Issues with socializing

Sophia Lopez2 said:....I’m dealing with much of the same here, so if anyone has any advice, please, by all means, share it.
...For months on end, my life felt like nothing short of a waking nightmare. My closest family members were hit hard by cancer, and they passed away... and when my father left this world for good, it felt like my entire social existence vanished right along with him. During those darkest hours, I desperately needed the people I used to grab coffee with—the ones I actually trusted—but they just evaporated. On the day he died, there wasn't a single phone call. Not one person reached out to ask how I was doing. It was just a string of "I'm so sorry" texts. And at the funeral? Of course, nobody showed up. It happened right around the holidays, too, which was just perfect, because that’s when classes at the university started ramping up again. I had to force myself to bury my head in my textbooks and focus on my lectures instead of sitting around having coffee... and eventually, I became someone people just didn't find interesting anymore. They’d call me to hang out once they were done with their own coursework, but I’d stay behind, stuck in my books. They drifted away from me, and now, I’m just alone. Since I ended up having to retake a couple of classes, those were the only people I really knew, and we used to stick together, but now? Now I have nobody. I sit there by myself, just counting down the minutes until I can get back to my apartment and finally have someone to talk to...
Please, tell me how to move forward... I need people I can actually trust. I feel like I've reached a point where I absolutely cannot afford to be alone and just let the grief swallow me whole. Believe me, sitting through six hours of college lectures without saying a single word to anyone... it is absolutely soul-crushing.

The best thing you can do is use this space to say whatever you need to say. Whatever is weighing on your heart... the people here will either understand what you're going through or they will genuinely want to try to.
We are standing by you.

Rebecca Bennett41 said:Chris Cooper5, I can certainly empathize; my own life isn't just falling apart—it has already completely unraveled.

uffff.. I'm sorry. But maybe it's just how things feel right now?😉

Keith Jones76 said:Maybe you could try finding an outlet for all that suppressed anger—journaling, a hobby, hitting the gym, whatever works—so it stops bleeding into your relationships. It might actually make things feel a bit less heavy with people. What’s your experience been with stuff like that?

I mostly just hang out here on the forums. Honestly, my current plan is to pretty much stay holed up in my room until I'm feeling better. You know, avoiding any potential run-ins with anyone unstable while I try to get my head straight. Once I've stabilized, then I'll actually go out and try to find some friends. I mean, I've always been a pretty charismatic person—I sort of radiate this light, so people tend to melt when they look me in the eye. But the thing is, I'm just not in great shape right now, so I've kind of stalled out.

Eventually, I want to get back into the hobbies I let slide, mostly playing music. I don't really write songs very often, though; I think I'd need some serious inspiration for that. Maybe some sports here and there, too.

casualtinker30 said:Man, I totally feel you. Honestly, I moved past that stage a long time ago, but I get it. You just start feeling this intense disgust toward people. You can't stand them. They're self-absorbed, they're boring, they mess with everyone else, and they act like they're better than you? Well, let's be real—a lot of people actually are. But that’s not even why I’m posting.

Look, everything you just described sounds like classic symptoms of depression. I actually went through a massive depressive episode years ago because I just couldn't wrap my head around people. It wasn't that I had trouble socializing—I was always the life of the party, charming and engaging—but behind that big smile, I was thinking, "Ugh, what a bunch of losers. They're revolting." So, I started pulling away from everyone. I avoided social stuff and cut ties with friends, but that doesn't mean I didn't want them. I wanted their company, just strictly on my own terms. When I couldn't manage that, things would get tense, and they either had to back off or we'd have issues.

I really think you should go see a psychiatrist. Seriously, this is a real issue and psychotherapy is how you fix it. For me, I finally managed to build a few healthy, fulfilling relationships, and I feel great now. 👍

I don't have depression. That's really the one thing I don't have. It's more like I just don't know how to socialize or meet new people who actually seem interesting to me. And I don't think a psychiatrist would have anything to do with that.

quietheron6 said:Look, if you're convinced it's everyone else's fault, then trust me—it's definitely you.😁

Man... what kind of logic is that? 🙄

lonegardener said:Well, let's start by addressing what you said above. What exactly is your motivation for wanting to "socialize"? You mentioned earlier that people really get on your nerves and that you aren't actually interested in hanging out with them. Are you trying to say that one casual hookup isn't enough and you need a whole crowd instead? Or maybe you were just exaggerating because you're actually lonely and don't have anyone at all. Apple... if that's the case, I don't really feel qualified to give you life coaching on that. My only suggestion would be to find a hobby that involves being around other people indirectly. 🤷

In short—find an interest, something you actually care about. But find it because it genuinely interests you, not just as a way to "socialize." If your only goal is meeting people, then the activity itself isn't the point, right? It becomes just a tool rather than the purpose. So, maybe start by figuring out if there is anything you actually enjoy doing. That might be the first step. Though even that isn't easy, since so many people sadly find themselves with absolutely nothing that sparks their interest. 🤷

Why do I want to socialize? Just so life feels a bit more fun, I guess. I mean, no sane person wants to be alone all the time. And the thing about people getting on my nerves... well, certain people get on my nerves, not everyone, but even that depends on my mood most days. I'm not saying one casual hookup isn't enough, just that he's not exactly good enough.

