Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Angela Stewart6 :-) Thanks for asking and checking in on me... honestly, I’m doing my best. I try to stay positive every single day.
Unfortunately, things have slowed down quite a bit for me lately... there's just too much going on to fit into one message, but if I had to sum it all up in one word: emptiness.
But it's okay... I'm sure better days are ahead, or at least I really hope they are.

@Angela Stewart6 Honestly, I’ll try to look that up if I can actually figure out how to navigate this site. I have absolutely no clue what that even means or what I'm supposed to be looking for. Is it like 12-hour standard time or some kind of solar cycle? Who knows.

@Rebecca Rivera3 Wait, why is it that bad? Are you feeling lonely specifically, or just... empty in general? What do you mean by "emptiness"? I don't quite get it. Is it a lack of motivation or something else? For me, the hardest part is just the sheer dread of having to run errands—hitting up the grocery store, dental appointments, all that annoying life stuff. That’s what really gets to me. But I guess everyone deals with something. And that feeling where you feel like you don't belong anywhere? Total displacement. That was basically my whole existence before my diagnosis and my stay at the hospital. My memory was just gone. I couldn't even tell what time it was or what day it had become. Look, I know we can't offer much help over the internet, but I'm sending you a huge hug. I really hope you feel better soon. BTW, I haven't taken my meds yet today. Not that I'm trying to lecture anyone here! It's just that once I take them, my entire thought process shifts. That's just how it works for me. Massive fluctuations because of the medication. You can't really replace what the body is naturally supposed to do on its own. Dammit. So, don't be surprised if my tone or the way I write changes completely in a few hours.

@Rebecca Rivera3, I honestly find myself feeling compared to others quite often too—or at least, that’s how it feels on my end—but you just have to let it wash over you; eventually, it passes. Besides, what’s the rush anyway? Life isn't a sprint! 🙂

For @Rebecca Rivera3.
If what you're experiencing really is the onset of schizophrenia, I can tell you from experience that this period is often much more overwhelming and uncertain than actually living with a diagnosis, provided you're getting the right treatment.
For me, those two years leading up to my diagnosis were significantly harder than the last eight years since being diagnosed. And I don't just mean that personally; I’ve talked to people on other US support forums who are terrified of the diagnosis, and you can really sense that they are struggling much more than those of us who have been managing it for a long time.
I know things feel heavy right now, but try to just take it one day at a time. Even if you need to go through a period of hospitalization, you'll find yourself feeling much better in a few years, whether you officially have a diagnosis or not. Hang in there.🙂

I really appreciate all the advice and support you guys have given me, it truly means a lot... I'm just sitting here listening to the rain fall late at night... I love the sound of rain. ☺

I found out today that my grandmother has been hospitalized again in the psychiatric ward; she had a severe episode, as she struggles with schizophrenia.

I'm going back to listening to the rain now, it's coming down so beautifully...... I could listen to this sound forever.

Jose Ward4....yeah, it’s tough to even step foot out the door sometimes. Honestly, when Maura tells me I can't go, I don't bother; I just try to steer clear of everything in a wide circle. Heh, I guess I’ve kind of worked myself into this state where I don't really have a social life at all.
I still remember my first time visiting a male psychiatrist, which was a huge deal for me. It was incredibly stressful, and by the time I realized it was a man, it was already too late to turn back, so I just sucked it up. I took a couple of calming pills and powered through. I walked into the office and sat down, and he looks at me and asks, "What brings such a young, beautiful woman in here?" Naturally, I just stared at the floor. It felt so awkward and unprofessional of me. Then I handed over my previous medical records. He scanned them and just went, "Well, then..." Over the next hour, he kept asking questions, and based on his reactions, my "normal" answers clearly weren't normal to him. He actually told me, "People don't live like this; this isn't a way to live, you need help. I see you've been treated with various medications that haven't worked because what you actually need is an antipsychotic." He sent me away with that diagnosis and those findings like he was just waiting for something bad to happen to me—like I suddenly wasn't even capable of walking. And that look of pity in his eyes? Unforgettable. I haven't gone back because of some family issues, but... I don't know. I think I might need to start treatment again and get back on track.

