Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Paul Thomas9 said:Got a bit of a situation here and wondering if anyone can help me out. I see people talking about schizophrenia, but honestly, I don't have the energy to read through all those long articles right now. Could someone just give me a quick rundown on what it actually is? I’ve been browsing different sites and started seeing myself in the symptoms, and now I'm just spiraling... I don't know what to think. If I've finally lost it, then yeah, I guess I'm screwed, but I have no clue what kind of mental health issue I'm actually dealing with. If you guys want me to vent about how I'm feeling and describe my symptoms, I can do that... thanks, cheers

Go ahead and lay it out. But look, you aren't going to get a real answer unless you go see a psychiatrist. Personally, I doubt it's schizophrenia if you're actually self-aware enough to realize something is wrong. Usually, people with schizophrenia think they're perfectly fine and it's the rest of the world that's gone crazy.

Paul Thomas9 said:Got a bit of a situation here and wondering if anyone can help me out. I see people talking about schizophrenia, but honestly, I don't have the energy to read through all those long articles right now. Could someone just give me a quick rundown on what it actually is? I’ve been browsing different sites and started seeing myself in the symptoms, and now I'm just spiraling... I don't know what to think. If I've finally lost it, then yeah, I guess I'm screwed, but I have no clue what kind of mental health issue I'm actually dealing with. If you guys want me to vent about how I'm feeling and describe my symptoms, I can do that... thanks, cheers

Feel free to write openly and honestly..

I think I've scrolled through forums for similar reasons before. This one seemed like the best option..

At first, I thought I was crazy—insane, whatever you want to call it—but then I slowly started doubting that I was the crazy one, until I reached a stage where I became certain that I wasn't the problem, but everyone else was. So, if we take the standard medical view as the baseline, I guess I am still technically schizo..

🙂

I honestly don't even know where to start with this... I think it all kicked off back in middle school during the summer. I was just heading back to my apartment, eating some ice cream, and when I went to toss the wrapper in the trash can, this random thought just slammed into my brain: "What if something bad happens if I throw this in right now?" I don't know how to put this into words, but basically, if you go to throw away trash and you miss the bin three or four times, you start getting this overwhelming fear that something terrible is going to happen—depending on what you're thinking about. You can only actually finish the task once you've forced yourself to think of something positive, or just cleared your head completely... It wasn't that intense at first, but it’s been five or six years now and I'm terrified that this condition has spiraled out of control. Is my brain just failing me? I can't sleep most nights because I feel like there are these forces acting on me. I mean, I guess things act on us, but probably not the way I imagine they do... I really hope not. Honestly, the symptoms are endless. I see shadows on the walls and feel like someone is constantly standing behind me or watching me—I can't tell if it's people or something else entirely. It's exhausting. I can't even watch a weird movie or anything involving the paranormal anymore because I immediately think it's actually happening to me. My thoughts get so dark that even a psychiatrist would probably be spooked... There's so much more to say, but I'll save that for another time. So, tell me... am I crazy or what?!!!!!!!

Paul Thomas9 said:I honestly don't even know where to start with this... I think it all kicked off back in middle school during the summer. I was just heading back to my apartment, eating some ice cream, and when I went to toss the wrapper in the trash can, this random thought just slammed into my brain: "What if something bad happens if I throw this in right now?" I don't know how to put this into words, but basically, if you go to throw away trash and you miss the bin three or four times, you start getting this overwhelming fear that something terrible is going to happen—depending on what you're thinking about. You can only actually finish the task once you've forced yourself to think of something positive, or just cleared your head completely... It wasn't that intense at first, but it’s been five or six years now and I'm terrified that this condition has spiraled out of control. Is my brain just failing me? I can't sleep most nights because I feel like there are these forces acting on me. I mean, I guess things act on us, but probably not the way I imagine they do... I really hope not. Honestly, the symptoms are endless. I see shadows on the walls and feel like someone is constantly standing behind me or watching me—I can't tell if it's people or something else entirely. It's exhausting. I can't even watch a weird movie or anything involving the paranormal anymore because I immediately think it's actually happening to me. My thoughts get so dark that even a psychiatrist would probably be spooked... There's so much more to say, but I'll save that for another time. So, tell me... am I crazy or what?!!!!!!!

