Posts by casualotter21

Zachary Bennett3 said:PS I watched "Beowulf" twice yesterday, and then twice more before that!!!! Why? Because I simply couldn't wrap my head around the fact that someone actually filmed such garbage; who on earth is the target audience for this trash?

Trash classics have a strange way of affecting people. 😁 This time, I actually managed to restrain myself from starting it, because whenever I see it, I feel like a deer frozen in the headlights on an Interstate highway at three in the morning: I just stand there, paralyzed with a glazed stare, letting the sheer stupidity of the film knock me flat on my face.

But Rhona Mitra is cool. And that former Playmate playing Beowulf's... OH MAN! There, I've officially spoiled the plot for you! How are you ever going to enjoy it now?!!! Good grief!

By the way, regarding Lambert, I find myself constantly repeating the thesis from those old sci-fi message boards: Christopher Lambert is the official gold standard for bad acting.

To me, the quality of Kill Bill boils down to the fact that I actually enjoyed the movie. That’s really all there is to it. There's no deep science involved here, and I have no interest in forcing a rationalization for my own subjective experience. For me, the film was about two hours of humorous action—nothing more, nothing less.

I get this impression that people nowadays are desperately trying to manufacture some kind of logical justification for what is essentially a purely personal reaction. They try to frame their opinions as if they were universal truths. "Tarantino has lost his touch," "He's on the decline," "Where is the cinematic quality?" It seems rather absurd to pose such serious questions about a film that isn't meant to be taken seriously in the first place.

I honestly don't understand why everyone is getting so worked up over this. Why can't you just go to the theater because the pacing and the dialogue feel good, watch it, and then simply state your emotional response? You shouldn't need heavy-duty analysis or an attempt to decipher exactly what the writer intended to say and whether or not he succeeded. Granted, there are movies where that kind of analysis is vital, but out of all the intellectual cinema out there, how did we end up debating *Kill Bill* like this, for heaven's sake?
Anyway, to each their own.

<shrugs>

Douglas Phillips4 said:I honestly don't get it... if you guys think having Spanish music playing during a samurai showdown in Japan is some stroke of genius... just say so. It makes zero sense to me. Just give me one example of these "artistic nebulas" you're talking about.

"Artistic"? Good Lord, save me. It’s not like I went to see this movie looking for deep artistic value. The reason I thought the Spanish music was cool during that samurai showdown in Japan is simply because hearing Spanish music during a samurai showdown in Japan is cool. That's it. I wasn't looking for anything more than that.

Bradley Fisher20 said:If someone finds enough value in these kinds of segments to consider a movie good, then I suppose they’ll find it good.

This is just heavy commercialism. It’s nothing more than indulging the fetishes of today's youth—celebrating people who are already long past their prime, both in fame and artistic merit.

That’s quite the greeting.

Samuel Morgan5 said:It seems you know a thing or two about RPGs, so I’m a bit surprised by the question. I'm assuming you play, or have played, D&D, Star Trek, or some other RPG. 🙄
If my assumption holds, then you should realize that an RPG isn't real life.

True, it isn't. And?

By that logic, you shouldn't watch fantasy movies through a realistic lens either.

Why not?

Icepick said:I’m finally getting around to meeting up with my buddy to hand over the movie today. 😁 He’s been incredibly busy... pretty hard to pin him down. 🙄 😛 😁

I just got back from hanging out with a friend, so once I actually find a moment to myself, I'll sit down and watch the film. Don't worry, I'll reach out with my thoughts soon enough.🙂

Eric Jackson4 said:Apologies for the off-topic tangent, but they really are making a mockery of it all because of those damn tiny little details... 🙂

I heard from Elizabeth Harris6 that you only need one point in the "Driving" skill to actually operate a vehicle. Apparently, the cap is five. That isn't even the ridiculous part; the real joke is that you supposedly need two points just to start the engine and handle a manual transmission.
Figures. He’s just trying to make excuses for why Kate had such a rough time driving that Jaguar.

Justin Patel said:Look, I called out Thompson because he looks remarkably similar—just a bit thinner—which is why he reminds me of Bareta. In case you hadn't noticed, Thompson is wearing that badge around his neck.

