Posts by Jonathan Hayes

Adam Moore12 said:Just letting you know:

I’m looking to connect with someone who actually understands what anxiety and panic attacks feel like—someone who can talk about them in the past tense. Or at least someone who has managed to claim some small or large victories over them.

Whenever I talk to people who struggle with the same things I do, I find myself constantly picking up on their new symptoms and diagnoses. I’m incredibly sensitive to that kind of energy, and honestly, it’s not helpful for me right now. Eventually, I’d love to be the one sharing my own experiences and helping others. But right now? I don't even know how to help myself. I get a little something out of psychotherapy—learn a new tool, vent a bit, feel "normal" for a moment—but it’s always fleeting and feels somewhat artificial. I pay a couple hundred dollars a week just so I have a place to cry. I get that crying isn't free, but considering the cost of living in the US right now, I don't exactly have money to throw away 😁 on weeping. Besides, it isn't healing me. So far, the only real "medicine" I've found is through healthy, quality connections—romantic, platonic, or even just the bond with my pets. That steady flow of affection and connection is what keeps me going, and that's what I'm striving for.

I am searching for an authentic human experience to be shared with me (either here or eventually in person). I want to hear from someone whom life has pushed to the edge, someone fighting every single day just to stay afloat, haunted by OCD, paralyzed by fear, or terrified of the dark...

Someone vulnerable and highly sensitive.

But also someone strong. And smart. And happy!

Maybe someone who has studied CBT (or something similar) and mindfulness; someone who found peace through music or being out in nature; someone who recovered after building solid relationships; or maybe someone who was saved by yoga...

I am looking for survivors 😁.

If there is anyone out there who wants to share their story, I promise to listen intently, with an open heart and ears, and to offer my sincere thanks.

I catch myself daydreaming about how this could be the "start of a wonderful friendship." Maybe it's because, in my past, I've mostly sought closeness with people who have a similar temperament to mine (and that kind of temperament seems prone to emotional or mental burnout. Hm.) I often feel like a walking sponge. Sometimes I feel like a handful of sand that could make a great risotto, and other times I feel soft and dreamy. I don't know the perfect recipe for friendship, but perhaps it starts with a mutual affection that ignites in both people simultaneously and stays alive.

Regardless of how picky I might seem, I keep an open mind and heart. I'll check the boxes for self-awareness, curiosity, and good intentions (values I hold dear myself).

Aside from a few diagnoses, I am a functional member of society, even if my thoughts are a bit jagged around the edges.

I sleep, I eat, I work, I read, I listen, I walk, I love.

I am grateful to wake up every day next to the person I truly believe is my soulmate.

Now, I'm just dreaming about a kindred friendship or two. The mere thought of it makes me happy 🙂.

I believe I have "friendship potential," and I sincerely hope I find my people. I hope to find someone with whom, years from now, I can sit over a warm cup of tea and look back on this attempt to find "one wonderful friendship" 😁.

I realize I've rambled quite a bit about myself, but through communication, I try my best to listen to the other side, provide context, understand, and stick to topics that feel meaningful. I'm not expecting miracles—just a few little wonders 🙂.

Anyway, back to typing!

That same 😁 Shoot me a DM.

Anyone here know much about inorganic phosphates? My levels came back a little low:

0.78 mmol (ref 0.79-1.42)

Every time I try to Google this, it just dumps me straight into Hypophosphatemia articles filled with pretty grim descriptions. Is this actually something I should be worried about? 😢

Susan Diaz91 said:Since I lost my baby about 20 days ago, my doctor put me on normabel at 5 milligrams, three times a day.

I'm actually pretty scared to take them... worried about getting hooked. The label says they can be addictive.

Has anyone here ever used these? What has your experience been like with antidepressants, normabel, Xanax, or anything similar?

Just to clarify, normabel and Xanax (diazepam) aren't actually antidepressants... they're anxiolytics—basically sedatives. They're meant to be short-term fixes to help dial down the anxiety (which, given what you're going through, makes sense). And yeah, if you take them consistently every single day for a month, they definitely cause dependency. As the anxiety starts to lift, you should start tapering off the dose or just take one whenever you really need it...

Jose Ward4 said:Is there anyone else from this neighborhood (this forum, Psihokauč) who’s down for some beers and just hanging out? A couple of us usually get together every few weeks, sometimes even once a week if we're feeling it. Right now, it's just two of us. One guy is absolutely wrecked from work, and the other is completely heartbroken over some girl. It doesn't necessarily have to be beer, though that's our go-to.

Wait, is anyone on Psihokauč even allowed to touch a beer? 😁 I mean, because of all the meds...

