Posts by neonmason86

An investigation? Honestly, my advice is to stop picking at that wound.
Dad is gone. You know exactly how he lived and everything he endured. Just hold onto his memory and cut those three dysfunctional people out of your life. For good.
Let Mom indulge in her own malice and insanity, and let those two continue playing her satellites. They don't know any better.
Seeking some kind of admission won't bring you peace.
What you wrote is awful; it reminds me so much of a situation in my own family.
Do yourself a favor. Start seeing a therapist to try and deal with all that massive emotional baggage.
In fact, the best thing you could possibly do is just physically move away from that environment.
Don't let them pull you back into it again.

You aren't a pedophile. You're just overthinking things.
However, since these thoughts seem to be affecting your quality of life, I would suggest scheduling an appointment with a psychologist or a therapist...

I accept who I am. However, there are certain flaws I struggle with—ones that feel like major setbacks to me—so I am working to eliminate them.
Life requires a constant self-upgrade. That seems normal, I guess, since we have to learn how to handle high-stress situations, become more resilient, or be more durable... Maybe even find ways to blame people less just to preserve our own peace of mind.

Try to stay busy with some projects and surround yourself with good people...
It’s good that you recognize what's weighing on you, and you're also aware that starting a relationship right now—on this kind of "ground"—probably wouldn't be the solution.
And yeah, even shitty weather can make everything feel worse.

It takes time. And energy. A divorce is one of those high-stress situations, no matter how civilized the split might be.
It’s probably smart that you aren't rushing into a new relationship right away.
Loneliness sucks, but it's just a phase you have to go through to get your life organized and find some answers.

I read somewhere that all those insecurities—picking the wrong partners, constantly needing validation, trying too hard to prove ourselves, or feeling fundamentally inadequate—all stem back to our early relationships with family members.
In other words, if we were raised in a healthy environment where our self-esteem was nurtured and we were encouraged to pursue our own goals and desires, we probably wouldn't struggle later in life to recognize when someone else's behavior is making us feel small or less worthy.
I'm sorry I didn't save the link to that site... there were a few articles on the subject that seemed pretty insightful.

I can only tell you this: either show some teeth, or you're going to spend the rest of your life playing drag Katalenić—just sitting there, staying quiet, nodding politely, and avoiding any kind of confrontation.

Who exactly are you threatening, kid?
Since you're heading off to college out of state, you'll be getting away from them, which solves half the problem.
The real issue is that you still don't have an opinion of your own, nor do you actually speak up.
Work on yourself. Reflect on things, on different situations. Push yourself to voice your thoughts in a group, even if they happen to be unpopular.

If we were family, I’d be part of the problem myself. That’s where all the trouble starts. Honestly, she just doesn't need to pick up the phone anymore.
It started over nothing—some kid tossing a wrapper on the street while walking with his parents—but it escalated into a physical fight filled with profanity (which I won't repeat here because it was truly vile).
Then there was that blowout in the grocery store; the lady hit her with a purse and then offered this half-hearted apology... only to call her an "idiotic cow" ten minutes later, wondering why she even bothered.
My concern stems from fear that the next few parents might just walk away... or that she won't be able to keep her husband from wanting to walk out on her (which, obviously, I don't condone), or that she'll run right into some aggressive stranger while screaming about her political views...
She doesn't have to be a pushover, and her opinions are still her own, but there is a way to express yourself without being reckless.
When you care about people, you want what's best for them.
This isn't even close to being okay—it's just dangerous.

Andrew Doyle said:If this weren't about a woman, I would be absolutely certain I was talking about my ex-husband.
For years now, the intensity of this toxic, unwanted behavior has been spiraling out of control, getting progressively worse and more difficult to deal with every single day.
Look, I loved that man with everything I had. Because of that, I was more than willing to go through hell and back for him—I would have climbed every mountain and sought out any kind of help, no matter how extreme, just to make things work.
Back in his teens, he was slapped with a borderline personality disorder diagnosis, but honestly? He saw right through it. He came to his own conclusion that the label was completely off the mark and decided, quite frankly, that he didn't need any kind of professional intervention or help.
Unfortunately, he was in desperate need of professional intervention. I was willing to put up with just about anything, really—I had a high tolerance for his nonsense—but after spending an entire decade by his side, I finally hit my breaking point. I reached my absolute limit. When that happened, I walked away, because things had turned incredibly, deeply ugly. I won't go into the specifics here, though; that’s a conversation better suited for discussions regarding domestic abuse.

It honestly pains me to see that even now, well into his thirties, he still hasn't managed to pull together a single functional, healthy relationship. It’s incredibly frustrating to witness because it feels like absolutely nothing has changed. He’s stuck in the exact same patterns, refusing to evolve, and it's just pathetic at this point.