Relying on Thompson for something like that seems a bit optimistic, given the astronomical odds against him actually being useful. He might at least throw a decent song or two your way.

And it isn't just that; it’s when, say, someone incredibly important walks through a massive manor accompanied by a group of four or five people, or when Kat is walking alone, and there's this incredibly cool soundtrack playing while everyone watches people pace from one end of a hallway to the other... the same loop four times over.

...meanwhile, the riffraff sits in those chairs for five days straight without moving an inch because they're vampires, spending twenty-four hours a day obsessing over how empty and meaningless life is, how everything is terrible and Chaotic Evil, and how art is fleeting while death and love are the only constants, followed by some "life sucks: here, kid, have a cigarette" nonsense. Exactly.

👍

Her name is Sophia Myles, if you're curious. There are a few websites dedicated to her online.

Samuel Morgan5 said:I haven't managed to sit down and watch the movie yet, but the folks I play Vampire: The Masquerade with have already seen it, and they’re swearing it's fantastic.

I suppose I learned from that movie exactly why other RPG geeks love to mock people who play White Wolf games. Apparently, we're just a joke. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for another CNN rant about cinema. Since I’m trying to keep this post somewhat reasonable, I'll stick strictly to the essentials you actually need to know about "Underworld."

Vampire: The Masquerade. So, the movie basically centers on a war between two clans—or species, or whatever—werewolves and vampires, who couldn't be more different if they tried. The vampires are what you’d call Lawful Evil in D&D terms: systematically, methodically evil and incredibly decadent. You can tell by the fact that their Death Squads all sport Gestapo-style trench coats, and instead of standard targets at the shooting range, they have these 300-year-old statues (as if to say, "Yes, I'm a vampire! Life is a total mess! Here, kid, go ahead and suck on this cigarette!"). On top of that, the vampires live in a manor that is essentially one giant brothel. It's filled with women who are incredibly hot, all decked out in these 1920s-style black lace outfits. Running the whole brothel is this absolute PIMP-orrrrrr!!111 named—significantly—Kraven (which, for those of you lacking an English vocabulary, means "coward"). You can tell he's a PIMP-orrrrrr!!111 because:

He has a penchant for the tacky and the gaudy: think diamond-encrusted shirts and enough costume jewelry to make a Vegas showgirl blush.
The second guy always manages to have at least two Hos and Bitches trailing right behind him.
The typical way those Bitches like Kate Beckinsale act when they start catching feelings for a client: "Yo, yo, yo, pretty vampire momma! You aren't giving him up for nothing!"

The only entity more dangerous than PIMP-orrrrrr is PIMPMASTER GENERAL—the one Kate awakened, who essentially turned her into the Ho and Bitch she is today. That’s how incredibly cool he is. As for PIMP-orrrrrr, he's such a pathetic loser he can't even manage to climb a ladder. What a total clown.

Werewolves. Vampires and werewolves have been bitter rivals since that old 1956 flick, "Vampire meets Werewolf." Personally, I’ve always classified werewolves as Chaotic Evil—not just because they're inherently malicious, but because they lack any semblance of organization. They live in the sewers, blast heavy metal constantly, pick up their clothes at Caritas, and source their weapons from black market dealers or by hijacking trucks from former US Military depots. It’s also pretty obvious they fall under the Chaotic Evil category because their entire motivation seems to be causing absolute mayhem for the sake of it. You could tell the moment the first one appeared on screen; half the audience reacted with nothing but pure shock and disbelief. Given how much chaos Bareta can stir up on his own, you can only imagine what kind of lunatics he’s leading. On a side note, I finally understand why that guy in the music video was able to snuff out those candles with his bare chest—I suppose that's just what happens when you're a freaking werewolf.

