Posts by Frank Thomas92

It’s the exact same issue on my end... I can't find any of my old posts or the threads I've started... everything looks just like what's shown in the screenshot above.

Terry Newman7 said:So, how do you deal with it?

@majstore, I think you actually gave me some really solid, straightforward advice—basically, just stay off the internet! You’re totally right, though. I've been spending way too much time online lately, and man, it shows... mostly because I've become such a huge jerk about everything. I feel like I'm constantly looking for a fight, and honestly, it's getting harder to even talk to people in person or just head out for a bit... I guess I finally get how easy it is for people to get hooked and just spiral into a total funk because of the web.

It was a very, very long time ago...
The internet arrived... chat rooms, forums... and there I was, young and naive, 🙂 thinking that everyone on the web was some sort of brilliant, highly educated intellectual... believing that when they wrote about something, they truly understood the subject and were expressing a legitimate opinion.
Then, by pure chance, I actually encountered some of those "online" people in person...
Now, my opinion of people from the internet is exactly the same as my opinion of people "in real life"—that they are superficial, prone to self-delusion, and their opinions aren't worth a dime. That isn't to say they are inherently evil; it's just that they have this desperate need to matter... to be *someone*.
Ever since I realized that, I can shut down any argument instantly, and sometimes in real life too, explaining exactly why someone has irritated me. Similarly, I'll occasionally bring up real-life examples during an online debate.
Now, regarding you:
I assume you don't get worked up over every little thing online, but rather specific topics.
Which ones?
And again—all too often, passionately taking a side or fighting over a certain issue is used as an analgesic for one's own identity crisis, or as an escape from something in real life that needs to be dealt with, but where one lacks the energy.
Frequently, people try to seek validation online—to prove they are right, or that they are "normal," etc.—because they don't feel good about themselves in their daily lives. They start questioning their own views and values because their surroundings have made them feel insecure, leaving them unsure whether to trust themselves or everyone else.

It seems like every single person who expresses an opinion is immediately shoved into some narrow little "-ism."
And then you’ve got the people who don't have a stance at all, who just drift along without any convictions whatsoever.
I mean, honestly, we finally have enough labels to cover the entire planet like cheap wallpaper.😁

Donna White50 said:That bolded part is totally wrong...
There's a massive difference between functional and dysfunctional families, just like there's a huge gap between kids who grew up with healthy self-esteem and those who didn't.
Growing up in a home with alcoholism is traumatic, period. Kids don't have the capacity to handle a dysfunctional parent, let alone step up and take over their role in the house. If they try to do that, it leaves deep scars on their psyche. Kids can't be held responsible for not knowing how to deal with domestic violence, addiction, or being belittled, nor can they be blamed for picking up the toxic patterns from their home. They just learn from what's available to them—that was their entire world...

To the author...
It honestly breaks my heart reading your post. Mostly because I know how much crap you had to deal with as a kid—stuff you never should have faced—and now, as a young woman who should be starting her own life after such a rough childhood, it feels like you haven't learned anything... you've just absorbed those bad habits without questioning them. Actually, it goes deeper than that—you seem so vulnerable and dependent that you turned to booze and pills just to escape a reality that hurts too much to face.
It's way easier to run through the exit door than to admit you're struggling and feel inadequate, unable to handle life. You have to grit your teeth and spend years working on yourself, relentlessly, to fix those dark patterns and the way you view yourself...

You're really hurting yourself here, and I hope you realize that—which is probably why you're even posting this.
Do whatever it takes to get clean and stay away from alcohol for the rest of your life if you have to. Grit your teeth and admit what's actually bothering you, what you're afraid of, and what parts of your life are for YOU versus what's just for OTHER PEOPLE.
Once you have that realization—which takes a lot of willpower and time—you'll finally be ready to do the work. As an addict, as someone disconnected from themselves and running from the truth, you aren't moving an inch... you've been spinning your wheels for years, and if I'm being honest, you're sinking deeper into the mud.
You're on your own, which makes things harder, but you've gotta pull together whatever strength you have left and start fixing this. No one is going to do it for you, and if things end badly—if you end up homeless, a junkie, or worse—nobody's really going to care, first or last...
I'm being a bit blunt, but I think you need to hear it... you're letting too much happen to you...