As for hobbies, I actually do have one (something I genuinely enjoy)—college. It's where people with similar interests gather, but somehow I still haven't managed to make a single connection there. I feel like such an outsider, and honestly, I don't even know why. I think I'm a perfectly normal person. It also seems like everyone there is boring, but maybe that's just because I don't know them yet. I feel like I wouldn't have anything to talk about with them anyway, unless it's school stuff.🙄

Michelle Hall64 said:Curse it all! I tell everyone this, over and over, but nobody listens. It’s all about special interests! Honestly, it’s infuriating. Everyone just acts like a mindless bot, shuffling through these mediocre lives by following a set of pre-written rules, hating on anything that dares to be different. It's pathetic. You have to be an exception just to exist. ☕

A friend of mine is mostly driven by sex. I mean, I don't really mind that.🤷

Sophia Lopez2 said:....I’m dealing with much of the same here, so if anyone has any advice, please, by all means, share it.
...For months on end, my life felt like nothing short of a waking nightmare. My closest family members were hit hard by cancer, and they passed away... and when my father left this world for good, it felt like my entire social existence vanished right along with him. During those darkest hours, I desperately needed the people I used to grab coffee with—the ones I actually trusted—but they just evaporated. On the day he died, there wasn't a single phone call. Not one person reached out to ask how I was doing. It was just a string of "I'm so sorry" texts. And at the funeral? Of course, nobody showed up. It happened right around the holidays, too, which was just perfect, because that’s when classes at the university started ramping up again. I had to force myself to bury my head in my textbooks and focus on my lectures instead of sitting around having coffee... and eventually, I became someone people just didn't find interesting anymore. They’d call me to hang out once they were done with their own coursework, but I’d stay behind, stuck in my books. They drifted away from me, and now, I’m just alone. Since I ended up having to retake a couple of classes, those were the only people I really knew, and we used to stick together, but now? Now I have nobody. I sit there by myself, just counting down the minutes until I can get back to my apartment and finally have someone to talk to...
Please, tell me how to move forward... I need people I can actually trust. I feel like I've reached a point where I absolutely cannot afford to be alone and just let the grief swallow me whole. Believe me, sitting through six hours of college lectures without saying a single word to anyone... it is absolutely soul-crushing.

Hey! I totally get you. It's honestly terrible being alone, especially when everything in life feels like it's falling apart. That's just really sad. For instance, I spend a lot of my own time wondering what the point of it all even is.

Chris Cooper5 said:Hey! I totally get you. It's honestly terrible being alone, especially when everything in life feels like it's falling apart. That's just really sad. For instance, I spend a lot of my own time wondering what the point of it all even is.

Oh, the deep thoughts😲

Gary Perez9 said:Oh, the deep thoughts😲

honestly, just go watch Star Trek or something and leave me alone, god help us☕

Dear Chris Cooper5, I suppose I’m a bit of an odd duck myself—and honestly, if I had to choose between having a friend like you or just being alone, I’d take the solitude every single time. I’d much rather deal with my own company than be called a "friend" by someone hypocritical and two-faced. It’s that whole... well, one minute I might feel some affection for you, and the next, I just find the whole thing distasteful. Normal, decent people don't play those kinds of games, you know? And from what I can gather, you’re definitely a master of them. 😁
Socializing hasn't exactly been easy for me either, especially after everything I've gone through—dealing with various mental health struggles and all that. But I try to make an effort every day.
Other people might certainly be different from you, but then again, they're only different because you're so uniquely yourself. You really shouldn't change who you are for anyone else, but that mindset of yours—that "people just get on my nerves" attitude—it tends to push others away. It's probably no wonder you feel like you don't quite fit in.

feralheron84 said:Look, most people spend about 95% of their time talking nonsense or just rambling about themselves. Unless you're at some high-level medical symposium, there's an endless supply of things to jump into or chat about. Your issue is really this part right here—it sounds like a lack of confidence is tricking you into thinking a group is somehow "greater" than you. Like they're more valuable, so your take doesn't matter, which then makes you feel like you're being pushy when you actually speak up. Honestly, most people don't even notice if someone is "intruding" unless you're being genuinely annoying, like constantly interrupting or acting like an egomaniac. Just try easing into the conversation slowly without overthinking it. No one’s going to judge you for having an opinion. Once you get comfortable, you'll find it's much easier to bring up topics you actually care about and get others talking about them.