Have you looked into what OCD actually is?
Look, none of us here are "crazy." We just have mental health struggles. 👍

Paul Thomas9 said:I honestly don't even know where to start with this... I think it all kicked off back in middle school during the summer. I was just heading back to my apartment, eating some ice cream, and when I went to toss the wrapper in the trash can, this random thought just slammed into my brain: "What if something bad happens if I throw this in right now?" I don't know how to put this into words, but basically, if you go to throw away trash and you miss the bin three or four times, you start getting this overwhelming fear that something terrible is going to happen—depending on what you're thinking about. You can only actually finish the task once you've forced yourself to think of something positive, or just cleared your head completely... It wasn't that intense at first, but it’s been five or six years now and I'm terrified that this condition has spiraled out of control. Is my brain just failing me? I can't sleep most nights because I feel like there are these forces acting on me. I mean, I guess things act on us, but probably not the way I imagine they do... I really hope not. Honestly, the symptoms are endless. I see shadows on the walls and feel like someone is constantly standing behind me or watching me—I can't tell if it's people or something else entirely. It's exhausting. I can't even watch a weird movie or anything involving the paranormal anymore because I immediately think it's actually happening to me. My thoughts get so dark that even a psychiatrist would probably be spooked... There's so much more to say, but I'll save that for another time. So, tell me... am I crazy or what?!!!!!!!

None of us can give you a definitive answer. That's why you need to see a psychiatrist, preferably a private one. Someone needs to actually dig beneath the surface and find the real cause. Don't wait too long; you'll end up becoming part of the problem, and I know that from experience because it's how it started with my sister. Whatever it is, be brave and get help. It might be nothing major, or it could be the onset of a serious disorder. The sooner you start, the easier it will be to manage the fallout.

Now, the usual question: Are you using any drugs?

Paul Thomas9 said:I honestly don't even know where to start with this... I think it all kicked off back in middle school during the summer. I was just heading back to my apartment, eating some ice cream, and when I went to toss the wrapper in the trash can, this random thought just slammed into my brain: "What if something bad happens if I throw this in right now?" I don't know how to put this into words, but basically, if you go to throw away trash and you miss the bin three or four times, you start getting this overwhelming fear that something terrible is going to happen—depending on what you're thinking about. You can only actually finish the task once you've forced yourself to think of something positive, or just cleared your head completely... It wasn't that intense at first, but it’s been five or six years now and I'm terrified that this condition has spiraled out of control. Is my brain just failing me? I can't sleep most nights because I feel like there are these forces acting on me. I mean, I guess things act on us, but probably not the way I imagine they do... I really hope not. Honestly, the symptoms are endless. I see shadows on the walls and feel like someone is constantly standing behind me or watching me—I can't tell if it's people or something else entirely. It's exhausting. I can't even watch a weird movie or anything involving the paranormal anymore because I immediately think it's actually happening to me. My thoughts get so dark that even a psychiatrist would probably be spooked... There's so much more to say, but I'll save that for another time. So, tell me... am I crazy or what?!!!!!!!

Hmm... First, I'd have to ask how you're doing with drugs.
Specifically ecstasy or speed?

In my opinion, this sounds like pure paranoia 😲 ... But don't worry...

I'm not sure if you've ever heard that song by the band where they sing "Someone is watching us," but I've written about whether everyone feels that way or if it's just us "drug users."
It turns out there are both types of people, though that "syndrome" seems more common among those who use.

I also get the sensation that I'm being watched—"someone is always watching us"—and then it goes, "but who is always watching us, who is always watching us..."

Ultimately, I've concluded that you are essentially "watching yourself," or perhaps something inside you is observing you...

Keep writing... and don't be afraid. We're all here... a bunch of broken people... to help you out... or at least... to offer some... comfort.

Look, stormylynx23, I haven't heard anything about those disorders before, but now you've got me curious... I'll have to do some digging on that. Thanks for the heads-up! bluecobra142, if that's true, it sounds pretty heavy. If people have been dealing with that for 7 or 8 years without anyone stepping in to help, that's rough. Honestly, I tend to just keep things bottled up, which makes everything even worse. And Noah Sanchez7, regarding the drug thing—I get it, it's a mess. Personally, the only thing I've ever messed with was weed, and I can't even remember the last time I touched it. I did try speed maybe two or three times back in the day, but it was just tiny amounts like two years ago. I don't think it has anything to do with this, though... this stuff started showing up when I was in sixth grade, and back then, I didn't even know what drugs were!

Honestly, finding a decent psychiatrist is my biggest headache right now. I have no clue where to turn or who’s actually going to take my specific issues seriously. It’s honestly terrifying... my buddy went to see one, and the guy barely spent five minutes talking to him before just tossing three different prescriptions at him. Like, he didn't even address what was wrong! That's supposed to be a psychiatrist? It sucks when they won't actually listen to you—that's the most important part. Feels like they just want to hand out pills so they can get rid of you and head home as fast as possible. If anyone has any leads on a good doctor, let me know

Paul Jones4 said:Help him find a reason😁 but it probably needs to be something incredibly powerful to make him want to stay.

