Parenting is treated like some universal constant that nobody dares to question. People just have kids because that's how the world works. Honestly, how many people can actually give a meaningful answer to why they have children? Most excuses boil down to vague abstractions like "I love kids" (though they usually mean *their* kids), the basic biological urge, or even the ego trip of trying to achieve immortality through genetics...🙄 When you express a negative view to someone with kids, you aren't just sharing an opinion; you're essentially invalidating every sacrifice they've ever made and attacking their core values. People hate that. I hear these predictable phrases from parents all the time: "Just wait until it's your turn," "You'll see," or "Enjoy your freedom while it lasts." It’s incredibly negative. They rarely talk about how beautiful it actually is.😛 My take? There's definitely a heavy dose of envy toward the freedom people have when they don't carry those responsibilities. On top of that, there's this constant emphasis on martyrdom. You get lines like, "I sacrificed everything for you," which is just pure manipulation used to demand repayment for a choice they made. There is so much toxicity baked into the whole concept that I find it impossible to view parenting as anything inherently beautiful.
I have zero desire for children. My partner is more than enough for me. To me, a child would be an optional addition to an existing relationship, not some essential component without which the relationship couldn't function. I'm certain my partnership would suffer if we went down that road. For us, it's just the two of us plus a cat or a dog, and I'm perfectly happy.😬
I don't even care about lacking a reason, but what happens when you realize any reason you find is either wrong or just impossible?😬 Right now, I don't have a "why." I just have a massive list of reasons why not. So many of them. That said, I don't have any suicidal urges or anything. I wouldn't even have the energy to pull it off.🤣 But if a car hit me tomorrow and just took care of everything? I certainly wouldn't complain about that.🤣
redbear2 said:That’s basically the line between a decent server and a great one. Let's be real, most service industry folks don't actually care about your life, but a pro wants a happy customer. In a server-customer dynamic, being polite is just part of the job description. Your friend clearly knows how to read a room.
Now I have to ask... If it’s all just an act anyway, why would anyone even bother wanting service delivered with a (fake) smile?😁
I honestly don't care if my waiter is beaming at me or looking dead serious. As long as he isn't some arrogant jerk, we're fine. I just want him to bring me what I ordered. He doesn't need to go out of his way to cater to me, and I don't owe him anything beyond being a customer. Why do some people feel this desperate need for a server to act like they matter?😕
I’m telling you, people who crave that kind of attention (even when they know the smile is just a performance) just want to be coddled. It’s so pathetic🤣 you won't know whether to laugh or cry...
Jerry Ramos90 said:Yeah, I agree, especially regarding the "over-the-top" part. Some people here are mixing up excessive politeness with just being decent. I have nothing against being polite. Nobody is saying waiters or people in general need to be assholes. It’s just when they’re way too bubbly right off the bat. Those people who want to please you so much it actually starts to get annoying. They won't leave you alone. Like service where you walk into a restaurant and they're hovering over you, trying to cater to you more than you ever asked for or even needed. Doesn't that feel a little fake to you? 🤷
People you’ve literally just met acting with this forced intimacy that makes you feel kind of weirded out. But again, you can't exactly say they aren't being "nice." (For example, someone might just view both groups as sleazy 😠 )
So if you think about it... how can these overly polite people be so sweet to someone they don't even know? I guess my conclusion is that it doesn't really matter to them. These overly polite types probably just care about themselves and making a good impression. All that kindness is basically just masked indifference and superficiality. 🤔
Well put. 👍 It's the same thing for the person who finds all those overly nice, polite people totally grating. 🙂 (While they'll often be impressed by reserved people who don't try too hard)
Obviously, not everyone sees it that way, and not everyone interprets excessive politeness as hypocrisy. Some think the people who are bothered by it are just confusing hypocrisy with politeness, which would be a result of some personal complexes. I personally think that person reads people pretty well, and there's something to it. Like, their aversion to those types of people is probably more of a good intuition than some deep-seated complex. But maybe I'm wrong. 🤷
Being fake-nice right off the bat = acting yeah, probably. I guess that's why she finds super polite people annoying from the jump. because they're just performing.
