listen when others are speaking. Instead, they might spend the conversation checking their reflection in a window or interrupting a deep thought just to give the most insincere, overly cheery wave to someone passing by the table. To them, every concert is a masterpiece, regardless of how terrible the sound system actually is.

I realize this might sound harsh, and please believe me, I don't consider myself superior—I just value sincerity. Sometimes I truly wonder how much room these people leave themselves to experience actual, raw emotion. I once lived in an American community where almost everyone behaved this way, and it seemed like half the population was seeing a therapist multiple times a week. Not to mention the prevalence of stress-related issues like ulcers or tumors. I honestly find it difficult to believe they aren't just performing, and as a result, I generally avoid being in their orbit. Perhaps I'm just out of touch, but there it is.🙂

Are there any others out there who feel the same way?

Yeah. 😁

Always being bubbly and smiling isn't really my vibe. Honestly, I think those people are just actors playing a part to curate an "image." They’re obsessed with how they come across—trying to impress someone, landing a guy they fancy, or hunting for anyone they deem a "good catch." I learned this the hard way from a former friend. She was always beaming; you'd see her on the street and she’d act like seeing you was the highlight of her week. Total fake. When things actually got rough for me, she showed her true colors—purely superficial. Once her relationship with the guy she actually liked fell through, she just settled for some random dude she didn't care about just to avoid being alone and to escape her mother's constant nagging (though she’d never admit that's why she married him). People like that aren't necessarily "evil," but they are nothing like the persona they try to sell you. They live for gossip and look down on everyone else. Cutting ties with her was one of the smartest moves I ever made. Less drama, less anxiety, and none of the usual headaches that come with that type of person...
I'm pretty serious by nature, but there's a lighter side to me that's much more cheerful than people realize at first glance. Still, my behavior toward acquaintances remains grounded and composed, or at least that's the impression I aim to leave.
It’s all just performative laughter and exaggeration to mask a much darker personality underneath.
In my experience, a huge part of them is driven by pure opportunism.

I need to keep this brief and to the point. Some people are just putting on a massive act. Look, I get it—nobody can be sunshine and rainbows twenty-four hours a day—but they *choose* to pretend. They walk around with these wide, plastered-on grins while everything behind the scenes is a total disaster.
It honestly gets under my skin; they push this "super happy" persona so hard, even though I bet once they close their own front doors, they're a nervous wreck. To me, it just feels disingenuous—like they’re performing a role rather than actually living.

Honestly, it’s those religious types that really get under my skin—you know the ones, the Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on your door or those "Praise Jesus" crowds that won't stop shouting it... It drives me absolutely up the wall. Still, I try to stick to that old "live and let live" philosophy whenever I can... even if it's difficult...

Yeah, true. I definitely notice those kinds of personalities more often in women than in men. Those types who just giggle through everything... ☕

Those are exactly my kind of people—the ones who can look a disaster right in the face, laugh it off, and somehow manage to find a silver lining in just about anything.

hollowscout57 said:Those are exactly my kind of people—the ones who can look a disaster right in the face, laugh it off, and somehow manage to find a silver lining in just about anything.

Honestly? Trying to find something positive in every single thing feels pretty bizarre. It's weird, and let's be real, it’s totally unrealistic.

Carl Rivera43 said:Honestly? Trying to find something positive in every single thing feels pretty bizarre. It's weird, and let's be real, it’s totally unrealistic.

It’s pretty bizarre to constantly throw around the word bizarre, especially when the person complaining about the "misuse" of the word bizarre never actually lays out their own specific point of view.
Bizarre? 🤔

the topic itself is bizarre.

There’s a massive difference between actually being a positive person and just putting on a fake act.

Honestly, you can spot the difference from a mile away.

I really hope that as I move through life, I end up surrounded by genuine optimists, because man, having that kind of energy around you is such a game-changer.

People vent for obvious reasons; dwelling on the negatives just drags them deeper into the pit. Some people stay silent simply because they don't want to be the punchline of some joke—you know the drill: "Why are you always so down?" or "Just change your mindset already." So, they bottle it all up and put on a fake smile, essentially sabotaging themselves. Sometimes, you just need to tell someone who will actually listen so you can finally lift that weight off your chest.