He told me he’s done trying things like that because the pain was just too much to handle. He barely made it out alive, let alone mobile. He had to go through this grueling spinal surgery. The thing is, he genuinely thinks he’s Jesus, and the fact that his recovery has been so incredible only makes him more convinced.
The doctors straight-up told him he’d never walk again, yet here he is, practically sprinting. It just feeds right into his delusions. He’s still at the hospital for now. Honestly, you should hear him play—it's something else.🙂

Paul Thomas9 said:Look, man, half the stuff spinning in my head is actually terrifying to even talk about. I honestly don't know where to land on this anymore. I've always been obsessed with things like astronomy, aliens—I see you've got some experience there too (referring to that post from a half hour ago)—paranormal stuff, ancient civilizations, the Middle Ages, all that. I know a ton about it, and maybe that's feeding into this condition of mine. It feels like a double-edged sword—helps me in some ways, messes with me in others.

Now, whether you actually have a "problem" or not is up for debate. Take my sister, for example. She talks to ghosts and genuinely believes she’s operating at a higher level of consciousness. Some people would look at her and say it's possible; others would just say she's completely lost it. The fact is, plenty of people have weird experiences—thank God it isn't me, because I'd be terrified—but opinions are split. Some would back her up, some would relate, and most would just say, "Kid, you're crazy." Even if we're talking about a higher state of awareness, the reality is that most people are still functioning on a much lower level. You either adapt to them or you don't. Your situation has been going on for a long time now, and like I said before, me throwing my own theories at you will probably just confuse you more. You need to decide what you want: do you want to function like the majority, or live like the minority? I can give you the number for a psychiatrist—or maybe a psychotherapist, I can't quite remember—who's supposedly excellent, but she charges $100 per hour for a session, so it's an option. It won't cost you anything (😁 except $100, but seriously... everything costs money these days)!

Paul Thomas9 said:Honestly, finding a decent psychiatrist is my biggest headache right now. I have no clue where to turn or who’s actually going to take my specific issues seriously. It’s honestly terrifying... my buddy went to see one, and the guy barely spent five minutes talking to him before just tossing three different prescriptions at him. Like, he didn't even address what was wrong! That's supposed to be a psychiatrist? It sucks when they won't actually listen to you—that's the most important part. Feels like they just want to hand out pills so they can get rid of you and head home as fast as possible. If anyone has any leads on a good doctor, let me know

Was that psychiatrist maybe some big-shot director from a major clinic?
Look, psychiatry isn't one-size-fits-all. You've got all kinds of approaches. Some doctors focus heavily on biological psychiatry—which basically means they're all about the medication. But even then, they can't just throw pills at you; they actually have to listen first. Then you have the people who lean more toward talk therapy, like psychoanalysts.
If you go to a private practice, they definitely have to listen if they want you to keep paying them. You can find plenty of options, though nothing is ever going to be quite as "perfect" as you might hope.

I wouldn't even know where to start with this one... Regarding OCD, I can tell you it feels like it hits before schizophrenia does. For me, it’s stuff like: constant worrying about things you *know* aren't actually a big deal, double-checking if the front door is locked, obsessively arranging things just right, repeating tasks a certain number of times, measuring things constantly, or being terrified of germs and contamination. But then I read up on schizophrenia and suddenly I see these symptoms too, like 🙏disorganized thinking and thought disorders, where thoughts jump from one thing to another without any logic, or feeling like your mind is just "blocked," losing interest in everything you used to love, having trouble concentrating, being unable to express how you feel, avoiding eye contact, or having a totally blank facial expression. It feels like I'm stuck somewhere right in the middle of both... damn it all

Paul Thomas9 said:I wouldn't even know where to start with this one... Regarding OCD, I can tell you it feels like it hits before schizophrenia does. For me, it’s stuff like: constant worrying about things you *know* aren't actually a big deal, double-checking if the front door is locked, obsessively arranging things just right, repeating tasks a certain number of times, measuring things constantly, or being terrified of germs and contamination. But then I read up on schizophrenia and suddenly I see these symptoms too, like 🙏disorganized thinking and thought disorders, where thoughts jump from one thing to another without any logic, or feeling like your mind is just "blocked," losing interest in everything you used to love, having trouble concentrating, being unable to express how you feel, avoiding eye contact, or having a totally blank facial expression. It feels like I'm stuck somewhere right in the middle of both... damn it all

Honestly, who knows? Everything seems to bleed together. Look at this mess:
F22 Persistent delusional disorders
F22.0 Delusional disorder
F22.8 Other persistent delusional disorders
F22.9 Unspecified persistent delusional disorder
F24 Induced delusional disorder
F24.0 Induced delusional disorder
God knows, man.