Honestly, I’m at a loss for what to advise you. I’ve been down this road before, and it’s exhausting. When I finally managed to get my ex to see a psychiatrist—which took two separate appointments just to get through the door—things turned ugly fast. He became incredibly aggressive, and he eventually just walked out on the treatment entirely. I mean, he would literally storm out of the room right in the middle of a session. It was volatile and completely unproductive.

Look, I get it. It’s an incredibly heavy burden to carry, and I know how much this is hitting you right now. When you truly care about someone—when you genuinely want nothing but the best for them—but they’ve decided to go to war against themselves and everyone else, it becomes an exhausting cycle. You end up constantly walking on eggshells just to navigate a simple conversation, all while watching them struggle. It’s a relentless, painful process of trying to reach someone who has built their own fortress of resistance.

I honestly hope you have better luck than I did trying to convince her that she actually needs some professional help.

This is tough to read. You really had to survive this, push through...
My ex also had mental health issues (now that he's fortunately started therapy, he keeps the diagnosis a secret... I assume what it is, I just hope they pull him out of it before he hurts himself).
It just drains a person...
And then you end up facing a whole different set of problems... During those moments of "clarity" (I don't know how else to describe it), the person admits they have a problem and that they aren't happy.
In her own words—she isn't living a quality life, just some kind of half-life.

goldengull28 said:Look, maybe start by actually talking to your family doctor and getting some professional advice instead of just playing doctor and trying to diagnose yourself when you have no clue what you're doing.

I just had to get that off my chest... It's been weighing on me for a while now.
The easy way out would be to cut ties or just limit contact, but I don't think she deserves that.
A family doctor will probably want to examine her and actually talk to her, which sounds like an incredibly difficult task.

I’m talking about someone incredibly dear to me. At first glance, I’d describe her as brilliant, kind-hearted, selfless, and witty... A constant fountain of great, offbeat humor, useful info, and unwavering support whenever someone she cares about is in trouble.
However, after several "outbursts" where this same person turns hyper-critical—transforming into a malicious creature whose curses would shame even a dark warlock (or some old witch from a horror movie)—and unleashing aggression without any regard for time, place, or target, I have to conclude there's an issue.
And there's an issue for those of us who choose to stay in her life, too.
Lately, these periods of tantrums have become so frequent that we just don't know what to expect anymore.
The strange thing is, once the rage subsides, she reverts back into that sweet, caring woman.
Since I don't give up on the people I love easily, no matter how much this feels like a "take it or leave it" situation, I really want to help her.
When I suggest seeing a professional, her reaction is hit or miss. Sometimes she’s inclined to go, consult someone, and start therapy; other times, she insists nothing is wrong and claims the world around her is simply at fault.
There are moments when you can sense her actually relishing the reaction of a hurt friend or family member... Only to immediately offer them their last dollar or find any way possible to assist them.
She has already put herself and those close to her in physical danger on several occasions.
I usually consider myself a decent strategist, but I'm completely stumped here... I have no idea how to convince her to seek help.
Or... maybe I'm wrong and this isn't a disorder or an illness at all, but just a very difficult personality.
Any advice or shared experiences would be appreciated.

Enough said, really. In any normal conversation, you have to take things with a grain of salt.
The type of people I’ve learned to distrust are those who try to forcefully wedge themselves into someone else's life.
Everything else is manageable, and as long as there is mutual respect, a solid foundation for a good relationship can still exist.

Maybe it’s just a matter of people who aren't desperate for constant social validation and are actually at ease being alone.
There is nothing wrong with being a social butterfly—people who genuinely love connecting with others, meeting new faces, and sharing moments together. But I think a good number of those highly outgoing types I know are actually quite needy, and the mere thought of spending a single day by themselves absolutely terrifies them.
Some people, on the other hand, draw their strength from solitude and quiet reflection to recharge for their next social outing...
I don't consider either group to be weirdos.

It can leave a lasting impact, creating this fear of speaking up or standing your ground against someone who's overstepping. It’s basically a fear of conflict.
Since nothing happens overnight, your transformation into someone with firm boundaries won't happen instantly either.
Maybe try starting with small things. If someone asks you out for coffee and you're just not feeling it—just say no. If they start pushing, say no again.
Then, eventually, you can apply that at work with those exhausting coworkers by saying, "I can't, I don't have time," or even "I don't want to" (though, obviously, don't try that with the boss)...
Enid, just take it one step at a time.

It might be worth getting some perspective from people living in the Appalachian regions, specifically across Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, and West Virginia.
I suppose I'm not entirely sure what the current legal landscape looks like there, but I imagine marriages between close relatives—like cousins—are probably more common in those parts.