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Posts by Joseph Bailey41

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Fear of abandonment in Psychology & Therapy ·
Donna White50 said:Man, I would trade my diagnosis for yours in a heartbeat—you can take mine, no questions asked... and I’ll even throw in 90% of the other crap I didn't mention here, or even to a psychiatrist, since I highly doubt there’s anyone out there with enough
grit to listen to the full details. I bet even your doctor would get sick of it pretty fast and tell you, "No thanks, you're actually unique in how messy this is..."

Seriously, I wouldn't wish my life path on my worst enemy if you're being real... though I'm not judging, I've lived with my own mess for so long that compared to me, your little struggles feel like child's play...

No worries at all. Here, have a hunchback instead. It's on the house. 🙂
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Laura Castillo6 said:Basically, the brain makes its move first, and then we become aware of it afterward. It's like consciousness isn't actually the heavy lifter when it comes to making decisions.

I’d also throw in that, looking at people dealing with psychosis, it seems like you don't necessarily need a functional sense of consciousness just to survive—at least for a little while.

Technically, you don't even need a brain, but it sure does make life more interesting. 😁
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Angela Stewart6 said:I feel the need to offer a correction here, as holiness is a deeply complex subject to study. In my view, Moses and Jesus had to function in a very specific way because that was part of the divine plan for salvation. The Church makes a very clear distinction between illness and holiness. I actually heard about a priest who suffered from F20. He, for instance, possessed the ability to pray for incredibly long periods. I've even personally struggled with psychosis myself—where negative thoughts start creeping in and then you have to fight through them, and so on... Essentially, the Church carefully examines what actually happened in the lives of saints. To me, human holiness represents the highest level of intelligence for that individual. In the past, we needed someone like Moses to provide a figure for humanity to look toward for salvation and to leave behind a trace of God's presence. Nowadays, modern secularism tends to brush aside that kind of connection with God. At least, that's my take on it. Regardless, Moses is my favorite saint because his journey was undoubtedly incredibly difficult. I won't even bring up Jesus here, because He is a story all His own.

I don't doubt you, but I'm not the Church. That's why I'm not judging anyone; in my eyes, you all are equally holy. 😁
Fear of abandonment in Psychology & Therapy ·
Donna White50 said:That’s my biggest fear too. Honestly, even after three or four years of therapy, I haven't come anywhere close to untangling it...

It all started with this one night of pure trauma where my parents basically abandoned me—they just didn't show up when they were supposed to, leaving me alone for hours. Since they'd spent so much time before then threatening me, telling me I was bad or that I deserved to be left alone, I totally spiraled thinking they actually did it. They found me in a state of complete shock, just completely broken. After that, it was months of being unable to sleep alone, dealing with their aggression toward a kid who "wasn't normal" or was "sick" and "exhausting" because of his fears—but for me, the fears just kept stacking on top of each other. There was no professional help back then; they just tried to force the trauma down. Around that same time, I was first getting exposed to sexual themes and porn, and that's when the masochism started—deep, emotional, and sexual...
I think I might be one of those rare cases where everything collided during that specific phase of life, and honestly, most psychiatrists can't seem to unravel that knot of trauma and sexuality...
That fear of abandonment is what triggers my anxiety attacks today. I'm constantly popping Xanax just trying to keep my head above water. It doesn't matter how deep I breathe; the reality is that my ego just shatters into a thousand pieces. It isn't just the fear of being left behind, though—it's this pervasive masochism that's woven into every single fiber of my being. It's like this endless tug-of-war where one part of me wants to sink and drown, while the other is desperately fighting to stay afloat...
This constant struggle, this dancing on the edge of life and death, has become a defining trait for me. It's my way of trying to exert control—this fake sense of control meant to preserve the "self," vent tension, and smooth over that terrifying dread of falling apart when someone leaves...
I’d say, on average, I’m way more messed up than the typical person dealing with these fears, but I compensate for it way more than the average guy. My therapist is baffled by how much I've bottled up all these years, and how I swap out feelings—replacing sadness with laughter, love with sacrifice, and anxiety with sex... It's like having a computer that calculates 2+2=4, but for me, the math comes out as some weird, broken equation that somehow still equals four...
Because of all this, working through it with myself feels impossible. You'll only solve your problem if you actually face the trauma head-on and dedicate yourself to it—being clear, open, and not afraid of the pain, so you can finally embrace and accept that wounded child inside...
But me? I don't know anymore. I don't know where that child ends and where I begin, where my beginning meets my end, or even what I'm actually feeling or what my emotions are made of. It's a puzzle that makes zero sense, and honestly, nobody—not even me—can make sense of it anymore...

