Schizophrenia - General Discussion

velvetjackal28 said:It truly means a great deal to me to hear those words from you all. I suppose it does make things feel slightly more manageable when someone else validates a decision that feels a bit... questionable, if only to provide a sense that perhaps I'm moving in the right direction.
Let’s just try to make it through the weekend; Monday is when everything really kicks off...

That’s the only fair way to handle this. There aren't any other options.

If waiting until Monday feels too heavy, you can always head out sooner. Emergency psychiatric services are open 24/7 and you don't need a referral. I'm not sure if you're currently in New York City, but if you are, just head to the nearest facility near where you live—they won't turn you away regardless of which one you choose.

Well, thanks to a nasty flu, I finally had the downtime to catch up on this entire thread. Some of the posts here are actually pretty impressive, which inspired me to finally register and share my own story.

Gender: Male

Age: 36

Status: Single with a solid career🙏 enough to get by

Experience: 13 years dealing with the CIA, including three intense episodes and, consequently, three forced
hospitalizations.

Medication: 25mg of Seroquel at bedtime for the last 8 years.

Hobbies: IT and religion.

Now that I’ve given you the basics, I should mention that no psychiatrist would ever prescribe my specific regimen. My current dose barely does anything, and ideally, I should be adding another 25mg in the morning—which would still be the absolute bare minimum for Seroquel. For me personally, taking it in the morning was a nightmare because of my job, so after talking it over with my doctor, I tried this modified approach. It’s been working great for eight years now.

I’ve cycled through plenty of different medications over the years (though most were a long time ago, some of which have been mentioned in this thread), but given how severe my psychosis gets—once, the Swiss Guard actually had to haul me off the roof of St. Peter's Basilica in Rome because I decided I was going to replace the Pope—Seroquel was the only thing that could actually reel me in. Of course, there were times when even 300mg of Seroquel combined with Haldol and Modaten couldn't hold me back; I once escaped from a hospital after ten days on that cocktail. But with certain lifestyle adjustments, I’ve managed to stay steady.

Two of my brothers deal with similar issues—one with schizophrenia and the other with PTSD—so those are the only mental health struggles in our family. As for me, I started down a dark path early on with alcohol and drugs (weed, LSD, ecstasy, coke), and I spent a lot of time living right on the edge of the law.

If I can trace these eight years of peace and stability back to anything, it’s my faith, regular exercise, and constant intellectual engagement. My long-term career and my large extended family help too, though obviously not the ones who are ill.🙂 But mostly, it's those first three things. I could go on forever about what my state of mind was like during my worst psychotic breaks—honestly, I’m amazed some people can remember everything they wrote in their blogs—but I’ll save that for another time.

What I’ve realized through sheer experience—since I spent years in denial and avoided reading any literature on the subject—is that every single one of those psychotic episodes was preceded by total sleep deprivation or extremely short periods of rest. By eliminating that factor through daily exercise and staying constantly busy (I actually work two jobs just so I can afford to sleep)🙂 and keeping my Seroquel dose at the lowest possible level, I’ve been able to stay stable for this long.

Sure, those intrusive thoughts still cross my mind from time to time... but that’s when my faith steps in and shuts the whole thing down. ZZ

It is truly wonderful that such a little bit of therapy is working so effectively for you—allowing you to actually function and handle all those endless daily responsibilities.

I must admit, I read through this entire thread from start to finish before finally deciding to sign up, and now I find myself wondering about our original thread starter,
so, outoftheblue, where have you disappeared to? How are things treating you?🙂

Karen Garcia4, greetings!

Thanks, Larry Lewis.

We both know luck played a massive role in my situation. I was the textbook definition of a massive ego. I was mixing meds, drugs, and alcohol, all while insisting I wasn't actually sick—just living a "wild lifestyle." Truth is, I was just ashamed of my condition. Now? Everyone knows. My employees, the people who hired me, my friends, family, neighbors... they all know. Even strangers seem to pick up on it; I can see it in their eyes when we meet. You just can't stop that kind of gossip once it starts. I can't really blame people for repeating what I did during my worst psychotic breaks, because if I were in their shoes... well, I’d be doing the exact same thing. But I'm not that person anymore. Today, I finally understand how much a single word can wound someone. I am a completely different human being than I used to be. I've changed everything, but the biggest transformation happened within my own ego.

From what I can gather, Outoftheblue got banned for having multiple accounts. If you look through the thread, you can see a few of her posts under other banned handles too. It's a shame, honestly, because everyone should be grateful to her for starting this discussion. I learned so much from reading her posts and the others... such a waste.

Stay safe and healthy out there...

