Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Those descriptions of hallucinations are quite accurate. It’s only now that I realize at least some of my own symptoms actually fell under that category. Not that it changes anything, but from my perspective, patients dealing with hallucinations seemed to fare better than those struggling with delusions. You can eventually find an explanation for a hallucination, whereas delusions remain fundamentally inexplicable. For the most part, my doctors lumped all my symptoms into the delusion category—a severe case involving a long list of them, though I managed to keep most to myself; had I been any less guarded, I might still be stuck in a facility today, even if there's a slim, almost negligible chance that being more open might have sped up the resolution of everything.

If you’re actually self-aware enough to realize you need to shut up about your delusions, you’re already halfway to being sane. All jokes aside, there are plenty of people walking around thinking they’re some kind of deity without ever having seen a psychiatrist. But honestly, we’re two thousand years too late for that :rolf: I mean, how are we even supposed to identify the real Jesus when nobody can even agree on what he looked like? It feels like we should probably just get back down to Earth, doesn't it? Or is that just more metaphorical nonsense? 😂

Perhaps Jesus speaks through certain individuals—I, for one, am quite convinced of that—so I don't take your little delusions lightly.

Larry Lewis said:Perhaps Jesus speaks through certain individuals—I, for one, am quite convinced of that—so I don't take your little delusions lightly.

Both God and the devil can speak through people—assuming we’re operating under the premise that either exists. In the context of schizophrenia, however, this line of reasoning is just spinning your wheels, given that ambivalence is a hallmark feature of the condition. ☕

I kept my delusions to myself when talking to the doctors because they were clearly paranoid—basically, everyone and everything was out to get me. I didn't want to say anything I "knew" just to make an already terrible situation worse. I was certain they were digging mass graves behind the ward; I saw the excavators, I knew they were feeding us human meat, and I knew there weren't even showers despite hearing them running all night. You can't exactly share those kinds of truths with the enemy unless you're looking for trouble.

There was no way I could mention being Jesus, because they would have turned me in and landed me in a psych ward. No one is going to believe me if I claim I'm not Jesus. Honestly, why would anyone believe that? Anyone can say they aren't who they claim to be, and people usually get institutionalized for making those kinds of claims.

I did let some friends vent about my delusions when they came to visit. You can imagine what went through their heads when they heard this stuff along with everything else I've said. It’ll be a miracle if they ever actually let me out of here.

And how are we supposed to know who Jesus is anyway? My biggest issue was that Judas wanted to kiss me—at least, that's how the story goes. In reality, I had to stop some random passerby on the street from kissing me, which is something any sane person would be rightfully wary of when they're out in public. I had no idea what Judas looked like, which effectively meant everyone was a suspect and a threat.

What does Jesus look like? I haven't the slightest clue. Maybe if he showed me his driver's license, I'd know. Back in Los Angeles, there were patients there named Spasoje Spasic. Perhaps one of them was actually Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Looking back, it seems quite likely he was there too, given the logic that people use whatever name they hear if they don't have any ID.

Noah Garcia4 said:Both God and the devil can speak through people—assuming we’re operating under the premise that either exists. In the context of schizophrenia, however, this line of reasoning is just spinning your wheels, given that ambivalence is a hallmark feature of the condition. ☕

What does ambivalence actually look like to you?

Can you give me an example? Is it emotional, logical, ideological, or something else entirely?

The more detail you can provide, the better, because I’ve spent enough time staring down various diagnoses from schizophrenia to full-blown psychosis to know how much this matters.

If there's any way to prove I'm not being ambivalent, I'll take it.

Noah Garcia4 said:Both God and the devil can speak through people—assuming we’re operating under the premise that either exists. In the context of schizophrenia, however, this line of reasoning is just spinning your wheels, given that ambivalence is a hallmark feature of the condition. ☕

Everything is cyclical—the Earth spins, the clock hands circle back, the moon orbits our planet, the whole solar system revolves around the sun, even the seasons just loop over and over again.🙂

To be honest, schizophrenia is the only disorder I find genuinely fascinating. Now, don't get me wrong—I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, least of all on myself—but there's an intellectual intrigue to it. If a depressive version of myself and a schizophrenic version of myself were both calling me up to grab a coffee at a diner in Los Angeles, I’d definitely go with the schizophrenic one.

I was thinking about that specific part where the Bible says Jesus is coming back, right?

As for that other bit you mentioned—seeing those bulldozers—that’s clearly just a hallucination, I realize that now. ☕

Larry Lewis As if I haven't heard this one before.
It’s all just one giant, repetitive loop, isn't it? The Earth spins on its axis, the clock hands circle back to where they started, the moon orbits our planet, and the entire solar system drifts around the sun—even the seasons themselves just cycle through the same predictable patterns over and over again.🙂

When it comes to mental health, schizophrenia is really the only condition I find somewhat intriguing; obviously, I wouldn’t actually want to deal with it personally, but there is a certain complexity to it that catches my interest. If I were ever forced to choose between grabbing a coffee with someone struggling with depression versus someone experiencing schizophrenia, I’d go with the latter without a second thought.

