Issues with socializing

A friend-->they'll bail on you right when you actually need them most. I guess everyone's just looking out for their own interests anyway.☕

quietheron6 said:What's the end goal here? You actually looking to hang out with people or what—is it even worth it? Honestly, you don't need a massive squad... just one real one is plenty.

Look, I have one damn friend and frankly, it isn't enough. I don't really feel like hanging out with people because, I don't know, most of them just gross me out.

Gary Perez9 said:I’ve got 350 friends on Facebook myself.☕

Wait, whose photo did you even set as your profile pic back then?☕

Chris Cooper5 said:Look, I have one damn friend and frankly, it isn't enough. I don't really feel like hanging out with people because, I don't know, most of them just gross me out.

😬 You say you don't want to socialize—so where is the actual issue with socialization then? Why even worry about it if you have no desire to be around people? It doesn't quite add up. 😉

lonegardener said:😬 You say you don't want to socialize—so where is the actual issue with socialization then? Why even worry about it if you have no desire to be around people? It doesn't quite add up. 😉

man, you just don't get it at all☕

Chris Cooper5 said:man, you just don't get it at all☕

It's possible... 😬 - but are you really sure about that? 😍

lonegardener said:It's possible... 😬 - but are you really sure about that? 😍

well, go ahead then, walk me through it.☕

Why isn't anyone replying to this thread anymore? I don't know... is it just me? Am I being avoided? It feels like I can't ever seem to actually connect with people, you know? I keep wondering if the issue is actually me, or if maybe it's everyone else. But honestly, it's probably not that simple. This is... I guess you could call it a pretty serious problem.

lonegardener said:I’m not so sure it’s ever that simple, even when you have plenty of "opportunities" at your fingertips. Take my situation, for instance—I have a massive network of professional contacts. In fact, I run in circles where I could easily steer things toward something more personal than just business if I actually wanted to. Between current colleagues, former coworkers, and various industry connections, the options are there. But even with all that, I still think finding a true friend is nothing more than a total lottery. 🤷 It often starts back in childhood or during those high school years... and more often than not, it just gets darker as you go, much like it did in my case.
Honestly, it would probably be for the best if you found a hobby or something to keep you busy outside of this forum...

Pure nonsense (this last part). People who judge their worth by their friend count usually have what I’d call "strictly professional" relationships. I know folks out there with 450 'friends' on Facebook. You really have to wonder—what kind of 'friends' are those, actually? 😁

Just to be clear—I’m not trying to gatekeep how anyone chooses to define a "friend." If you have a specific definition in mind that works for you, then sure, maybe it really is possible to claim 450 friends. 🤷

But I’m talking about actual, real-deal friends. Some people really do have a huge circle of true friends. But honestly, having just one is probably plenty.

It’s not even just that, though. I don't even really have acquaintances. I'm just not great at the whole socializing thing. I wonder where I went wrong.

At the end of the day, people just end up grossing me out because of stuff like this. It’s like this endless loop that just keeps spinning. Or maybe... I don't know, maybe it's just a me thing.🤷

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I'm not really out here hunting for friends. It’s just... in normal, everyday life, I don't really know how to approach people, you know? So, naturally, those friendships never really seem to happen.🤷

Yeah. ☕

Thomas Howard93 said:Yeah. ☕

come on, you could've probably come up with something a bit more insightful. my life is basically falling apart here and you're just messing around🤷

Chris Cooper5, I can certainly empathize; my own life isn't just falling apart—it has already completely unraveled.

Maybe you could try finding an outlet for all that suppressed anger—journaling, a hobby, hitting the gym, whatever works—so it stops bleeding into your relationships. It might actually make things feel a bit less heavy with people. What’s your experience been with stuff like that?

Man, I totally feel you. Honestly, I moved past that stage a long time ago, but I get it. You just start feeling this intense disgust toward people. You can't stand them. They're self-absorbed, they're boring, they mess with everyone else, and they act like they're better than you? Well, let's be real—a lot of people actually are. But that’s not even why I’m posting.