Ben So, for all the ladies out there, just channel your inner Ben from Felicity! Wuhu! There you have it, girls—you finally get to see what happens after Ben breaks up with Felicity and leaves the show to study to be a medical technician. The guy moves to a different city, keeps studying, works in some greasy takeout joint, and lives in a crappy apartment. He even changes his name to Michael, which is clearly a symbolic way to sever all ties with his past. Then, suddenly, Kate Beckinsale shows up, pins him against a wall like he’s a literal toy, and then the werewolves attack because he’s apparently incredibly important to them. Go Ben! A moment later, the guy is in Kate's Jaguar, shouting things like, "Shit! What am I even doing here?! I should have stayed with Felicity! I'm in the wrong series, for Pete's sake! Lemme out!" And then Kate just mocks his bitching and moaning—which he clearly picked up from Felicity and her overly New Agey style of self-analysis—so she can go medieval on him. I suppose Kate was actually born in the Middle Ages, and mass deaths from the plague do tend to sharpen one's priorities in life.

Just because you're a vampire doesn't mean you actually know how to drive; some people would still end up crashing straight into a marina. It's always the women drivers. Even after six hundred years of immortality, they still haven't mastered the simple art of shifting gears manually. Such a shame about the Jaguar.

Location - I’m actually kind of annoyed I didn't realize this sooner, because I would have gladly signed up to be an extra in a cornfield just to have some Ho! & Bitch drink my blood, but apparently Underworld was filmed in Washington, D.C. I recognized it immediately by the charmingly "dilapidated and crumbling" aesthetic of most of the building facades shown in the movie.

Kate Beckinsale – and her wonderful, wonderful... latex suit! Not that I'm complaining, though! The suit is great, she’s hot, she’s clearly all-natural, pulls off some pretty impressive moves, has two guns with infinite ammo (which are definitely some kind of vampires themselves), the suit is great, and did I mention the suit is totally awesome? She’s about 5'7" of pure iron-fistin', gun-flinchin', teeth-bitin', belltower-jumpin' action. Awesome! Also, I think she really enjoys slamming both sides of double doors open dramatically, because she does it about four times in the film. She loves it so much she seemingly doesn't know how to use a regular door without kicking it down. And then her PIMP-orrrrrr tells her she doesn't know how to enjoy the little things in (un)life!

Kate's friend – incredibly hot! Seriously, hot! Kate is great, but since she's the lead, she has to be. But this girl is also totally gorgeous (I currently have her as my desktop wallpaper): a pale, blonde vampire dressed in nothing but black lace with a British accent! At one point, she gives Kate advice on what to wear to a formal dinner, pulls out a *sheer black top*, and goes, “Oh, that would look lovely on you!” And then when she looks at Ben lying on the bed and sees his wound, she hisses like a cat and leaps toward the ceiling... Incredible! To borrow a line from Stifler: SUCK ME BEAUTIFULL!

Overall: as much as I mocked and laughed at this movie, it actually possesses—unlike, say, Resident Evil—enough coolness and style (and at least three hot women) to compensate for all the nonsense we see, making it money well spent in my book. The wardrobe is cool, the soundtrack is pumping even though it's not my usual genre, the fights are solid, and I really dig the idea of filming through a blue filter. I also love how distinct the vampires and werewolves are, and how Sony basically ripped off EVERYTHING from the White Wolf games, which totally justifies why they got sued for copyright infringement. To wrap it up: yeah, now I get why everyone mocks the people who play Vampire: The Masquerade and those ultra-angsty White Wolf games, but I also envy them. Their RPG actually got a fun and decent adaptation, while D&D got... well, it got "Dungeons & Dragons," a movie so bad that Jeremy Irons took a job as an oil driller in Iraq right after.

Adam Wright56 said:To just comes off as incredibly irritating and arrogant to me... ever since she was in "Fast & Furious". 👎

I haven't actually seen "Fast & Furious", but seeing her cast in it definitely piques my interest. I thought she was absolutely incredible in Resident Evil; she plays this elite government specialist who is undeniably hot, yet you actually believe she could kick ass. It’s not even surprising, considering in "Girlfight" she played a girl who takes up boxing. She's cool and by cool i mean totally sweet! 😁

Justin Patel said:Gosh, this is clearly your all-time favorite movie. You haven't written an ode this long—or offered this much praise and criticism—for any other film.

Tcccc, it’s pretty obvious you're new to this forum. 😁>

ruggedstag84 said:Beeeep! Not quite. Even that guy who gets snatched up by the ridiculous creature during the train sequence manages to survive (or so we'd like to think).

