unknown said:Now you might actually stand a chance, GNN. 🙂 It should be available on Netflix this Monday, May 24th. 10:00 PM.
Whoopty—well. It’s probably for the best that I don't track down NeT, otherwise I wouldn't be able to watch anything at all. What a mess. 😢
I suppose I should at least appreciate the good intentions. 👋
That is when the uncontrolled growth begins, marking the dawn of a new chapter in her life—an era defined by true emancipation and self-discovery. (From the TV guide)
Nancy Kim2 said:Athena is gorgeous, sublime, and majestic, yet she carries this subtle sense of cheerfulness and a twinkle in her eye; there are even moments in the Odyssey where she appears so warmly compassionate.
Good grief, Nancy Kim2, you sound like you're describing the Supreme Commander's right-hand man: "A face of beauty and a voice of command, radiating absolute authority over the resistance troops, yet paired with a warm gaze and a mouth that seems perpetually on the verge of a smirk—that was our leader, Josip Broz Marshall."
Personally, I thought Athena was cool when I was a kid because she was the goddess of wisdom and cunning. Nowadays, she’s cool because she’s a total babe in armor!!111one
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And people claim that with age comes wisdom and maturity.
jay said:A bit of thread drift here, but: have you ever read Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson? It features a rather fascinating... exposition, if you will, regarding the theme of Athena vs. Ares.
rapidstag74 said:Just Monica's. face It certainly wouldn't launch my four-meter boat, let alone a fleet of a thousand vessels.
Whether there's a face or not, I say it's nothing but flintlocks at dawn!
Honestly, I think I would have found it much more entertaining to see Helen portrayed exactly how she appears in *Ilium*. As it stands, that version of Helen could probably handle Helen, Priam, Andromache, and Paris all at once with just one hand.
The movie was alright. Actually, I thought it was quite good.
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And that’s actually a problem. Movies like this aren't supposed to just be "alright" or "good." They have to be "HOLY COW, I NEED TO GO SEE THIS AGAIN NEXT WEEK AND THE WEEK AFTER THAT!!!!!" It needs to feel... epic. Like when I first saw Star Wars, or Ben Hur, or Quo Vadis, or Lord of the Rings.
Then again, I’m still being optimistic here. One by one, my friends told me they didn't like it. But it wouldn't be so bad if my friends, much like myself, happen to loathe these specific kinds of films. They complained that the dialogue felt cheap (which I agree with) and that everything was terribly pathetic (though I beg to differ—I mean, if an epic isn't going to be pathetic and larger-than-life, what's the point?). We all loved the mano-a-mano duels, but we really missed those massive battle scenes you see in LoTR.
Hector was cool, just like in the Iliad (I remember even as a kid thinking Hector was totally awesome; there's that scene in the epic where he plays with his son on the wall and says goodbye to his wife before heading to battle... great guy!). Achilles was a total prima donna, just like in the poem, and I think Brad Pitt did a solid job. Paris was a surprising coward. I mean, I know from the Iliad that he isn't exactly a hero, but for him to be *that* pathetic... well, Peter O'Toole is Peter O'Toole, so that says everything I need to say about him.🙂
I have to mention the female characters too. Andromache was fine. Helen was a bit of a non-entity. Seriously? She’s the most beautiful woman in the world? "The face that launched a thousand ships?" Look, full credit to Diane Kruger—she is undeniably gorgeous. But beauty isn't everything. You need charisma and presence. You need to be the kind of woman who, when she smiles at a guy, makes him lose his mind. You have to act... well, like the most stunning queen in the entire world. We were just discussing how Monica Bellucci would have been perfect for the role. She’s got the look and the presence. Honestly, throw Monica Bellucci in some rags, smudge some dirt on her face, and half the guys in the room would be sighing the moment she hits the screen. As it stands, Helen comes across as some bland, pretty girl who, much like Andromache, only knows how to talk about love, eternity, and flowers. Though, it wouldn't be so bad if those lines actually sounded convincing.
Briseis is the only one of the three who actually shows some personality. I liked it when Achilles tells her, "You fought against soldiers; that takes courage," and she snaps back, "That isn't courage. That's how a dog fights when you attack it." If there is any line in this movie that sounded genuinely heroic to me, that was it. And I say that about a film where every other sentence is about "immortal names" and honor and all that crap.
This might sound like I'm whining, but I had to explain why the film wasn't "great" for me, even if it was "good." The movie feels thin. It lacks that epic scale. I miss the gods and monsters from the Iliad, and I miss that "bigger than life" sensation. I don't understand why they even attempted historical authenticity. Like I said before, first of all, I don't know where they even got their historical data on the Trojan War, and second, it seems bizarre to me that Hollywood would suddenly decide to make "historically realistic" epics. What the hell?
