Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Larry Lewis said:Thank God there wasn't any more blood, which means I can just keep right on smoking.🙂
Maya, look—if you think you can quit, then go for it. I've tried, believe me, but I simply don't have the willpower for it. It's just not in my nature. I actually decided that starting New Year's, I wouldn't touch alcohol at all, and I've stuck to it—watching my buddies down drinks and realizing I don't even care for it anymore—but cigarettes? That's an entirely different beast.
The very first thing I do when I get up in the morning is, naturally, light one up. It's a nightmare, truly...

Anyway, I wanted to ask you all—does your health actually improve once the warm weather rolls in? For me, it does, significantly. But then late winter and autumn hit, and I'm back in a major slump.

I'm gonna try to quit, but you know how it goes... definitely starting next week for real this time.🤣So, my buddy actually quit smoking—he went two whole years without touching a cigarette—but then just a few days ago, he pulls one out. He was just doing it for the hell of it, you know? Just to see if he could still do it. He pulled the pack out of his pocket yesterday and basically told me, "Don't even ask." It kind of reminded me of when I gave up beer. I haven't had a drink in two months now, which is wild because, man, back in the day, especially during those sweltering summer months, nothing beat sitting around with a freezing cold Budweiser, just sipping on it for hours. But honestly? I don't miss it at all. I don't even think about it, and it’s probably for the best since it doesn't play nice with my meds anyway. These days, I’m basically addicted to Coke. I could seriously go through liters of it if I have enough ice and lemon. And don't even get me started on my coffee habit... I'm a bit of a monster there. I’ve realized I’m definitely one of those people who feels way better when the sun is out and it’s not freezing, though I absolutely cannot stand that heavy, sticky humidity. You know that feeling where everything just feels limp and gross? That's my nightmare. I can only really enjoy summer if I'm down at the beach or hanging out at a lake house; being stuck in the middle of a city during a heatwave is just miserable.

Larry Lewis said:Thank God there wasn't any more blood, which means I can just keep right on smoking.🙂
Maya, look—if you think you can quit, then go for it. I've tried, believe me, but I simply don't have the willpower for it. It's just not in my nature. I actually decided that starting New Year's, I wouldn't touch alcohol at all, and I've stuck to it—watching my buddies down drinks and realizing I don't even care for it anymore—but cigarettes? That's an entirely different beast.
The very first thing I do when I get up in the morning is, naturally, light one up. It's a nightmare, truly...

Anyway, I wanted to ask you all—does your health actually improve once the warm weather rolls in? For me, it does, significantly. But then late winter and autumn hit, and I'm back in a major slump.

It is a widely accepted notion that ample sunshine acts as a natural remedy for various psychological ailments, particularly depression, or at least that is what my reading suggests. I have come across estimates implying that if everyone from the northern United States relocated to the Sun Belt, we might see a twenty-five percent reduction in mental health struggles simply through environmental shifts.

I might have been indifferent to it once, but that's no longer the case. I live in a part of the country where the sun is almost always shining, so seeing two or three cloudy days in a row really starts to wear on me. As long as I get even a fleeting glimpse of sunlight during the day, my mood tends to stabilize.

I recall spending two weeks in Washington, D.C. over the Christmas season, during which time the sky remained perpetually overcast and a light snow drifted down intermittently throughout the entire stay.

I honestly find it difficult to imagine ever settling down again in a place where gray clouds hang overhead for weeks on end when I consider how much easier life would be in a country where the sun is practically always shining.

I am attempting to quit drinking. I’ve never touched a cigarette, nor do I misuse painkillers to chase a high, yet my relationship with alcohol remains just as persistent as when Maya spends hours sipping beer. I have managed to scale back to a few drinks a day, though whether I can actually descend below that threshold is an open question, even if I intend to try. The reality of the situation becomes undeniable when you realize you are constantly hiding empty bottles just to keep the true extent of your consumption from being noticed. It isn't a matter of starting at dawn; rather, the habit settles in around lunchtime or more frequently once I return home from work. The prospect of total abstinence feels almost insurmountable, as I cannot recall a recent day where I went entirely without. I have made numerous attempts to stay sober, yet I invariably succumb to one or two beers or perhaps some wine. If there is no beer in the house, the craving becomes an immediate necessity, driving me to the liquor store with a singular, desperate purpose.