If that’s really how it works, then you’re just average. People who have dealt with much heavier trauma but still manage to function okay in society—you know, they aren't just struggling to get by on the streets—they all have the same kind of internal processor. They compensate for one thing with another, add a third element to balance it out, a fourth to be acceptable to others, a fifth to feel okay with themselves, and eventually, it all just ends up being 2+2=4.

In other words, sorry, but you aren't special. Emotional numbness has been "in style" for so long that it isn't even cool anymore. ☕
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jose Ward4 said:Joseph Bailey41, don't get mad, but I really don't have the headspace to talk this through with you right now. You're being way too complicated for me. Maybe we can be friends come autumn, but right now, I just don't have the energy for this whole debate. I just don't. It's too much. Like you said when it gets this hot out—even with the AC blasting—you don't even feel like lifting a finger. And yeah, I've written some rude posts, things I shouldn't have, so maybe you see I'm an idiot and that's why you should stop replying to my stuff. I'm telling you, these topics are just too heavy for me right now. I'm just chilling or talking about love. That's where I am. I have a couple of buddies who are historians and Theta healers, and I love talking about the stuff you bring up in person, but right now, I'm just not feeling it. Believe me. I hope you aren't upset that I'm being so blunt, or that I used those harsh words—I wouldn't say them to your face, at least not the first time—but I hope you understand. I'm just totally checked out right now. Just chilling. I just wanted to explain that to you.

Oh, you don't need to explain yourself at all... you can reply whenever you want, or not reply at all, or let someone else jump in, etc. And you don't even have to read everything that's been posted. We're just on a forum; there's absolutely no pressure here, and there's certainly no hard feelings on my end. Enjoy yourself. 😉
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Sam Green73 said:Honestly, that goes for pretty much everyone.
The real question is: does your ego actually work for you, or have you become its servant?
What Buddhism and Freud say about self-slavery


Great read. It strikes such a nice, healthy balance between that overly spiritual "the ego is evil, just throw it away" mindset and the rampant narcissism that seems to be in everywhere lately. I think there's actually a lot of value to be found in Buddhist psychology, even when dealing with things like schizophrenia: http://psychoticbuddha.blogspot.com/...-buddhism.html
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jose Ward4 said:Look, I know this is off-topic and I won't harp on it, but I actually think that design is more efficient. Think about it: if you had two separate openings, you'd be burning way more energy maintaining that extra structure. Sugar, proteins, amino acids... it all flows through one channel. It's designed to minimize the energy required for upkeep. In most of the animal kingdom, choking isn't really an issue. To be honest, I'm not even sure why we struggle with it so much here in the States.

I find being in a church beautiful too. I actually didn't realize religion acknowledged spirits.

To me, this is just more proof that "intelligent design" doesn't hold water—it isn't actually intelligent, nor is it well-conceived from a design standpoint. One opening serving two functions (breathing and eating) was developed through evolution, and then we humans just tacked on a third function: speech. Animals don't chat while they eat, after all. 😁

Jose Ward4 said:Look, I know this is off-topic and I won't harp on it, but I actually think that design is more efficient. Think about it: if you had two separate openings, you'd be burning way more energy maintaining that extra structure. Sugar, proteins, amino acids... it all flows through one channel. It's designed to minimize the energy required for upkeep. In most of the animal kingdom, choking isn't really an issue. To be honest, I'm not even sure why we struggle with it so much here in the States.

I find being in a church beautiful too. I actually didn't realize religion acknowledged spirits.

If it didn't acknowledge them, certain priests wouldn't be performing exorcisms or even mentioning the Holy Spirit. When Christianity spread across America, it essentially had to "assimilate" all those pagan deities that were already present in these regions—rebranding them as saints so people could continue their worship without too much friction. And those old deities didn't just pop out of nowhere; they evolved from even older ancestor cults and animistic beliefs in nature spirits. Just as everything in nature constantly transforms, develops, and changes shape to adapt to its environment, the same thing happens within society. That said, we shouldn't claim a specific way of thinking is "better" or "more advanced" just because it's newer. It isn't. It's simply better adapted to its era. The way people with schizophrenia or autism function might have been more suited to the natural and social environment during certain phases of history than our current rationalist paradigm. Look at Abraham—if he wasn't experiencing schizophrenia, then nobody was, yet he's considered the father of three major world religions. Nowadays, if a man took his son into the mountains to sacrifice him because voices told him to, only to change his mind because the voices gave him new instructions, he wouldn't be seen as a figure of respect. He'd be viewed as dangerous to the community, forcibly hospitalized immediately, and kept on antipsychotics for the rest of his life. Back then, people valued and honored him. Those who hallucinated burning bushes or apocalypses... they wouldn't fare so well today. Unless, of course, they knew how to keep quiet and turned it into a movie or something. 🕺
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:WEB CW57NJOF

