I am looking for full assistance—everything required—to ensure the job actually gets done... because, at the end of the day, that is what a job is for.
It is a bit like when your car breaks down and you take it to a mechanic to get it fixed; I suppose one shouldn't expect anything less than results. 😉
Eric Gray2 said:Come on, let's just pretend you aren't trolling here 🙂 The relationship between a client and a therapist isn't love—it’s not a romantic connection, it isn't a friendship, and it certainly isn't a parental bond. Sure, that dynamic requires trust, but it doesn't involve that kind of limitless, unconditional love.
Then I wonder, what kind of relationship actually involves unconditional love?
driftingraven122 said:I honestly can’t say I’m surprised when people dealing with schizophrenia develop a bizarre persona—it's almost a defense mechanism. Though, from their perspective, it’s actually everyone else who seems warped. To me, most people just perform emotions, harbor strange intentions, and live with this constant mental noise—obsessing over trivialities and endless chatter. How are you supposed to connect with someone like that without creating some sort of equally bizarre, artificial self just to bridge the gap?
Maintaining social ties is... difficult, after everything involving psychosis and those transcendental experiences. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but they are people who have seen things—either because they've been through it themselves or they're hovering right on the edge of psychosis—so they understand how fluid reality really is. With them, we can discuss higher beings or unmanifested realities; what am I supposed to talk about with "normal" people? Sex, money, or gossip about neighbors? None of that interests me.
My psychiatrist keeps insisting that the whole point of my recovery is "resocialization." But frankly, I have zero interest in being social. I much prefer the solitude of my own mind—a mind sharpened by psychosis and the experience of unmanifested reality.
So, if I'm reading you right... you're basically saying I'm immature and stubborn? =🙂
It seems almost impossible that two people could be in this exact same state without the condition being contagious... unless, of course, there is something about schizophrenia that I simply don't grasp.☕
P.S. I know plenty of people... wherever I go, wherever I work, acquaintances tend to pop up everywhere... far more often than with my other colleagues. So, if I were truly antisocial, then even the most charming person in the world would be a total fraud 😁... but I just didn't feel like engaging. My ego has become so inflated that I don't see much point in joking around anymore.
Oh, I’m not exactly drinking... I try to keep my pill intake to an absolute minimum, but sometimes circumstances just dictate that taking a couple of shots is the lesser of two evils. At least then I can socialize instead of just sitting there battling high blood pressure.
Please, don't give me that lecture about all those benzene compounds... it feels like a total assault on chemistry. I mean, I've been working around benzene everywhere; it's just part of the oil industry. 🤦
I won't go mixing things... my heart is already temperamental enough as it is, somehow managing to pull through everything. If I happen to have a drink on a given day, I certainly won't be taking anything else. Honestly, I survived a sleepless night and actually managed to get some decent sleep and had "normal" dreams... I suppose a dream lasting an hour is still better than nothing, as long as nobody died in them. 🙂
Actually, Xanax is quite effective... especially when I don't actually need it. 😁 The only downside is that when I truly do need it, I require a massive dose just to make it through. ☕
The thing is, lately I’ve been having a drink here and there, but even though it feels like I should be drifting off at first, I haven't actually managed to sleep for several nights in a row now.
For instance, if my last drink was around midnight... I feel completely sober right now... (though my Psychiatrist says my mental state is pretty unstable, so I suppose I can't fully trust my own perception) and it's already 4 AM. If I had only had about two drinks, I probably would have been out by now... back then, I could still feel the alcohol, but now? It makes no sense. And in about three hours, I have to head into work, where I need to be much more functional than I currently am.
P.S. The rule about avoiding alcohol will be back in effect soon... so we aren't talking about getting drunk here, just a maximum of two drinks.
I’ve officially stopped taking Fevarin, though I can't help but wonder if it was actually making things worse for me.
To be honest, I’ve phased out most of my medications lately.
I try to limit my use of xanax as much as possible... I really only reach for it when I need to sleep, since it’s the one thing that keeps the nightmares at bay.
During the day, things are a struggle, but I haven't quite found a viable alternative yet. It’s a difficult trade-off; as hard as it gets, I feel more like "myself" without them. When I'm on the pills, I just feel sick and drugged out, which honestly ends up depressing me even more. I suppose I find the psychological and physical ache of reality easier to bear than the realization that I've turned myself into a zombie.
There is so much more to unpack here... this has been going on for such a long time. No pill seems to offer a true solution; they all just dull the symptoms. In my view, it feels a bit like getting drunk—it makes me feel like I don't care, but in reality, I'm just forcibly stripping away parts of my identity and choosing to ignore the underlying issue.