I was hoping to share some information and certain dilemmas, though I would also appreciate hearing from anyone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Life, much like anyone else's, has its inevitable ups and downs, yet I often feel as though I struggle to navigate them more than most, experiencing things with an intensity that others seem to brush off entirely. It sometimes feels as if my moods and mental states possess a strength of their own, perhaps even greater than my own will, but I suppose I haven't quite found the courage to sit down with a psychiatrist or a psychologist, as I tend to expect the worst possible outcome.
Around the age of 18 or 19, I went through some difficult family circumstances which, at first, I seemed to handle quite well without any lasting impact, and I eventually started college. However, after a while, these strange thoughts and sensations began to surface. I was overcome by what might be called a profound sense of fear and a lack of motivation regarding daily responsibilities; there were times when I would spend an entire week inside the house without leaving, and on the rare occasions I did go out, I was gripped by panic attacks and an overwhelming sense of discomfort around people. This state persisted, and once my parents realized I wasn't doing well, I moved back home for a while, though the problems remained the same.
After a few months, I experienced a sudden surge of desire and energy to change my life, so I started working and moved toward a lifestyle that was almost the complete opposite.
However, whenever new hardships arise in my life, the pattern seems to repeat itself, and this has been occurring for about four or five years now. Currently, I have stopped working, and those depressive episodes are resurfacing. I know I can go a week without much sleep, or perhaps I am too afraid to fall asleep during the night, leading me to sleep all day instead; then, for a week or two, the cycle flips into constant outings and similar behaviors.
Perhaps these patterns could be identified more closely with bipolar disorder, though I have never reached an extreme point where I physically endangered anyone, nor has there ever been a situation where emergency services or the police had to intervene to take me into custody.
I realize many people might argue that these are just typical struggles for a young person in America—that feeling depressed is a normal response to unemployment or difficult life events—but lately, I feel as though I have crossed a threshold of self-awareness. It feels as if certain thoughts won't simply vanish on their own, almost as if they were hardwired into my brain, and they interfere deeply with my daily life and how I perceive myself and others. I also went through a period where I imagined I was someone else entirely, living a different person's life; at the time, I assumed it was merely a phase of idolization, but after reading up on certain matters, it seems much more serious.
There is also some history of mental illness within my family.
I am not entirely sure why no one ever pointed out the possibility of these issues to me, or why my parents didn't react more strongly during that first depressive episode, but I would value hearing the perspectives and advice of anyone dealing with similar struggles.

Scott Barrett19 said:I was hoping to share some information and certain dilemmas, though I would also appreciate hearing from anyone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Life, much like anyone else's, has its inevitable ups and downs, yet I often feel as though I struggle to navigate them more than most, experiencing things with an intensity that others seem to brush off entirely. It sometimes feels as if my moods and mental states possess a strength of their own, perhaps even greater than my own will, but I suppose I haven't quite found the courage to sit down with a psychiatrist or a psychologist, as I tend to expect the worst possible outcome.
Around the age of 18 or 19, I went through some difficult family circumstances which, at first, I seemed to handle quite well without any lasting impact, and I eventually started college. However, after a while, these strange thoughts and sensations began to surface. I was overcome by what might be called a profound sense of fear and a lack of motivation regarding daily responsibilities; there were times when I would spend an entire week inside the house without leaving, and on the rare occasions I did go out, I was gripped by panic attacks and an overwhelming sense of discomfort around people. This state persisted, and once my parents realized I wasn't doing well, I moved back home for a while, though the problems remained the same.
After a few months, I experienced a sudden surge of desire and energy to change my life, so I started working and moved toward a lifestyle that was almost the complete opposite.
However, whenever new hardships arise in my life, the pattern seems to repeat itself, and this has been occurring for about four or five years now. Currently, I have stopped working, and those depressive episodes are resurfacing. I know I can go a week without much sleep, or perhaps I am too afraid to fall asleep during the night, leading me to sleep all day instead; then, for a week or two, the cycle flips into constant outings and similar behaviors.
Perhaps these patterns could be identified more closely with bipolar disorder, though I have never reached an extreme point where I physically endangered anyone, nor has there ever been a situation where emergency services or the police had to intervene to take me into custody.
I realize many people might argue that these are just typical struggles for a young person in America—that feeling depressed is a normal response to unemployment or difficult life events—but lately, I feel as though I have crossed a threshold of self-awareness. It feels as if certain thoughts won't simply vanish on their own, almost as if they were hardwired into my brain, and they interfere deeply with my daily life and how I perceive myself and others. I also went through a period where I imagined I was someone else entirely, living a different person's life; at the time, I assumed it was merely a phase of idolization, but after reading up on certain matters, it seems much more serious.
There is also some history of mental illness within my family.
I am not entirely sure why no one ever pointed out the possibility of these issues to me, or why my parents didn't react more strongly during that first depressive episode, but I would value hearing the perspectives and advice of anyone dealing with similar struggles.

