Open relationships

The money is gone

Raymond Booth40 said:The money is gone

Then what are you even doing here, you old geezer?

Peter Diaz3 said:I have to disagree. If we are talking about the "cream of the crop," we are looking at a man between 37 and 42 years old. He needs to be physically very attractive to most women, which implies he should be tall—let's say 6'3" or taller. He must be well-built with broad shoulders, a fit physique, and impeccable grooming. Just on those points alone, the percentage drops significantly; you're already down to the top 30%. Most men in that age bracket look quite neglected. You know this is true; you see it for yourself when you observe people at a beach in California. Forget the winter months when everyone is bundled up in heavy coats; the beach reveals everything. Furthermore, if you want someone who possesses confidence, a strong presence, intellect, and charm, that percentage plummets even further. Now we are down to your 15%. But if you truly want a "catch" in every sense of the word, women are invariably drawn to men who possess power. Social power—men who are influential. To achieve that, one typically needs a certain status, perhaps serving as a CEO of a major corporation or holding a high-level management position. Such individuals are incredibly rare, which is why I referred to the top 1%.

Honestly, I care about all of that, especially being fit—let’s not lie to ourselves here (I wouldn't even give a second glance to the guy in that photo you posted)—but social status? I'm at 0% interest. Before the pandemic, maybe I cared like 2 or 3%, but now? Absolutely not. I don't think I ever will again. There's something way more important to me than status: having clean relationships with people and, even more importantly, a clean conscience. That’s something incredibly few people can actually claim. Anyone can climb the ladder to become a CEO, but a stable, solid character? That’s a true rarity, and that’s what makes it impressive.

Raymond Booth40 said:The money is gone

Are you still overthinking this?

Only once you finally drop the dead weight in your life do you get a chance to experience true freedom.

Peter Diaz3 said:If we are being honest here, how many truly impressive men actually exist in their 40s? Looking at the hundred parents dropping kids off at soccer practice, I’d be lucky to pick out five men in that age bracket who actually earn the title of "a catch." Everyone else seems small, lethargic, neglected, with crumbs stuck to their shirts and nothing but a spare tire around their waist.

What defines an impressive man? It’s someone standing well over 6'3", hitting the gym at least three times a week, watching what he eats, and possessing actual style. He should hold a position of influence, possess charm and intellect, always smell great, drive a quality car, and have a perfect smile. In your 40s, those types make up maybe 1% of the population. And believe me, those men are constantly being pursued.

Sent from my iPhone using Twitter

It’s cute that you’re trying to wedge yourself into the "hot guy" category and looking for validation, but I hate to break it to you: you aren't one, and you won't become one just by making regular dentist appointments.
A real man is something else entirely. Google it, or better yet, ask a woman.

Peter Diaz3 said:I have to disagree with you, my friend, you degenerate.
Nowadays, women are presented with significantly more options to stay "fit." If we start with beauty centers where women undergo various skin treatments—ranging from wrinkle and cellulite reduction to liposuction, and now the latest Botox treatments used to cling to a youthful appearance—it’s quite extensive. Then there are the various fitness options available to them, such as Pilates, gyms, aerobics, step aerobics, CrossFit, numerous dance clubs where middle-aged women are a staple, as well as swimming and running. Women in their 40s are generally in much better shape than men in their 40s. You can see this just by looking at the beach; if you grab 100 random women between ages 35 and 45 and 100 random men in that same age bracket, you will find a much higher percentage of women in peak physical condition and great shape.

On a different note, I do agree that those of us from the South are significantly taller. Here in New York City, you really only run into a tall man if he’s from the Midwest or carries roots from the South. These so-called locals of the second or third generation are practically little people. Which, of course, suits me just fine.

Forget about the beauty salons! Forget the plastic surgery! You need to look at biology! Look at Sean Connery! That man was born in the thirties! I won't say it today, but back in 2010, those looks would have been given to anyone! Even an 80-year-old grandpa! Try finding me a woman who is 65+ and still gets a second glance from a younger man. Just look at the icons of sex appeal! Sharon Stone, Madonna. They were once true symbols of beauty! Look at them now. Brad Pitt is 57 years old! Go ahead, try to find me a single woman who actually looks desirable at 57!

Women just mature faster! While we’re still kids and adolescents, they’ve already become women. Both sexually and emotionally, they hit that stage much earlier. They are the beauties while we’re still acting like boys. And then once we hit 40+...

Is it possible for him to stay this way forever, just refusing to commit to anyone? Even when he hits his 40s?

Raymond Booth40 said:Is it possible for him to stay this way forever, just refusing to commit to anyone? Even when he hits his 40s?

So, what do you think the answer to that really is?

If he does decide he wants something serious eventually, I guess it probably won't be with you

It can stay this way forever. Even when you're in your 40s or 50s...

