When is "being polite" just too much?

I know someone who absolutely can't stand people who are overly polite. It’s especially bad when they just met them or are just having a brief interaction. Whenever someone is being way too nice or performatively courteous—like a server at a local diner, for example—it totally gets under her skin. That excessive warmth, being super approachable, or just trying too hard to please everyone. People who are just wide open and overly friendly... man. She stays far away from that. 😠
Personally, I'm the opposite. I always fall for those types of people who are immediately open and easy to talk to.
I honestly can't wrap my head around why she has this specific repulsion toward them, though it's pretty interesting since she's actually really good at reading people. (Whereas I'm terrible at it.)
What do you guys think is actually going on behind all that forced politeness? What are their motives? 🤔 What kind of negative associations might someone like her have with that kind of personality? 🤷 And does it irritate you when people are super friendly right off the bat? Or do you find it attractive?

Jerry Ramos90 said:I know someone who absolutely can't stand people who are overly polite. It’s especially bad when they just met them or are just having a brief interaction. Whenever someone is being way too nice or performatively courteous—like a server at a local diner, for example—it totally gets under her skin. That excessive warmth, being super approachable, or just trying too hard to please everyone. People who are just wide open and overly friendly... man. She stays far away from that. 😠
Personally, I'm the opposite. I always fall for those types of people who are immediately open and easy to talk to.
I honestly can't wrap my head around why she has this specific repulsion toward them, though it's pretty interesting since she's actually really good at reading people. (Whereas I'm terrible at it.)
What do you guys think is actually going on behind all that forced politeness? What are their motives? 🤔 What kind of negative associations might someone like her have with that kind of personality? 🤷 And does it irritate you when people are super friendly right off the bat? Or do you find it attractive?

That alone is enough to be a red flag.😁
Basically, overly polite people irritate me too—unless I can tell (and maybe that person in your example works the same way) that they’re just naturally wired that way.

Most of the time, people are just performing to make a good impression. It doesn't mean they have bad intentions.
But yeah, there are definitely cases where there’s a hidden agenda involved.

People who are overly open, chatty, or just way too polite right out of the gate usually have this massive urge to be liked. It’s weird—if you actually tell them you aren't a fan of how nice they're being, they’ll probably just double down and become even more aggressively friendly.

Deep down, even if you won't admit it, you kind of love those people because they make you feel better about yourselves,
or maybe you just wish you had that kind of social battery yourself..

Personally, I always go with the extra polite ones. This world is full of shady characters, so even if they're just playing a part, they're like a little bit of sunlight in the dark. That's their effort to make, not mine..

Americans tend to be such an uptight, high-strung bunch that whenever you meet someone who actually seems chill and genuinely content... it just feels fake.

Jerry Ramos90 said:I know someone who absolutely can't stand people who are overly polite. It’s especially bad when they just met them or are just having a brief interaction. Whenever someone is being way too nice or performatively courteous—like a server at a local diner, for example—it totally gets under her skin. That excessive warmth, being super approachable, or just trying too hard to please everyone. People who are just wide open and overly friendly... man. She stays far away from that. 😠
Personally, I'm the opposite. I always fall for those types of people who are immediately open and easy to talk to.
I honestly can't wrap my head around why she has this specific repulsion toward them, though it's pretty interesting since she's actually really good at reading people. (Whereas I'm terrible at it.)
What do you guys think is actually going on behind all that forced politeness? What are their motives? 🤔 What kind of negative associations might someone like her have with that kind of personality? 🤷 And does it irritate you when people are super friendly right off the bat? Or do you find it attractive?

How can you not figure it out if the person is actually good at judging character?

I’ve never had much patience for people who are overly polite. It isn't some "specific aversion"—it's just a natural reaction to people who are clearly putting on an act.