Haha... if you had actually checked their website the moment that new cap showed up instead of the old one, you would have just found some promotional "web content"... I honestly can't stand those little marketing gimmicks. I was actually getting my hopes up thinking we'd received a message from a parallel universe, but nope—just another total letdown. 😢
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:Thanks so much for explaining that to me, really. Truly. Okay, let me run this one by you: I had just taken out the trash and put a fresh bag in. I was chatting away with Bogey for a second, went to grab a glass of water, and then I see two bottle caps sitting in the trash. One small Coca-Cola cap that said 'Look under the cap' (spoiler: there was nothing) and a large one from a five-liter jug of Jane that I used to buy back then. My very first thought was that maybe I put the big one in there myself and forgot. So, naturally, I checked my Jane bottle, and yep, the cap was still right there, so I definitely didn't forget. I hadn't even touched the Coke, so I didn't even try to overthink that one. The absolute dumbest part is that a few years after those letters and numbers appeared under the Coca-Cola cap—which made zero sense, obviously—they were still there. There isn't much of a message to find, other than it being literal garbage🙂 but those are the facts. And it’s not like I’m making it up, because I still have them.

The message on the cap might be telling you to "cap it"—basically, stop talking about those private conversations you have with Bob, your subconscious, or whatever. Honestly, maybe you needed to hear that back then, but it feels a bit late now; everything that was supposed to happen has already happened. As for who sent the message or how... I don't know. Maybe it was a version of you from the future, someone from a parallel universe, Bob himself... or maybe it's just a silly coincidence, like someone else tossed their trash into your bin. That last one seems the most likely to me.

Regarding those numbers and letters popping up five years later, maybe you just swapped the caps by mistake. Coca-Cola puts all sorts of random codes and lettering under their caps all the time.
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:Alright, let me get straight to the point about the price—I know I’m being a total bore, probably the most tedious person here, but maybe this makes things clearer: this whole thing with stuff moving around always happened right after I woke up or whenever I walked through the door from outside. The wildest instance was right before my first psychotic break. I spent the entire day just acting silly at Central Park, hanging out near a guy who feeds the fish there, and when I finally got home that evening, I found this black semi-precious stone sitting right on the blade of the knife I’d left on the table after breakfast. In my head, I totally convinced myself that God had placed it there. Even though the next day it looked a little sinister against the white knife—which actually freaked me out a bit... like, was it evil forces? Because for the next few years, obsidian just gave me this weird sense of unease. Later on, I grew to like it and started wearing it as a necklace, but the clasp broke pretty quickly and it ended up in the trash. Here’s the thing: that stone was an old gift of mine, but I’d lost track of it somewhere and hadn't seen it in years. If I had put it on the knife myself, I would’ve had to tear half the apartment apart looking for it, and I really don't think I would have remembered doing that. Or would I?
Can I bug you guys one more time about this "stuff appearing out of nowhere" thing before I switch topics?

You wouldn't have needed to tear the apartment apart; you would have just had to go back to wherever you actually left it and set it on the knife. For everything we lose, we technically know where it is—it's just that the information is temporarily unavailable to us. That night out probably returned you to the state you were in when you tucked that stone away somewhere. You placed it in an aesthetically perfect spot (that black-on-white contrast), but once you got some sleep, you returned to your normal, everyday self, and that memory of what you did the night before simply wasn't accessible anymore. Think about who gave you the stone and how you felt about them. My guess is that there were some conflicted emotions involved—someone who was dear to you at one point, but perhaps not always.