Scott Ross7 said:Washington, D.C., ..Man, 39 years old. Life just kind of happened—everyone went their own way, making their own choices about careers, moving away, or settling down to start families.
All that stuff leaves a mark on you, I guess—depression, feeling isolated, just struggling to find your footing in the middle of it all.
I’m here because I actually want to meet a solid, interesting friend—someone under 30—to talk to regularly, hang out, hit some trails, maybe go hiking or just get lost in the woods to escape the city. I'm looking for someone chill, but also someone who can actually hold a conversation about their life and how they see the world without things getting awkward or messy. Also, someone who’s a good listener and actually cares about seeing things from another perspective. I don't do drama—I'm pretty understanding, and honestly, everything can be worked out if both people are actually on the same page.

Why does there have to be an age limit? We can always just message privately...

fadedmason4 said:Truthfully, not many people actually know the real me—if they did, they probably wouldn't bother hanging out with me anyway—so most people only see one small slice of my personality. As for those who *do* know me... well, I don't like talking about that, which is exactly why I write on this forum; having to face those conversations in person would be exhausting.

I’ve tried opening up a few times, but usually only after I’ve completely hit a breaking point—it’s like trying to pour water into a bottle that's already full, and everything just spills over once the pressure builds up. And even when I finally let it all out, people tend to push back—they tell me I'm wrong, or "that's not how it is," or they try to argue their side against mine—and honestly, my head isn't always the clearest. Still, I don't want to bore everyone with my issues; I realize nobody can take my burdens upon themselves or magically fix me overnight. Luckily, most of my meltdowns happened around people who aren't part of my usual social circle, so there was no risk of the drama spreading—poor guy that I am.

Alright, you covered all the bases there. You've got a self-esteem issue. Once you get a handle on that, hitting your goals and making plans will be a lot easier... 😉 When people pick up on the fact that you're ashamed of who you are, it makes things pretty awkward for them too.

fadedmason4 said:I came across a comment on another thread recently—it basically said: accept that certain things just aren't going to happen, and start planning your life around that reality instead of waiting for some miracle to make them come true. I thought it was spot on, and honestly, I’m trying to follow that logic, but it’s proving much harder than it sounds. If anyone has any advice on how to actually do this—how to stop secretly hoping for those "what ifs" when I know deep down they won't happen (even if nothing in life is ever 100% certain, this feels like 99%)

So, if you have any tips on how to quit dwelling on the things I don't have and likely never will, and instead focus on what's actually useful and achievable
It's tough

It might be worth weighing whether we're talking about things that are objectively out of reach, or if this is just that internal noise—you know, that feeling of inadequacy or low self-esteem playing tricks on you.
You can't really untangle that alone... we tend to build our own mental roadblocks just to stay safe. It’d probably help to grab a coffee and talk it through with someone close to you who actually knows what makes you tick.

Morgan Campbell4 said:I could try an analogy, though perhaps it isn't perfect. For instance, anesthesia—regardless of the type—results in a temporary "shutdown of pain" via gas or liquid.

The pain still exists during surgery; the body continues to react to it, yet physically or psychologically, we feel nothing. Is it possible that the efficacy of medication lies in convincing oneself that it will work? Does the strength of the mind play a role in believing that consuming a specific pill will make the pain vanish? Perhaps not in every case, but maybe for some, the right medicine truly does help.

But how many times have you taken something only to find it had zero effect?
What is the diagnosis? What are the medications? To illustrate, I can easily quote Sakoman, who told me this during one of my visits.

He said, "Look, kid, you've been coming to see me for three months now. You spend an hour here talking through everything that bothers you or doesn't, you go home feeling great for two weeks, and then you're right back where you started. Your 'pain'—these feelings that don't actually exist, but are products of your own mind—they take over and defeat you. Either you learn to fight against it and rise above it, or if you really insist, we can just prescribe more pills for the same thing. Those drugs will suppress the 'pain,' but they won't make it disappear. All you'll achieve over time is becoming accustomed to higher doses, needing stronger ones, and eventually, as the years pass, destroying your stomach, liver, and kidneys. So, decide: do you want to conquer this and rise above it, or let this fantasy of 'pain' win?"

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What are you even talking about? Have you ever actually taken an antidepressant? I don't feel any absence of pain—not physical, not emotional... nothing.

Morgan Campbell4 said:I could try an analogy, though perhaps it isn't perfect. For instance, anesthesia—regardless of the type—results in a temporary "shutdown of pain" via gas or liquid.

The pain still exists during surgery; the body continues to react to it, yet physically or psychologically, we feel nothing. Is it possible that the efficacy of medication lies in convincing oneself that it will work? Does the strength of the mind play a role in believing that consuming a specific pill will make the pain vanish? Perhaps not in every case, but maybe for some, the right medicine truly does help.

But how many times have you taken something only to find it had zero effect?
What is the diagnosis? What are the medications? To illustrate, I can easily quote Sakoman, who told me this during one of my visits.

