Posts by swiftrider80

But what if we just haven't been out there actively pitching the site to people? It’s not that this place isn't worth recommending—far from it... 😍

Anyway, thanks for getting back to me regardless.

The very last item under the Profile Statistics section is 'recommendations.' I’m a bit lost—what exactly does that signify or represent? Thanks! 😍

I really wish I could learn how to let certain things slide without them getting under my skin so much...

swifthawk23 said:For me, envy and jealousy are two sides of the same coin—they basically walk hand in hand. I broke up with my ex about thirty years ago, and he just recently lost his absolute mind after stumbling upon my profile on a dating app. There’s a photo of me with some younger guy, and I’m actively chatting with people who, frankly, aren't exactly his type. He’s bitter about my marriage, my career success, and the fact that I actually have a solid circle of friends. Instead of dealing with reality, he sent me this barrage of insults fueled by pure projection—claiming I’m old and overweight (which is ridiculous, I’m at a perfectly healthy weight) and insisting that anyone telling me I’m attractive or sexy is just lying because they want to use me. He even went as far as suggesting I’m still suffering from lingering effects of a concussion and that everyone avoids me once they get to know the real me. He sent such disgusting, vile messages that I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. It’s all just a desperate play because he wants me to crawl back to him—to make him feel like the center of my universe again. He doesn't want a partner; he wants an insecure wreck he can control.

You broke up thirty years ago?! Honestly, I probably wouldn't even remember someone I dated last year if we split after three decades... ☕
There you go, Lisa Hernandez3, this might be exactly the kind of pathological behavior you were talking about..

Lisa Hernandez3 said:This thread is relatively old, but I’m digging it back up because these posts—specifically this interesting theory that envy is just a negative side of jealousy and the debate that followed—might hold some answers to questions I've been chewing on after hearing about a certain situation recently.

I'm wondering, when does jealousy—or perhaps envy, as a more complex and selfish version of jealousy—cross the line into something pathological?

And also, what’s the connection between envy and vindictiveness? In other words, if a person feels jealousy or envy first, they usually get closer to the person they're feeling it toward, but if the relationship doesn't turn positive, those negative feelings don't just resolve themselves into a friendship; instead, they just... stop. (Well, the relationship stops for secondary reasons, but that serves as a catalyst for the person to lean further into their resentment, which eventually manifests as revenge.) I’m simplifying things here just so we don't get bogged down in the weeds and can hopefully see the core issue. So, under what conditions does a rivalry continue even after the relationship has officially ended (what kind of personality type maintains that)? And at what point can we say something has become truly pathological?

That's a lot of questions, I know. But basically, do you think highly competitive people—as opposed to those who are more grounded and content with their place in the world—tend to struggle with pathological jealousy or envy? Or am I just overthinking this?

🤣

It likely persists until that envious person finds peace with themselves. For a decent outcome, they really have to admit to themselves that they are acting out of envy and actually do the work to change.
Envy feels like a direct assault on the ego. It's that nagging thought: "How can that person be better or more successful than me?" I suppose..🙄

Regarding this specific question—when exactly does it cross the line into something pathological? Looking at the recent post: D

And yeah, naturally, people who are more self-aware and fulfilled are far less likely to fall into that "trap" of dependency.

What really worries me is seeing how much more popular country and folk music is becoming lately...

Why on earth should you always have to be guarded or stay completely detached? And why shouldn't you empathize with someone else? Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that—in fact, it's quite the opposite. It’s a genuinely beautiful human trait.

If you're losing your cool constantly and letting that frustration derail your entire day, then sure, we have a problem. But otherwise, I don't see anything wrong with it at all. 🤷

Honestly, I interpreted that whole conversation a bit differently based on what you wrote before.. Anyway, best of luck to you!

Jerry Martinez5 said:So, what’s the alternative then? What exactly was your grandma's wisdom here? 😉

I suppose a heterosexual person goes through a homosexual phase while they're growing up. They might not even realize it. It doesn't necessarily mean they're actually having sex with the same gender.

It could just be passing through via an intense bond with a "best friend." You know how girls can be—so inseparable they practically go to the bathroom together. I don't know anyone in their 30s who still has that kind of intensity, though I guess they exist; but during puberty and those teen years, it seems to happen all the time.

Something like that...

There are instances where this stage evolves into an actual "homosexual" relationship. But in many cases, it’s not even that both people have a homosexual or bisexual orientation; it’s just that being in a relationship with a female friend feels "trendy" or modern. Still, I truly believe it's just a phase. 😁

Been there, done that...

It’s always going to be this way. My advice? Stick close to the people who actually treat you with respect, and just tune out the rest. Keep things strictly professional with the others—nothing more, nothing less. In a way, it’s almost predictable. You have veterans who have been at the company for thirty years, and let's face it, they might be burnt out or just plain miserable. Imagine how much resentment you can pile up over three decades. It’s easy for them to treat you like "the new kid on the block." Now it's your turn to make a move. Stay professional, stay poised, and ignore the nonsense as much as humanly possible.
You mentioned trying to talk things out with the person you dislike the most? Honestly, why on earth would you do that? Don't go thinking a heart-to-heart is going to change their mind. With someone like that, the only thing that works is setting firm boundaries and putting them in their place when they cross the line.
I actually think the suggestion someone else made earlier was spot on... you need to show some teeth to whoever is making the biggest scene.
Just be careful not to overplay your hand. If you go too far, you might end up looking vulnerable, just like briskskipper71 said. 🙂
Good luck!

Alex Patel96 said:I’m not ticklish.🤷
I used to be as a kid, but I guess my senses have just gone totally numb now!🤣🤣

😁

I wouldn't say I'm overly ticklish; I can pretty much keep it under control.

@gotterdamerung: Why are you even trying to get rid of being ticklish? It's not like it's some insurmountable obstacle. Besides, if you don't let the "problem" get to you, then there isn't actually a problem at all.🤷