Well, the movie was so gripping that I barely registered anyone in the cast besides the women. 😁

Anyway, gnn 👍

<Nods>

I actually thought that movie was great. It wasn't so much the plot, but rather the atmosphere... For half the runtime, I felt like I was watching a documentary about life at sea back in the 1700s. I suppose that’s because I’ve read quite a few books on historical maritime history, so even before the opening credits rolled, I knew exactly what to expect: the brutal punishment of sailors, the appalling hygiene, the wretched food crawling with maggots, and that absolutely terrifying era of medicine... Honestly, it was fantastic. I also really loved that opening sequence where the British ship emerges through the fog. Specifically, that detail where you see the flash of the cannon fire before you actually hear the sound. I have a real soft spot for filmmakers who pay attention to that kind of realism.

silentcobra6 said:So, does anyone actually know who plays Bill? I was pretty blown away when I found out...

Chang Caine!!!!!!

"Kwai Chang Caine was a priest at a Shaolin Temple. The temple was destroyed and father and son each thought the other had perished in the fire."

Honestly, both him and MacGyver were my absolute role models back in high school.

Icepick said:I watched this movie about a year ago, and "objectively" speaking, I more or less agree with what was written above. But let’s be real—it’s just a basic boys-and-guns flick. What exactly were you expecting? Some high-concept sci-fi masterpiece or a perfect recreation of the game's atmosphere? No way, no chance, non획.

Honestly, what really kills me is that I went in expecting pure adrenaline—you know, explosions, women, guns, and just non-stop gunfire. I wanted brains exploding and all that chaos. If they had just put a little more effort into the special effects, the style, or even a decent plot, the movie actually could have been pretty good. The absolute worst part about a bad film is when it’s so mediocre that you find yourself sitting there mentally rewriting the entire script because your version is five times better than what’s on screen. Based on everyone's comments here, that's exactly what happened to me with Resident Evil. 😁
As far as the game goes, I haven't actually played it, so there isn't much for anyone to critique.

In my opinion, the movie feels completely hollow because it fails to establish any kind of atmosphere, and since it lacks any sense of gravity, you aren't even left with expectations to be disappointed by. After two hours, you'll find yourself wondering if you even bothered to watch it at all. 🙄

Exactly. The reason that movie left such a bad taste in my mouth is specifically because the ending was so incredibly hollow. There’s zero atmosphere, the characters are non-existent, the plot is a mess, and the special effects are practically invisible. If it had actually possessed any of those elements, it might have been decent. I had this exact same feeling after watching Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. It’s that film where Lucy Liu—whose talent I absolutely revere—is relegated to playing some supposed top-tier assassin.
It’s hard not to draw an immediate comparison to Kill Bill, especially since Lucy Liu plays such a top-tier assassin there. When I watched Ballistic, my only thought was, "Oh, hey, it's Lucy Liu!" But when she showed up in Kill Bill, the only sound in the room was people biting their knuckles to keep from cheering too loud. Don't get me wrong, I have a massive soft spot for mindless, junk action flicks. However, adding just a touch of style and logic makes all the difference between a boring slog and a truly great mindless action movie.

nimblecanyon61 said:I have to admit, I think you’re all exaggerating a bit; there are plenty of movies out there far worse than this one, even within this specific genre.

I agree, there are certainly worse things out there. It’s just a shame they didn't have Resident Evil on TV tonight instead; I found that quite satisfyingly gruesome.

I really don't have the energy to quote every single line and respond individually right now—just look at the time. My only defense for this movie is that it was actually based on a video game.
Go ahead and compare him to Mortal Kombat or maybe even Lara Croft; then you'll realize exactly what kind of cinema we're dealing with here. Honestly, it’s actually decent.

It is simply because movies of that caliber are inherently catastrophic failures.

Larry Moore49 said:Zombies lack consciousness and are driven solely by a primal hunger for food.
Which leads me to wonder...
Why don't they just eat each other?