He said, "Look, kid, you've been coming to see me for three months now. You spend an hour here talking through everything that bothers you or doesn't, you go home feeling great for two weeks, and then you're right back where you started. Your 'pain'—these feelings that don't actually exist, but are products of your own mind—they take over and defeat you. Either you learn to fight against it and rise above it, or if you really insist, we can just prescribe more pills for the same thing. Those drugs will suppress the 'pain,' but they won't make it disappear. All you'll achieve over time is becoming accustomed to higher doses, needing stronger ones, and eventually, as the years pass, destroying your stomach, liver, and kidneys. So, decide: do you want to conquer this and rise above it, or let this fantasy of 'pain' win?"

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🤦

Jack Smith4 said:I'm not sure if there's already a thread for this, but let's just say this one exists now.

I can still vividly picture the exact moment during my first appointment with my psychiatrist. I can see her face, and I know precisely what the last thing out of my mouth was right before I popped that pill.

"...After this, there's no turning back." — and just like that, I swallowed 50mg of Seroquel like it was nothing. 😬

And honestly? I was right. There really is no turning back. I regret starting on meds more than anything. It was like a slow fade... bit by bit, I felt my mind and my emotions slipping away. I became so... weird. I can't even laugh or cry anymore—just absolutely NOTHING. Just a hollow shell. It’s like these drugs slowly stripped away every single emotion I ever had. Every dream, every shred of hope... they just turned it all into plain, empty WATER! 😢

Anyone else gone through something similar? ^^

Morgan Campbell4 said:He told me that if I don't learn to rise above my own fears, I'll eventually have to rely on medication. But I’ve come to realize that drugs don't actually "remove" the pain; they just mask the crushing sensation that the pain creates. The ache remains, but the pills offer an illusion—a lie that the suffering simply doesn't exist.

Perhaps this sounds foolish, but what if a person learns to heal the body through the mind? Without pharmaceuticals, if such a thing is even possible. When we arrive at a doctor's office, isn't most of it happening in our heads? For the majority, psychological distress manifests as physical illness. What if one could transcend that cycle and utilize the mind to "heal" itself? Honestly, since I stopped taking all medications five years ago—even minor things like aspirin—I noticed my headaches decreased drastically. It makes one wonder if medicine is often just a placebo effect.

But what happens when you stop believing in the cure? When the body builds a tolerance and the drug loses its efficacy, just as the illness itself mutates? What happens when you reach that level where even a chemically engineered substance created by man can no longer assist you?

In truth, there is a symphony of vibrations we emit through our bodies that influence our pain. Much like a kiss from a loved one or a certain song passing through us like a tremor—another vibration that pierces our being and makes us feel uniquely happy, perhaps? I have decided that I do not want to take drugs. At least, not those manufactured by human hands. Natural remedies? Perhaps. But pharmaceutical ones? No. I don't even believe they help everyone; perhaps for many, they provide no relief at all.

You convince your mind that the medicine won't work, yet you live in the hope that it will, while deep down, you know better. Is that why addiction and dosage increases occur? I am not certain. I believe we possess the power to mentally heal ourselves physically, but achieving that is exceptionally difficult. It requires tapping into the deepest layers of our consciousness and willpower.

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Maybe it wouldn't hurt to actually specify which disorders or illnesses we’re talking about here, and exactly what kind of meds you're on... Otherwise, someone just passing through might walk away thinking everything being said is some universal truth for any psychotropic drug. It really isn't. For instance, I'm already on my second antidepressant for anxiety and panic disorder, and I haven't felt anything like what you're describing... none of them have ever hit me that way.

Jerry Wilson13 said:Our main connection points have always been that hospital stay we shared and our kids (since we both have them)... When I hinted that there wasn't enough substance for a deeper connection, I only said it because, honestly, right now—at least when it's just the two of us—we don't talk about anything else. She absolutely lives for talking about her sons; they are her entire universe. So, my conversations with her basically boil down to "my kid this" and "my kid that," and every other branch of conversation eventually funnels back into that same narrow topic.
Sometimes it doesn't bother me, but other times, I am loooosing my mind. My whole life pretty much revolves around my children as it is, so if I have to talk about nothing but that during a coffee date where I'm supposed to be relaxing... what's the point?
When we hang out with the families, though, things are much nicer. The kids play together perfectly, her husband is a genuinely good guy—even funny and entertaining—and she seems to undergo this sudden transformation where everything feels fine. So... I care about them because they are good, genuine people. They seem spontaneous and open, and I don't get the feeling they're being fake. Maybe we aren't the most "soulmate" kind of friends in the world, but I'll tell you, sometimes their company is actually really pleasant.
Unfortunately, everything gets ruined by the fact that tomorrow (right after we had dinner together and spent the previous afternoon hanging out), she calls... and wants to talk again...

I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is me. But then again, my husband finds it incredibly weird too, and it's started getting on his nerves how she constantly reaches out and insists on hanging out, so I guess it's not just us being crazy... 🤔

Someone was wondering why it's so hard for me to send a voice note... Well, when she showed up unannounced (okay, not *entirely* unannounced, she texted me when she was literally at my front door asking if she could come in... wtf!?) and my house is lit up like the Las Vegas Strip... What am I supposed to say? No, you can't come in. It's just 🙄
And at work? Forget about it... total bust. Just show up and that's that...