Honestly, they don’t bother me at all; in fact, I actually love them. In a sea of perpetually pissed-off people who look like they’d grab an axe and start swinging over the slightest inconvenience, these folks are such a breath of fresh air.
Now, I wouldn't exactly go out of my way to call myself the pinnacle of politeness, but looking at the state of things lately, I think I’m doing just fine.
It feels like everyone is on edge these days—you see it in hospital waiting rooms, standing in line at the DMV, riding the subway, or even just waiting at a local Chase branch. The second a line gets a little long at the post office, the faces turn sour, the complaining starts, and the tension spikes. I just don't get it... what is everyone so worked up about? 😕

Jose Carter2 said:Americans tend to be such an uptight, high-strung bunch that whenever you meet someone who actually seems chill and genuinely content... it just feels fake.

🤣

Back when I was hanging out with a total bunch of hillbillies, anyone acting decent seemed totally two-faced.

Now, I make sure to surround myself with civilized people. And honestly? It’s great being around folks who are actually polite.
"How are you doing, Ethan Mendoza4? Come on in. Can I get you a coffee?" 😍

If someone is being "overly polite"—especially if it feels like they're hiding something—I don't really mind. I just play along.
Everyone’s playing a part anyway. These people have just leveled up their game.

Honestly, there’s nothing more grating than those people who are perpetually, nauseatingly polite—you know the type? The ones who smile incessantly and tell you exactly what you want to hear just to keep things "pleasant."
It’s absolutely revolting.
I much prefer the blunt types—the ones who aren't particularly polite to just anyone, but are fiercely loyal and kind to the small circle of people they actually care about, even if they come off as a bit rude to everyone else in the process.

If I’m being completely honest, I think those overly sweet individuals are actually the worst kind of people; they’re never truly themselves because they’re always hiding something behind that manufactured persona. 🤷

bluewolf23 said:Honestly, there’s nothing more grating than those people who are perpetually, nauseatingly polite—you know the type? The ones who smile incessantly and tell you exactly what you want to hear just to keep things "pleasant."
It’s absolutely revolting.
I much prefer the blunt types—the ones who aren't particularly polite to just anyone, but are fiercely loyal and kind to the small circle of people they actually care about, even if they come off as a bit rude to everyone else in the process.

If I’m being completely honest, I think those overly sweet individuals are actually the worst kind of people; they’re never truly themselves because they’re always hiding something behind that manufactured persona. 🤷

I am totally on board with this.

I'd say there's a huge group of high-ranking executives out there who are better actors than most of the stars in Hollywood.

Carl Rivera43 said:I am totally on board with this.

I'd say there's a huge group of high-ranking executives out there who are better actors than most of the stars in Hollywood.

Otherwise, how else would they even climb the ladder?

Ethan Mendoza4 said:Otherwise, how else would they even climb the ladder?

Maybe through actual hard work, dedication, and just being an honest, diligent employee?

What kind of performance is this? Why is it so hard for people to grasp that some individuals are actually content with themselves, composed, and just... not perpetually pissed off?

It’s just another classic American paradox: people mistake those who scream, swear, and hurl threats for being brave, while dismissing anyone with actual manners as weak-willed.

In reality, the ones shouting are usually just venting because they're on the fringes of society. For them, loud outbursts and verbal aggression are the only ways to be heard or even noticed at all.
I can't picture someone like Mirko 'Cro Cop' Filipović ever losing his cool and screaming threats at someone like that. 😁

Jose Carter2 said:What kind of performance is this? Why is it so hard for people to grasp that some individuals are actually content with themselves, composed, and just... not perpetually pissed off?

It’s just another classic American paradox: people mistake those who scream, swear, and hurl threats for being brave, while dismissing anyone with actual manners as weak-willed.