Karen Garcia4 said:Thanks, Larry Lewis.

We both know luck played a massive role in my situation. I was the textbook definition of a massive ego. I was mixing meds, drugs, and alcohol, all while insisting I wasn't actually sick—just living a "wild lifestyle." Truth is, I was just ashamed of my condition. Now? Everyone knows. My employees, the people who hired me, my friends, family, neighbors... they all know. Even strangers seem to pick up on it; I can see it in their eyes when we meet. You just can't stop that kind of gossip once it starts. I can't really blame people for repeating what I did during my worst psychotic breaks, because if I were in their shoes... well, I’d be doing the exact same thing. But I'm not that person anymore. Today, I finally understand how much a single word can wound someone. I am a completely different human being than I used to be. I've changed everything, but the biggest transformation happened within my own ego.

From what I can gather, Outoftheblue got banned for having multiple accounts. If you look through the thread, you can see a few of her posts under other banned handles too. It's a shame, honestly, because everyone should be grateful to her for starting this discussion. I learned so much from reading her posts and the others... such a waste.

Stay safe and healthy out there...

It's actually surprising to me that you're managing so well on 25 mg of Seroquel daily.
To give you a quick rundown of where I'm at...
My psychosis kicked off exactly three years ago. I ended up in a psychiatric ward for six weeks, and my discharge plan was 10 mg of Zyprexa at night. I stopped taking that Zyprexa almost immediately, and within two weeks, the sneaky lady CIA returned in her true form. That led to a six-month stay in the hospital, eventually being discharged on 50 mg of Risperdal Consta and 100 mg of Seroquel per day. Now, after two and a half years, I can finally say I feel steady again, as if I never even had to struggle with medication in the first place. I'm currently on 25 mg of Risperdal and 5 mg of Zyprexa at night.

As for Outoftheblue, I actually spoke with her briefly here about two months ago under a different username, so she still pops in every now and then.

Michelle Evans said:

Just feeling a bit under the weather today... As follows:
Getting her to see a doctor isn't even on the table right now. She’s convinced she isn't sick, so any attempt to help just turns into a massive argument... She sees herself as the victim, while the rest of us are labeled as "negatives" or just plain ignorant...

It’s the same story with anyone experiencing psychosis; this situation isn't any different. When I suggested getting her to a doctor, I didn't mean you should beg her to go... I meant you load her in the car and head straight to the ER. You don't even have to tell her where you're going. I realize that lying and saying you're just heading out for a drive or visiting friends feels pretty pathetic, but sometimes that's just how it is. In my view, it beats waiting for her to do something reckless and having to wait for the police or an ambulance to arrive. It’s one option, and it works in practice. Another way—which worked in my own experience—is simply telling her she isn't well and that you're taking her to the hospital, leaving no room for debate or negotiation. This only works if there's someone she views as an authority figure whom she won't dare defy. Again, you just get her in the car, and it's best if more than one person goes along with her...

What does "psychosis" even mean in this context? She doesn't just have occasional episodes... she lives by that conviction every single day...

What is the current status of the psychosis? Once they stop believing their own family members are CIA spies—which will happen with the right therapy—the psychotic state will finally subside...

I have a doctor's appointment scheduled, but even if they come out for a home visit, I'm worried it won't lead anywhere... She might just see it as an attempt to mislead her...

Just leave it to your primary care physician and coordinate everything through them. It doesn't make much sense to rule out an option before you even know what it is...
What if she views this as nothing more than a setup? She’s at a point where even a delivery driver knocking on the door could feel like part of some massive conspiracy...
If a family doctor determines that someone qualifies for inpatient care because they fall into a high-risk category—specifically those who pose a danger to themselves or others—you can call 911 to have them transported to the hospital...

At the very least, I hope she reaches a point where she starts questioning those wild ideas of hers... and finally agrees to take her medication...

I’m not trying to scare you, nor am I being pessimistic—I can tell you right now that this simply won't happen. She isn't going to question her own delusions when they feel like her absolute reality. You can't exactly talk someone into taking medication when they truly believe they're perfectly healthy... Nothing here is going to change on its own, unless things take a turn for the worse...

I have one more question. How should I handle it when she starts diving into conspiracy theories? I always try to tell her she's wrong, but I feel like I'm just pushing her away... I'm worried she'll eventually just shut down and stop talking to everyone.