I am actively seeking help, but the real question is how much I am actually allowing myself to be helped, and how much I am still sabotaging my own progress.🙂
People keep trying to convince me that I'm normal, which gives me a flicker of hope that there might be a chance to actually feel alive again—the way I used to feel most of the time, rather than just catching fleeting glimpses of it in my memories. But it's been years like this now.
Larry Lewis said:To be perfectly honest, the medication doesn't bother me anymore—not even a little bit. In fact, I’ve actually reached a point where I feel like they're helping me stay level. I don't feel drowsy, nor am I dealing with that sluggish, foggy sensation people always complain about. Now, I have no idea what your internal experiences are like—everyone's brain chemistry is a different beast entirely—but I know my own history. I’ve managed to pull myself out of the trenches about 80% of the way, and on some days, it feels like 100%. But let’s be clear: this didn't happen overnight. It wasn't some sudden epiphany. I went through hell—real, grinding hardship—and I suffered for it. However, I made a choice not to descend into total despair. I didn't spend my life weeping over my misfortune or wallowing in self-pity; instead, I just endured. I put my head down, took the hits, and kept pushing forward. That sheer grit—that ability to just endure—is what got me here.
I am glad to hear that... though I suspect some people might have criticized your struggle or your way of enduring it more than once. Just imagine being stuck in that cycle for your entire life... dealing with circumstances where you feel unable to influence or change the very root causes of your condition... I suppose one *could* change things, but perhaps I shouldn't suggest how to go about it. 😛
But this isn't some sort of competition. Most people are essentially lost because this primitive, hyper-competitive mentality has taken hold of society—or, if I may use a tired cliché, because our "values have become distorted." It’s as if someone accidentally set up the fences incorrectly, and since we are all flawed humans anyway, nobody really cares. So, the sheep wander blindly toward the cliffside, pushing one another along. And if one black sheep happens to bleat in protest, it’s usually swallowed up by the crowd before anyone notices. ☕
Henry Garcia9 said:Look, if you’ve ever actually dealt with schizophrenia or tried to fight it, you know the meds aren't even the worst part—it's the psychosis itself. And just so we're clear, the newer stuff actually helps with the negative symptoms too 😉
Yeah, sure, but when you wake up from a dream, you know it wasn't real. During an untreated episode? You think the fake stuff is the only thing that's real.
Insulin doesn't "cure" diabetes either, but without it, people are dead. We use it because it works. Antipsychotics are the same way; they help.
No, you treat sch with MEDS. Therapy is great, but it's a sidekick to the medication.
Trust me, schizo logic is a total mess. It doesn't matter if you're talking about the conscious or subconscious mind. In any sane world, 2+2 equals 4. In schizo-land, 2+2 equals 5. That's just how broken the math is. I'm sure you get that. 🙂
Are we discussing actual schizophrenia here, or are we just debating what constitutes "normalcy"?
There was a time when I genuinely felt like everyone in my orbit had lost their minds.
Eventually, through some extensive work with professionals, I came to realize that my perception wasn't misplaced; it was actually accurate.
It turns out I am the one functioning normally in a world populated by lunatics...
I mean, for heaven's sake, two plus two equals four. Even the ancient philosophers understood that basic truth.
But no, everyone else just insists that everything is perfectly fine and totally fine. ☕
It is damn hard, and I suppose it never gets easier..
I am certain that I will never experience a sense of normalcy again...
This isn't some fleeting bout of depression that one simply navigates through life...
This is a heavy, permanent weight for the rest of my days...
I suppose I accepted the reality of it all relatively quickly...
However, my surroundings and the medical professionals haven't truly sat down to have a serious conversation with me yet,,,
When I attempted to consult other psychiatrists—they practically tried to commit me to a state hospital without me even lifting a finger
I merely expressed a desire to talk, because frankly, it feels humiliating to discuss these things; in the real world, most people find such topics incredibly difficult to stomach!
STIGMA—SHAME—VICTIMHOOD... the hypocrisy of society is devastating for those desperately in need of help.. they don't need food.. actually, there is no real help to be found, just an attempt to make things slightly more bearable
I have been thinking for quite some time that physician-assisted suicide should be legalized.. after all, people are being killed by various forces everywhere anyway
So why not shorten the suffering for someone who is truly in agony?
I lack the courage to take my own life.. but I find myself forgiving everyone on a weekly basis (internally, of course—because apparently "you aren't allowed to say things like that")
In truth, I don't necessarily want to die, but I have felt dead for years now...
I suspect my soul has died.. all that remains is logic and memory, but the essence is gone.. the body feels strange.. as if mental anguish translates directly into physical pain.. the soul.. it's as if I am depleted, devoid of any vital energy.. there are only painful physiological processes.. the processes themselves ache.. very rarely.. far too rarely do I feel anything that could be described as "alive"
And what a wretched state of affairs it is when this is the only thing I can write here...