To me, that doesn't sound like psychosis; sounds more like a depressive type of illness. Psychosis is when you lose touch with reality—like thinking people are following you, that everyone is out to get you, that they're reading your mind, or that you're Jesus or Napoleon, or getting secret messages from the radio or TV and stuff like that...

Scott Barrett19 said:I was hoping to share some information and certain dilemmas, though I would also appreciate hearing from anyone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Life, much like anyone else's, has its inevitable ups and downs, yet I often feel as though I struggle to navigate them more than most, experiencing things with an intensity that others seem to brush off entirely. It sometimes feels as if my moods and mental states possess a strength of their own, perhaps even greater than my own will, but I suppose I haven't quite found the courage to sit down with a psychiatrist or a psychologist, as I tend to expect the worst possible outcome.
Around the age of 18 or 19, I went through some difficult family circumstances which, at first, I seemed to handle quite well without any lasting impact, and I eventually started college. However, after a while, these strange thoughts and sensations began to surface. I was overcome by what might be called a profound sense of fear and a lack of motivation regarding daily responsibilities; there were times when I would spend an entire week inside the house without leaving, and on the rare occasions I did go out, I was gripped by panic attacks and an overwhelming sense of discomfort around people. This state persisted, and once my parents realized I wasn't doing well, I moved back home for a while, though the problems remained the same.
After a few months, I experienced a sudden surge of desire and energy to change my life, so I started working and moved toward a lifestyle that was almost the complete opposite.
However, whenever new hardships arise in my life, the pattern seems to repeat itself, and this has been occurring for about four or five years now. Currently, I have stopped working, and those depressive episodes are resurfacing. I know I can go a week without much sleep, or perhaps I am too afraid to fall asleep during the night, leading me to sleep all day instead; then, for a week or two, the cycle flips into constant outings and similar behaviors.
Perhaps these patterns could be identified more closely with bipolar disorder, though I have never reached an extreme point where I physically endangered anyone, nor has there ever been a situation where emergency services or the police had to intervene to take me into custody.
I realize many people might argue that these are just typical struggles for a young person in America—that feeling depressed is a normal response to unemployment or difficult life events—but lately, I feel as though I have crossed a threshold of self-awareness. It feels as if certain thoughts won't simply vanish on their own, almost as if they were hardwired into my brain, and they interfere deeply with my daily life and how I perceive myself and others. I also went through a period where I imagined I was someone else entirely, living a different person's life; at the time, I assumed it was merely a phase of idolization, but after reading up on certain matters, it seems much more serious.
There is also some history of mental illness within my family.
I am not entirely sure why no one ever pointed out the possibility of these issues to me, or why my parents didn't react more strongly during that first depressive episode, but I would value hearing the perspectives and advice of anyone dealing with similar struggles.

First off, you need to see a psychiatrist. Honestly, it doesn't take "courage" to do that—what's actually reckless is trying to shoulder all of this alone, because if your condition keeps spiraling, the climb back to "normal" becomes exponentially harder. And one more thing, if I can say this: please don't dismiss medication if a doctor prescribes it. Trust me, the meds actually help. They really do.