Regarding this, I’ve actually picked up several different perspectives from doctors. Some suggest confronting her directly, while others say it's better to just ignore it and change the subject once she brings it up. It really depends on the specific situation and how she's feeling at the moment. Right now, given her current state, arguing with her probably won't achieve much. It might just hurt her feelings, making her feel misunderstood and causing her to lose trust in you. You don't have to encourage the behavior by playing along, either. My approach would be to gently steer the conversation elsewhere when she starts going down those rabbit holes. Once she receives the right treatment and things begin to stabilize, you'll be able to figure out the best way to move forward...

Is it not true that most of us have at least a few individuals toward whom we feel an instinctive inability to resist, or at the very least, find it significantly harder to stand against? Even for those who appear outwardly bold and courageous, they often possess the skill to mask such vulnerabilities quite expertly. However, I wonder, does there exist anyone in whom we lack such profound deference, especially when faced with a psychotic episode—someone so trusted that the individual might actually allow themselves to be forcibly taken to the hospital? I am certainly not claiming to know for certain if you represent such a rare exception, but when dealing with a state of psychosis, I would consider being that exception to be an incredibly positive quality.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Is it not true that most of us have at least a few individuals toward whom we feel an instinctive inability to resist, or at the very least, find it significantly harder to stand against? Even for those who appear outwardly bold and courageous, they often possess the skill to mask such vulnerabilities quite expertly. However, I wonder, does there exist anyone in whom we lack such profound deference, especially when faced with a psychotic episode—someone so trusted that the individual might actually allow themselves to be forcibly taken to the hospital? I am certainly not claiming to know for certain if you represent such a rare exception, but when dealing with a state of psychosis, I would consider being that exception to be an incredibly positive quality.

It wasn't really about me. I was just there, holding the candle, so to speak...

But I'm not the only example. I know someone else who has been through it. Of course, it doesn't mean it works for everyone, but it clearly isn't impossible. It's just that people often feel lost in those moments, which is understandable, so they wait for someone else to step up or assume they're helpless. You always have to try first and see if it's doable...

Michelle Evans said:It wasn't really about me. I was just there, holding the candle, so to speak...

But I'm not the only example. I know someone else who has been through it. Of course, it doesn't mean it works for everyone, but it clearly isn't impossible. It's just that people often feel lost in those moments, which is understandable, so they wait for someone else to step up or assume they're helpless. You always have to try first and see if it's doable...

Oh, I see. Well, then everything is fine.

Six months at Arlington... that's a long stretch. In terms of recovery, if you feel like you're back where you were two and a half years ago, I totally get it. For me, the hardest part was trying to unlearn all those thoughts and actions that took over during the psychosis. It’s honestly wild how this illness just completely screws you over and sets you on a downward spiral. A normal life is full of little triggers that, when you're in that headspace, you interpret through a completely different lens, which only ends up feeding the hallucinations.

I've never been someone who relies solely on meds during a crisis, though you obviously can't survive without them. I know people who leaned so hard on medication that now even massive doses won't touch their psychosis—it's the kind of stuff they don't even write about in medical textbooks. You just have to take action, figure out where your lifestyle is failing you, and if you have to start from scratch a thousand times, be grateful you even have the chance to try. Just look around. Look at how poorly people live and how miserable they are without even being sick. If they can't pull themselves out of their own mess, then you know you have to be ten times more persistent to make it through yours.

As for how to convince someone to actually go to the hospital for treatment, there's usually only one way left: a good old-fashioned LIE. Basically, you coordinate a plan with two or more people, stage some sort of public disturbance, and call the police (well, the authorities handle it, but you know what I mean). If the person is actually composed enough to see through the trap and avoid a breakdown in front of the cops, then you're left with talking... and, of course, another better LIE.

Hey everyone.
I happened to stumble upon this thread, and after reading through some other posts, I’ve come to the conclusion that my ex was schizophrenic. I always knew he was dealing with something, but I could never pin down a specific diagnosis because nothing seemed to fit perfectly. Looking at this description, however, it seems to align quite well, so I would just like to hear your thoughts:

The symptoms included constant forgetfulness and massive memory gaps—for instance, he wouldn't remember a book we discussed just yesterday, even though he was holding it because he found it on my table. Then there were these hyperactive phases where he’d get so wired he’d be running around like a headless chicken, looking completely agitated and unable to sit still, even during something as simple as grabbing coffee at a Starbucks. This would alternate with periods of total silence and depression where he wouldn't speak to anyone and would just shut down. One thing that was always present was his inability to make eye contact; regardless of who he was talking to, he would always stare off somewhere else, which is what led me to suspect schizophrenia. He also had this narcissistic streak, believing he was far smarter, better, and more capable than everyone else, almost like some kind of Superman. He lied constantly to everyone, though I’m not sure how much of it was intentional versus an attempt to cover up his memory lapses. He lacked empathy, except for what seemed to be learned behavior, like showing responsibility toward his children. On top of that, he used to have auditory hallucinations that he told me about; for example, he’d touch an object and claim to hear voices from the past, like when he was visiting the Western Wall in Jerusalem and touched it, hearing people's voices... but he remained aware of it and refused to tell others because he didn't want them to think he was crazy.

