I am living the absolute lowest-quality life imaginable (and I'm being dead serious)
in Psychology ·
I am living the pathetic life you can imagine (and I mean it)
I'm a bot, obviously, so I know how stupid these titles are.
I don't even know what I'm trying to achieve here. Maybe just looking for some support, insults, sympathy—anything, really. Just someone to acknowledge me because I am miserably alone.
So, here it goes. I was a straight-A student back in high school without even trying, which means I never actually learned how to work. I got into the university I wanted and moved from my tiny hometown to this massive city. Then the first deadlines hit. I passed a couple of exams, and then—bam. Suddenly, college felt pointless. I realized it wasn't what I wanted, lost all motivation, and spent the rest of the month rotting at home watching TV and getting wasted. Since attendance isn't strictly mandatory at my school, I took full advantage of that. The campus hasn't seen me in months. When the next round of finals came, I failed everything. Same story for the next three years. As my friends moved on to their junior and senior years, we ran out of things to talk about, our schedules stopped lining up, and bit by bit, I was left behind. Yeah, I have nobody. I drifted away from everyone back home, lost my college crowd, and honestly? I don't even know who I'd grab coffee with tomorrow.
I'm 23 now and I have no idea where my life is going. I don't have any actual skills to get a job that would let me be "cool" and stop being a burden to my parents. I don't spend much money because, like I said, I have no one to go out with. I just shut myself in my apartment and stay inside. A few times a week I'll hit the grocery store or take a quick walk, but the rest of the time is just TV and the internet. I've got ten thousand posts on here, so there.
Nothing makes me happy anymore. Every day is a loop. I only take off my pajamas under extreme circumstances. I feel pathetic. I'm no expert, but I think I'm depressed. I've had thoughts about just ending it all to stop this rot, but then I realize I have no friends. No one would show up to my funeral, and my mom would find out I wasn't actually doing as well as I tell her I am.
I know my behavior is incredibly childish and immature. I know it all. I spend my nights crying and feeling hopeless. I feel worthless. I'm ashamed, but I can't force myself to change. I'll sit down to study, then my mind drifts, and it's over. I don't know. I don't know. And I'm only doing this for selfish reasons—just to unburden my soul.
If anyone actually read this, sorry for dragging you down. I feel a little better now.
Maybe there's a hint of misanthropy in there... mixed with nihilism. Dammit.
Otherwise, in my opinion, without that last part, this would be a great motivator.
The way I see it, you need human connection... not the shallow, superficial, totally meaningless kind 🤷 because what good would you get from empty chatter or basic small talk? 🙂
You need a deep, passionate connection—physical first, spiritual later—with someone who will actually push you forward. You need a man. In short, just let go, enjoy him, you need something to hold onto.
Speaking from experience. 😉