For Ludacris..

I don't know how old you are. I'm 21, turning 22 in December. But reading your posts, I find myself thinking absolutely identical thoughts to yours.
Everything started the same way for me. Just a heads up, I used to do quite a bit of drugs, though I don't think that’s even really related (except for speed and ecstasy, which is much heavier stuff).
I started sinking in the exact same way you did. Even five years ago, I remember just passing by the word "schizophrenia" and hearing it, and it—this might sound crazy—immediately pulled me in. It was like it had a certain calling. And when I heard it was described as the "queen of all mental illnesses," I somehow, even more crazily, fell in love with the idea...
Not long after, I went looking for everything I could find about the illness online, in books, and so on. I became convinced that I had "caught" it myself...
Without listing all the symptoms you already mentioned, what attracted me most was the "constant and rapid shifting of opinions"—that's what I felt most intensely within myself.
I smoked weed for a long time without a care in the world, until one day something happened that would have sent any normal person into a total panic. I was sitting in my backyard with my usual crew, working on Joe and... something eerie, indescribable, terrifying, and not just uncomfortable, but truly, impressively frightening. My mind began to "wander" in directions that made zero sense to me, and I couldn't control them at all..
The fact that I perceived my close friends as mortal enemies—I honestly felt like they were threatening me with a knife to my throat—was the final straw in the sea of fear I was feeling. All the while, I was trying with everything I had to stay composed, to not just collapse on the ground and start shaking uncontrollably...
That was my first encounter with death. Death was waving right in my face... I was suffocating, unable to say anything, unable to even call out for help....
Luckily, there was a bottle of bourbon nearby, so I grabbed it and downed a good amount just to try and steady myself as much as possible....

What can I tell you? You mention the astral plane, that experience I had half an hour ago, and things like that. I’ve always been interested in those things too. Everything I’ve ever heard, and still listen to, is psychedelia, which just pushes me further and further away from "this world" and into these unexplored territories. The problem is I'm still young, and you probably are too, and trying to grasp these higher concepts feels like "flying without wings." You're soaring, but you have no wings to maneuver with....

Forget Holstein and Dubravka with their psychologists and psychiatrists. I've seen a few of them, and most are just idiots, with very few exceptions...
You know, to me it feels like that "everybody be cool, you be cool" vibe, and if you aren't, then just come over here and I'll "quietly pop" a pill for you...

What can I say, maybe we're dealing with the same issue, except I've just started grasping certain things about myself, specifically the concept of "growing up." I mean, because of my age, it should be happening, but I simply didn't want it to. As long as I wasn't taking responsibility for my actions, I could do whatever I wanted. Now that I'm supposed to step up, I feel like I've "returned to the womb"... But by the laws of the universe, that’s not how it works....

Keep writing...

Noah Sanchez7 said:For Ludacris..

I don't know how old you are. I'm 21, turning 22 in December. But reading your posts, I find myself thinking absolutely identical thoughts to yours.
Everything started the same way for me. Just a heads up, I used to do quite a bit of drugs, though I don't think that’s even really related (except for speed and ecstasy, which is much heavier stuff).
I started sinking in the exact same way you did. Even five years ago, I remember just passing by the word "schizophrenia" and hearing it, and it—this might sound crazy—immediately pulled me in. It was like it had a certain calling. And when I heard it was described as the "queen of all mental illnesses," I somehow, even more crazily, fell in love with the idea...
Not long after, I went looking for everything I could find about the illness online, in books, and so on. I became convinced that I had "caught" it myself...
Without listing all the symptoms you already mentioned, what attracted me most was the "constant and rapid shifting of opinions"—that's what I felt most intensely within myself.
I smoked weed for a long time without a care in the world, until one day something happened that would have sent any normal person into a total panic. I was sitting in my backyard with my usual crew, working on Joe and... something eerie, indescribable, terrifying, and not just uncomfortable, but truly, impressively frightening. My mind began to "wander" in directions that made zero sense to me, and I couldn't control them at all..
The fact that I perceived my close friends as mortal enemies—I honestly felt like they were threatening me with a knife to my throat—was the final straw in the sea of fear I was feeling. All the while, I was trying with everything I had to stay composed, to not just collapse on the ground and start shaking uncontrollably...
That was my first encounter with death. Death was waving right in my face... I was suffocating, unable to say anything, unable to even call out for help....
Luckily, there was a bottle of bourbon nearby, so I grabbed it and downed a good amount just to try and steady myself as much as possible....