Look, everything you just described sounds like classic symptoms of depression. I actually went through a massive depressive episode years ago because I just couldn't wrap my head around people. It wasn't that I had trouble socializing—I was always the life of the party, charming and engaging—but behind that big smile, I was thinking, "Ugh, what a bunch of losers. They're revolting." So, I started pulling away from everyone. I avoided social stuff and cut ties with friends, but that doesn't mean I didn't want them. I wanted their company, just strictly on my own terms. When I couldn't manage that, things would get tense, and they either had to back off or we'd have issues.

I really think you should go see a psychiatrist. Seriously, this is a real issue and psychotherapy is how you fix it. For me, I finally managed to build a few healthy, fulfilling relationships, and I feel great now. 👍

Chris Cooper5 said:Why isn't anyone replying to this thread anymore? I don't know... is it just me? Am I being avoided? It feels like I can't ever seem to actually connect with people, you know? I keep wondering if the issue is actually me, or if maybe it's everyone else. But honestly, it's probably not that simple. This is... I guess you could call it a pretty serious problem.

Look, if you're convinced it's everyone else's fault, then trust me—it's definitely you.😁

Chris Cooper5 said:Why isn't anyone replying to this thread anymore? I don't know... is it just me? Am I being avoided? It feels like I can't ever seem to actually connect with people, you know? I keep wondering if the issue is actually me, or if maybe it's everyone else. But honestly, it's probably not that simple. This is... I guess you could call it a pretty serious problem.

Well, let's start by addressing what you said above. What exactly is your motivation for wanting to "socialize"? You mentioned earlier that people really get on your nerves and that you aren't actually interested in hanging out with them. Are you trying to say that one casual hookup isn't enough and you need a whole crowd instead? Or maybe you were just exaggerating because you're actually lonely and don't have anyone at all. Apple... if that's the case, I don't really feel qualified to give you life coaching on that. My only suggestion would be to find a hobby that involves being around other people indirectly. 🤷

In short—find an interest, something you actually care about. But find it because it genuinely interests you, not just as a way to "socialize." If your only goal is meeting people, then the activity itself isn't the point, right? It becomes just a tool rather than the purpose. So, maybe start by figuring out if there is anything you actually enjoy doing. That might be the first step. Though even that isn't easy, since so many people sadly find themselves with absolutely nothing that sparks their interest. 🤷

Chris Cooper5 said:A friend-->they'll bail on you right when you actually need them most. I guess everyone's just looking out for their own interests anyway.☕

Curse it all! I tell everyone this, over and over, but nobody listens. It’s all about special interests! Honestly, it’s infuriating. Everyone just acts like a mindless bot, shuffling through these mediocre lives by following a set of pre-written rules, hating on anything that dares to be different. It's pathetic. You have to be an exception just to exist. ☕

....I’m dealing with much of the same here, so if anyone has any advice, please, by all means, share it.
...For months on end, my life felt like nothing short of a waking nightmare. My closest family members were hit hard by cancer, and they passed away... and when my father left this world for good, it felt like my entire social existence vanished right along with him. During those darkest hours, I desperately needed the people I used to grab coffee with—the ones I actually trusted—but they just evaporated. On the day he died, there wasn't a single phone call. Not one person reached out to ask how I was doing. It was just a string of "I'm so sorry" texts. And at the funeral? Of course, nobody showed up. It happened right around the holidays, too, which was just perfect, because that’s when classes at the university started ramping up again. I had to force myself to bury my head in my textbooks and focus on my lectures instead of sitting around having coffee... and eventually, I became someone people just didn't find interesting anymore. They’d call me to hang out once they were done with their own coursework, but I’d stay behind, stuck in my books. They drifted away from me, and now, I’m just alone. Since I ended up having to retake a couple of classes, those were the only people I really knew, and we used to stick together, but now? Now I have nobody. I sit there by myself, just counting down the minutes until I can get back to my apartment and finally have someone to talk to...
Please, tell me how to move forward... I need people I can actually trust. I feel like I've reached a point where I absolutely cannot afford to be alone and just let the grief swallow me whole. Believe me, sitting through six hours of college lectures without saying a single word to anyone... it is absolutely soul-crushing.