That in this entire mess of civilization.. of humanity and similar nonsense..
When I first sought help from doctors, I assumed everyone around me was insane
Now, I am convinced that everyone else is indeed mad / they have removed any shadow of a doubt ☕
gentlesailor25 said:I don't think I've ever actually run into a perfectionist who wasn't also, well, kind of lacking in the brain department.🙄
If one were to adopt a slightly broader perspective to truly visualize ☕
just imagine a "dim-witted" perfectionist—how would such an individual actually function or navigate daily life? ... well, there it is. You see how rare they are? It’s quite remarkable, isn't it? 😁
What on earth is the reason my posts are constantly being deleted?
Personally, I could never bring myself to resort to profanity... even when surrounded by a crowd of foul-mouthed, uncouth individuals, I will do everything in my power to remain true to myself for as long as I have the strength. If it becomes impossible to maintain my integrity, I suppose I will simply walk away.
Regarding my avatar... I suppose I reached out and took a gamble, only to lose the very thing I was aiming for... and now I have this nagging feeling I might lose the whole arm along with it 😁.
On a lighter note, though, I had a rather unexpected moment of levity today. I was venting to someone about my recent medical results—everything seems to be hovering just slightly off center, either too high or too low on the charts—and he just looked at me and said there is exactly one thing perfectly centered 😁. Apparently, everything else is just noise 😂. I spent so much energy agonizing over the details, and yet 🤣.
But what should we actually do about this thread? It wouldn't be surprising if the obvious answer is indeed the right one 😢.
silentnomad23 said:Yes, that is precisely the point, but it seems no one has addressed it yet. The whole thing started because there is this inherent sense of discomfort when you 'allow' someone inside you, which made me wonder how that translates to the male perspective. Simply put, I imagined having a penis, and my impression is that it wouldn't feel awkward at all to move around and just exist with that physical presence. I'm not sure how to rationalize it, but that sensation stemmed directly from the feeling of possessing that specific anatomy. Now, considering how a man might imagine having a vagina—perhaps by simply envisioning an additional opening on the body😳 that both sexes possess—and wondering about the discomfort involved in letting someone in. I'm not entirely sure how to explain this more clearly. 😳
And tell me... why on earth would you think there's any significant difference?
Do you honestly believe that some people don't find it just as difficult to "give" themselves entirely as others do to let someone inside their emotional defenses?
From an emotional standpoint, I don't see a distinction... at least, not in my view. Of course, that is purely my own subjective interpretation.😁
I try to operate under the assumption that all people are fundamentally equal, regardless of various factors... I attempt to live and think that way, anyway. But I have noticed, somewhat incidentally during conversations and general social interactions—or at least as much as one can reasonably observe—that people tend to be at their most guarded during sexual intimacy. They remain hidden, in a sense. What they truly feel and desire stays so deeply tucked away that it is nearly impossible for me to fully grasp or even describe. Again, I must emphasize: this is merely my own subjective impression. I am certainly not suggesting anything prurient; if some twisted mind takes offense, so be it, but for me, the end never justifies the means.😁
In short, I look at the convex and the concave together as a single, unified whole, based on my limited understanding.
Or, to simplify where I perceive a conflict—and I stress that I am saying I *perceive* it, not that it objectively exists—
It is much like a victim without a perpetrator, or dominance without submissiveness... one simply cannot exist without the other.😉
To simplify things and get back to the core issue—if I may be so bold—I would say that your line of reasoning and the questions you’re posing are essentially the foundation here. If I'm mistaken, then blame me. 😁
silentnomad23 said:So, I was sitting there after lunch today, letting my mind wander through a rather curious thought: why does it always seem easier to be the one initiating action rather than the one receiving it? It’s a phenomenon that goes far beyond physical intimacy; it’s deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. If I were to imagine myself navigating the world from a masculine perspective, honestly, taking charge and being the active force with one, two, or even ten people wouldn't feel like much of a struggle at all. However, looking at this through a feminine lens changes the equation entirely. When you are the one penetrating, you are essentially asserting your integrity; when you are the one being penetrated, that sense of self-integrity feels like it retreats. This is where those classic archetypes of male "dominance" and female "submissiveness" seemingly originate. For instance, if someone wanders into my personal space—say, coming within half a meter of me—my instinctual reaction is often to push back with both hands. People usually look for an explanation because they can't quite wrap their heads around why I reacted that way (essentially, my "penetrating" stance). It got me reflecting on my own behavior and thinking about the times I have been the one in the active role—and just how many different ways people have tried to defend themselves against that. Still, these convex and concave dynamics in life and behavior are inevitable; ultimately, they play a role in the very mechanics of reproduction. But as society evolves, we are seeing more fluid identities, which will likely lead to a generation of "moral relativists" regarding these convex-concave mental statuses. To get straight to the point: could you envision yourselves as the opposite gender, and if so, how would you describe that experience?