😁 I'll give you a shout later about grabbing coffee. ☕

fadedlynx96 said:What does ambivalence actually look like to you?

Can you give me an example? Is it emotional, logical, ideological, or something else entirely?

The more detail you can provide, the better, because I’ve spent enough time staring down various diagnoses from schizophrenia to full-blown psychosis to know how much this matters.

If there's any way to prove I'm not being ambivalent, I'll take it.

Well, if we're looking for the textbook case, schizophrenia often manifests as loving and hating the exact same person at once.
Though, to be fair, that isn't exactly a rare phenomenon among neurotypical people either.

That’s the clearest instance I can think of.
Oh, and it's also frequently noted that people dealing with schizophrenia struggle with ambivalence when making even the most trivial decisions. I can't think of a perfect illustration for that right now, but regardless, that first point about conflicting emotions is usually what comes up most often.

My actual concern lies with the physical toll this takes. I'm not just talking about how medication might affect my liver or the weight gain that often comes with the territory.
I'm thinking more about the underlying mechanics: if we know schizophrenia stems from an imbalance—whether it's too little or too much—in the secretion and flow of neurotransmitters, then what has that actually done to my body on a cellular level?
Essentially, sure, the meds can be hard on the liver.
But schizophrenia isn't just a psychological disorder; it's a physiological one, too.

Noah Garcia4, there’s honestly nothing better than grabbing a coffee and then wandering around the city hunting for those little chocolate treats—maybe grab another coffee after—though I’m really not sure if our bank accounts can handle that kind of lifestyle lately.🙂

Regarding the physical toll of this illness... well, at first, it hit me right in my waistline, but I managed to fight that off with some regular exercise. Now, though? It’s my digestion that’s giving me hell because the meds I was prescribed recently absolutely wrecked my gut. It’s reached a point where, about three hours after I get out of bed, I’m essentially housebound—I can't go anywhere because I have to run to the restroom four, five, six times in a row, and yet, none of it is even productive, if you catch my drift. I’ve been taking probiotics for maybe a month now, but they aren't doing much of anything. I just keep hoping that if I stick with them long enough, things will finally settle down, because I truly cannot express how miserable this is. You're sitting on a Greyhound bus and suddenly you're sweating and panicking, praying there's a Starbucks or a gas station nearby because you desperately need a bathroom—it's enough to drive a person insane.
As for how much my brain has been fried... hmm... probably quite a bit, I suppose, but what can you do? There isn't exactly a quick fix for that.

I’m honestly craving a little bit of chaos. This relentless sense of normalcy is absolutely draining my soul. 🙄

Larry Lewis said:I had these auditory hallucinations for about half an hour, and let me tell you—it was a total nightmare. Just pure, unadulterated horror. Then, they sort of lulled me into this stupor, and once I finally came to, they vanished... haven't seen them since.

It’s funny—and by funny, I mean deeply unsettling—how often I notice those religious undertones popping up in people battling this illness. I can't quite wrap my head around why that is.

Man, I've picked up on that exact same thing. It's wild. Even if they aren't strictly religious, they always pivot toward some "spiritual" vibe or those weird alternative healing methods. Honestly? I think it's because religion is one of the few places where you don't actually have to prove anything—it just gives people all this room to let their imagination run wild. Like, you can't go around claiming water isn't H2O without looking like a total nutcase, but with religion, you can basically make up whatever nonsense you want and still claim you're right.

Noah Garcia4 said:I’m honestly craving a little bit of chaos. This relentless sense of normalcy is absolutely draining my soul. 🙄

And there she goes again—acting like she's lost her mind once more🙂hahaha

Noah Garcia4 said:I was thinking about that specific part where the Bible says Jesus is coming back, right?

As for that other bit you mentioned—seeing those bulldozers—that’s clearly just a hallucination, I realize that now. ☕

It turns out I simply lost sight of how Jesus is supposed to return; the text says He comes in glory, but being locked up in Los Angeles isn't exactly a glorious experience. Then again, perhaps the Bible isn't entirely accurate either, and maybe someone actually was Jesus coming back for a second time.

The excavators were definitely there digging sewers, though I was convinced they were digging graves. Technically, there isn't much difference between a sewer line and mass graves, except that if you know they are graves, you end up on the wrong side of the system in Los Angeles, whereas if you believe it's just sewage, nobody asks questions—you can sit there thinking it's a graveyard and no one will ever know. 😁

On a more serious note, I have often experienced real-world events through a distorted lens, ranging from some guy on the street trying to kiss me because he thought I was Jesus, to those excavators digging graves. My hallucinations were relatively infrequent, and after a while, I could usually tell something was off, but delusions took much longer to settle in, and I won't lie and say I'm not still uncertain about certain things today.