Low self-esteem and skewed perception. Look, unless you're out there dressed like a clown or rolling around on the floor, nobody thinks you’re being ridiculous or stupid. Just realize that people aren't really watching you, nor do they care about your little slip-ups. Even if someone laughs, they're laughing at the situation, not at you, Chris Cooper5. You can see it yourself—they just keep talking amongst themselves... PEOPLE ARE BUSY WITH THEIR OWN LIVES. You're stressing over what others think instead of just focusing on your own head.

It’s not that people talk too much. It’s more that you aren't saying enough. Most folks won't just wait their turn; they’ll stay quiet for a few minutes while you struggle to find your footing. A conversation isn't like a Congressional hearing, you know? There aren't any formal rules. Usually, once you actually start talking, the other person shuts up to listen. If they don't, you can try asking, "May I say something?"—give them a little stern look for emphasis. If they still ignore you, honestly, they aren't worth the effort, though those types are pretty rare. You just have to realize it's usually not that they don't want to hear you, it's just that you *think* they don't. Makes sense? It's kind of like trying to walk around wearing foggy glasses.

REALITY (people who actually want to hang out with you) + DIRTY LENSES (your warped view of the world caused by low self-esteem) = DISTORTED REALITY (thinking nobody wants to be around you and everyone finds you awkward)

The thing is, you’ve got to ditch those glasses. Just start believing that people actually find you interesting and that you have something to offer when you talk.

You do have friends. Maybe not "call them for coffee right this second" friends, but there are people out there willing to connect with you. They're everywhere. You've been on this forum long enough that if you looked closer, a few people would likely step up to hang out.

My advice? Just talk. Talk to anyone—the barista, the cashier, the bus driver. Practice that small talk. Don't just rely on doctors and prescriptions. Take it in tiny steps. And hey, next time, tell us how old you are.

What can I say? I second everything said here. Word for word.

Sam Hayes said:Dear Chris Cooper5, I suppose I’m a bit of an odd duck myself—and honestly, if I had to choose between having a friend like you or just being alone, I’d take the solitude every single time. I’d much rather deal with my own company than be called a "friend" by someone hypocritical and two-faced. It’s that whole... well, one minute I might feel some affection for you, and the next, I just find the whole thing distasteful. Normal, decent people don't play those kinds of games, you know? And from what I can gather, you’re definitely a master of them. 😁
Socializing hasn't exactly been easy for me either, especially after everything I've gone through—dealing with various mental health struggles and all that. But I try to make an effort every day.
Other people might certainly be different from you, but then again, they're only different because you're so uniquely yourself. You really shouldn't change who you are for anyone else, but that mindset of yours—that "people just get on my nerves" attitude—it tends to push others away. It's probably no wonder you feel like you don't quite fit in.

So now I'm the hypocrite and the two-faced one? Wow. Just great. It’s funny how people jump to conclusions about my entire character based on one single thread. Yeah, okay, I have my issues and yeah, people get on my nerves—but that’s something that changes. Besides, I already admitted I can be contradictory.
I mean, take you, for example. Either you've got some major issue you're dealing with, or you've never actually experienced an orgasm, or maybe you're just plain dim. And honestly, those are usually the types who breeze through life without a care.

Honestly, looking back at this thread, you’ve posted more about your own situation than all of us combined—which really makes it easy to see who you are. It feels a bit manipulative, if I'm being honest, and maybe even slightly hypocritical too. It’s also pretty obvious that whenever anyone offers even the slightest bit of constructive criticism, you immediately go on the attack—it's like you take everything so personally. I suppose the truth hurts, otherwise, you wouldn't be reacting this way. Seriously, you really need to make up your mind; with such an abrasive and evasive attitude, you aren't just going to face social rejection now, you might end up totally isolated forever. We all get it, really—we can see you're struggling—but aggression isn't exactly the solution to solving personal problems. I feel bad saying it, but it's just the reality here. Anyway, I wish you the best... hopefully you can grow up soon, or find some healing, or whatever helps 🙂

Reading through the recent threads, it seems like we’re all kind of dealing with the same stuff—feeling depressed, isolated, and just really craving some genuine connection. I honestly believe once you find yourself, you'll naturally stumble upon your people. When you stop forcing things, everything just tends to fall into place.

P.S. I really don't mean to lecture you—and heaven forbid I offend you, because that’s truly not my intention at all—but I just wanted to share how I’m perceiving this whole "issue" of yours. In my view, the core of it might actually just be your perspective... though, I suppose it's hard to say for sure through a computer screen, isn't it?