What were your biggest pregnancy surprises and pet peeves?

northernseal6 said:I hate a mess, but being a woman doesn't mean cleaning is in my DNA.
It isn't about luck to have a dad or husband who wants to or knows how to do chores. It's about luck to have a partner like that. Why should women be expected to know how to do everything perfectly while men don't? A man who can't vacuum as well as I can is just a lazy bum. Period. Including mine. Vacuuming isn't rocket science.

Changing a tire isn't exactly high-level engineering either—he handles that better than I ever could. ☕ It's not laziness, really; it's just that I couldn't care less about learning the skill when there's always someone else around to deal with it. 😉

That's your take, but others see it differently—everyone organizes their lives however they see fit. There's no point in arguing over it. 🤷

Man, it’s honestly no surprise that women end up with less space in certain industries compared to men.
There's just nothing we can do about it.

northernseal6 said:Look, I really don't like your takes. Honestly, it feels like you're just projecting this onto your husband, your boyfriend, or whatever. You're describing my boyfriend, my friends, most of my friends' partners, and I can't even recognize my own dad in your descriptions! Why would I even consider having a kid with someone who wouldn't step up and say they'll soothe the baby or change a diaper?
It’s not even unrealistic to say there are men out there who wouldn't change their own kid's diaper, because I know plenty of them. It's wild to me that anyone thinks that's okay.
So, basically, a woman is a "bad mother" if she loves her kid less than the man does. Well, is he a "bad father" if he loves the kid less than she does? Or is it just normal and natural for both parents to love them equally?
🤣

listen....based on how you're describing things, I wouldn't say you're just lying around during your whole pregnancy, because if you were actually resting, worrying, and feeling all that anxiety, I’d assume your sacrifice, your stress, and your desires were just a little different from your husband's... I won't even say they're stronger or more intense, because you're the one living through it... but clearly, you haven't a clue what I'm talking about...

I've been homebound since November of 2011, and I don't cook, clean, wash, or iron anything; my husband handles all of that... honestly, not my mom, not my mother-in-law, not anyone else...
My job is to protect this pregnancy and make sure I deliver this baby right on schedule...
So please, don't lecture me or judge when you simply don't understand...

And regarding the diaper changes and soothing the baby, I think you missed the point entirely... I truly believe a woman finds it much easier to "handle" a baby than a man does, simply because it's natural to her, regardless of how much you might dislike or fail to grasp that concept...
Of course, there are women out there who don't have that instinct either...🤷

What I find even harder to stomach are the views of a woman who carries a child for nine months and then claims the difference between her and her partner is just that he doesn't have to breastfeed or give birth; I don't see myself in those descriptions, nor do I see my mother or any of the mothers of my friends and people in my life....
Sorry, but you can love your dad and he can be the greatest guy in the world, but... a mother is a mother!!!

Charles Moore49 said:listen....based on how you're describing things, I wouldn't say you're just lying around during your whole pregnancy, because if you were actually resting, worrying, and feeling all that anxiety, I’d assume your sacrifice, your stress, and your desires were just a little different from your husband's... I won't even say they're stronger or more intense, because you're the one living through it... but clearly, you haven't a clue what I'm talking about...

I've been homebound since November of 2011, and I don't cook, clean, wash, or iron anything; my husband handles all of that... honestly, not my mom, not my mother-in-law, not anyone else...
My job is to protect this pregnancy and make sure I deliver this baby right on schedule...
So please, don't lecture me or judge when you simply don't understand...

And regarding the diaper changes and soothing the baby, I think you missed the point entirely... I truly believe a woman finds it much easier to "handle" a baby than a man does, simply because it's natural to her, regardless of how much you might dislike or fail to grasp that concept...
Of course, there are women out there who don't have that instinct either...🤷

What I find even harder to stomach are the views of a woman who carries a child for nine months and then claims the difference between her and her partner is just that he doesn't have to breastfeed or give birth; I don't see myself in those descriptions, nor do I see my mother or any of the mothers of my friends and people in my life....
Sorry, but you can love your dad and he can be the greatest guy in the world, but... a mother is a mother!!!