I wasn't religious; I was an atheist. I knew about the Bible, Jesus, and all that, but I didn't hold any faith, nor did I bother with spirituality or anything of the sort, though I'm not sure if that made my situation easier or harder. It might be easier if you're a believer, since being Jesus wouldn't seem all that out of place, but as an atheist, it’s incredibly strange to claim that title, unless everyone in their madness is equally leveled, where you can choose to be Jesus or you can choose to be Ronald Reagan.

Larry Lewis said:Perhaps Jesus speaks through certain individuals—I, for one, am quite convinced of that—so I don't take your little delusions lightly.

Noah Garcia4 said:Both God and the devil can speak through people—assuming we’re operating under the premise that either exists. In the context of schizophrenia, however, this line of reasoning is just spinning your wheels, given that ambivalence is a hallmark feature of the condition. ☕

I have no idea who is supposedly speaking through someone lost in psychosis or schizoaffective disorder, though history is full of those who claimed to foresee the future or communicated through increasingly bizarre channels. There were all sorts of people out there, and I used to view them as much more severe cases than my own, at least in terms of falling into that poorly defined category.

That was before I encountered certain narratives myself that placed me firmly within that same heavy classification, and by then, I had already learned the wisdom of keeping such matters to myself.

I can tell you that some of those visions were completely off, like the prediction that Ronald Reagan would pass away in 1993, which everyone can agree was wrong, while others were deeply unsettling because they hit too close to the truth, whether that's mere coincidence or just the chaotic nature of madness where anything seems possible.

So you were actually convinced they were digging graves—basically living in a total delusion 🧐

I’d argue it’s much harder to pretend you’re Jesus if you’re a true believer, the kind who actually lives by their faith.

As for exploring alternatives or mysticism, trying to draw any coherent conclusion is a bit like trying to map the entire Pacific Ocean; the scope is just too massive. If meditation helps you find some peace, then honestly, why wouldn't you do it?
Most people struggling with mental health issues are deeply religious and spend their time praying; whether they're actually receiving divine intervention is anyone's guess, but I'm certain they sleep a lot better after they've said their prayers.
Personally, I hover somewhere in the realm of a borderline atheist. I feel like there might be something to all this, but please, spare me the deep dives into the Virgin Birth or the resurrection; I really don't have the emotional bandwidth for those debates. 😬

It’s pretty straightforward: if someone is battling cancer, of course they’re going to use marijuana to manage the pain. I, on the other hand, can't touch the stuff.
But I can certainly take some Vitamin B or brew a calming herbal tea...
And take my pills. 🙂

Larry Lewis said:Noah Garcia4, there’s honestly nothing better than grabbing a coffee and then wandering around the city hunting for those little chocolate treats—maybe grab another coffee after—though I’m really not sure if our bank accounts can handle that kind of lifestyle lately.🙂

Regarding the physical toll of this illness... well, at first, it hit me right in my waistline, but I managed to fight that off with some regular exercise. Now, though? It’s my digestion that’s giving me hell because the meds I was prescribed recently absolutely wrecked my gut. It’s reached a point where, about three hours after I get out of bed, I’m essentially housebound—I can't go anywhere because I have to run to the restroom four, five, six times in a row, and yet, none of it is even productive, if you catch my drift. I’ve been taking probiotics for maybe a month now, but they aren't doing much of anything. I just keep hoping that if I stick with them long enough, things will finally settle down, because I truly cannot express how miserable this is. You're sitting on a Greyhound bus and suddenly you're sweating and panicking, praying there's a Starbucks or a gas station nearby because you desperately need a bathroom—it's enough to drive a person insane.
As for how much my brain has been fried... hmm... probably quite a bit, I suppose, but what can you do? There isn't exactly a quick fix for that.

Are you seriously suggesting that two hundred people would struggle to cover the cost of a round of coffee? 🤣

fadedlynx96 said:I have no idea who is supposedly speaking through someone lost in psychosis or schizoaffective disorder, though history is full of those who claimed to foresee the future or communicated through increasingly bizarre channels. There were all sorts of people out there, and I used to view them as much more severe cases than my own, at least in terms of falling into that poorly defined category.

That was before I encountered certain narratives myself that placed me firmly within that same heavy classification, and by then, I had already learned the wisdom of keeping such matters to myself.

I can tell you that some of those visions were completely off, like the prediction that Ronald Reagan would pass away in 1993, which everyone can agree was wrong, while others were deeply unsettling because they hit too close to the truth, whether that's mere coincidence or just the chaotic nature of madness where anything seems possible.

You overthink a million different things, and eventually, after all that mental gymnastics, you're bound to stumble onto something right by accident. It’s like a blind chicken pecking at grain—pure luck. It’s like me rolling a die and claiming I "predicted" it would land on six six times in a row.

And then suddenly, everyone's acting like there are some mystical forces at play. 🙄

Whoa, what’s with the sudden aggression? 🤣☕

What do you all think—is it that our illness actually makes us more isolated, or is it just some kind of psychological trick playing on our minds? I mean, what the hell is the real reason? Because whenever I’m out walking down the street, I honestly feel like I just landed here from Mars.🙂