What kind of family issues were you dealing with if you're still holding onto those grudges, Rebecca Rivera3?

@Rebecca Rivera3 I totally get that. Honestly, I feel the same way—I just don't want to go anywhere, which is why I find everything so repulsive lately. But looking at my own experience with schizophrenia, there's this one massive issue: if I miss my meds, my libido just goes through the roof. It’s intense. I just have this overwhelming urge to be intimate. I hear what you're saying about feeling uncomfortable, like people are pushing sex on you or it feels intrusive, and I truly do understand that. But I'm starting to think that all these struggles we deal with—all these illnesses piling up in our lives—have everything to do with a person's ego and their drive. Because, let's be real, everyone wants to be intimate, whether they admit it or not. There's nothing quite like it. Anyway, try to get out for a walk, even if it's just for a specific reason. Just give it a shot. Try to force yourself to head to the grocery store at a time that actually works for you. For me, having a goal makes it so much easier than just wandering aimlessly around town without any direction. And I know how hard it is when family drama hits. When my dad was battling cancer, I barely left the house because I just wanted to be there for him. Please, try to realize that things aren't always as bleak as they seem, if you can manage it.

I just need to ask you all crazy people something. Has anyone else experienced a situation where an insanely high libido—specifically when you're having sex constantly but with genuine love—actually caused your memory to fail? Is that even a thing? Like, can an overactive drive actually make it impossible to think straight? That’s what happened to me before my diagnosis. I wanted to be intimate so much that I literally lost track of what day it was. I had to stop and really force myself to sit down and figure out the date just to stay grounded. This was all happening months before I ended up in the hospital. It got so bad that I actually checked myself in, hoping to find a specialist who could explain why my brain felt like it was short-circuiting. Back then, I didn't even realize what being in a psychiatric ward meant. I remember wandering around at 1 or 2 in the morning, just walking the streets, hoping I might run into someone. I wasn't trying to be rude or insensitive to women or anything; they usually pushed me away, but I just felt... wrong. Not like myself. Because just eight or nine months prior, I hadn't dealt with this constant, overwhelming urge. It reached a point where I didn't even know the calendar. I do remember that after I took my first pill while I was under observation in Brooklyn, my libido seemed to settle back down within a couple of days. It was like nothing had happened, except I found myself talking even more than usual. Has anyone else gone through something like this?

@Jose Ward4... the connection between libido and memory doesn't necessarily have to be linked to schizophrenia.

It really just comes down to how energy is distributed within the body.

If an excessive amount of energy is diverted toward sexual arousal, there will naturally be less available for the brain, which can lead to diminished efficiency in memory and other cognitive functions.

I have actually observed this phenomenon in my own experience; whenever I engaged in masturbation—especially if it was a prolonged session—I would notice a palpable decline in my memory retention for the following three or four days, despite having no history of schizophrenia.

It is quite possible that you were experiencing a hypomanic episode prior to your time in San Francisco. While individuals with schizophrenia may occasionally undergo manic or depressive episodes, these are often not the primary symptoms or aren't prominent enough to trigger a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, resulting in a schizophrenia diagnosis instead, or perhaps leaving bipolar disorder as a mere sub-diagnosis.

Nicole Barrett76 said:@Jose Ward4... the connection between libido and memory doesn't necessarily have to be linked to schizophrenia.

It really just comes down to how energy is distributed within the body.

If an excessive amount of energy is diverted toward sexual arousal, there will naturally be less available for the brain, which can lead to diminished efficiency in memory and other cognitive functions.

I have actually observed this phenomenon in my own experience; whenever I engaged in masturbation—especially if it was a prolonged session—I would notice a palpable decline in my memory retention for the following three or four days, despite having no history of schizophrenia.