Do you know why I don't think it was a mistake?
I truly believe she finally understands what real values look like now. It’s a complete departure from her parents, who honestly never quite grasped them. Don't you agree?
And now, she—the one who really ought to know better than anyone else—where on earth could she be?
If she were to have a baby right now—nine months from today—what would that child eventually say about her? It’s a heavy question, isn't it? I can't help but sit here and wonder what kind of legacy one builds in such a short span of time. When you look at the profound impact a parent has on a developing soul, you realize that a child doesn't just see who you are today; they inherit the essence of everything you've worked for. If this happened today, that child would grow up looking back at her life and describing someone who was perhaps still finding her footing, yet deeply committed to the journey ahead. It makes me think of how we all strive to leave something meaningful behind, even when the timeline feels incredibly compressed.
She knows deep down that things aren't right. She can feel that something is fundamentally broken, and frankly, she wants better. It’s about more than just her own life, too—she wants to build a future that actually means something for her child.
I honestly believe people are far too judgmental when it comes to evaluating parents. If you ask me, there are significantly fewer functional families out there than there are functional individuals. I’d go as far as to say that a "factory error" in the form of a parent is almost a statistical certainty within the entire production cycle of society—it's practically baked into the process. As for those who grow up without any family structure at all? Well, that’s an entirely different category altogether.
I’ve been following your posts, and I have to say, you strike me as someone who holds everyone—including your own parents—to an incredibly punishing standard. You seem so intensely uncompromising that I suspect you wouldn't even be able to stomach the messy, imperfect reality of raising a child. If I’m reading you correctly, it feels like you've made the choice to stay childless simply because you couldn't bear to deal with the lack of perfection.
Rigidity is a trap, plain and simple. Life is far too unpredictable and chaotic to be governed by such stubbornness, and if we’re being honest with ourselves, most of us aren't nearly as resilient as we like to pretend. We're all a bit more fragile than we care to admit.
Honestly, you just have to learn how to live with that kind of weakness. It’s one of those things you can't just wish away; you just have to adapt and find a way to manage around it.
Look, if I have to completely blow off my entire degree—toss aside a profession I have absolutely zero interest in pursuing—just to stay behind and retake a single exam... then so be it. Honestly, I wouldn't be the first person to do it, and I certainly won't be the last.
We all know someone who’s stuck in that perpetual state of "almost." You know the type—they’ve got one final exam left to pass, or maybe they just need to turn in that last thesis paper, yet somehow, years go by and they never actually cross the finish line. It’s a common phenomenon in our academic circles. But honestly, if you look closely, the way people handle that limbo varies wildly. Some of them seem perfectly content, living their lives without ever needing that piece of paper, almost as if they’ve found a strange kind of freedom in it. Others, however, carry it like a heavy weight, haunted by the thought of what they never finished. It really is a fascinating divide in how we perceive unfinished business.
There is simply no such thing as a perfect human being among us. We all walk this earth carrying our own set of flaws, whether they are minor slip-ups or significant mistakes, but honestly? That is exactly what defines us. It’s those imperfections that make us who we are.
First, you have to find a way to accept yourself—truly accept who you are. Once that foundation is set, then, and only then, can you begin to look at the people around you for what they actually are, without any distortion. Only after those two things are settled can you start to figure out what needs to be done, where to go, and how to navigate the path ahead. It’s all about that initial internal clarity.
That’s essentially how I see things. From my perspective—looking at both the family I was raised in and the one I’ve built myself—it all feels a bit surreal. Sometimes it borders on the grotesque, and other times it looks like something pulled straight out of a sugary cereal commercial. It’s especially jarring to see how parents are portrayed: these massive, towering figures reduced to helpless little ants, rendered completely insignificant to everyone else in the world, except, of course, to themselves.
You eventually come to realize that they’re all just clawing for survival, trying their absolute best not to trip over their own feet. They know they’re walking on eggshells, fully aware that at some point, someone is inevitably going to slip up. It’s this exhausting, endless cycle: one generation of people who were crushed by the system goes on to become parents, only to end up raising a generation of self-absorbed individuals. Then, those selfish kids grow up to produce another generation of the downtrodden, who will just turn around and raise more narcissists... it just keeps spinning in circles.
I once had this elderly aunt of mine who was just consumed by jealousy toward us kids. It didn't stop there, either—as we grew up, she became just as resentful of our own children. Every single time our parents would show us even a shred of affection or concern, she would immediately launch into this tragic monologue about her own miserable existence. She’d go on and on about how they had nothing, how nobody ever checked in on them, and how they were nothing more than a burden to everyone around them. It was such a pattern. I remember when it finally became our turn to be the ones in charge, making sure everything was perfect with our organic snacks and high-end car seats, while she... well, her upbringing was a different story entirely. When she was little, they used to just toss her in the back of a pickup truck filled with corn, making her spend the whole day picking crops under the sun. She wouldn't even get fed until she was told she could eat. She’d sit there crying, wailing about her aching joints and how hard life had been. Her brothers and sisters went through similar struggles, though they certainly found different ways to navigate their hardships. But honestly, if you look closely enough at anyone, you can find a flaw. There comes a point in life where you aren't just a child anymore; you become an opportunity for others to project their own narratives onto.