The most epic part was when Achilles, with just his own contingent and soldiers, goes on the attack against the Trojans before the Greeks even land on the shore. Now, *that* was epic!🙂
My one serious grievance with the film: an epic war doesn't last five days. That sounds more like the US Army's conflict with Canada. Do you know of any epic poems about the US Army fighting Canada? I didn't think so. That’s why there aren't many massive battle scenes in the movie. They simply didn't have enough time to Fight!
It seems to me that Troy wanted to have its cake and eat it too: they wanted to make a film that was both historically realistic *and* epic at the same time. My impression is that they succeeded at neither, landing somewhere awkwardly in the middle.
There really isn't any other option: we just have to wait and hope that the Chinese "Hero" makes its way to Cinemark so you can finally witness what a truly epic story looks like. You might also find it worthwhile to revisit Dan Simmons' "Ilium" to see his particular take on the Greek heroes. Honestly, in that version, Helen is very cool.
Melissa Cruz2 said:I finally watched the movie. It was watchable, but nothing to write home about. A few scenes feel irritatingly stupid and naive. For instance, that part at the beginning where the thugs are fighting and the Black woman grabs the box of cereal—it’s just...😲 I honestly think the movie should have ended right there with our heroine being taken out. Instead, we get her, all withered and broken, slamming into the medic at the door...
Good God, I bet you're one of those Klingon types who actually believes they invented the saying that revenge is a dish best served cold! Sweet zombie Jesus! 😲 😲
cro Fag said:It’s a shame, but nothing to report just yet. The Anna Nicole Smith Show. Around here... You really ought to see what she looks like. 😲
I am quite proud of myself. I decided to dive into this thread from the very beginning and, much like you, stumbled upon that particular post about Ana Nicole Smith. I was just getting ready to type out a reply asking, "What? Before or after her Jabba the Hutt phase?" when I noticed this:
casualotter21 said:Was this before or after his "Marlon Brando" phase?
casualotter21, you truly are a master of sarcasm. Your post was so incredibly good that I felt compelled to quote the whole thing.
Steven Ruiz said:Hector's wife is a L-E-S-B-I-A-N. She lives with Fion Shaw. Right in my neighborhood.
Yes, yes, yes—we all grasped that from the very first post, despite the fact that—quite rudely of you, I might add!—you still haven't provided a pile of paparazzi photos showing them enjoying some hot monkey love on a terrace to actually back up your claims.
the witch said:what a waste my education would have been if I hadn't read Alan Ford it actually saved me during an elementary school history test on ancient Rome apologies for the off-topic tangent
rapidstag74 said:If Helen is a blonde in "Alan Ford," who are you to argue? 😠
You see, they really should have adapted the Iliad exactly as it was depicted in Alan Ford. After reading "Illum," I realized I had read the Magnus & bunker version of the story a long, long time ago. I remembered the inscription "here to be someone be Troy. Dig it up one day," the depiction of Paris wanting to burn down Helen's palace with a canister of gasoline, and Priam saying, "Paris, you are undoubtedly the stupidest among my hundred children, and the competition in that field is fierce." But my favorite was definitely Odysseus: "Hop-a, cup-a, the two of us together! Hop-a, cup-a, the two of us together!"
I suppose I will have to coordinate with my friends to go see Troy. In the best-case scenario, it will be loud and spectacular, filled with battles, CGI, and plenty of skin; in the worst case, it will be exactly the same, except I'll be dying of laughter because the movie will be so ridiculous.
Still, I am disappointed by the lack of gods. Not because we need to follow every single line of the Iliad verbatim—I couldn't care less about that, considering I barely managed to finish two books of it—but because I genuinely believe that adding gods, monsters, and magic would have made Troy five times more insane.
Why don't they just broadcast one of those old Hollywood classics based on Greek mythology on TV? Something like "Jason and the Argonauts"... featuring those classic stop-motion effects by Ray Harryhausen. I watched one of those on HAHAHAHART on a Sunday morning a while back and loved it: there was a fight against a stop-motion Medusa, and a scene describing the legend of how man was created... It was a fantastic film.
Steven Ruiz said:I completely forgot to mention that Saffron Burrows is my neighbor—she's the actress who plays Hector's wife—and she's a lesbian. She lives with that other actress, Fiona Shaw.
fadedsailor932 said:...but you can still see her backside 😁 ..
