Gerald Gomez43 said:She struggles with social anxiety and suicidal ideation, and from what I could gather, she’s actually been hospitalized before. Personally, I think navigating all of that while trying to perform nursing duties—where you're constantly interacting with people, many of whom are critically ill or facing the end of their lives—would be an incredibly heavy burden to carry.🤷.
Why does any of this even matter?
Let her finish her degree first—that part is pretty straightforward, anyone can do it, and I’m sure Silence agrees. As for whether she’s actually competent at the job? Well, I guess that's for her future employer to decide.
Obviously, we can't all be experts at everything... But honestly, that hasn't really come up as a major issue for me—at least not within this specific thread.
Silence, what is it about having to go to practice that triggers that panic for you?
She was just asking for tips on how to survive her clinical rotations, yet everyone here decided to pivot into interrogating her life choices instead 🤦. I’m curious—how many of you actually stick to what fits your personality and skill set (and, honestly, what’s best for your clients or users)?
Silence, we can't exactly tell you exactly how much Normbal you need to take, or if you should be taking it at all. We don't know you. Your priority right now is finishing your degree. To finish your degree, you have to pass the year. To pass the year, you have to get through these rotations. You'll just have to figure out your own balance.
As for the social anxiety, maybe try tackling that alongside your studies; it’s pretty common knowledge that exposure therapy is what builds up your resilience.
People are everywhere. There’s no avoiding them, regardless of whatever career path you end up taking.
It’s honestly kind of ridiculous to me that people are lecturing you about your schooling based on an anxiety issue. Sure, that level of panic is maddening, but please remember that nobody’s opinion really matters—except maybe a professor’s, since you need them to give you a passing grade. And, hey, there's always the small chance a brick might fall on your head during the next earthquake. Those are basically your only two actual concerns during these sessions. Just get through it, and once you're out in the workforce, you won't give a damn about 90% of the nonsense you're dealing with right now.
So, you're actually this terrified of the workouts—because of PEOPLE??? And yet you claim to love it? I guess you'd honestly rather just rot away in some psych ward than actually show up and put in the work. Instead of focusing on everything you could potentially learn while you're there, you're stuck obsessing over what some stranger might think of you. 😵🙂😒
cosmicdriver42 said:Dr. Hrvoje Handl even finished acting school, so I'm not surprised he's moved into psychodrama...
Yeah, he definitely knows his stuff. Above all, he’s a musician (he mentioned how he basically paid off his college tuition through gigs). He’s a truly unique, interesting, and open guy, and more importantly, a high-quality psychiatrist. And even though he has that acting background, he "performs" less than any of those other doctors—I mean, you can tell he has that performer's streak in him, but it’s fine, it's well-channeled. He talks to patients normally; he'll be direct and honest about the issue, give you some common-sense advice, explain things professionally, and occasionally a well-placed "damn" might slip out... It just feels authentic. And that therapeutic technique using poetry (even though we could pick any poem we wanted, as long as it wasn't some cheesy country song 😬) was honestly such a wonderful group experience.
I was actually just watching one of his interviews where he talks about everything... and from what I can remember, he was exactly like that when he talked to us in therapy. That style of communication really worked for me.
Emily Brown81 said:Can you give me the lowdown on Rio? I’ve been thinking about signing up, but my work schedule is absolutely insane right now. I really need to know how they actually structured the program.
It’s somewhat similar to an outpatient clinic setup—if my memory serves me right, it was two days a week for maybe two or three months. The curriculum included lectures regarding the disorder itself, psychodynamic groups, CBT, and art workshops. As for the lectures, it’s actually quite nice that anyone interested in getting a better grasp of the condition can join; there were a few partners and parents tagging along, but honestly, if you’ve done a bit of your own reading, you'll probably be up to speed. The psychodynamic group... well, it was pretty tedious. To me, it felt a bit like a competition to see who had the most traumatic childhood, though I suppose I'm just not wired for group therapy. The CBT portion was mediocre at best, though maybe someone else found it useful. The art group, however, was genuinely great. It was intense—lots of tears, plenty of laughter, poetry, music, some acting, choreography, and watching films. A lot of it really depends on who is leading the sessions, I guess. Personally, it didn't change much for me, but it was an interesting experience nonetheless. I'm not entirely sure if anything here helps besides the simple passage of time...