That bolded part really hit home for me. I think it's totally unfair to start counting who is resting and who isn't. I've been on bed rest since my embryo transfer; I get a new diagnosis at almost every appointment, and I'm seen by doctors every two weeks. I've been stuck in bed constantly, and I'm only in my 23rd week... but that doesn't mean my husband isn't worrying, fighting, or showing his fear and sadness. He helps me with everything, holds my hand on the hard days, and strokes my hair when he sees me crying. I wouldn't have this little miracle without him; honestly, I think I would have given up a long time ago if he weren't by my side.I wouldn't have survived the miscarriage, the D&C, or the assisted delivery... not to mention how hard it was for him to give me injections while I just kept crying... eventually, I stopped crying because I realized it would be easier for him if I were the one doing the poking instead of him doing it to me.

We ended up laughing about it, seeing the whole journey as just another challenge leading to great happiness. I know for sure that without him, I'd be a much bigger coward than I am right now.

And I know he’s going to be a great father. Right now, he's working 12-hour shifts so that once the baby arrives, he can stay home with us for at least two or three weeks. I know he'll be the one getting up at night and changing diapers, and he's going to adore his child. That's why I chose him. At 36, if you make a massive mistake in choosing a partner, that's on you.

A very close friend of ours became a father at 16, and his mother abandoned him at birth. He's in 8th grade now, and they are the most beautiful father and son I know. I just wanted to say that there are all kinds of moms and all kinds of dads out there...

There are all sorts of mothers and all sorts of fathers out there, and honestly, nobody is trying to diminish the role of a father or a husband, but I still think there’s a fundamental difference between us... I know my husband would move mountains for our family, and nothing is ever too much trouble for him. I truly believe he’ll excel in certain areas more than I will. And in other areas, I'll step up where he can't, and that's perfectly fine.
I didn't quite catch what you meant by "lying around" being a way of forcing an issue🤷 I was really just making a comparison, because let's be real—you don't truly understand until you experience it firsthand. They just can't experience pregnancy or those initial fears the same way we do. He might feel the baby kick against his hand, but I feel that baby in every single moment of my existence... and I'm the one who has to go through the labor. No matter how much he tries to understand, no description could ever actually convey the reality of it to him.
It doesn't make him any less of a parent than I am, and it certainly doesn't lessen his love for our baby, but it does create a distinction between our experiences.

Michael King2 said:There are all sorts of mothers and all sorts of fathers out there, and honestly, nobody is trying to diminish the role of a father or a husband, but I still think there’s a fundamental difference between us... I know my husband would move mountains for our family, and nothing is ever too much trouble for him. I truly believe he’ll excel in certain areas more than I will. And in other areas, I'll step up where he can't, and that's perfectly fine.
I didn't quite catch what you meant by "lying around" being a way of forcing an issue🤷 I was really just making a comparison, because let's be real—you don't truly understand until you experience it firsthand. They just can't experience pregnancy or those initial fears the same way we do. He might feel the baby kick against his hand, but I feel that baby in every single moment of my existence... and I'm the one who has to go through the labor. No matter how much he tries to understand, no description could ever actually convey the reality of it to him.
It doesn't make him any less of a parent than I am, and it certainly doesn't lessen his love for our baby, but it does create a distinction between our experiences.

Look, we spent three years trying to have a baby—between being at home and visiting doctors... and I think, in the end, he might feel left out because I'm the one carrying the physical weight of this pregnancy right now. But for that same reason, I'm not sure it's actually easier on him than it is on me.

I definitely interpreted the "lying around" comment from the previous post as someone being condescending to another member... but online forums are places where people constantly misunderstand one another.

northernseal6 said:Man, it’s honestly no surprise that women end up with less space in certain industries compared to men.
There's just nothing we can do about it.