Oh, wait, what was I saying... It's hard for me to be blunt because I think anyone would find it difficult to communicate something like this. I'm not dealing with someone I can be subtle with (if I could have managed that by now, I probably would have, since I've tried a hundred times), but rather someone who demands that I be direct and brutally honest. And I shy away from that because I don't want anyone to feel hurt because of me. I can't believe I'm even in this situation! Who else does this happen to?🕺

The idea of me having to go to someone and say, "Look, just chill out a bit, don't call me every single day, you're becoming a burden, blah blah blah..." 🙂 😕 🙂

Maybe try asking her to give you a heads-up next time, since you aren't a fan of people just crashing your house or your office? Or maybe just tell her that unless it's an emergency, you're busy and she can't come in. I honestly don't see how any of those phrases could be taken as a personal insult to her character... but look, if you don't set a clear, direct boundary—which doesn't mean you have to be a jerk about it—she's just going to keep "harassing" you.
And yeah, you definitely struggle with direct communication (at least with this kind of stuff). It’s like someone slaps you, you don't react, so they slap you again, and then you act surprised when it happens twice. A bit of a caricature, I know, but you get the point... For people who don't pick up on subtle hints (or choose not to), you have to be blunt, direct, and—if necessary—a little harsh. You're dealing with clingy personality types who latch onto people, especially those who seem to cater to them...

Jerry Wilson13 said:Hey everyone!

A couple of years ago, I had a short hospital stay, and during that time, I met a woman I ended up talking to quite a bit. We swapped numbers, and a few weeks later, she reached out. We went for coffee... then another time... and very quickly, she invited me, my husband, and our kids over to her place. She has a husband and kids too, so... we decided to take her up on the invitation.

After that visit, her reaching out became much more frequent... and everything was fine until about 3 or 4 months ago when responding to her calls and texts started becoming exhausting... 👎
Basically, I’m the kind of person who has an incredibly packed schedule. Between finishing work, kids' activities, household chores, and everything else, I barely have time to catch up with my own mom or a close friend every day... let alone a new acquaintance with whom I don't even share many common interests. Aside from the kids. And that hospital stay.
To put it bluntly, her constant calling has started to really get on my nerves.

The worst part is, if I don't answer, she just calls again. Then she sends a text... then she calls again... and again. She just doesn't seem to realize she needs to back off a little and give me the chance to reach out to her. Does she not realize I'm neither deaf nor blind? I can see when she's calling; I think I know why I haven't picked up (when I haven't). But that doesn't seem to bother her at all. She just keeps going.

Technically, they are decent people. Her husband is a good guy, too. When we hang out, it's perfectly fine... but it's a far cry from feeling like we need to see them this often. We aren't lifelong best friends where this kind of intensity is the norm.
And now, I honestly don't know how to handle this.
At first, I tried coming up with excuses for why we couldn't make it for coffee or dinner, you know, whatever... It’s not that we wouldn't want to visit or host them, but I was trying to ensure it wasn't happening nearly as often as they wanted. Because that pace didn't work for us. But lately, she’s calling almost every single day, sometimes forcing it multiple times a day. It got to the point where I actually felt so repulsed (and angry) that I stopped answering her calls altogether, thinking maybe she'd get the hint or at least slow down. But no. Instead, she sends a text... then a message on Messenger... then calls again. Honestly, what the heck?!🙂🙂

I truly have no idea where this impulse comes from. All I know is that I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't want things to end between us because, over time, she's become dear to me, as has her family. But I feel under this massive amount of pressure because she's imposing an obligation on me to have half-hour conversations about nothing important every day, attend weekly dinners (these are people who celebrate everything, even a cat's birthday), or constantly expect me to show up at my front door unannounced (which has happened!) or even at my office (she would drop by my workplace when she had errands to run at the local clinic).😠

Both my husband and I work, and our schedules are jam-packed. We barely have time to properly hang out with each other, let alone nurture intense friendships with people we hardly know, who insist on this instant closeness...
I have two or three girlfriends whom I see occasionally; they also have hectic lives and families, so they don't pester me excessively. We meet up when it works for us, and we always coordinate around our responsibilities. With them, everything is relaxed, and I never feel pressured or "hunted" by constant demands. But this family is imposing this non-stop...
To give you an idea of how extreme this is, it's probably enough to say that since I met her, I have never—not once—had the opportunity (or even the desire) to be the one to call her. She is always the one initiating contact.

I'm terrified that I'll eventually have to tell her straight up that I simply can't—and don't want to—do things this way.🕺
I don't want to hurt them, and I definitely don't want to cut ties completely.