I had a stone like that once, too—one I kept losing and finding. It was part of a pendant on a chain I got from a guy I was seeing, though I didn't really want to get serious with him because something about him felt off. One time, I complimented the chain—specifically the stone, which I can't even name, but it was black too. He took the chain off and insisted on giving it to me, even though I initially declined. When we finally broke up, I tried to give it back, but he refused to take it. I liked the stone, so I tucked it away and threw the rest of the jewelry away just so I wouldn't be reminded of him. And it used to show up randomly—not in obvious places, but tucked away in drawers or somewhere ridiculous while I was cleaning. I dragged it with me through several moves, "lost" it, found it, hid it again, and so on. I think I finally tossed it because the whole cycle was starting to drive me crazy, though I can't be entirely sure. Then, about fifteen years after we last spoke, this guy reached out to me a few days after I created a Facebook profile. He was using a fake name, had some abstract image for an avatar, and instead of introducing himself, he sent me a photo of himself in a message... just one eye visible, the other covered by a filter, trying way too hard to look mysterious. Ugh. Yeah, now I remember—I threw that stone in the trash right after that. 😠
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jose Ward4 said:Joseph Bailey41, I'm right there with you on everything you said. Honestly, I haven't had much to contribute to this discussion yet, but thank you for sharing what you know. It’s so important. Maybe someone will actually learn something about their own condition—though, let's be real, nowadays everything is labeled as an "illness" even if that's not quite right. You have a way with words, too; you explained things so much more clearly than I ever could. I already knew this stuff, but I bet plenty of people here didn't. Now they do. Do you think people realize that our true environment is nature, not all this concrete and urban chaos? I can't help but wonder if we're all falling ill simply because we've been pushed away from our natural habitat. We belong in meadows, forests, among flowers and medicinal herbs—you know what I mean, right? There are so many brilliant minds out there arguing that if you take a lion out of the wild, it will fight to get back to its natural home, otherwise, it’ll just wither away, get sick, or die out entirely. We are part of that animal kingdom, after all. I truly believe we don't act any differently.

Yeah, unfortunately. I live out in nature and spend time foraging for herbs, but when I head into the city for work, people seem more and more unhinged. Even watching discussions on online forums, I see signs of something I can't quite put a clinical name to, but it feels like a very warped way of thinking. Even teenagers seem so strange lately; I wouldn't necessarily call it "feminine," but it’s like their hormones have gone completely haywire. And honestly, without GPS, they couldn't even find their way west. My colleagues who have kids or work in education tell me they're seeing more and more students struggling with attention spans and focus, unable to sit still. Even children's cartoons have become weird, twisted, and bizarre. Even looking at toys in the store, everything seems aggressive or mean-spirited now—even the little ponies look different, like those creepy vampire zombie Barbies... it's all become so unsettling.

And things feel off in nature too. Beyond just the sudden temperature swings and those nasty slugs, there are these diseases affecting the trees in the woods; the older folks say this never used to happen. It’s almost as if everything has lost its mind. Sometimes I think those of us who dealt with mental health struggles in the past might actually be "vaccinated" against these newer varieties of madness. Maybe in a few decades, we’ll be the only sane ones left while everyone else is totally lost. Then, we might actually end up being the shamans and healers, following that old rule where "in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." 😁
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jose Ward4 said:What do you all think about the idea that back in the day—way before this modern civilization took over, when people were still living in tribes—those folks with intense visions were immediately elevated to the role of head shaman, teacher, or healer? It’s such a fascinating thought. People with the exact same neurological predispositions we see today were viewed through a completely different lens by their communities. Nowadays, we just label it a disorder. If you do some reading, the descriptions are striking. The very individuals who would be diagnosed with schizophrenia today were once considered the backbone of the entire tribe. Truly fascinating stuff.

There’s definitely some truth to that, but from what I’ve gathered studying ethnology, having visions wasn't enough to just declare yourself a shaman, let alone the leader of the craft. Those experiences were really just an indication that someone had certain predispositions—a natural gift, if you will. To actually gain control over those abilities, they had to undergo specific initiation rites. We’d probably call it inducing a state of psychosis today, but back then, it involved things like using various plant substances, fasting, or spending long periods of isolation in sacred or even cursed locations. After all that, they would learn specific techniques from an elder shaman or healer. It was also somewhat predictable when these talents would emerge; it often showed up in childhood since there seems to be a genetic component, so early preparation would sometimes begin even then. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park, though—things could go south very quickly, and death was a very real possibility if the process went wrong. Different cultures viewed this differently, too; in some places, it was seen as a blessing, while in others, it was treated like a curse. People generally held shamans in high regard, but there was always an underlying sense of fear. Those abilities could be used for good—like healing people or influencing the weather to ensure a better harvest—but they could just as easily be used for harm, like casting spells. We also have to keep in mind that their worldview was fundamentally different from ours. They believed everything alive possessed a spirit or soul—not just animals and plants, but stones and elemental forces like the wind, rain, and sun. They believed the dead remained present among us or inhabited another realm where they watched over the living (or caused them trouble). Belief in some form of reincarnation was also quite common. Souls didn't just wander the world randomly like some people believe today; instead, they followed ancestral lines. For instance, someone might be reborn as their own great-grandchild, or perhaps only a part of their soul would pass on while the rest remained in the underworld.