As part of the Rio program, led by Dr. Hrvoje Handl 🙏 Everything else in that whole curriculum was pretty much a waste of time—honestly, the only thing anyone actually looked forward to was showing up for his workshops.
Go ahead and make fun of me if you want—that’s basically what this forum is for, right?—but honestly, this is a legitimate psychological issue. I’d argue it’s tied directly to social phobia, and in my own experience, it stems from this deep-seated fear of rejection from whoever happens to be on the other end of the line. Whether I'm trying to deal with a customer service rep at a place like Verizon, filing some paperwork with a local agency, or just calling up friends to hang out, my brain starts spinning through fifty different negative scenarios where the call ends up being useless or awkward. It creates this massive amount of internal frustration before I even dial. Most of the time, things turn out fine, of course, but these kinds of irrational fears—even if they seem ridiculous to someone else—are just a fundamental part of living with anxiety.
Adam Morales2 said:Haven't read the replies yet, but honestly, the fix is pretty basic. Just take the job and the stipend, then deal with the GAD at a psychiatrist on the side. I guess if you put in the work and focus on stuff outside yourself, you'll probably be fine. Good luck.
Concise, clear, sensible, and actually doable—I really appreciate posts like this that don't overcomplicate things with unnecessary philosophy 😍, though maybe you should consider a career in psychiatry 😬 I say that because I’m dealing with a similar mess myself, and I had been thinking along those same lines about how to handle things, but with my brain feeling like such a disaster zone, I just couldn't organize my thoughts that clearly. This isn't exactly my area of expertise, but thanks for the advice 🙂
Look, people aren't stupid. We just patch ourselves up, scrape by, and keep moving. You can either spend your entire life living in constant fear of a psychotic break—dealing with the nightmares and all that—or you can actually deal with it. I guess we aren't psychiatrists here, so we shouldn't be handing out medical advice, but maybe there’s room to tweak your regimen to make things a bit more bearable. It probably wouldn't hurt to seek out a second opinion, too. I'm no expert, but I suspect Ad might actually trigger a psychotic episode, so combining it might not be the best move. If you did go that route, you’d likely have to bump up the Ap. Honestly, finding the right balance is such a massive headache; it takes a ridiculous amount of time. Maybe you should just figure it out as you go—though I suppose that depends on how much time you have before things spiral. If I were in your shoes, I’d ask my doctor about adjusting things to dial down the anxiety, and I’d definitely track down a solid pharmacologist for a second opinion.
briskpuma6 said:Absolutely! I agree with every single word, but...
What you wrote isn't being questioned, but the emotional side of things doesn't care about logic. That crushing sense of guilt shows up regardless of whether I've consciously decided to dwell on it or not.
Logic is one thing, but feelings... good grief... they are enough to drive anyone insane.
Anyway, I managed to deal with my own guilt using the method I detailed in my later posts; it's a fascinating approach, and I'd suggest others give it a shot.
Which previous posts? I'm lost.
I suppose I see guilt as the fallout from doing something wrong—either to myself or someone else—where I end up regretting it later. Or, it's the reaction to being hurt by someone else, whether they meant to or not. You get angry at them, and when you can't actually lash out or settle the score, you turn that frustration inward. You start blaming yourself—thinking, "How could I have been such an idiot to let them play me like that?"—and then you basically punish yourself. It’s like adding insult to injury, over and over again...
Call it whatever you want—self-forgiveness, or just accepting that "I was acting crazy because I didn't know any better." Maybe the other people involved were just as lost in their own mess and didn't realize the collateral damage they were causing. Or, if they did it on purpose, well, let them go be miserable somewhere else. I'm done with the endless rumination and chewing on things that should have been swallowed and forgotten ages ago (or at least, I'm trying to stop doing that). I don't know how I finally got there—maybe it was just realizing I have much more important things to do than obsess over feelings that might be, well, overrated. Like my therapist once told me, just "dial down the intensity." 😁 🙂
When you're feeling low, it’s pretty much impossible to maintain any kind of big-picture perspective. Honestly, frustration and anger can actually be useful—provided you know how to channel them properly, I guess. I tend to favor practice over theory; ever since I stopped taking everything so personally, life has felt a little less heavy, maybe even a bit easier. But that tiny, subconscious urge to just say "screw you" tucked away in some corner of my brain? That's always going to be there. It’s just how I was wired—based on those vague childhood memories I can't quite recall and the fact that I simply didn't have the luxury of being angry at the entire world back then. We aren't all wired the same way, after all. How would you go about tackling the whole issue of guilt?