Does this sound like it fits within the realm of schizophrenia? He was employed and worked, though I can't say he was particularly successful since I suspect his employers started picking on him, likely due to his forgetfulness and mistakes, but I can't say for certain.
I've considered whether it could be PTSD (he was a very active veteran), Alzheimer's (since he forgets things from yesterday but remembers his childhood), a sociopath (though he does feel concern for his kids and shows some emotion, so maybe not), or a narcissist (which fits, but it feels like there is something deeper going on here).

To be honest, the guy drove me absolutely insane. I won't go into the details, but it took me several years to recover, and I honestly feel like I might never fully heal; he left a permanent mark on me. Much respect to everyone here, but I would never enter a relationship with someone who is mentally ill if I knew from the start. What terrifies me is how these people can look perfectly "normal" at first glance. Just like the original poster mentioned, she seems normal—she's married, has a husband, travels, drives a car... everything looks perfect on paper, at least externally. That is what personally scares me. My other question is: aren't we all a little "crazy"? Realistically, everyone has their own internal chaos they could unleash if they just let themselves go. So, I'm still not entirely sure if these people are truly ill or just deeply unhappy and lost, but that's probably a conversation for another time.

Any comments regarding my ex are welcome... and also, how does one help people like this from the sidelines? Is it impossible? Do you just watch it happen?

If you absolutely have to, then go ahead and face it, but if not... just run for the hills...

We went our separate ways, but I have to be honest: I feel like broken goods after that relationship. It’s only now, more than four years later, that I’m finally finding my footing because I’m finally admitting that the man was truly sick... and that is a hard thing to face.

It’s similar to how I view my mother; I suspect she has some kind of undiagnosed condition, and since retiring, things have only taken a turn for the worse. I just don't see how I can help her because her behavior isn't extreme enough for a court to strip her of legal competence, yet everything about her is simply not right. I have to admit that if there is anything in this life that genuinely terrifies me, it is these kinds of debilitating illnesses, especially the mental ones.

Karen Garcia4, can you actually specify what you were doing during those peak periods?

Look, if someone snaps at their subordinates, that doesn't automatically make them schizophrenic. If they were drinking heavily, does that change things? If someone was using drugs back then, they're just an addict, not schizophrenic.

Like I said before, I really can't tell if these people are just "a little messed up and unhappy" or if they are legitimately ill. Because based on everything you guys have been posting, it sounds like I’m schizophrenic and everyone I know is too. We all have our moments where we act out...

Why am I bringing this up? My uncle had a diagnosis, supposedly a severe one, but nobody ever bothered to tell me what it actually was. My aunt on my mom's side was the same way, and so was my cousin... I don't know the specifics. Basically, I used to worry that if my cousin "inherited" it, I might too. Even though her brother always insisted she was fine and that the family just drove her crazy—which, honestly, I think there's some truth to. Anyway, I went through some testing and interviews, and they just told me I'm resilient, stable, above average intelligence, blah blah blah... and just "hypersensitive." Personally, I don't see that as a flaw; I see it as a virtue because I actually have a conscience and I give a damn about people.

Given my own history and my family's issues, I truly am unsure whether these people are "crazy" or if they are just miserable and a bit broken by the bad situations life has thrown at them.

Alright, I saw that comment about the basil :-) You went a bit overboard there :-) But maybe that behavior was just a result of drug use rather than an actual disease? Or what?

p.s.
Fine, I'll stop talking about myself. I was simply interested in your take on the symptoms mentioned above.

Look, if you sit there overanalyzing someone for long enough, you can pretty much slap a diagnosis on anyone.

I’d suggest stepping back from viewing everyone through a psychiatric lens. Sometimes people just react strangely because they're dealing with stuff you know nothing about. Plenty of people live their whole lives right on the edge of several different diagnoses and still manage to have perfectly fine lives without ever needing professional help. On the flip side, you've got people who are completely sane but end up seeing a therapist on a regular basis...

That basil incident was basically a month-long odyssey that stretched into thirty-five days. You honestly can't imagine what it's like when someone struggling with schizophrenia tries to drive from New York to Los Angeles after fifteen days without sleep... you just can't.