Back in the day, people believed in all sorts of things, but there was usually a shared consensus within the community. We didn't really have this intense modern pluralism where everyone is constantly clashing over different viewpoints. Instead, most people operated under a single, unified system of symbols. Even the local shaman essentially functioned as a psychotherapist, though the job was way less taxing than what therapists deal with today because everyone’s internal landscape was more or less similar. Basically, someone might start out their life being seen as a bit "touched" or eccentric, but through various personal journeys, they would eventually emerge on the other side as a healer or a pillar of the community. They held that position as long as the group recognized them as such—essentially, as long as people perceived their rituals as actually working. Most of these individuals weren't exempt from the daily grind, either; they worked just as hard as everyone else. Their spiritual roles were more like an extra responsibility, and in exchange, they might receive better cuts of meat or some animal furs. Because of that, there wasn't much incentive to fake it. You couldn't just pretend to be something you weren't, which is a huge contrast to the "alternative" scene we see today.

Over the last few decades, there’s been this intense focus on studying and reconstructing various shamanic techniques—and we can't forget the massive impact the late Michael Harner had on that field. The interesting thing is that anyone can actually engage with some of these practices, regardless of whether they consider themselves a "shaman" or not. One of the simplest ways to start is just practicing gratitude for everything around you. I'm talking about acknowledging the living things, the objects, and the natural phenomena in your life. You don't even have to say it out loud; you can just hold it in your mind. It's something like thinking, "Thank you, rain, for falling and soaking the earth," or "Thank you, tomato plant, for providing food for my salad," or "Thank you, tree, for giving me shade." It's such a beautiful, grounding practice, and honestly, it doesn't require you to believe in anything supernatural to feel the benefit.
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:After my last psychotic break, I started trying to put everything behind me. I told myself, "Okay, it was just an illness, period. Move on." But once I started posting on the forum and replaying the whole movie in my mind, I found myself drawn back to that supernatural feeling again. It keeps pulling me back. I thought maybe hearing about other people's experiences would help me make sense of what happened—to figure out if it was strictly schizophrenia or if there might have been something from "the other side," assuming such a thing even exists. Looking back isn't exactly pleasant, but at the same time, it feels like I'm trying to clear some mental clutter.
For me, stress isn't the main trigger; it's more about having a wild imagination and asking: "What does this all mean?" Well, once I start asking that question, I know I'm in for a rough ride.

Regarding all of this... I don't think anything can be "supernatural" by definition within the laws of nature. However, reality is much more complex than we give it credit for. Everyone perceives it differently—not just because of their own biases or mental frameworks, but because our senses aren't uniform. What's an unbearable stench to one person might be barely noticeable to someone else. As for those strange, unexplainable experiences—like synchronicity or feeling mentally linked to someone far away—it doesn't make much sense to try and explain them until we have enough data, or until science establishes that a phenomenon and its mechanics actually exist objectively. My stance is basically this: X and Y happened; I have no idea why or what it means, but that's fine. I'll get answers later, or maybe I won't, and honestly, I don't care. There are other things in life. Once you establish that kind of distance, you can analyze these experiences properly—like how you'd analyze a dream. You stop spinning tales about how a snake always represents something sexual and instead look at what a snake means to that specific person—do they love snakes or fear them? Why are they afraid? Which aspect of the snake scares them most? What symbolic meanings do they attach to it? Only once you've established the meaning of the symbols can you actually interpret the dream.

It's the same with those weird things that aren't immediately rational, or even our own motivations that seem unclear to us. Someone else can often see it more clearly, which is why people go to psychotherapy (or just have deep, heavy talks with friends, partners, or even psychics). Take, for example... that trash bag sent to the academic by someone from Walmart... to me, that was a brilliant move. I found it both funny and deeply meaningful. Trash isn't exactly a complex symbol; almost everyone has the same associations with it. When we call someone "trash," we aren't implying they are an honest or moral person; we mean the exact opposite. So, I view that scene as a genius performance expressing a critical stance against the deep-seated corruption in our society that hits both business and academic circles alike. Though, I suppose it wouldn't have been quite as amusing if I were the one who "had" to perform it, so you have to factor in whatever emotions were present at the time.
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:Hey, flying lady... how do you actually deal with all this stuff disappearing from the house, or things moving around and then random new items just showing up? Everyone assumes people with schizophrenia are just doing it themselves and forgetting, or they straight up don't believe it even happened. Do you have any other take on it?