(A quick note to the feminists and the chauvinists out there: please leave the moralizing at the door. We're keeping the ethics strictly to the philosophy section below.) 🙂
I suppose I have already asked you... but why do you assume it is easier? I understand the practical aspects and the psychological mindset, but perhaps, driven by some irrational desire for certain ideals, I feel a need... or maybe I just reduce all of this to something natural, which ultimately means it can only be measured through experience. Hmmm... honestly, I am not even sure where I stand right now.🙄
...........................
I cannot truly see myself as the opposite sex, but I can certainly imagine it. 😁 In fact, that act of imagining is probably the most interesting part of this whole business.👍
And I might also ask the chauvinists and feminists to keep going, provided it isn't asking too much of them.😁
silentnomad23 said:Salvador Dalí might have put it this way: "The only difference between a surrealist and me is that I am a true surrealist."
Existence essentially operates through "data points." What we perceive as non-existence—or that which falls outside our measurable reality—is akin to the void between two positions during a quantum leap. It is entirely possible that something exists within that gap, yet because it remains beyond our ability to record or observe, it effectively doesn't exist for us. Consequently, these "polarities" manifest even at the most subtle levels; a transition from one shade to another isn't actually a continuous movement, given that the very travel of light occurs in discrete jumps. What constitutes an absolute truth, and what is merely a mental construct we've manufactured for ourselves? It is worth exploring this distinction more broadly. I would argue that the realities of convexity and concavity are fundamental necessities for our very existence. However, the complex structures and various phantasms built upon those foundations exist only because we possess intelligence. It is this intellect that allows us to take those basic physical certainties—and build entirely new worlds and perceptions of reality both on top of them and far beyond them.
It is an undeniable biological reality that the male anatomy is naturally drawn to the feminine silhouette—specifically the curves of breasts and hips. This isn’t some modern social construct or a psychological trick; it is a fundamental truth that has existed since the dawn of time. Why is this the case? Why does a man experience such an primal, instantaneous surge of passion when faced with those specific feminine contours, and why does a woman feel that same pull toward the lean, muscular definition of a man? On a basic level, we can point to the survival of the species as the mechanism that "programmed" these preferences. But if we look deeper, how does this actually manifest in the animal kingdom? Do animals also possess an inherent, instinctual blueprint regarding shape and form? If they didn't, sexual attraction would be entirely indifferent; a creature wouldn't care which member of its species it mated with, regardless of whether their primary drivers were scent, taste, or sound. Furthermore, how does a living being distinguish between different types of drives? How does a creature know that a particular stimulus is signaling a need for food rather than a need for reproduction? There must be a specific "form"—whether that be a visual shape or even a distinct scent profile—that allows the brain to differentiate between hunger and lust. To me, this suggests that a form of consciousness, perhaps even a rudimentary "fantasy" or mental template of what is desirable, exists within the biological coding of animals, even if they lack our high level of self-reflective thought.
It’s a bit of a leap, I suppose—moving from the realm of pure mathematics all the way to the study of animals. One might wonder how such disparate fields could possibly intersect, though I suspect there is a logic to it that I haven't quite grasped yet. Perhaps it's about patterns, or maybe just the sheer unpredictability of life itself. It feels like a long road to travel, going from equations to living, breathing creatures, but then again, nothing in this world is ever truly linear, is it? 😁 Well, I suppose one could say, if one were inclined toward such expressions, that it was a job well done. Or perhaps just adequate. It’s hard to be certain without further context, I guess. Still, credit where credit is due. 👍
The reason I reacted to the discussion about "clothing" as if it were a diversion from the core subject—essentially an attempt to obscure the actual essence of the matter—is because I felt it was necessary. If I may be so bold as to offer a defense for my own primal, animalistic aggression, I suppose that is why I responded the way I did. 😁
I suppose what you’re saying is true... though, if I’m being perfectly honest, I didn't quite grasp the underlying point you were making there. My apologies... ☕
Rachel Stewart36 said:Look, this whole thread is about how we perceive shape—basically, the psychological impact a form has on the mind. We’re talking about the symbolism of form here, and that shouldn't just be limited to "physical" stuff; it includes the way someone acts or moves—the "form of action." We've been digging deep into the "invisible boundaries" of concave versus convex, while you're out here treating external form as some kind of "symptom"—when, in reality, it's just the outward manifestation of what's happening inside. Get it now? 😉