🙂

And what really gets under my skin is how some people go overboard defending their husbands—acting like he's some martyr just because he pulls a 6 AM to 6 PM shift.
So what? Big deal. ☕

Anyway, I'm done playing the "nice girl" role.

Go ahead, tear me apart. 🙂

northernseal6 said:Man, it’s honestly no surprise that women end up with less space in certain industries compared to men.
There's just nothing we can do about it.

Look—my husband spent the last five years hunkered down in trenches in Iraq and Afghanistan, working as a sniper just so we could live comfortably. Could I have done that instead of him? Could you? Well, I couldn't—which is exactly why I respect him. Even when he drives me crazy by acting like vacuuming isn't his responsibility—and sure, every household dynamic is different, I'll give you that—we should respect those differences. And, not to go completely off-topic, it’s incredibly irritating when people judge everything based solely on their own narrow experiences. I don't know what you two are up to, but where I work—in a field that's equally male and female—everyone gets paid the same.🤷

Michael King2 said:There are all sorts of mothers and all sorts of fathers out there, and honestly, nobody is trying to diminish the role of a father or a husband, but I still think there’s a fundamental difference between us... I know my husband would move mountains for our family, and nothing is ever too much trouble for him. I truly believe he’ll excel in certain areas more than I will. And in other areas, I'll step up where he can't, and that's perfectly fine.
I didn't quite catch what you meant by "lying around" being a way of forcing an issue🤷 I was really just making a comparison, because let's be real—you don't truly understand until you experience it firsthand. They just can't experience pregnancy or those initial fears the same way we do. He might feel the baby kick against his hand, but I feel that baby in every single moment of my existence... and I'm the one who has to go through the labor. No matter how much he tries to understand, no description could ever actually convey the reality of it to him.
It doesn't make him any less of a parent than I am, and it certainly doesn't lessen his love for our baby, but it does create a distinction between our experiences.

I'm with her on this.

Charles Moore49 said:First off: Excuse me? That’s not how it works at all because it really does depend on the woman, and honestly, it depends on who he's going to rely on...I don't think there's a single man out there who is going to grab a screaming infant right out of someone's arms and insist, "let me soothe them," or step up and say, "don't worry, I'll handle this diaper change"...so, in reality, it actually does depend on you, specifically regarding how much space you provide and how much you encourage him to step up...

And personally, I still believe gender plays a role here...since I'm not talking about mothers who happen to love their biological children less than the father does...

Hmm, my godmother’s husband does exactly that: he takes the little one right out of her arms when she starts crying to calm her down, changes the dirty diapers, and helps with bath time by filling the tub and holding her while she gets her hair washed. 🤷

So the kid doesn't just depend on the woman; in a normal situation, they should be depending on both parents.
My dad used to warm my bottles and feed me just as much as my mom did, and that was nearly 40 years ago. 😬

The other day, my husband came home from Target all excited because he picked up a jacket for the kid at a great price—even got the right size for winter—without me even prompting him or giving him the green light. 😍

Bottom line: it isn't about gender, it's just a mix of things.

On topic, it absolutely drives me crazy when women give me these weird looks because I don't sit around glorifying "maternal instincts."😁
When people ask how I'm feeling and I tell them honestly that nothing feels particularly special—other than the fact that I suddenly have this huge belly with something kicking inside it daily, I've gained 25 pounds so my heels ache when I walk, and my moods swing depending on the weather—they start hitting me with those annoying questions about "maternal feelings" and all that nonsense.
Honestly, I have no idea what that's even supposed to be, and I don't even know what to tell them in response to such a stupid question. 🤷

Nathan Kelly said:🙂

And what really gets under my skin is how some people go overboard defending their husbands—acting like he's some martyr just because he pulls a 6 AM to 6 PM shift.
So what? Big deal. ☕

Anyway, I'm done playing the "nice girl" role.