...though I personally enjoyed the beginning where she comes to Achilles' tent while he's busy lounging with two women... it isn't easy to keep a guy like Brad satisfied...😁
What if one of those women was actually supposed to be Patroclus?😁
Kevin King52 said:I honestly fail to see what this movie would have sacrificed in terms of action, sheer spectacle, or engagement if it had actually stuck closer to Homer's original vision.
Precisely. I am in complete agreement. Same here. Etc., etc... 🙂
casualotter21 said:I find it quite interesting how they track Godzilla's initial trail right along the highway... the good old Godzilla knew exactly where she was headed from the jump instead of just wandering aimlessly. It feels more like she was sent on a mission...
Psst! That kind of speculation is reserved for the sequel: "Godzilla 2 : Godzilla Meets dr. Evil". Honestly, looking at that flight path (French Polynesia - the vast stretches of the Pacific Ocean - Puerto Rico - the Gulf of Mexico - Hudson Bay - New York), one really has to start questioning things. 😬
poirot said:I'm not correcting myself, I'm correcting you. If you actually bother to read my initial post, you'll see I didn't claim this was satire—just pure mockery.
graniteotter4 said:this is going to be a total disaster... I’m just expecting another overhyped spectacle designed to assault the audience for three straight hours.
And just when you think the movie is finally over, nope—it keeps going and going and going...
The trailer shows ships clogging up the entire horizon and millions upon millions of soldiers.
YES! YES! TALK TO ME DIRTY BABY! YOU KNOW I LOVE IT!
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God, I have such a weakness for these massive Hollywood super-spectacles. 😁 😬
Nancy Price46 said:I read somewhere that the movie didn't strictly follow history and made some changes,
Look, I’m really not trying to be snarky here...
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Alright, let me rephrase that: I don't want to sound TOO sarcastic, but honestly, what "history" are we even talking about? It’s a bit much to see people write, "Oh, I wonder if 'Troy' will stick to historical facts." What facts? Are we looking for historical accuracy in an epic poem filled with D&D-style monsters and gods? You know, the kind where a guy is basically Superman and shrugs off bullets unless you hit him right in the heel? Like, what the hell?
Homer's "Iliad" is just as much a fantasy work as "Lord of the Rings." The only real difference is that the Iliad takes place in small Asia. I wouldn't be surprised by any exaggerations in the film, nor would I view them as a flaw. My actual grievance is why they didn't include the Greek gods. Without them, the Iliad isn't even half the blockbuster that Homer envisioned it to be.😁
Jose Chase2 said:🙏 🙏 🙏 It isn't satire; it’s just a mockery.
Oh, how wonderful, now you've decided to correct me. Regardless, I didn't walk away feeling like I'd witnessed some grand piece of social commentary. It seems to me that disaster movies follow a predictable pattern: either the day is saved by a squad of tall, blue-eyed, handsome soldiers with square beards—that was the standard back in the 1950s—or, more commonly in recent years, everything falls apart and a group of lovable outsiders has to step up to fix the mess. For this one, Emmerich opted for the second approach. There isn't much intellectual depth to be found there.
Scott Collins30 said:It seems Emmerich has a personal vendetta against New York City. First, aliens fry it, then Godzilla tears it down, and if I recall correctly, the new film leaves the Big Apple underwater and frozen. At this rate, all he needs is a massive earthquake to finally complete his artistic destruction of the city.
You absolute maniac, it’s all completely gone to hell.
Just finished watching. I have to admit, it’s quite a punch to the gut, though having already seen two Quentin Tarantino films—namely Hana-bi and that bizarre comedy about a guy obsessed with fertilizing things that sets off the most surreal adventures imaginable—I think I knew what I was getting into. You get those heavy flashbacks woven so tightly into the narrative that you genuinely lose track of whether you're in the present or the past, plenty of slow-paced, highly stylized sequences (though "ceremonially staged" might be a more accurate description), and those sudden shifts between jarring violence and strangely childish humor.
The soundtrack, however, is a whole different beast. When the characters start tilling the field in rhythm, creating music with their hoes, I nearly burst out laughing. Not because the scene was silly, but because it was just delightfully bizarre. 🙂
All in all, I don't think Zatoichi is for everyone, but if you enjoy this specific brand of cinema, it's actually quite excellent. It’s definitely something I'd want to pick up on Blu-ray. 😁
I don't want to spoil the plot, so if anyone happens to catch this post and wants to discuss the movie, I might just use an "invisible" font color to comment on the scenes I found particularly hilarious or strange.