ironrider11 said:I’d sign off on pretty much anything... except I can't decide which one.
Since it's basically just choosing how to numb the brain and soul.
Sometimes you feel like you've got perfect vision, but you're actually totally blind. You don't want anyone—literally anybody—to turn you around or point you toward some XYZ destination. In the middle of all this buzzing noise, where everyone is just going through the motions... sometimes it feels like nobody sees you. Not even really. It's more like following some gut instinct toward the light... quietly screaming for someone in the swarm to just point the way to where things make sense. Where things actually belong. No matter how much of a contradiction that sounds; it's just an excuse to run, to forget, to get away. The cost doesn't even matter then. Delaying the bill just makes the service feel realer.
The end goal is obvious. Everyone pays the toll, depending on how far they choose to go... while the trip is still a rush. Bouncing around some backroad, hitting a flat tire in the middle of nowhere without a spare... maybe a glass of plain, cold water finally tastes like something for the first time. There’s nothing crazier than trying too hard to "be someone" or "stay grounded"... in something "rational" or "normal." While waiting for that "better version of myself" to show up at some imaginary finish line, you completely miss the fact that you aren't even there right now.

To live, to taste the consequences, to mess up, to send things the wrong way, to never finish college, to finish it... to just be yourself.

I stumbled upon this thread through the active topics list, so please bear with me if my vocabulary isn't quite up to par with the technicality of this PDF.
As I read through these sections regarding "distorted values," a thought occurs to me—aha, just your typical average American family. A household where parents struggle through much harder times, only to reserve a better life for their children. Children who don't possess even a fraction of the experiences their parents endured, yet they hold the privilege of measuring everything by their own standards from a safe distance. They have this luxury because their parents sacrificed what little they had during their youth just to provide it.
But then again, that isn't really your problem; it’s just an explanation for why there is such a disconnect.
It is also an escape from responsibility.
When you actually attempt to do something, there is a massive chance you will fail.
And you will find that you are the one to blame.
In today's hyper-individualistic society, taking ownership is considered a duty, an obligation, a privilege, and an ideal.
However, not everyone is operating at that level.
Generally speaking, people find it much easier not to think too deeply. So, even though people living two hundred years ago survived without automatic doors, escalators, life insurance, or central heating... the vast majority lived relatively regulated lives. They knew from the start what they were going to do, they knew relatively early on who they would marry, and they had as many children as God saw fit.
Your current situation isn't the result of "distorted values" within your family. Every single family is distorted. Even those perfect families having Sunday dinner in the suburbs. Every single one.
Your situation is simply the result of loneliness, freedom, and an unwillingness to deal with them.
Everything seems fine as long as you are doing what is expected of you—passing exams, showing up to school—but once it is time to show your true face, to reveal what *you* actually want and transition into adulthood... that is when that one single exam remains unpassed.
You have lived for a very long time inside your own bubble, and inside that bubble, there is no one left to challenge the child within you (though we all need to maintain that inner child). You have silenced the voices that used to push back against you with alcohol and Xanax.
You have to learn how to hear them again.
And that requires making a decision.
Which is exactly what you are so, so afraid of.
If you decide to truly live, you will have to jump into the deep end without a life jacket.
If you don't, well, the liver has its limits, and its lifespan is inversely proportional to how much you overtax its capacity.
You need support, whether it's over the phone or any other kind—just like anyone else struggling with addiction.
Within the family, well, I don't know... it feels to me like your mother is already reaching her breaking point, and you can't really expect anything from your father. In that case, try doing it on your own (and if you can't, then do it with both of them—distribute the burden between them, regardless of what you expect from either one).
And finally—it all comes down to you. To your decision. Truly.
An unconscious or dead person is much harder to carry than someone who is awake and aware. Everyone else can play a bigger or smaller role in helping you recover, but you alone hold the deciding vote.