It is quite possible that you were experiencing a hypomanic episode prior to your time in San Francisco. While individuals with schizophrenia may occasionally undergo manic or depressive episodes, these are often not the primary symptoms or aren't prominent enough to trigger a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, resulting in a schizophrenia diagnosis instead, or perhaps leaving bipolar disorder as a mere sub-diagnosis.

Man, this is actually pretty interesting. I've definitely noticed that same thing regarding self-pleasure. But what exactly is a "hypomanic episode"? Can you give me the short version? What does a manic person even act like? Is it a feeling of being manic, or is it just how you behave?

That's just my take on it. Honestly, you could probably argue that I was acting like a maniac back then, though it doesn't affect me much now. I still think it all ties back to libido. Your sexual drive, your sense of love, security... all of it. I need to sort that out within myself. I won't keep repeating myself, though; I've already posted about my plans for moving on, so maybe it's best to just bury the hatchet and focus on the future. Whatever happened, happened.

Mania speaks for itself... whenever you slip into one of those episodes, regardless of the trigger, there’s this overwhelming sense of euphoria and pure joy. You become completely consumed by it. For some, it might be centered on sex, but it can honestly be anything.
I went through those manic phases a long time ago, though mine were directed toward... well, things like massive computer programming projects. I wouldn't even sleep or eat; I would just obsess over them day and night without stopping. It was total madness. :-)
I try to avoid getting back into that headspace now... although I definitely feel the urge to dive back in sometimes. I'm just trying to keep my life as balanced as
I can... without overdoing anything. Well, I might overdo it with my doctor :-) but I'll try to set boundaries there, because once I cross them, it really starts taking a toll on my health. Moderation is key in everything.
I won't get into my own libido or sexuality because... frankly, it's too embarrassing. So, I probably can't help you much with your specific situation, but I don't know if I'm wrong in thinking that most guys actually struggle with a weakened libido rather than an overactive one... especially since medication tends to lower it even further.

Mine isn't anything to write home about—honestly, I’m actually quite relieved about that! It keeps things simple, and frankly, it just doesn't weigh on my mind at all. There are plenty of much more significant matters to focus my energy on than this.

Does a hypomanic episode or state simply mean feeling incredibly upbeat, lighthearted, and self-assured, perhaps even euphoric, as you chase after every possible pleasure? It seems to me that these sensations often don't manifest quite intensely enough for a person to be formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Is it common knowledge in psychiatric wards for patients to openly compete for a doctor's affection? And to go as far as disputing the severity of one another's symptoms just to gain that attention?

Nicole Barrett76 said:Is it common knowledge in psychiatric wards for patients to openly compete for a doctor's affection? And to go as far as disputing the severity of one another's symptoms just to gain that attention?

Regarding both points—to be perfectly honest—I was far too preoccupied with my own struggles to ever really dwell on those dynamics—but I have always maintained a deep sense of empathy for the fact that everyone else is fighting their own battles, too.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Is it common knowledge in psychiatric wards for patients to openly compete for a doctor's affection? And to go as far as disputing the severity of one another's symptoms just to gain that attention?

Honestly, you see just about everything in psych wards. Everything. It’s like any other tight-knit community, except things tend to be dialed up to an extreme level.
I’ve personally witnessed how certain cliques start to form 🤦

Question: Do you think there will come a day when you’re finally, permanently in full remission?
Is that something you actually want? Is it something you find yourself hoping for?

Harold Anderson3 said:Question: Do you think there will come a day when you’re finally, permanently in full remission?
Is that something you actually want? Is it something you find yourself hoping for?

Honestly, I just hope things turn out okay. That’s all I can really say—I just hope it’s good.

Here’s my two cents. It’s been tough for me to really connect lately, but I truly hope that one day I'll find that spark again—the kind that makes the world look brighter and more beautiful. I actually felt a little glimpse of that this past Friday with a girl I met, though she isn't "the one," it still changed my perspective instantly. Suddenly, just walking down the street and breathing the air feels better. I think I'm just missing love, I guess. I don't know.