I feel stuck in this awful spot because she just isn't picking up on any of my signals. At all. It’s either that, or she's intentionally ignoring them—honestly, I can't tell anymore... It baffles me how she finds the energy and the time for such intense hangouts when they're both working full-time, dealing with kids, and don't exactly have nothing better to do than socialize all day...

What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

I’d honestly just tell her exactly what she already admitted right here:

Jerry Wilson13 said:Hey everyone!

A couple of years ago, I had a short hospital stay, and during that time, I met a woman I ended up talking to quite a bit. We swapped numbers, and a few weeks later, she reached out. We went for coffee... then another time... and very quickly, she invited me, my husband, and our kids over to her place. She has a husband and kids too, so... we decided to take her up on the invitation.

After that visit, her reaching out became much more frequent... and everything was fine until about 3 or 4 months ago when responding to her calls and texts started becoming exhausting... 👎
Basically, I’m the kind of person who has an incredibly packed schedule. Between finishing work, kids' activities, household chores, and everything else, I barely have time to catch up with my own mom or a close friend every day... let alone a new acquaintance with whom I don't even share many common interests. Aside from the kids. And that hospital stay.
To put it bluntly, her constant calling has started to really get on my nerves.

The worst part is, if I don't answer, she just calls again. Then she sends a text... then she calls again... and again. She just doesn't seem to realize she needs to back off a little and give me the chance to reach out to her. Does she not realize I'm neither deaf nor blind? I can see when she's calling; I think I know why I haven't picked up (when I haven't). But that doesn't seem to bother her at all. She just keeps going.

Technically, they are decent people. Her husband is a good guy, too. When we hang out, it's perfectly fine... but it's a far cry from feeling like we need to see them this often. We aren't lifelong best friends where this kind of intensity is the norm.
And now, I honestly don't know how to handle this.
At first, I tried coming up with excuses for why we couldn't make it for coffee or dinner, you know, whatever... It’s not that we wouldn't want to visit or host them, but I was trying to ensure it wasn't happening nearly as often as they wanted. Because that pace didn't work for us. But lately, she’s calling almost every single day, sometimes forcing it multiple times a day. It got to the point where I actually felt so repulsed (and angry) that I stopped answering her calls altogether, thinking maybe she'd get the hint or at least slow down. But no. Instead, she sends a text... then a message on Messenger... then calls again. Honestly, what the heck?!🙂🙂

I truly have no idea where this impulse comes from. All I know is that I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't want things to end between us because, over time, she's become dear to me, as has her family. But I feel under this massive amount of pressure because she's imposing an obligation on me to have half-hour conversations about nothing important every day, attend weekly dinners (these are people who celebrate everything, even a cat's birthday), or constantly expect me to show up at my front door unannounced (which has happened!) or even at my office (she would drop by my workplace when she had errands to run at the local clinic).😠

Both my husband and I work, and our schedules are jam-packed. We barely have time to properly hang out with each other, let alone nurture intense friendships with people we hardly know, who insist on this instant closeness...
I have two or three girlfriends whom I see occasionally; they also have hectic lives and families, so they don't pester me excessively. We meet up when it works for us, and we always coordinate around our responsibilities. With them, everything is relaxed, and I never feel pressured or "hunted" by constant demands. But this family is imposing this non-stop...
To give you an idea of how extreme this is, it's probably enough to say that since I met her, I have never—not once—had the opportunity (or even the desire) to be the one to call her. She is always the one initiating contact.

I'm terrified that I'll eventually have to tell her straight up that I simply can't—and don't want to—do things this way.🕺
I don't want to hurt them, and I definitely don't want to cut ties completely.

I feel stuck in this awful spot because she just isn't picking up on any of my signals. At all. It’s either that, or she's intentionally ignoring them—honestly, I can't tell anymore... It baffles me how she finds the energy and the time for such intense hangouts when they're both working full-time, dealing with kids, and don't exactly have nothing better to do than socialize all day...

What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

Just a thought... instead of wasting energy wondering why she isn't picking up on your subtle hints, maybe take a second to look inward and ask why it's so hard for an adult to just be direct and actually say what's bothering them...😉

mistydrifter55 said:🙂 So, Baby, you gonna be my therapist?

- You're hitting the nail on the head
- Teach me some "organization"

🙂

Speaking of chores, there are really only two golden rules for keeping a house from falling apart:

1. If you make a mess, clean it up
2. If you take something out, put it back

Then you just drill those rules into everyone else living under your roof until it becomes second nature. No one gets to relax or hit the couch until the rules are met... 😁

mistydrifter55 said:So, how do you guys handle planning and staying organized? 😁

Open floor for discussion

_______________________________________

I am a total mess when it comes to organization.
Or, if we’re being poetic about it, I’m consistently inconsistent. 🤣

Organization? Forget it. I only organize things when I absolutely have to.
The same goes for planning.