David Vaughn75 said:To me, that doesn't sound like psychosis; sounds more like a depressive type of illness. Psychosis is when you lose touch with reality—like thinking people are following you, that everyone is out to get you, that they're reading your mind, or that you're Jesus or Napoleon, or getting secret messages from the radio or TV and stuff like that...

That is a fairly accurate description of psychosis. To be fair, I have never actually met a Napoleon, though I have encountered all sorts of characters, and I have been quite a few of them myself, though never all at once, because I wasn't insane.

Larry Lewis said:First off, you need to see a psychiatrist. Honestly, it doesn't take "courage" to do that—what's actually reckless is trying to shoulder all of this alone, because if your condition keeps spiraling, the climb back to "normal" becomes exponentially harder. And one more thing, if I can say this: please don't dismiss medication if a doctor prescribes it. Trust me, the meds actually help. They really do.

In any case, it is best to consult a psychiatrist or a primary care physician for an assessment. Personally, I actually had a referral for a psychiatrist before my hospitalization. I had it because my girlfriend urged me to go, so I used the referral. Since I was already in the middle of a psychotic episode, I had much more pressing matters to attend to and never went to the psychiatrist of my own volition. And he is right, medication works; there are treatments for just about every condition.

Ultimately, it is better to walk into a doctor's office on your own terms than to be brought there by parents, the police, or the military police.

fadedlynx96 said:That is a fairly accurate description of psychosis. To be fair, I have never actually met a Napoleon, though I have encountered all sorts of characters, and I have been quite a few of them myself, though never all at once, because I wasn't insane.

In any case, it is best to consult a psychiatrist or a primary care physician for an assessment. Personally, I actually had a referral for a psychiatrist before my hospitalization. I had it because my girlfriend urged me to go, so I used the referral. Since I was already in the middle of a psychotic episode, I had much more pressing matters to attend to and never went to the psychiatrist of my own volition. And he is right, medication works; there are treatments for just about every condition.

Ultimately, it is better to walk into a doctor's office on your own terms than to be brought there by parents, the police, or the military police.

I used to be an angel 😁

David Vaughn75 said:I used to be an angel 😁

Andrew? I started out just being someone aware that everyone else recognized me as Jesus, which means I wasn't actually Jesus. The real issue was that I was equally aware that they wanted to crucify me, and I found that prospect entirely unacceptable, which ultimately led to the mental breakdown that landed me in the hospital.

Once I was institutionalized, I cycled through being Jesus—though even then I had my doubts, assuming if everyone else believed it, it might hold some weight—as well as being a Leader, a king, and some German general who died fighting in America during WW2.

It follows a predictable pattern where you lose your mind, only to emerge even more unhinged than before.

Well, I’ve played the role of Jesus before.
I mean, how many times can one person step into those shoes? It’s a bit much, honestly. 🤣
I’ve even been the CEO of Walmart.

fadedlynx96 said:Andrew? I started out just being someone aware that everyone else recognized me as Jesus, which means I wasn't actually Jesus. The real issue was that I was equally aware that they wanted to crucify me, and I found that prospect entirely unacceptable, which ultimately led to the mental breakdown that landed me in the hospital.

Once I was institutionalized, I cycled through being Jesus—though even then I had my doubts, assuming if everyone else believed it, it might hold some weight—as well as being a Leader, a king, and some German general who died fighting in America during WW2.

It follows a predictable pattern where you lose your mind, only to emerge even more unhinged than before.

About that bolded part... man, I know things were absolute hell for you back then, but I honestly lost it laughing. I hope you're not mad. 😁 Even I can't help but crack up when I look back at my own nonsense... one time I was actually prepping for astral projection by using my head to shake the snow off tree branches. 😁

David Vaughn75 As if anyone actually believes what they say.
Regarding that bolded part... I know things were incredibly grim for you back then, but I honestly couldn't help bursting out laughing, so I hope you aren't holding a grudge. 😁 Sometimes I look back at who I used to be and I can't help but smile; there was that one time I actually thought I was preparing for astral projection by using my head to shake the snow off tree branches. 😁

I’m not angry. Honestly, everything has just felt absurd to me lately, much like it did during that entire stretch after I was discharged from the hospital; there was just so much nonsense to laugh at back then.