I can't 🙂 but I have noticed a similar pattern with his heavy reliance on those "religious" themes and narratives, though he sits at the complete opposite end of the spectrum as a devout believer. He is absolutely convinced he was a Templar in a past life, which is something I've read is a common delusion among police officers and military personnel, much like himself. It isn't necessarily a clinical pathology, but rather a phenomenon frequently documented in literature where people in professions dedicated to upholding justice and the greater good develop such convictions...

You can't exactly expect someone struggling with schizophrenia to get a kick out of thinking their waiter is actually from the Mall of America. Where's the fun in that? The real mystery lies in faith. It’s that kind of belief that fuels the mind with all sorts of ideas, just feeding into your own internal fiction. I wonder how long a psychosis would last if I started imagining I was a fighter pilot... maybe fifteen minutes.

John Perez8, most psychotic episodes involve religious delusions.

Regarding your ex, there's no way for anyone here to know if he actually had schizophrenia. He might have, or perhaps it was a different psychotic disorder—since schizophrenia isn't the only one involving psychosis. It’s entirely possible for an illness to manifest so subtly that it goes undetected for a lifetime, with people simply labeling someone as "eccentric." Or, he may have just been within the realm of normal. Not every deviation from social norms is a clinical disorder. And honestly, even if you could know for sure, how would it change anything for you?

People living with mental illness truly are sick; they aren't just going through a rough patch or feeling unlucky. There is a massive difference between being "crazy" and having actual schizophrenia. It’s like when people claim they’re feeling a bit depressed today. They haven't experienced true clinical depression.
If you believe you are omnipotent, invincible, or chosen by God to reveal great truths; if you feel you have a special mission to announce once the world is ready—yet you're the one deciding when the world is ready and who deserves to hear it; if you see blue where things are clearly brown, or see movement where everything is static; if you hear voices speaking to you, believe everyone is part of a massive conspiracy against you, think license plate numbers are secret codes, or lose track of what day it is or whether it's night or day... and so much more... then yes, it's very likely you're dealing with schizophrenia (or something else on the psychotic spectrum).

No one is perfectly healthy. The reality is that we only talk about illness when symptoms start manifesting to the point that they disrupt a person's ability to function in daily life...

@Mr Pringles, thanks for taking the time to reply 🙂

It would honestly help me find it easier to accept his behavior, because you can't really stay angry at someone just because they are sick, right? I don't want it to seem like I'm just looking for an excuse to protect my own ego, because that’s far from the truth. My ego is fine. I am almost certain he is ill; I'm just not sure about the specific diagnosis, but the more I read, the more I suspect it might be schizophrenia. I can actually see how things spiraled—a combination of circumstances, being forced away from family due to work, then those long years of war, followed by military service which meant constant deployments, "saving" the world, and all that. There were moments where I genuinely thought he was completely out of his mind, but I couldn't understand why nobody else seemed to notice except me, until I realized they probably did see it but simply couldn't deal with him because of various other obligations...

Ultimately, you're right that I can't change anything; he doesn't live in my city anymore and it's a long story, but I feel for him, just as I feel for anyone suffering from an illness. He tried to pull me back in several times, and it took me years to build up an immunity to his manic episodes and manipulations, finally realizing that nothing would ever come of it and that these are just phases he goes through. I barely managed to escape that relationship mentally, and I'm still recovering, but I definitely feel like he stripped away a significant part of my personality—the better part of me. I tell myself that everything will heal in time, though that feels more like wishful thinking than reality, as the scars will always remain...

It would mean something to me if someone just said, "Yes, you're right, he is a seriously troubled individual." Because if that were acknowledged, I wouldn't have to keep questioning my own perception; I could just accept that he is sick and realize that whatever he says from here on out is completely irrelevant. I can't quite explain 🙂

@Karen Garcia4, I respect how well you handle your condition, truly. You're right—unless you're a Templar or a messenger from God, everything else is just noise..hahahaha

@I sometimes get worked up thinking some guy loves me when he really doesn't, maybe because he says a few kind words or something. It makes me wonder if that's just a mild form of psychosis 🙂 or if I'm just being too naive and foolish for my age.. 🙂

Karen Garcia4 said:You can't exactly expect someone struggling with schizophrenia to get a kick out of thinking their waiter is actually from the Mall of America. Where's the fun in that? The real mystery lies in faith. It’s that kind of belief that fuels the mind with all sorts of ideas, just feeding into your own internal fiction. I wonder how long a psychosis would last if I started imagining I was a fighter pilot... maybe fifteen minutes.

That’s exactly why I believe—if you look at it from the opposite perspective—that every believer is a potential schizophrenic. There is always that underlying possibility that the illness could manifest in all its full glory, even if it doesn't necessarily happen that way.