Go ahead, tear me apart. 🙂

As far as my understanding of the laws of physics goes—and let's be honest, they haven't changed lately—it’s still physically impossible to be in two places at once. So, while he’s busy working, it’s perfectly reasonable that he can't simultaneously juggle a hundred other things around the kid—cooking, laundry, cleaning... you get the idea. Is it really any wonder?

Look, I’m not really interested in getting into a back-and-forth debate with you—not because I'm avoiding the topic, but because we simply see things through different lenses. You have your perspective, and I have mine. Honestly? No matter what I write to you, I’m not going to budge on my stance, and I doubt you’ll change yours either. Why bother spinning our wheels?

And once he finally makes it home, what’s his routine? Does he just collapse onto the couch and pass out? 🤷 until his next shift starts?

I’m gonna jump in here with a lighter take on your posts. My better half has the day off while I’m stuck at work—pregnancy, right? He actually called me just to vent about vacuuming the apartment. Apparently, he got halfway through, realized he was starving, had to quit to go grab a snack, and then the dog decided to sashay onto the rug, shake all her gorgeous fur everywhere, and flop down right on the freshly cleaned carpet. Honestly, if he vacuumed more often, he’d realize she does 🙂 every single time. And complaining about getting hungry mid-chore? Give me a break. He’s calling me to act as his therapist, so I "comfort" him by reminding him how much worse it'll get when the third little monster 😍 arrives. You guys gave me a great idea, though—I should probably throw stinky diapers into this saga 🤣 too. Let's see him try to claim he's living the dream then. He's my one and only 😉

Nathan Kelly said:And once he finally makes it home, what’s his routine? Does he just collapse onto the couch and pass out? 🤷 until his next shift starts?

I mean, if you’re dealing with a job that’s physically draining or just mentally exhausting, you really have to give someone space to decompress, 🤷 my dear, he rarely makes it home before 6 PM, then he grabs some food, relaxes for a bit, we might go for a little walk, or come back to the apartment and tidy up the dishes and stuff, but I honestly can't be expected to demand he's vacuuming the house or washing windows at 9 PM.🤷
sorry, but I truly don't get where you're coming from, and even if you aren't in this exact situation, I still don't quite understand how you can look at things that way? 😕

And look... he isn't even through the door until 5 PM...

But honestly, since we moved in together, my mom hasn't come over once to vacuum the floors, scrub the windows, dust the shelves, or whip up dinner. He handles all of that; I just tackle the little things so I don't have to be bending over all day—you know, throwing something quick in the microwave, wiping down the table, doing the dishes, stuff like that. In our house, this is just how things work. It’s totally normal for us. 🤷
It was like this before, and it’s like this now.
I spent my entire life working all day long, including weekends. And for what? I can't exactly turn around and expect him to start vacuuming the living room at 9 PM, so why should I be any different???
I will never understand why women feel the need to turn themselves into servants.

Nathan Kelly said:And once he finally makes it home, what’s his routine? Does he just collapse onto the couch and pass out? 🤷 until his next shift starts?

No,
he’s currently laying tile in our new place...
plus, we have a massive yard—about 10,000 square feet—filled with fruit trees, flowers, and landscaping... that needs constant upkeep all year round.
To me, it just makes more sense for my mom to come over and help out with the housework, while he stays busy with his projects so we can move into the new house sooner.

You’re looking at this strictly from your own perspective—I'm assuming you live in a 500-square-foot apartment on the 8th floor of a high-rise, where the only thing to do after work is crash on the sofa and watch TV.

I’m looking at this from mine—which is everything I just mentioned.

Different lifestyles require different approaches.
If you honestly find that hard to wrap your head around, then I don't even know what to tell you.

jadejackal said:No,
he’s currently laying tile in our new place...
plus, we have a massive yard—about 10,000 square feet—filled with fruit trees, flowers, and landscaping... that needs constant upkeep all year round.
To me, it just makes more sense for my mom to come over and help out with the housework, while he stays busy with his projects so we can move into the new house sooner.