I basically live my life by reacting to whatever hits me. I just deal with things as they pop up.
I tackle whatever crosses my mind in the moment. I don't do that "here is my list of tasks for today" thing. It's always a series of compromises.
Like, I’ll wash the dishes only when I'm forced to. If I had my way, the sink would stay full forever.
Ironing is another one. Even though I actually enjoy ironing—unlike washing dishes—I never find the time because my whole day is such a chaotic blur.
Those are just some small examples.

And even when I *do* try to plan something out, there’s zero chance it goes according to script. There’s always some unexpected curveball, and suddenly I’m dealing with versions A, B, C, and D... while my original plan just evaporates.

The more important the life detail, the harder it is for me to stay on top of it.

Everything just piles up. I’ve got these unfinished tasks hanging over my head for years, which obviously creates this massive pressure that gets harder and harder to manage.

Apparently, that's supposed to be at the root of all my psychological struggles.

Maybe stop trying to plan the whole damn process and just focus on individual steps. Like you said, you can rarely predict exactly where things are headed. Try planning in short bursts—just what comes first, then what comes second. Once those first couple of steps are done, then you figure out step three or four. Plan in small increments rather than trying to map the entire thing from start to finish right away...

I didn't quite catch what you meant by being inconsistent...

Quincy:

Planning & organization—the bedrock of a healthy psyche

Is this actually a question or just a statement? Because I don't think one necessarily leads to the other.
Take me, for example. I’m a total pro at planning and staying organized (I actually get paid for it 🤣), yet here I am, struggling with anxious depression...
It sounds more like you're worried about how your lack of organizational skills impacts the people around you,
rather than how it hits your own mental health directly... 😁

brightlynx25 said:I was actually prompted to start this thread because of my current relationship with someone who is incredibly dear to me—someone I met just over two years ago.

Before we dive in, let me be clear: I don't want this discussion to turn into a deep dive into our specific personal drama. However, I think providing some context is necessary. He’s a wonderful friend to me, and more than anything, I just want us to stay that way.

The reality, though, is that our differing interests and viewpoints have proven to be a bit of a hurdle in practice. It feels like the very things he’s passionate about were things I was first introduced to through him. And honestly? It seems to work both ways.

It’s like this constant cycle: Should I force myself to get into hobbies I probably would have ignored entirely if it weren't for our friendship? Should I try to pull him toward the things I love? Or do I just sit there and let him go on these long, winding monologues about topics I know absolutely nothing about? And then, of course, the reverse happens—me lecturing him on subjects he never found compelling enough to pursue on his own.

So, how would you all handle a situation like this? And regarding the title of the post: is a friendship between two people with completely different interests actually sustainable in the long run?

As for what I've done personally to deal with this... at this point, I'm still processing, so I'm not ready to write that part out yet.

Honestly, it depends entirely on who you're dealing with... For me, they definitely can be. I don't usually get hooked on someone because of what they do for fun, but more because of who they are as a person.
We don't need to be obsessed with the same hobbies, but there really needs to be some level of genuine curiosity about what the other person is up to... which, judging by those monologues you mentioned, seems to be lacking on your end...

restlessranger54 said:Hey everyone, glad to be here. 🙏 I’ll try to keep this brief.
I’m living at home in a small town. Until recently, I actually had a steady job.
Things at home are pretty messed up right now, and honestly, it all boils down to one thing 👎
The issue is my mother. In her mind, she is always 100% right about everything. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit I’m 30 years old and still typing out stuff like this, but here we go...

I’ve been dealing with MS for five years now. I’m not disabled or anything—I can still do just about whatever I want to do.🙏 My mom has always been the type to hover over me because I was sickly as a kid; she basically kept me under a glass dome so I wouldn't get sick again. But the real kicker is how toxic she gets with her words. On top of managing my health, my finances are super unstable right now. She constantly reminds me that I’d be absolutely nothing without her and that I’m basically doomed once she passes away.😲
Yesterday, she actually told me my future looks like a nursing home. 😲 I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years; he knows about my diagnosis and he couldn't care less about it. He’s fine. The problem is my mom. She keeps telling me he’s not someone I can rely on and that our relationship will probably fall apart because of my illness. There’s zero room for him in our relationship because, in her eyes, she’s the only one here to set me on the "right path." I would move out in a heartbeat if my job situation wasn't such a mess right now. So, what do I do? Any advice? She’s also against me getting married because she thinks since I don't have money, why would a husband want to support me? And kids? Forget about it. I'm not stupid enough to go there. I’ve tried every trick in the book to break through her delusions, but nothing works.
How do I stop letting her opinions get to me when she’s already screwed me over so much?

Look, as harsh as it sounds, we have to face the reality here. If this diagnosis starts progressing, it’s going to make living independently a massive uphill battle. Your mom isn't trying to be difficult for the sake of it; she’s just terrified about your future. She wants to protect you... but she’s missing the mark. It’s probably unintentional, but her approach is totally backwards. Instead of actually empowering you, she’s just tearing you down...

restlessranger54 said:Hey everyone, glad to be here. 🙏 I’ll try to keep this brief.
I’m living at home in a small town. Until recently, I actually had a steady job.
Things at home are pretty messed up right now, and honestly, it all boils down to one thing 👎
The issue is my mother. In her mind, she is always 100% right about everything. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit I’m 30 years old and still typing out stuff like this, but here we go...