Exactly... the only reason you can't label shows like CSI or NCIS—or anything else in that crime procedural vein—as soap operas is because they’re usually dealing with closed cases. You know, they hunt down the villain, they catch them, and that's that. Case closed.
And the fact that you can just step away and come back whenever you want isn't "soapy" either—because at the end of the day, it's just "their job," standard investigative work. They aren't going to suddenly quit their precinct to become full-time used car salesmen.
A true soap opera relies on endless, drawn-out drama. It’s designed so that just when she discovers he’s actually her long-lost brother and your TV goes black, you wait a month, turn it back on, and suddenly—in the next episode—Constance finally uncovers the massive secret about Pablo.
Some shows that aren't even "trashy" have a brilliant premiere and a killer season finale... but everything in between is just filler, basically saying, "Well, we still haven't figured out who Pablo really is." That usually happens when a show gets huge ratings and they've completely run out of actual ideas.

Bradley Wood43 said:If we’re following that logic, we might as well lump shows like CSI, Law & Order, and everything else into the soap opera category... you miss ten episodes and nothing significant changes regarding the main cast...
By that same reasoning, we could just label Breaking Bad a glorified soap opera too...
Don't get me wrong, I love the show, but let's be real... we have five seasons where Walter White just becomes an increasingly more despicable person, his wife remains as irritating as she was on day one 😁, Hank and his wife are just as bad 😁, and Jesse Pinkman is essentially a lost cause...
Sure, characters (well, some of them) evolve and grow, but all of that could have been packed into four seasons—maybe even three. They didn't need five.

But that's exactly what they are.
Back when soap operas first took off, the target audience was housewives from the upper class. They had the TV, they had the help, they had the time, and they had the money.
Nowadays, we have the unemployed (who aren't even looking for work), apprentices, students, retirees... massive groups of people who have a TV, have the time... and in the media-heavy parts of the world—they have the money, too. It's a much larger market. So, most series tend to drift toward becoming soaps the moment the plot starts repeating itself and stretching out just to squeeze out another dollar... it's a cash cow.

Bradley Wood43 said:Was it just the predictable plot twists, the constant romantic melodrama between characters, the fact that the main cast seems practically immortal, or just the sheer way they drag out the story for seasons on end?
We all know what makes a show feel like a soap opera, but in your opinion, what specific traits make a series feel "soapy" when it wasn't even designed to be one?

I honestly think that with a little bit of effort, 😁 we could probably label pretty much any show we've ever watched as a soap opera, couldn't we?

Absolutely nothing happens.
With soaps, you can skip from episode 50 straight to episode 350 and you still won't have missed anything of actual importance.
An episode feels like a total waste of a Sunday afternoon.