Raymond Booth40 said:It can stay this way forever. Even when you're in your 40s or 50s...

She isn't going to go with you. That seems to be the only thing you're really focused on.

I guess you might just be dealing with some lingering trauma from that whole relationship.
Maybe it would be better to just hang out with your girlfriends, or maybe bury yourself in work or hit the gym—just do something to get away from him.
It probably won't be easy, but I suppose you have to start somewhere.

Reaching out to him again will likely just cause more hurt, so it’s probably best to just stay far away.

He refuses to commit to anyone at all. Honestly, that feels even worse to me than if he just didn't want to be with me specifically. I've dealt with so much trauma because of him; I know I need to walk away, but I just can't seem to do it.

Raymond Booth40 said:He refuses to commit to anyone at all. Honestly, that feels even worse to me than if he just didn't want to be with me specifically. I've dealt with so much trauma because of him; I know I need to walk away, but I just can't seem to do it.

It feels like you're just spinning your wheels saying the same thing over and over.
Maybe try to get it together, yeah?

Well, if they aren't looking for a committed relationship, then I'm out. That’s just not what I need. It isn't healthy for me to be in a situation where I might end up getting hurt elsewhere

Raymond Booth40 said:Well, if they aren't looking for a committed relationship, then I'm out. That’s just not what I need. It isn't healthy for me to be in a situation where I might end up getting hurt elsewhere

I feel so bad for you.

Do you still have your friends around, or did you sort of drift away from them because this whole relationship kind of took over your entire life?

Raymond Booth40 said:Well, if they aren't looking for a committed relationship, then I'm out. That’s just not what I need. It isn't healthy for me to be in a situation where I might end up getting hurt elsewhere

Look, you keep insisting that they don't want a relationship with *anyone*, but let's be real—you don't actually believe that. You're just trying to convince yourself so it's easier to swallow the fact that they don't want to commit to you.

Even if it were true that they aren't looking for anything serious, who gives a damn?
How does that even affect you personally?

It's pretty obvious you want something real, which means you two just aren't a match.
So why can't you just walk away?

Trust me, you absolutely can.

I honestly can't even... Posting anonymously here. A guy at his job was asking around about me, showing genuine interest, and my man just looked him dead in the eye and said, "How are you even going to build a future with her?" What on earth is that supposed to mean?

Basically, you just hop in a catapult and get launched. 🤔

Trust me, he’s not going to commit until he finds "the one," and let’s be real—you clearly aren't her if you two haven't even budged an inch in four years.

Look, I’ll give you a reality check based on my own life;
My fiancé was in this massive ten-year relationship before we met, and when it blew up, it absolutely wrecked him.
After that, he swore off everything. He vowed he was never getting attached again. So, he spent a few years just drifting through random hookups and situationships, being crystal clear with everyone—just like your guy is being with you—that he wasn't looking for anything serious.
When we first started seeing each other, he gave me the exact same speech. And look, I know how these things go; someone always ends up getting played, so I stayed on guard. But... eventually, he changed his tune. He told me he actually cared about me and that he was willing to take the risk of having his heart broken all over again just to be with me.
And hey... here we are, three years later.

The same thing is going to happen with your guy whenever he meets someone else, and by then, you're just going to end up even more crushed than you are now. 🙄

And who knows, maybe nothing even happens and he just ends up alone. I honestly don't have a feeling that things will change. He needs to realize that I'm the one right here. But I simply refuse to sacrifice my youth for this.

@Raymond Booth40

I don't know what your take on men is, but if you actually believe this behavior of yours is attractive—especially to someone you're just casually seeing—you are dead wrong.
From a guy's perspective, you’re probably just "that girl" who serves as an easy outlet when he needs to blow off steam. If he’s looking for something real, he almost certainly isn't looking for someone acting like this; he’d rather just let you vent about how "he won't be with anyone" to make it easier for him to deal with the drama. You can tell yourself whatever you want—that there aren't any guys out there who meet your standards so you're better off alone—but honestly, it just makes you look like someone with zero backbone and even less self-respect. Very few men find that vibe appealing; and for anything serious, it's usually a massive dealbreaker unless there’s some deeper psychological issue at play.
The guy was straight with you about what he wants from you. If that works for you, fine—enjoy it. If not, walk away. I have no idea where you got the idea that "you're the one he wants." It's way more likely he wants the version of a person someone else hyped up, rather than who you actually are.
Try this instead—set him up on a date with some other great guy. Then you can see for yourself just how much he "loves" you.

He knows he won't find anyone better. He's fully aware that nobody can top what I bring to the table. At the very least, he should commit to a real relationship; otherwise, I’m just left with endless flings, and that is simply not how I want to live my life...