The issue was simply that I had become a dangerous lunatic at that particular moment, which inevitably landed me in an asylum. Somehow, I managed to fight my way back home in what felt like a desperate struggle for survival, only to go looking for a handgun for protection—an act that naturally earned me a permanent stay at a psychiatric ward in Los Angeles and a seat at the Rib.

It was probably for the best that my old man was home to stop me from grabbing a gun. If he hadn't stepped in, things would have spiraled much further, leaving me forced to defend myself against people who were threatening me—which, in plain English, means it could have ended like one of those senseless mass shootings on a busy highway, a truly grim outcome.

Eric Mitchell55 said:Well, I’ve played the role of Jesus before.
I mean, how many times can one person step into those shoes? It’s a bit much, honestly. 🤣
I’ve even been the CEO of Walmart.

I honestly had no idea women could be Jesus.

Is this some kind of common occurrence, because I haven't exactly come across it before.

I once had this idea that I was Jesus. It’s hard to put into words how I justified the thought that if you killed me now, it wouldn't change a thing. I was actually mulling over that exact contradiction the other day when I stumbled upon this same line of reasoning. 🤣
However, I remember quite vividly how much trouble you were having when you were on a heavy dose of antipsychotics.

As for my explanation for why the hallucinations have vanished—and I swear 😬—it's simply because I now sleep like a log. ☕

Noah Garcia4 said:I once had this idea that I was Jesus. It’s hard to put into words how I justified the thought that if you killed me now, it wouldn't change a thing. I was actually mulling over that exact contradiction the other day when I stumbled upon this same line of reasoning. 🤣
However, I remember quite vividly how much trouble you were having when you were on a heavy dose of antipsychotics.

As for my explanation for why the hallucinations have vanished—and I swear 😬—it's simply because I now sleep like a log. ☕

So, were you dealing with visual stuff, sounds, or more like tactile hallucinations?

Personally, I never dealt with hallucinations even at my absolute worst, and honestly? The mere thought of them showing up makes my skin crawl.😱

David Vaughn75 said:So, were you dealing with visual stuff, sounds, or more like tactile hallucinations?

Personally, I never dealt with hallucinations even at my absolute worst, and honestly? The mere thought of them showing up makes my skin crawl.😱

So, I’ve never actually seen or heard things—thank God for that, at least. I think that would genuinely terrify me, and it takes quite a lot to rattle me😱.
If that were the case, I have no idea how I'd handle it.😲
Look, you and I both know exactly what we're talking about here, but I'm not entirely sure if anyone else reading this thread truly grasps the gravity of the situation.

I had these auditory hallucinations for about half an hour, and let me tell you—it was a total nightmare. Just pure, unadulterated horror. Then, they sort of lulled me into this stupor, and once I finally came to, they vanished... haven't seen them since.

It’s funny—and by funny, I mean deeply unsettling—how often I notice those religious undertones popping up in people battling this illness. I can't quite wrap my head around why that is.

I suspect religious hallucinations persist because people simply feel they "know" Jesus is real—even with the massive number of atheists out there—which probably stems from some kind of megalomania masquerading as positive symptoms; honestly, maybe we should all just head to an exorcism together at once.
In any case, how can someone genuinely imagine they were, say, Columbus, if that’s someone who’s been gone for centuries? Or how do you convince yourself you're someone else when you look at them and it's blindingly obvious that they are themselves and not you? Since Jesus is considered omnipresent and unbound by time or space, it provides the perfect breeding ground for hallucinations. ☕

The sensation of being Jesus or some similar figure isn't really a hallucination; it’s more likely a delusion or just a profound detachment from reality. A hallucination is typically fleeting, whereas the feeling of being Jesus can persist for days at most, if not much longer.