I honestly don't know how to put this into words, but spending thirty minutes face-to-face with someone doesn't suddenly turn you into a lunatic or some obsessed stalker... especially not after you've been in a relationship for two years. Whether that connection was strictly online or not, those represent two full years of your life.
Whether he agrees to it or not, I would personally demand that meeting just to get my own peace of mind.
I truly believe that sitting down face-to-face would either settle the matter once and for all or provide the closure you need to move on rapidly.
To me, having the chance to clear the air, only to choose instead to suffer and leave everything stuck in some idealized fantasy, isn't a healthy way to live.
Stepping up and facing the situation head-on doesn't make you crazy; it makes you someone with the backbone to see things through to the end. You’d only be acting like a lunatic if you started stalking him *after* the meeting, which, frankly, I highly doubt you'd ever do.

ambercrane722 said:What’s even the point? That guy’s just gonna hit me with some "peace out, girl" nonsense after I already told him I have a girlfriend and all that... man, forget it. Virtual life is a total joke and it's honestly such a letdown. Later, good luck to everyone else.

It absolutely does.
Online dating has actually led to several beautiful marriages and even more children. You don't really lose anything by trying—aside from a little bit of time, if you can find the patience to look for it.

Is there actually any way to track him down in real life?
Any way at all?
Honestly, if I could just wrap everything up and get some closure, I’d find him in a heartbeat.
I would love nothing more than to look him straight in the eye and tell him exactly what he deserves.
Now, if—and this is a massive "if"—there truly is no way to find out (and let's be real, there's no way you haven't picked up some kind of lead over the last two years), then I suppose I'd follow the path you're already taking... but before I did that, I would exhaust every single tiny clue I ever had on him.
The chances of you being disappointed are incredibly high, but honestly? That sense of relief you'd feel afterward is absolutely necessary.

When you stumble upon something truly special, you just don't want it to end. It’s that exact feeling you get when you're buried in a massive, gripping novel—the kind that pulls you so deep into its world that by the time you hit those final ten pages, you're actually tearing up.
Too often, movies feel rushed, like they aren't giving the story enough room to breathe, yet somehow they still manage to drag on far too long.
I find myself sitting there for two and a half hours (sometimes even longer) watching a film, only to realize that certain plot points could have been much more fleshed out. Instead, the screen is cluttered with mindless scenes that stretch the runtime to a point of genuine physical discomfort. On one hand, having that extra time feels like a luxury, but when you consider how great modern TV series can be, it feels unnecessary.
A good series usually runs anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour and a half, allowing the story to develop naturally. You get regular doses of that incredible fictional world, but it doesn't consume your entire existence; you can actually live your life and still catch up on everything.
However... there is one thing about series that absolutely drives me crazy and makes me want to turn them off: that same obnoxious padding. In a desperate attempt to bait viewers into impatiently waiting for the next season, writers will stretch out the last few episodes with such garbage filler that you honestly start questioning your own intelligence for watching. And some shows (I won't name names, but we all know who they are) should have been retired years ago to preserve their legacy as classics. Instead, they just keep dragging on—or they were painfully overlong to begin with—even though they're basically being kept alive solely by a handful of die-hard fans. At this stage, it isn't even sad anymore; it's just awkward to watch them linger on.

Steven Wilson9 said:They probably mean what kind of person you have to be to actually make it in life. In my experience, you have to be ruthless—ignore everyone else and focus strictly on yourself. People follow the sharks; nobody gives a damn about the nice guys...😁

I think I interpreted the question differently; I was wondering what kind of person one needs to be to reach old age with their health and sanity still intact.

Life really ought to be lived with simplicity in mind.

You know what might actually help here?
Clear, direct answers.
I’m sitting here watching this movie; let's catch up once it wraps up.
I'm over at my grandma's house right now helping her shred cabbage for coleslaw—talk to you tonight.
And then there's that gap where you just disappear between texts.
You only reach out when you feel like it, and even then, you act like nothing happened in the interim.
It feels like you're only willing to talk about whatever suits your mood.
If someone gets upset and won't let it go, the best move is to simply say, "Look, I don't know how to respond to this right now. I'm sorry you're angry. If you want, I can call you later—just tell me when works best." Then, you actually follow through and call them exactly when you said you would.
Honestly, so many people walk around thinking they own everyone else's space. They have zero respect for their own time or anyone else's, constantly crossing lines just to get an emotional fix. They measure your boundaries by seeing just how far they can push into your private life. It's a hard habit to break in people. Don't be afraid to cut ties if things aren't working.