Obviously.😍 It comes down to two things. 1. Because most people are terrible at reading others. 2. Because people with big egos genuinely believe they deserve that level of constant courtesy just because they're special...
I'd bet my life most people would be insulted if a friend told them their haircut looked like garbage.🤷
It’s just a reflection of the society we live in. Nobody encourages deep thought anymore; everything is designed as instant content meant to be consumed in seconds. Once you get used to that, you lose the capacity to focus on anything actually intellectual. It feels like too much work, so people just retreat to the chat. It’s honestly terrifying how many people openly admit they find thinking to be too exhausting...
But the issue isn't even the chat format itself—it's the garbage being said in it. I’ve seen actual intelligent discussion happen in chats, like over an uploaded Philosophy syllabus, for example. That was real communication. What’s being described in the opening post is nothing more than pure stupidity.
And those two PDFs mentioned? I’m not surprised that specific crowd gathers there. As far as I’m concerned, the craving for that kind of shallow interaction usually stems from a diminished ability to engage in quality conversation. Whatever the reason may be.
Kenneth Howard7 said:I agree that experiencing failure is preferable to maintaining the status quo. However, I observe that most people view risk-taking as unnecessary; they seem to believe that satisfaction stems from within rather than from external circumstances. I know many people who are unhappy with their jobs at companies like Amazon or Google, yet they do nothing to change their situation; instead, they try to reshape themselves to fit better into those corporate frameworks. Perhaps I should have done the same? Perhaps the issue runs much deeper than simply changing my career path?
In my case, this isn't about a romantic relationship, but I think the idea of ending a relationship because of a third party describes my situation perfectly. Sometimes, you simply cannot become close enough to someone while maintaining your current "stable" connection, because the other person won't allow it. I believe it works similarly in the professional world. You can't just tell your boss, "Okay, I'm going to go try something else for a while and come back if I don't like it."
Most people are just existing. There is zero actual fulfillment there. If you look at the statistics on psychotropic drug usage in America, the truth is pretty obvious.😁 You can't be happy if you're constantly betraying your own nature. Now you have to decide which group you want to belong to: the majority or the minority. Of course, it’s always harder for the latter. That’s why the majority doesn't even attempt to take a risk. If it weren't for the minority, we'd still be living in the Stone Age.
Adam Kern2 said:I honestly can't figure out the smartest move here🤷! Lately—and I’ve really been trying this—I just stay quiet☕! Every single time I attempt to bring a logical argument to the table—you know, actually trying to reach some kind of sensible conclusion with the other side—it just doesn't work. Instead, it gets taken as a personal attack, and before I know it, they've completely shut down the conversation. It seems like they're clinging to this imaginary version of perfection—this ideal self they hold onto—that's just impossible to break through.
Exactly. Even if a whole group tells them the truth, they’ll just decide everyone is jealous. I’ve seen this firsthand, so I know how it works. I had an acquaintance who was convinced she was a knockout, yet she could never figure out why men approached her friend instead of her 95% of the time. Believe me, she never once questioned her own ego. There was always some elaborate excuse to protect her self-image. They are incredibly creative at making excuses that favor them. You can't break through that. And if you did, some people probably couldn't handle the reality...🤷
I’d call him shy rather than saying he “lacks social skills,” because there’s a massive difference. Some people are just naturally antisocial, but being shy isn't that. For some, socializing just isn't a priority. In your brother's case, though, it clearly eats at him. He actually wants to connect with people, but he just can't make it happen. That’s how I see it, anyway.🤷 As for his point about seeing a psychologist once—tell him one session doesn't count for anything. Honestly, he might be better off seeing a psychiatrist. Personally, I’ve never been much of a fan of psychologists either.🤣
Lisa Barrett5 said:Using paper is definitely not a bad idea, because there is something genuinely helpful about being able to visually see your own thoughts and ideas laid out like that. I’ve always used this method when it comes to work—dealing with specific goals, tasks, and deadlines—and it truly does boost my efficiency. Honestly, one of my favorite little moments is when I get to cross something off a list and think, "Okay, that's done."