@briskpuma6, don't get worked up 🙂 Not at yourself or anyone else—it’s just not healthy.
Reading your posts feels a bit like looking in a mirror from years ago—which isn't exactly helping. I probably shouldn't read too much more, otherwise I might slip right back into that "angry mode" that’s always so easy to fall into. As for "getting back what others took from you"—forget about it. And "chasing justice"? Why bother wasting the energy?
On another note, I wanted to share something about forgiveness. I stumbled upon this—it was probably on Pinterest or some similar site (I know, I can be pretty superficial sometimes, but that doesn't really matter now)—and it felt almost like a prayer. It wasn't entirely insignificant; it actually gave me pause. Honestly, it's been a struggle for me to let certain things go for a long time. Stupid as it might seem, it goes like this:
Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness if
If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions I ask their forgiveness.
If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions I forgive them.
And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive I forgive myself for that.
for All The ways that i harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions I forgive myself.
It’s probably true—and honestly, I think it is—since I was diagnosed about two years ago with something resembling psychosis and an anxiety disorder. :/ Though, my psychiatrist told me that, in her professional opinion, I don't actually fall under the schizophrenia umbrella, and... It feels like they spent an eternity just trying to figure out which diagnosis to throw at me—it was quite the deliberation, I guess. So, I’ve finally stopped taking the antipsychotics.
So, I had my first session with a psychotherapist last week—just one of those initial consultations—and she told me... If that were actually possible. So, if I actually did have some kind of personality disorder—but let's say it was one of those things that wasn't quite... obvious? I don't know. If it were something subtle enough to fly under the radar, maybe. It's probably a bit too early to tell which one it is.
It’s hardly surprising you’re having those kinds of dreams. It’s honestly exhausting when you finally realize something is off—like you can feel the gears grinding—but you don't actually have any answers yet, and now that uncertainty is just sitting there, eating at you.
Could this be tied to you stopping your antipsychotic medication? I mean, maybe you’re just terrified that you might actually "lose control" now—like those meds were providing this artificial safety net, a guarantee that you wouldn't snap—and without them, it feels like you're walking on thin ice. That kind of uncertainty is absolutely soul-crushing. Honestly, it doesn't surprise me one bit that you're having dreams like that.
Of all the issues I’m currently dealing with, the biggest one—the real heavy hitter—is that my cognitive function feels like it's hit a massive slump. I just don't feel as mentally sharp as I used to be; things like conceptualizing ideas, memory retention, processing information, even just reading... it's all harder. It’s incredibly frustrating, and honestly, that struggle is a huge reason why I fall into these deep, dark moods. I've also noticed that my mental stability isn't quite where it needs to be lately—it's been a bit of a roller coaster, I guess.
When anxiety kicks in, basic math becomes impossible—you can't even wrap your head around 2 + 2.
Every single night, I have this recurring dream where I’m checked into some psychiatric ward—just sitting there under the gaze of doctors who think I've completely lost touch with reality. They see me as someone totally non-functional, just broken, and it’s enough to wake me up drenched in sweat. Honestly, I don't even know how to deal with it anymore. It’s not like I have trouble actually falling asleep—that part seems fine—but once I'm out, it's always the same thing. It’s just enough to keep me hovering right on the edge—just when I think I’m finally drifting off, I get these intense, sharp tingling sensations shooting through my hands. It’s enough to make me jerk awake, which happens several times a night... plus there's that unsettling feeling of falling. I guess it’s just one of those things..
I suspect most people actually experience those kinds of sensations right before they drift off—it's just that they probably don't notice them, maybe because they aren't as preoccupied with sleep and dreaming as some of us are.
Then there’s the whole issue of having to stay on top of bills and actually fund a life—all while feeling completely non-functional. At least, that's how it feels right now. I don't exactly feel up to making any massive life pivots—like hunting down a better career or pulling some grand strategic move—when I can barely manage the basics.
Then there’s that added layer of existential dread—that constant, nagging fear about the future—which just feeds right back into the anxiety. It creates this endless loop where you start worrying that you might actually "lose it," and then you spiral into wondering what on earth you'd even do if that happened. It's a bit of a vicious cycle, I guess.