Look, if she truly just messed up in a moment of pure distraction, then her mistake was washed away the second you stepped in and had that conversation with her.
She’s already beating herself up for not double-checking the gradebook, for not asking the principal, or for simply saying what she said. Her own conscience is going to serve as a much harsher reprimand than anything anyone else could say; she won't forget this.
Now, if she’s actually a bad person—someone who is arrogant toward students and just a poor educator overall—then you'll definitely have plenty of openings to step in, file formal complaints, and push for more serious disciplinary action.
Regardless, she has made her peace publicly, and you aren't going to just sit there with your hands tied if things escalate.
Don't dwell on the negativity. Instead, find a way to explain to your son that there is real truth in what his teacher said: even adults make mistakes.
Give him some historical context where grown-ups were dead wrong. Make it a bit of a teaching moment, maybe even joke about it... I don't know... tell him how people used to think the Earth was flat and that if you sailed too far, you'd just fall off the edge of the world... or how they used leeches to cure illnesses, or toxic chemicals to bleach skin, or how they used to think left-handed people were inherently "bad" and forced them to write with their right hands.
Don't dump all of that on him at once, obviously... but sprinkle it in occasionally... you know... just to show him that everyone is constantly learning new things every single day.

Raymond Rivera6 said:I’m looking for some advice because I’m honestly so livid right now that I probably can’t think straight or be objective.
So, my son just started 5th grade. He moved from an elementary school to a middle school, which meant new subjects and new teachers, but everything was going fine for the most part. Back in 1st grade, we noticed some issues with his reading and writing—various tests, speech therapists, psychologists—until they finally diagnosed him with dyslexia in 2nd grade. That’s when our real battle began. It’s been constant daily practice and an incredible amount of effort on his part, but I can finally say those hurdles are mostly behind us. He reads technically well; when he writes quickly, he might make a tiny mistake here or there, but it’s negligible.
He came home from school last night and told me his English teacher called him stupid, and now he doesn't even want to talk about it. Now, I don't necessarily assume he's lying, but I suppose there's a possibility he misheard her—maybe she was just reprimanding him and he thought she was questioning his intelligence. I am desperately hoping it was just a misunderstanding. I’ve already reached out to a few parents whose kids he gets along with, asking them to see if their children heard what actually happened. And this is what happened: she called him up to the board to write something, and he swapped the letters 'b' and 'd' in two places. She told him to look closely and correct the error. He looked, didn't catch the mistake, and then she asked him if he was actually stupid or just pretending to be.
I've decided today that I need to go to the school, but I have no idea where to start. Should I go speak to her directly first? Should I go to the homeroom teacher or the principal? Do I actually have the right to make a massive scene over this, or am I overreacting by feeling like she humiliated my child in front of the entire class?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.

First, go to her. Emphasize that you are coming to her first out of professional courtesy and respect for her position.
Explain exactly how much work you both have put in to get him to this point, and then simply ask her what happened. Perhaps she didn't realize the context. Or, perhaps she should have restrained herself and checked in with the student or the parents instead of making that comment.
If she starts acting arrogant or defensive, tell her straight up:
- "I assumed a professional educator wouldn't say something like that. My apologies, but you aren't leaving me any choice but to take this to the principal."
Then you go. You schedule an appointment. If the secretary asks why, you tell them you have a formal complaint regarding a teacher who singled your son out at the board and questioned his intelligence. Remind them that your child is dyslexic and merely swapped two letters.
The secretary will do her job.
And then you decide how you want to handle things with the principal...
Ask why the subject teacher isn't aware of the information the homeroom teacher has.
Point out that 5th grade is a massive transition for a kid, and ask how they intend to handle a teacher who is essentially undermining a student right at the start of the school year.
And suggest a resolution yourself.
Maybe she apologizes to the class, or maybe just to him... some sort of reprimand...
Something that isn't overly dramatic and won't cause a total escalation... after all, he still has to have her as a teacher, but there needs to be some kind of symbolic gesture.
Please, just don't let them try to move him to a different class. Don't let that even be an option.
Looking back, I realized I didn't even think to involve the homeroom teacher before heading to the principal.