Initially, I was fully aware that I wasn't Jesus, but the issue arose because everyone else seemed convinced that I was. Eventually, I started encountering certain "proofs" that others used to validate my identity, which were far too easy to weaponize against me.

While I was in Los Angeles, I didn't tell the doctors or anyone else that I was Jesus, mostly because I had no intention of leaking my secret to the enemy. The hospital staff and physicians weren't even remotely close to being Jesus—I was simply playing the part of a normal person—yet several patients recognized me instantly, which was frustrating since I preferred to remain anonymous.

Then, quite gradually, I actually began to believe that I was Jesus, despite knowing otherwise at the start.

Nowadays, I am perfectly fine, and frankly, it doesn't matter to me one way or the other whether I am Jesus or not.

Fair enough, those are definitely delusions. But honestly, what’s the actual, clinical definition of a hallucination anyway?

The concept of hallucination is one of those fascinating psychological phenomena that sounds like pure science fiction until you realize how much it actually disrupts our perception of reality. If you look at the technical breakdown, it’s essentially a sensory experience that occurs without any external stimulus—your brain is basically firing off signals for things that aren't actually there, whether it’s a sound, a sight, or a sensation. It isn't just some whimsical daydreaming either; it can be quite jarring and disorienting, often stemming from neurological issues, intense sleep deprivation, or certain mental health conditions. It’s somewhat similar to how a glitchy piece of software might render an object in a video game that hasn't been programmed into the environment; the system is trying to process data, but the output is completely disconnected from the actual source code. In humans, this "glitch" happens within the neural pathways, where the brain's internal processing overrides the incoming information from our eyes or ears. While most people think of hallucinations as something extreme, there's a whole spectrum of intensity, ranging from mild illusions to full-blown sensory distortions that feel indistinguishable from the physical world. It really makes you wonder how much we can actually trust our own senses when the hardware itself starts misfiring.

If you take a deep dive into the clinical definition of delusions, you start to realize how thin the line can be between a strong conviction and a complete break from reality. It’s not just about being wrong or having a stubborn opinion about a sports team; it’s about a belief system that remains totally unshakable, even when presented with overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It’s like someone insisting that the sky is neon green while standing in the middle of a sunny afternoon in Los Angeles—no amount of direct sunlight is going to change their mind. Psychology treats these fixed, false beliefs as more than just simple errors in judgment. They are often deeply ingrained, functioning as a sort of internal logic that protects a person's psyche from a reality they find too difficult to process. Think of it like a faulty operating system running on a high-end computer; the hardware is fine, but the software is processing data through a filter that distorts everything it touches. Whether it's paranoia, grandiosity, or something much more obscure, the common thread is that lack of flexibility. Once that mental loop starts, it becomes incredibly difficult to break without professional intervention, because to the person experiencing it, the delusion isn't just a thought—it's the only truth that exists.

Well, it looks like we’ve run out of options here in America.

Hallucination is one of those terms that gets tossed around a lot in casual conversation, usually to describe someone who’s clearly lost touch with reality, but if you look at it through a more clinical lens, it becomes a much more complex phenomenon. It isn't just about seeing things that aren't there; it's a sensory experience that feels entirely legitimate to the person experiencing it, whether that involves sight, sound, smell, or even touch. It’s essentially a glitch in the brain's processing, where the internal signals become indistinguishable from external stimuli. Think of it like a faulty projection system in a high-end movie theater. Usually, the projector is perfectly synced with the film, delivering an image that aligns with what’s happening on the screen. But when a hallucination occurs, it’s as if the projector starts firing off images independently of the movie itself. To the person sitting in the dark, those rogue images are just as vivid and "real" as the actual film, even though they have no basis in the physical environment. In a medical context, these experiences can stem from a wide array of sources—ranging from neurological shifts and sleep deprivation to various psychological conditions. It’s rarely as simple as one thing causing another; it’s often a messy intersection of biology and perception. While pop culture tends to lean into the more dramatic, "spooky" side of hallucinations, the reality is often much more subtle and disorienting, acting as a persistent fog that blurs the line between what is actually happening and what the mind insists is true.
Well, here we go—something to actually sink our teeth into.