That said, I find those constant "toxic positivity" types just as irritating—the ones insisting everything looks bright and things will magically improve. How exactly will it get better? They’ve bought into this illusion of a "good life," working a soul-crushing 9-to-5 for peanuts, grabbing a cheap coffee at a diner, and convincing themselves that things will eventually turn around. That delusion is their only source of happiness.
Things only improve when you actually get moving and take action, rather than sitting around hoping for a raise, waiting for a call from a friend, or praying a coworker won't snap at you. We spend our entire lives living in fear because we're too busy pretending to be positive.

I try my best to maintain a decent outlook, but I refuse to see the world through rose-colored glasses. I simply don't buy into the "truths" that the media and society force down our throats.

Take my job, for example. Out of fifty tasks in a day, if I mess up a couple, my manager will walk right up to me in front of the whole office and call me an idiot without a shred of shame. Am I supposed to just pivot to some fake positive attitude after being insulted like that? The only "positive" thing about that situation would have been firing him at 5 PM.

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Since I can't possibly quote everyone here, I’ll try to frame this a bit more broadly... :-)

Look, I have absolutely nothing against people who see the silver lining in everything. Honestly, I can do that too—but I also have this knack for spotting the ugly side of things, which tends to stick in my mind much longer 😁 and, well, that’s how I earned my reputation as a bit of a grouch. I’m not actually fighting that reputation, though; I find it... neutral, I guess? What really gets under my skin aren't the skeptics, but rather those people who just rationalize their misery—people who either refuse to change or simply adopt a "fuck it" attitude because they can't fix what's making them unhappy. I don't mind them at all. In fact, I truly admire them. Whenever I manage to pull off that kind of mental pivot myself, I feel a sense of accomplishment that honestly beats winning the Powerball—no joke. That ability to shift perspective is priceless, and I consider those individuals to be genuinely POSITIVE people.

However—and this is a distinction I’m choosing to impose here—there is a massive difference between being a positive person and being "perpetually cheerful." True positive people know how to be sad, how to be angry, and how to dislike certain things just as much as anything else.
Then you have the "perpetually cheerful" crowd. To them, everything is brilliant and everyone is amazing. It’s not even that they give everyone a fair shot; it feels more like they don't give *anyone* a real chance because they never truly get to know anyone. Everyone is "super" because they aren't actually listening to anyone—they seem far too preoccupied with making sure everyone is listening to *them*, as if having a massive circle of friends is some sort of social trophy. The second you open up to one of these "cheerful" types and tell them what's actually bothering you, they’ll likely vanish into thin air, suddenly remembering they have to run an errand at Target or something. Sometimes, it feels like other people's problems just remind them of their own, and their constant bubbliness is really just a frantic coping mechanism.

It’s not that I think they’re bad people. It just irritates me slightly because... well, maybe I just have some lingering trauma from living in the States and dealing with the culture where everything is constantly branded as "aaaaaaaawsoooome!!!" :-)

Douglas Kern62 said:Honestly, it’s those religious types that really get under my skin—you know the ones, the Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on your door or those "Praise Jesus" crowds that won't stop shouting it... It drives me absolutely up the wall. Still, I try to stick to that old "live and let live" philosophy whenever I can... even if it's difficult...

Oh, absolutely—in my case, that would definitely warrant an entirely new thread, simply because I have a very specific, separate set of emotions reserved just for them.

Ugh, we all know the type. Those total hihotavacs who act all sweet—hugging you, kissing your feet—but the second you turn your back, their face just sours and they start dropping these nasty, passive-aggressive comments. I guess some people actually dig that vibe because it makes them feel important, like they’re somehow superior to everyone else. But honestly? It's just pure, unadulterated ego.

Nothing extreme is ever actually good. To me, that "constant sunshine" persona is just another extreme. I honestly don't think it's sincere... It feels like those people don't just struggle to express emotions, but they have this deeper issue where they refuse to actually face reality or deal with real-life problems. Life is just easier when you pretend nothing matters.
But I've noticed that society definitely prefers them over the "always miserable" types. People might think they're fake or just plain weird, but most folks would much rather deal with forced cheerfulness than someone else's constant gloom.

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:It’s pretty bizarre to constantly throw around the word bizarre, especially when the person complaining about the "misuse" of the word bizarre never actually lays out their own specific point of view.
Bizarre? 🤔

the topic itself is bizarre.

