Matthew Clark3 said:Yeah, for me, the first time was definitely tied to workaholism because I piled way too many extra responsibilities on top of my actual job. It got to the point where I couldn't absorb a single new piece of information. Everything I already knew just turned into mush; I completely lost my grip. It’s like you have a million tiny drawers and you keep stuffing things into them until they barely close, then suddenly all the drawers just burst open and everything scatters everywhere, leaving you totally lost. And look, I’m no genius—just an average person who pushed herself way too hard. But the fallout stuck. Now, years later, whenever I try to learn something new for my career, it happens to me every single day. It's maddening when you feel like your hands are tied...
Any conscious attempt at control eventually hits a breaking point. It's like walking or breathing... imagine if you had to think about every single breath and how much oxygen you were taking in. You'd end up breathing differently every time and eventually lose your mind (unless you actually enjoy that kind of thing—and I know some people 🙂 do). That's why breathing is unconscious.
I think sometimes it might actually be better to know a little less rather than forcing it... unless you have massive capacity... then it's easier (though even those people hit a wall eventually).
I don't know, but I think you just reached a boiling point. Once you became aware of the "pressure," you started overthinking it, and everything got tangled up. You're probably naturally someone who likes having things under control, or maybe you prefer being guided, so those traits likely bled into your work or this current stage of life. When your brain ran out of credit, it led to burnout.
Between all those mental maps, stress, caffeine, demands, aging parents, loans, and everyone else's expectations... we connect everything to ourselves. Honestly, I don't think anyone today hasn't gone a little crazy in one way or another.
I'm not sure what advice to give you. Maybe take a month or two off and do absolutely nothing. Go somewhere where you usually feel at peace. You won't miss out on anything by stepping back right now. Perhaps you just need to recharge... once you do, your pragmatic brain will start working for you again. Those drawers will start functioning normally. 🙂