I’ve been dealing with MS for five years now. I’m not disabled or anything—I can still do just about whatever I want to do.🙏 My mom has always been the type to hover over me because I was sickly as a kid; she basically kept me under a glass dome so I wouldn't get sick again. But the real kicker is how toxic she gets with her words. On top of managing my health, my finances are super unstable right now. She constantly reminds me that I’d be absolutely nothing without her and that I’m basically doomed once she passes away.😲
Yesterday, she actually told me my future looks like a nursing home. 😲 I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years; he knows about my diagnosis and he couldn't care less about it. He’s fine. The problem is my mom. She keeps telling me he’s not someone I can rely on and that our relationship will probably fall apart because of my illness. There’s zero room for him in our relationship because, in her eyes, she’s the only one here to set me on the "right path." I would move out in a heartbeat if my job situation wasn't such a mess right now. So, what do I do? Any advice? She’s also against me getting married because she thinks since I don't have money, why would a husband want to support me? And kids? Forget about it. I'm not stupid enough to go there. I’ve tried every trick in the book to break through her delusions, but nothing works.
How do I stop letting her opinions get to me when she’s already screwed me over so much?

Just give it up. Trying to change people... especially those who have already settled into their ways later in life... it’s a losing battle. Honestly, it might even be impossible...

restlessranger54 said:Hey everyone, glad to be here. 🙏 I’ll try to keep this brief.
I’m living at home in a small town. Until recently, I actually had a steady job.
Things at home are pretty messed up right now, and honestly, it all boils down to one thing 👎
The issue is my mother. In her mind, she is always 100% right about everything. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit I’m 30 years old and still typing out stuff like this, but here we go...

I’ve been dealing with MS for five years now. I’m not disabled or anything—I can still do just about whatever I want to do.🙏 My mom has always been the type to hover over me because I was sickly as a kid; she basically kept me under a glass dome so I wouldn't get sick again. But the real kicker is how toxic she gets with her words. On top of managing my health, my finances are super unstable right now. She constantly reminds me that I’d be absolutely nothing without her and that I’m basically doomed once she passes away.😲
Yesterday, she actually told me my future looks like a nursing home. 😲 I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years; he knows about my diagnosis and he couldn't care less about it. He’s fine. The problem is my mom. She keeps telling me he’s not someone I can rely on and that our relationship will probably fall apart because of my illness. There’s zero room for him in our relationship because, in her eyes, she’s the only one here to set me on the "right path." I would move out in a heartbeat if my job situation wasn't such a mess right now. So, what do I do? Any advice? She’s also against me getting married because she thinks since I don't have money, why would a husband want to support me? And kids? Forget about it. I'm not stupid enough to go there. I’ve tried every trick in the book to break through her delusions, but nothing works.
How do I stop letting her opinions get to me when she’s already screwed me over so much?

Just stand your ground and be blunt about it. Tell her exactly where you stand, lay out your arguments, and for heaven's sake, don't back down...

Thomas Roberts3 said:Running away from your fears and problems isn't a recipe for happiness, and it definitely isn't a solution to them.

In the long run? No. But sometimes post-traumatic experiences hit so hard that a person honestly just doesn't know how to survive or move forward without pushing them down. Of course, everything eventually comes back to haunt you... sooner or later...

crimsonharbor72 said:I appreciate all the input here.

The real issue is that I’ll have to head back to campus soon. It means moving back into a city where I don't actually live just to sit through lectures. Honestly, the studying part isn't what worries me; I can handle books. It’s the idea of being squeezed into a crowded lecture hall that triggers this low-level anxiety. And if I end up in a situation where I have to stand up and give a presentation in front of a massive auditorium? I think I might genuinely collapse. I wasn't always like this, but things took a turn about a year ago. I spiraled into a pretty heavy depression for about six months. I managed to pull myself out of it—barely—with the help of one specific person (which is important context for what comes next). For half a year, things were finally peaceful. Then, tragedy struck. I lost a family member, and just a few weeks later, I was hit with intense panic attacks, involving that same person who helped me through the first wave.

It just leveled me. Since then, I’ve struggled to be around people or engage in what I consider mindless small talk. I have no desire to dump my problems onto others and be a burden, but at the same time, how am I supposed to care about someone screaming at you because they picked the wrong shade of hair dye when you can barely see the difference?

I talked to my dad about school, and he’s pushing me to go. His logic is that the worst-case scenario is that I just end up shutting myself in the house, isolating from everyone, and living in total solitude.
He doesn't quite grasp that isolation actually feels right to me. He’s my complete opposite; he thrives on being around people.