What can I tell you? You mention the astral plane, that experience I had half an hour ago, and things like that. I’ve always been interested in those things too. Everything I’ve ever heard, and still listen to, is psychedelia, which just pushes me further and further away from "this world" and into these unexplored territories. The problem is I'm still young, and you probably are too, and trying to grasp these higher concepts feels like "flying without wings." You're soaring, but you have no wings to maneuver with....

Forget Holstein and Dubravka with their psychologists and psychiatrists. I've seen a few of them, and most are just idiots, with very few exceptions...
You know, to me it feels like that "everybody be cool, you be cool" vibe, and if you aren't, then just come over here and I'll "quietly pop" a pill for you...

What can I say, maybe we're dealing with the same issue, except I've just started grasping certain things about myself, specifically the concept of "growing up." I mean, because of my age, it should be happening, but I simply didn't want it to. As long as I wasn't taking responsibility for my actions, I could do whatever I wanted. Now that I'm supposed to step up, I feel like I've "returned to the womb"... But by the laws of the universe, that’s not how it works....

Keep writing...

It looks like we're in a super similar spot. I'll be 20 soon, but my symptoms actually started when I was around 12 or 13. So for seven years now... I think at first it was just that obsessive-compulsive stuff. But I was just a kid, what did I know? Maybe it was just a little episode once a month, but then it turned into once a week, then once a day, and now it's become a part of who I am and my daily life. I don't remember having full schizophrenia back then, but watching how the illness develops, I realize there's something more going on. Looks like that disorder grew into a new one, and now they've teamed up, damn it!!!

As far as I know, I don't even have any grandparents to trace back to... looks like there was someone else before them too! But hey, whatever, somebody's gotta be the first one... For up99 and me, my mind just wanders everywhere, hitting on these wild ideas and theories that feel so real—and sometimes they actually were... I mostly get caught up in those deep thoughts I mentioned to you before: aliens, the meaning of life, what happens next, how it all works... Honestly, the more I read about it, the more the pieces start clicking together into this big picture of how everything should work! It all seems so simple and logical, but maybe that's just the madness talking...

Paul Thomas9 said:As far as I know, I don't even have any grandparents to trace back to... looks like there was someone else before them too! But hey, whatever, somebody's gotta be the first one... For up99 and me, my mind just wanders everywhere, hitting on these wild ideas and theories that feel so real—and sometimes they actually were... I mostly get caught up in those deep thoughts I mentioned to you before: aliens, the meaning of life, what happens next, how it all works... Honestly, the more I read about it, the more the pieces start clicking together into this big picture of how everything should work! It all seems so simple and logical, but maybe that's just the madness talking...

Hmm, I already mentioned my sister who thinks she hears voices from the dead. To be honest, seeing how much time she spent scouring the internet for the exact same info you're talking about—and how much free time she actually had—it doesn't surprise me at all. You really shouldn't ignore this, though. Most mental health issues are progressive, which means if you don't address it, things could just keep getting worse...

bluecobra142 said:Hmm, I already mentioned my sister who thinks she hears voices from the dead. To be honest, seeing how much time she spent scouring the internet for the exact same info you're talking about—and how much free time she actually had—it doesn't surprise me at all. You really shouldn't ignore this, though. Most mental health issues are progressive, which means if you don't address it, things could just keep getting worse...

Hey, I actually wanted to ask you about that if you don't mind me bringing it up. What kind of stuff has your sister been going through? Look, I know plenty of people who aren't schizophrenic or anything like that, but they definitely saw things—especially when they were kids. I've heard so many stories... and honestly, it feels like these "normal" people see this stuff way more often than us "crazy" types. It makes me wonder... if regular people see it and believe it, why is it that when we see it, we just get labeled as insane just because we're a little different from the crowd?! Listen, if your sister feels like talking to them is okay, maybe just let her... it might actually help her out. I don't think she'd be wasting her time researching all this if she hadn't experienced or seen something herself, just like me... peace

I'm not exactly feeling embarrassed, so what's your actual problem?

bluecobra142 said:I'm not exactly feeling embarrassed, so what's your actual problem?

I mean, does she actually see them or just feel them there? Or is it all just in her head? And how long has this been going on...