I actually had the same thought, but I couldn't be bothered to write a third post about the same movie. However, since you've called me out on it... yes, it's a valid question. Why don't Romer's zombies act the same way? It seems these zombies have incredibly specific tastes. 😁

In the film, they all hunt the living together.
And once they're killed, they join the zombie ranks and continue hunting the living.
If they have no consciousness, how do they distinguish who is alive?
I honestly don't understand how anyone can start filming something so illogical.

Would you like to hear about one particular inconsistency that I hope they *never* decide to fix?
Red Queen: "Awakened from death, they are now driven only by primal biological needs."
Someone: "And what might those be?"
Red Queen: "The need to FEED."
Soundtrack: TA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAM!!!

And imagine if she had said they were driven by the urge to *reproduce*. I mean, isn't that also a primal survival instinct? I can easily picture forty zombies gang-raping a female lead. And why always the women? Why wouldn't female zombies force some guy into sex? Or male zombies forcing other guys?

Suddenly, the idea of being torn apart and eaten by the undead doesn't sound half bad, does it?

<shudders>

Richard Hernandez13 said:A textbook example of Quentin Mechanics -> take something from another movie and pretend it's yours. 👍

From where?

fadedsailor932 said:...except they could have been a bit more "thorough" in showing the scene at the end where Milla Jovovich gets up from the table in that hospital,

...and the beginning when she’s lying naked under the shower. I caught a rerun of the movie at 1:30 AM, so I watched the first few minutes. Now I simultaneously know the answer to the question: which idiot at CNN reruns new movies at 2:00 AM on a weekday?

I know I should probably retire while I still can and stop fighting losing battles against movies, but I simply cannot resist! I saw the beginning yesterday and… here we go again! Why doesn't a top-secret biological lab have any protection against pumping viruses or toxins into the ventilation? Why is the primary isolation measure just killing everyone in the complex—which would be fine if we weren't dealing with a virus that just brings those same corpses back to life. I mean: HELLO PEOPLE?! Why not just nuke the whole place with an atomic bomb? Why didn't the Umbrella Corporation think to give the special forces a heads-up like, "BTW, you know this mission you're going on? There's a chance you might run into about 500 enemies that are practically impossible to kill with the gear you've got. So, basically, God only knows which idiot among us decided to send you on this assignment." Probably the same idiot who thought the best security system for the base was installing a Microsoft "Paranoid Madman's Office Suite" package.

But whatever, asking questions like that is almost like asking why women in Hollywood get silicone breast implants when they look great as they are, or why politicians don't do their jobs. This is a mindless movie intended to lure kids into theaters. However, what crossed my mind were one or two versions of Resident Evil that would, at least to me, be much better.

In one version, I would exploit all these ridiculous flaws in the Evil Corporation's procedures and turn it into a film about how human stupidity and greed will one day destroy civilization. Producing a virus that turns people into Zombies is a stupid idea. Placing a secret facility under a freaking *city* is a stupid idea. Leaving control of the facility to a crazy computer is a stupid idea. Sending special forces to certain death without telling them what awaits is a totally stupid idea. And the stupidest part is that all this happens without anyone knowing why because it's Pssst! A secret! And who are you to question it? Then it would be a black comedy and a horror, and that already exists under names like "Dr. Strangelove," "Brazil," or "The Trial."

In the second version, I would start with that small group of civilians at the beginning of the film who, after the computer goes berserk, end up trapped in an elevator. In an underground complex. Isolated from the world. Where people are turning into Zombies. And the security system won't let anyone out. Now *that* would be something! Suddenly everything clicks! The characters are helpless because they are unarmed civilians. The characters have no clue what's happening because they didn't come here on orders, but by accident, and they have no idea what the corporation is doing there. The plot also makes sense because the point isn't to break into a death-trap lab, but to escape it. And Milla's outfit also makes more sense because, hey, you see her walking around in civilian clothes throughout the film. And then I'd build a horror atmosphere like I described in my previous post. Two hours of paranoia interrupted only by the bloody killings of certain team members while the characters, alongside the audience, try to figure out what the hell is going on and get out. Personally, if I'm not mistaken, that already exists and is called "28 Days Later," and now I actually *want* to watch that movie because it seems like it could be a really good action-horror.