You’re looking at this strictly from your own perspective—I'm assuming you live in a 500-square-foot apartment on the 8th floor of a high-rise, where the only thing to do after work is crash on the sofa and watch TV.

I’m looking at this from mine—which is everything I just mentioned.

Different lifestyles require different approaches.
If you honestly find that hard to wrap your head around, then I don't even know what to tell you.

😂
Just try to imagine my reality. I live in a house 😛 with a massive backyard 🥳 that actually requires effort to maintain.

It’s honestly ridiculous how people call it "slavery" when a guy just wants to crash after work. I don't know what kind of women they're talking about then—the ones whose husbands never lift a single finger around the house ☕
Me? I’ve basically been on vacation for a week staying at my mom’s place... He gets home around 5, maybe takes a quick breather, then hits the books or starts tackling stuff like cleaning his room, organizing the closet, painting, whatever. If things need doing, he'll vacuum or toss a load of laundry in... but seriously, where is he supposed to find more time? I'm the one cooking lunch every day, doing the ironing, and handling all that other stuff 🤷
At the end of the day, if a couple works out this way and they're both happy, why does everyone have to jump down their throats calling women "slaves" and men "useless"??? 🙄

Nathan Kelly said:And look... he isn't even through the door until 5 PM...

But honestly, since we moved in together, my mom hasn't come over once to vacuum the floors, scrub the windows, dust the shelves, or whip up dinner. He handles all of that; I just tackle the little things so I don't have to be bending over all day—you know, throwing something quick in the microwave, wiping down the table, doing the dishes, stuff like that. In our house, this is just how things work. It’s totally normal for us. 🤷
It was like this before, and it’s like this now.
I spent my entire life working all day long, including weekends. And for what? I can't exactly turn around and expect him to start vacuuming the living room at 9 PM, so why should I be any different???
I will never understand why women feel the need to turn themselves into servants.

I don't think it makes sense to compare life before pregnancy to how things are now. Obviously, if both partners are working late and dealing with equally tough jobs, they're going to figure out a fair way to split chores. And hey, if a mom, sister, or a friend can swing by to help out, why wouldn't you let them? Why put the pressure on the guy and basically treat him like a servant? 😕
Ever since I got pregnant, I haven't touched the vacuum, the mop, the windows, the tub, or the toilet once. But I can, you know, wipe down the sink and let him handle the rest. I can dust, make dinner, load the dishwasher, throw a load of laundry in, and give him some affection and stuff. It's just natural that my man helps out whenever he can, but it never even crosses my mind to nag him or force him to work right after he gets off the clock. I don't know what kind of job you have or how physically or mentally draining it is, but if he comes home happy and ready to hang out, then I guess his job isn't actually that bad 🤷

John Wilson9 said:It’s honestly ridiculous how people call it "slavery" when a guy just wants to crash after work. I don't know what kind of women they're talking about then—the ones whose husbands never lift a single finger around the house ☕
Me? I’ve basically been on vacation for a week staying at my mom’s place... He gets home around 5, maybe takes a quick breather, then hits the books or starts tackling stuff like cleaning his room, organizing the closet, painting, whatever. If things need doing, he'll vacuum or toss a load of laundry in... but seriously, where is he supposed to find more time? I'm the one cooking lunch every day, doing the ironing, and handling all that other stuff 🤷
At the end of the day, if a couple works out this way and they're both happy, why does everyone have to jump down their throats calling women "slaves" and men "useless"??? 🙄

Honestly, I feel for those women. Truly. 😢

A close friend of mine actually just went through a divorce for this exact reason. She reached her breaking point because she was drowning in housework while he just sat there like a statue, refusing to move a muscle—and then had the nerve to demand specific meals and drinks! To top it off, they had a tiny baby at home. It’s just heartbreaking, really. 😢

Nathan Kelly said:😂
Just try to imagine my reality. I live in a house 😛 with a massive backyard 🥳 that actually requires effort to maintain.

Well, that's great—at least you'll have somewhere to take the baby for a stroll.

👋