Anyone else currently dealing with something similar?
I’ve been in a similar spot myself—honestly, I thought I was losing my mind at one point. I just couldn't wrap my head around what was happening or why everything felt so fundamentally wrong. I actually had this dream where an old woman walked up to me on the street and said, "My goodness, you look so pale—all the crazy people are pale." In the dream, I just told her, "Don't worry, I'll put on some blush." Anyway, the next day, I ended up heading straight to the ER—the psychiatric unit—and poured my heart out to the doctor on duty. I told her I felt like I was going insane, explained everything I was going through, and even mentioned that weird dream. She was really kind about it and reassured me that I wasn't losing my grip. At that moment, that was honestly all I needed to hear. Later on, I did receive some official diagnoses—though, if I'm being honest, I still have my doubts about them from time to time—but back then, I just needed someone to tell me what was going on with me. It took years to get to that point, but once I had those answers, things finally started to feel a bit more stable.
Thoughts? Advice? Critiques?
I don't have much to add, but I think you should take what they said to heart and shift your focus—it might help. It’s easy for people to say that, though. But honestly, if you spend all your energy obsessing over whether or not you're losing it—as if you're just sitting there waiting for a breakdown—you'd probably end up spiraling regardless. It's almost like you're trying to manifest it by being hyper-fixated on your own sanity. Right now, you aren't "crazy"; you're just incredibly anxious. If you were actually experiencing a break from reality, you wouldn't be standing here questioning whether you are or aren't. I suspect you won't "lose it"—at least, not completely.
hiddenhound3 said:... if you were to cross paths with your own self, would you actually like the person looking back at you?
It is understood that this inquiry remains purely hypothetical. Let us attempt to envision a scenario where you encounter your true self in its purest form. What would be the very first thing you noticed about your own being, and what kind of impression would you leave upon yourself? Ultimately, would you find yourself to be someone you truly admire?
Oof, that is quite the question. 🙏 I guess I could spend all day chewing on that, maybe longer.
My initial instinct was probably "yeah, sure, why wouldn't I? I'm a great person." But then I realized I was likely imagining a meeting with the absolute best version of myself. And let's be honest—there are plenty of different versions. Some of them... well, I'd probably just run the other way or keep a very safe distance.
As for what I’d notice first? It would almost certainly be the shoes 😂 (as is the case with most women, I suppose 😁).
If I found myself stuck in a situation like that, I’d probably just pick up a mini-fridge—find some corner to tuck it into—and grab a couple of pots or whatever else I needed. I'd just cook my own meals separately, if that's even an option... it doesn't really matter. I suppose there's a chance that might trigger some issues with the landlord changing the locks on my door, though, because who knows how much they'd care about someone "snacking straight from the pot"...
Sarah Sanders2 said:I don't have psychosis—just BPD—but I'm actually doing great. I'm only struggling because I missed my weekly therapy sessions, which just let all this suppressed grief over my mom bubble up to the surface. Honestly, for once, the world has finally slowed down to my pace. I don't have to sprint just to stay level; everything's stalled out, and I'm finally "competitive" because everyone else is stuck in their own existential crisis too. At least I don't stick out anymore.
Not everyone is miserable like your doctor claims; some people are doing totally fine without needing to be psychotic. Edit: I actually had a panic attack when they mentioned easing restrictions—like, a legit "is this happening?" moment where I thought I was having my first actual breakdown. So, tell me again how "normal" this is...
Yeah, I felt the same way—things were fine until I found myself completely isolated. I mean, I could have opted for "virtual happy hours," but what’s the point?
And as for that panic you felt, it makes total sense. Any sane person would probably be hit with panic right now as the lockdowns ease up. For one reason or another. It's just shock upon shock.
Paranoia or panic—it's really just different shades of the same thing... fear is fear.
bluejackal2 said:Man, if it were up to me, I’d happily stay in a state of psychosis for the rest of my life—it’s always so much more interesting—just if someone would let me wipe all those conspiracies and spies out of my head once and for all!
I mean, look—we can sit here all day complaining about how much of a disaster this situation is, sharing our own stories, or venting about everyone's different personalities and attitudes, but if you can't actually talk to him, then what? What's the point? You got some magic solution? I honestly don't know what you're even hoping to get out of this thread.
Sometimes, I guess, a person just wants to vent and leave it at that.