Oh, wait. If we're talking about an actual opinion? I'd say this forced cheerfulness is totally pointless. It’s all just glamour and chasing the spotlight, right? Maybe those people are just trying to shield themselves from the bad stuff—I mean, I definitely overdo the positivity sometimes too—but looking at it realistically, that "always happy" vibe is just a product of mass media and everyone wanting that Hollywood lifestyle.

Melissa Sanchez8 said:Nothing extreme is ever actually good. To me, that "constant sunshine" persona is just another extreme. I honestly don't think it's sincere... It feels like those people don't just struggle to express emotions, but they have this deeper issue where they refuse to actually face reality or deal with real-life problems. Life is just easier when you pretend nothing matters.
But I've noticed that society definitely prefers them over the "always miserable" types. People might think they're fake or just plain weird, but most folks would much rather deal with forced cheerfulness than someone else's constant gloom.

That’s the truth, and plenty of people will try to explain it to you by talking about "spreading positive vibes" or some other nonsense—which, in my opinion, isn't even the real reason.
I work for a massive Fortune 500 corporation where I interact face-to-face with at least 50 different people every single day. Working there has been a real eye-opener because I get to see such a massive spectrum of personalities—I don't have a single "twin" in terms of character, yet I've never been surrounded by more people. It’s been an incredibly useful experience.

Statistically speaking, I think I see a pretty accurate cross-section of society here—and no, I wouldn't say that people liking happy people is a result of loving "positive energy" :-) The people I’m surrounded by actually enjoy gossip, office politics, and watching others stumble way more than they enjoy celebrating someone else's wins. If I get passed over for a promotion, nobody is going to be happy for me—that’s a given. But if I get chewed out by my manager, suddenly everyone is rushing over to comfort me—they couldn't care less about actually sharing my burden. I can say with absolute certainty that in both scenarios, I am showing genuine emotion, and people react much better to the second one. They actually want me around then; my "negativity" doesn't bother them :-) On the flip side, if I’m having a great day, they just get jealous, and they can forget all about that "positivity" talk. So, this whole "energy" thing? It’s total bullshit.

My take is that people prefer the company of the perpetually cheerful simply because, on average, they are too lazy to engage in deep thought. Those "always happy" types—the ones we're discussing—tend to stick to superficial topics, which means the people around them don't have to exert any mental effort.
The grumps, on the other hand, usually either stay silent (which, let's face it, is often just boring...) or they opt for "heavy" topics. Not long ago, I decided to throw a question out in the office—I'm not quite sure what I was thinking, but I went ahead and assumed it would make sense 😁—something along the lines of, "Do you think the love for a pet is comparable to the love for humans?" It took about five minutes just to explain the premise, and the final consensus was basically, "A dog is a dog, and you can't let it on the couch." Just imagine trying to vent to them about something that's actually bothering me 😁
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The happy-go-lucky crowd doesn't run into those issues. They are always easy to understand right off the bat.

I have such an affinity for genuinely cheerful people, though finding them in this day and age feels like searching for a needle in a haystack... but I’m talking about the real deal, not those fake types who put on a sunny persona just because they want something from you, only to morph into a completely different person forty-eight hours later. I simply have no desire to waste my energy socializing with negative individuals, villains, or those miserable sorts who just drain the life out of a room. And honestly, there is this tired argument that optimistic people are just delusional while the pessimists are being "realistic"... but let's be clear, some people just insist on seeing the glass as half empty regardless of the circumstances. 🎉

William Chavez5 said:I have such an affinity for genuinely cheerful people, though finding them in this day and age feels like searching for a needle in a haystack... but I’m talking about the real deal, not those fake types who put on a sunny persona just because they want something from you, only to morph into a completely different person forty-eight hours later. I simply have no desire to waste my energy socializing with negative individuals, villains, or those miserable sorts who just drain the life out of a room. And honestly, there is this tired argument that optimistic people are just delusional while the pessimists are being "realistic"... but let's be clear, some people just insist on seeing the glass as half empty regardless of the circumstances. 🎉

Do you think someone is being disingenuous if they don't suddenly change personalities after two days, but you can just tell by their expression that they aren't actually listening to you—and that they treat everyone with the exact same level of intense, overwhelming friendliness, whether you've known them for years or just three measly days?

Do you think it’s possible that even with a super bubbly, high-energy vibe, people still find ways to break through in the corporate world?