In my private life, though, I mostly just use paper for grocery lists or maybe a quick note about some tech stuff I need to fix. Everything else usually just floats around in this sort of personal chaos of mine, which occasionally nudges me into action without any real structure or plan. I did use paper just once, though, when I had to make a particularly heavy and difficult decision; I sat down and made two columns: pros and cons. I literally made my decision based purely on which column had more items, which was actually kind of a painful way to go about it, since I was essentially just buying myself some peace of mind through math. I don't really like—and actually tend to avoid—approaching my life like it's some big corporate project, mainly because it feels like it goes against my natural temperament, even though I am fully aware that by doing so, I'm probably not reaching my full potential. Work is a different story entirely, because that's where survival is at stake, so I find it much easier to stay disciplined there, but the other parts of my life always seem to have this massive amount of maneuvering room where they just lack a decent sense of focus.
Anyway, regarding all of this, that line of thinking really hit home for me:
Well, I don't think it's really either of those things, actually. Maybe "taking the path of least resistance" is a better way to put it...
Hmm... so, if I'm following this correctly, is bad focus basically just a byproduct of frustration caused by having motivations that aren't very realistic or self-aware, which then leads to poor execution? Well, it looks like more deep-diving into my own psyche is the only way forward here, I suppose...
Oh, not exactly. I was actually referring more to how we should take our various interests and narrow them down to those SMART-goal oriented ones that actually lead to self-fulfillment. It's about picking out the specific things that are vital for our growth and working on them with steady, directed focus, rather than letting our minds wander aimlessly through a million colorful, distracting ideas in some sort of mental void.
Is that really how you see me? Hmm... this forum is such an interesting place. It’s almost like walking into a room filled with a thousand mirrors and a thousand different people, just endless reflections and passing glances...
I can't really step into your shoes or know your perspective, since that's clearly just one of many different ways to view things, but I can tell you how I see myself.
To separate the meaningful from the trivial in my life, I rely on two main tools. The first is my personal value system, and the second is my intuition. I tend to be quite deliberate and sometimes even struggle when making big life decisions, but once I make them, I stand behind them 130%, always feeling completely certain about my path. The whole concept of "what one formally ought to care about" just isn't part of my internal compass. What matters is whatever I define as important based on my own core principles. Everything else is just noise to me, regardless of how it looks or whether it fits into some socially acceptable mold. That's my foundation for staying happy, though I'm fully aware it might not work for everyone.
says: Willpower is this incredibly restless, unpredictable thing, almost like a stray cat wandering through your neighborhood. You don't really own it; instead, it kind of owns you, if that makes any sense. You just have to give it some sort of structure or a roadmap to follow, otherwise, it’s just going to keep running wild and causing trouble.
Oh man, yeah... that was beautifully put... I mean, seriously. That’s honestly the hardest part for me, isn't it? I'm not even sure if I'll ever truly get the hang of it. It feels like such an uphill battle, especially for people like me who tend to be their own harshest critics and constantly trip over their own feet.
That sounds like a very productive approach.🤷 As for the stuff I’m genuinely passionate about, I’ve never cared if it was "useful" or not. I never stopped to ask if it would pay off. In fact, those are the exact things I’m best at, and they're the only things I can actually stay focused on without struggle.
I think there are way too many moving parts in how a personality forms for us to look at it through such a narrow lens... Honestly, if I were in that spot, I’d be much more preoccupied with my parents—who they were, what their lives were like, all of it. I feel like I'd constantly be digging for my own identity. For what it's worth, I was an extremely planned child; my parents didn't even marry until after I was conceived.🤣That said, I have no idea if being "planned" actually led to better social or psychological development on my end.🙄