In reality, the ones shouting are usually just venting because they're on the fringes of society. For them, loud outbursts and verbal aggression are the only ways to be heard or even noticed at all.
I can't picture someone like Mirko 'Cro Cop' Filipović ever losing his cool and screaming threats at someone like that. 😁

I honestly think you’ve completely missed the mark here. Being polite has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Look—I have plenty of self-control, I’m not an angry person, and I’m perfectly satisfied with my life... yet, somehow, I still don't feel the need to be "nice" to everyone I meet. This excessive, sugary-sweet politeness? It’s nothing more than blatant posturing, being a total suck-up, and pure brown-nosing. 🙄

bluewolf23 said:I honestly think you’ve completely missed the mark here. Being polite has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Look—I have plenty of self-control, I’m not an angry person, and I’m perfectly satisfied with my life... yet, somehow, I still don't feel the need to be "nice" to everyone I meet. This excessive, sugary-sweet politeness? It’s nothing more than blatant posturing, being a total suck-up, and pure brown-nosing. 🙄

And man, it used to drive me absolutely crazy—though I’m a bit more chill about it now that I’ve grown up—whenever I saw people acting out those cheesy tropes you see in American TV shows.

bluewolf23 said:I honestly think you’ve completely missed the mark here. Being polite has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Look—I have plenty of self-control, I’m not an angry person, and I’m perfectly satisfied with my life... yet, somehow, I still don't feel the need to be "nice" to everyone I meet. This excessive, sugary-sweet politeness? It’s nothing more than blatant posturing, being a total suck-up, and pure brown-nosing. 🙄

So, what exactly defines "excessive kindness" to you?

Noah Sanders4 said:People who are overly open, chatty, or just way too polite right out of the gate usually have this massive urge to be liked. It’s weird—if you actually tell them you aren't a fan of how nice they're being, they’ll probably just double down and become even more aggressively friendly.

Deep down, even if you won't admit it, you kind of love those people because they make you feel better about yourselves,
or maybe you just wish you had that kind of social battery yourself..

Personally, I always go with the extra polite ones. This world is full of shady characters, so even if they're just playing a part, they're like a little bit of sunlight in the dark. That's their effort to make, not mine..

Maybe you just fall into that group that loves being fed sweet, little lies.🤷
There are plenty of people like that.

Jose Carter2 said:What kind of performance is this? Why is it so hard for people to grasp that some individuals are actually content with themselves, composed, and just... not perpetually pissed off?

It’s just another classic American paradox: people mistake those who scream, swear, and hurl threats for being brave, while dismissing anyone with actual manners as weak-willed.

In reality, the ones shouting are usually just venting because they're on the fringes of society. For them, loud outbursts and verbal aggression are the only ways to be heard or even noticed at all.
I can't picture someone like Mirko 'Cro Cop' Filipović ever losing his cool and screaming threats at someone like that. 😁

Look, someone who's actually satisfied with themselves doesn't feel the need to suck up to everyone else—so they aren't out there kissing everyone's ass.

Fake news.

lonetiger98 said:Maybe you just fall into that group that loves being fed sweet, little lies.🤷
There are plenty of people like that.

Look, someone who's actually satisfied with themselves doesn't feel the need to suck up to everyone else—so they aren't out there kissing everyone's ass.

+1

@Jose Carter2, you know the type—those people who feel obligated to be "polite" 24/7 to absolutely everyone. They rarely ever share an actual opinion, preferring to just nod along with whatever the crowd thinks. Honestly, they’re so coated in that artificial "kindness" that you can spot them coming from a mile away.

lonetiger98 said:Maybe you just fall into that group that loves being fed sweet, little lies.🤷
There are plenty of people like that.

Look, someone who's actually satisfied with themselves doesn't feel the need to suck up to everyone else—so they aren't out there kissing everyone's ass.

+2

Carl Rivera43 said:And man, it used to drive me absolutely crazy—though I’m a bit more chill about it now that I’ve grown up—whenever I saw people acting out those cheesy tropes you see in American TV shows.

Honestly, I've lost the plot here.

The OP used this super vague term "excessive politeness," and now everyone's just interpreting it however they want—we're totally talking past each other even if we actually agree on the core idea.