I totally get you. Whenever life starts throwing one bad thing after another my way, I also tend to pull back from people. I have zero interest in small talk or discussing things that feel completely pointless. I just retreat, shut the door, and find some peace in being by myself. Socializing never helps me get through those phases... it honestly just drains me even more.
You say you aren't depressed, but from where I'm sitting, it looks like you might be. Maybe not the heavy kind where you can't even get out of bed, but definitely something is going on. You aren't finding any joy in life right now, everything just seems negative...🙂
I think you might just still be processing some traumatic stuff and need time to digest it all. Honestly, having a good conversation with a psychologist or a therapist could really help you navigate this stretch...😉

Sean Sanchez14 said:So we talked, right? We actually made plans. This guy showed up a while back and we agreed to grab lunch together, but now he’s just ghosting my texts... meanwhile, I see him blowing up Sekica's phone. It's ridiculous.
I mean, where am I even going wrong here?
Why is he all over me, acting all affectionate and emotional?
Why are we both just sitting here crying about it?
Honestly, I don't know. I'm just lost.
The whole thing is driving me absolutely insane.😢

The thing is... you're still expecting him to be someone he’s clearly not. And you're still trying to make it work with him...

briskmarlin31 said:The days and weeks pass... And I feel myself sinking deeper, as if I am falling into a dark abyss... I am 23 years old, I have my degree in psychology, I am working, and I am in a relationship with a wonderful person whom I adore. I know some of you will say—or think—that I have everything and that there is absolutely no reason for these nightmares to haunt my thoughts. I know all of that. Oh, I know it well. But... day after day... night after night... I am simply sinking... I cannot escape the thought that everything in my life is slowly but surely losing its meaning... I haven't slept properly in nights... And the little sleep I am granted is seasoned with heavy doses of nightmares... Terrifying nightmares that instill even more fear of tomorrow into my soul. I am afraid... I am afraid of losing everything... I lack the will for things I used to do with such joy... When I get home from work... Around 5:00 PM... I return to my corner of solitude (I live alone) and then... That is when it begins... Solitude and nightmares knock on my door again... Like faithful guests... And I... I let them in, as always. Into my apartment... Into my soul... Loneliness keeps me company during these long winter evenings... My boyfriend, whom I love so dearly, tries everything to cheer me up and lift my spirits... But it feels as though none of it reaches me... I don't want to lose him... He is my entire world... I cannot describe how much love resides within me... For him. Often at night... while struggling with insomnia... I write... I love to write... And I have been writing for years... Sometimes I feel... As if this pen, which gives life to my words, is the only thing that truly understands and empathizes with me and my feelings.

Please write... how could I help myself?... Because I am aware of everything—truly aware of what is happening—but I simply do not know how to help myself... And I feel that help is needed...
Thank you...

Here is a poem I wrote tonight... During another sleepless night...

...tell me...
...where you hid me...

Tell me... where you hid me...
Where did you hide me... I cannot find myself anywhere...
I am lost... in these hallways...
Wandering through them... searching for you... searching... for myself...

Tell me... where you hid me...
Where did you hide me... so perfectly... that I am only present when I am with you...
That I breathe... only when I hear you...
That I live... only when I feel you...

Tell me... where you hid me...
Where did you hide me... when, without you, I can no longer sense the scent of spring...
I no longer hear or recognize... even my own name...
And they call me... but... I do not hear them... I... I do not want to hear them...

Tell me... where you hid me...
Where did you hide me... so deeply... that I only feel myself when I am with you...
Tell me... because I cannot... take another step...
Because... from these empty breaths... I feel dizzy...

Tell me... where you hid me...
Where did you hide me... when it feels so warm... against your chest...
And only there... do I smell... the spring...
Only there... against your chest... do I hear... my name...

P.S.
I do not usually have the habit of sharing my private thoughts (my poems) so publicly.
I wrote this only so that, perhaps, if you are able and willing, you might better understand what is troubling me and the turmoil within my mind.

I can't shake this feeling that you actually kind of love your own pain. You probably don't even realize it, but you've basically embraced it as a companion... it’s become this sort of refuge or fuel for you, and you even seem to take a strange pride in turning it into poetry. It’s almost like you're holding onto it... what's the point in that? 🙂

But okay, getting practical here. Try planning out your evenings before you even get home from work. Even if you really don't feel like doing anything, just force yourself to follow through. Something physical would be a good start—it helps with the serotonin levels. Just try some tiny, mindless changes to your routine. If things don't shift and you still can't find the drive to actually move... then yeah, go see a psychiatrist. Get some psychotherapy. Just follow whatever the doctor suggests...

There's a decent thread on this topic over here:

Timothy Cook4 said:The truth is, one does not simply choose who they fall for. By the time things shifted into such an intense emotional territory, I was completely unaware that it was even happening.

True enough. But you *do* get to decide if you're going to stick around in a relationship where you feel miserable and can't even trust the person next to you...