Alexander Garcia35 said:I’ll jump in here too.
I’m honestly fascinated by how much people react when we decide that we don't need a village sent to us the moment the baby arrives—that we’d rather just handle things ourselves and figure out our own rhythm. We live far away from family, and it’s not that we wouldn't let them in if they were nearby; we just want some space at the start to bond, get our bearings, and set up a routine that actually works for us.
It feels like people won't even give us the benefit of the doubt. I get all these little jabs and comments like, "Oh, you think you've got it all figured out," or "Just wait until you're in the thick of it," or "You have no idea what you're getting into," or even, "Just wait until your mother-in-law shows up..."
The reality is that in plenty of cultures, there isn't even a tradition of having a mother or an in-law hovering over you to help; those families thrive, the babies are perfectly healthy, and everyone does just fine on their own.
I really don't see the issue. 🤷
Chloe Cooper5 said:Hahaha, I totally get where you're coming from! That's exactly what I told everyone—that my husband and I are going to handle this together. We are both parents, and I don't see any reason to call in a mother-in-law to do the work while he just stands there watching. We made this baby together, so we should raise him together! If we hit a serious snag, sure, maybe someone could step in, but I don't understand this obsession with mothers and mothers-in-law. It's as if they assume we're incapable or incompetent enough to care for our own child alone. It's nonsense. And the reaction whenever I say we'll do it ourselves is always the same: "You'll see, you're going to need help," or "You can't do it all alone, why wouldn't you ask us?" Honestly... I believe the beginning isn't easy, but nothing in life is easy... I'm actually glad we live on our own so no one has much opportunity to interfere...
You aren't incompetent or incapable at all.
I wasn't either—not clueless, not incapable, and certainly not some wide-eyed kid who doesn't know a thing about how life works.
Ali!!!
Usually, husbands are around for the first couple of days and then they head back to work.
And then you're left alone with the baby.
You're exhausted, riding a hormonal rollercoaster, and overwhelmed by a million tiny things.
If you had a rough night, you're sleep-deprived and drained.
Maybe you're still physically recovering from the delivery, dealing with painful stitches or recovery from a C-section.
Your blood pressure might be wonky.
Or maybe breastfeeding isn't going smoothly, so the baby is clinging to you all day long.
Believe me, I was just like you—thinking "I can do this all myself"—but there were so many days in those first few weeks when I couldn't even go to the bathroom when I needed to because I had to wait for the little guy to close his eyes for a second... and a real shower or a decent meal felt like a distant dream.
I mostly just brushed my teeth whenever my Muz finally got home from work. 😁
My Muz rarely gets home before 7 PM.
For those first two weeks, my mom came over almost every single day, just to whip up lunch and tidy up a little or straighten things up...
When it came to the baby, I didn't let anyone do anything except my husband.
For the following two weeks, my mother-in-law would drop by whenever I called and said I needed a hand.
And I am endlessly grateful for that.
If someone is already offering to help, maybe don't shut the door completely. Leave a little crack open and tell them you'll call if you need them...😉
The first six weeks are easily the toughest part—it’s such a grind—but once you get past that initial hump, things really start to smooth out and you slowly find your footing again... 😉