It happens to people who don't even have sch... you know those comedy tropes, where a scatterbrained scientist is frantically hunting for his glasses only to realize they're perched on his nose, or a mom panicking because she can't remember if she turned off the iron or locked the front door while the family is already halfway to the beach... that's basically it. You get lost in your own thoughts or fantasies and end up running on autopilot. You perform tasks automatically and then completely blank on the fact that you bought something, moved something, or tossed something out. To me, new items appearing out of nowhere feels like the most alarming part. Moving an object takes a second, but if there's a "missing scene" in your memory—like a trip to Walmart or a quick visit to a neighbor, followed by the purchase (or theft) of a specific item and bringing it home—that’s a more serious dissociation, maybe even dissociative identity disorder. I haven't experienced those extreme cases, but the stuff involving misplaced items is usually my signal that I'm under too much stress or that my environment is getting too loud. Loud noises can really trigger flashbacks for me; suddenly, I don't just lose my place, I lose track of time itself. I end up making a complete mess of everything around me and searching like a fool. I've even found myself digging through the trash a few times just to see if I dropped my keys during one of those moments of total disorientation.

For situations like this, people often suggest mindfulness meditation—basically trying to strengthen your awareness of your surroundings, your physical state, and your mental health. But honestly, that kind of thing irritates me a little. When I'm stressed, my instinct is to solve the problem right this second, even if that means snapping at everyone around me or just needing to bail on the situation entirely. Sometimes I just want to shut down, "tune out," and escape to some fairy land filled with unicorns that fart rainbows or something. 😁
I feel like a coward. I've lost my backbone. :( in Psychology & Therapy ·
granitebear8 said:Let me see... Ah, sarcasm. A classic move. Well, let me put it this way:
It wasn't my intention to come across as pretentious or to recommend something hollow. It’s perfectly natural if my suggestion causes a bit of friction; nothing is ever perfect. You're unhappy with it. Many others were quite satisfied. It seems you're aiming to make me feel insecure so you can knock me off a pedestal... but you've missed the mark entirely because I am—down here on level ground with everyone else.

p.s. Using sarcasm suggests you want me to correct myself and stop doing whatever it is you find "unacceptable." Though, frankly, I still have no idea what I've done that qualifies as unacceptable.

Oh, please. It was just a good joke and I couldn't help myself. 😁
I haven't read the book, but it sounds interesting. I just hope that other satisfied readers don't get this defensive when they aren't even being attacked. 🙂
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:I actually love your writing style, even if I don't agree with everything you say. I don't feel the stigma myself—which sounds crazy, I know—but some of my friends still have no clue I have schizophrenia. They’d probably pass out if I told them. Even my immediate family doesn't believe I have it because they say I haven't changed at all. They sense something is "off," sure, but since I've always been a bit different from most people, they don't really dwell on it. I don't know a single person with schizophrenia outside of this little forum, and I notice the illness has taken something away from everyone here. My life hasn't changed much, and neither have I or my family. I was in a bit of a gray zone after my last psychotic episode earlier this year, but sitting here typing this seems to be helping. I’ve never taken medication. I feel like I’m different here too, and honestly, I’m not a fan. It’s exhausting.
Regarding Amorac, most people hear "hermeticism" or "occult" and immediately think of something negative, so they're wary. You don't need to listen to others or read up on it—especially since the internet is full of nonsense—it's best to just see for yourself. There isn't anything mysterious about it. There are plenty of various exercises involving positive and negative breathing, intuition work, self-healing, and so on. Just read their manifesto; you might actually like it.

My experience with Bipolar was pretty similar. Everything felt totally fine until the accumulated stress would just hit a breaking point and I'd start spiraling. Almost nobody knew what was going on; every person with bipolar I've met thought completely differently than I do, and even those documentaries you see... they didn't resonate at all. PTSD didn't even cross my mind for a long time because I always associated it strictly with combat veterans, but once I started reading about trauma, everything finally clicked. Well, except for those paranoid episodes that made me question my own judgment, but even that makes sense now. No one in my family has anything resembling bipolar (which should be genetic), but there's plenty of history with generational trauma, and you can pass that down through epigenetic mechanisms... so, I guess I was kind of set up from the jump.

Chloe Flores83 said:I actually love your writing style, even if I don't agree with everything you say. I don't feel the stigma myself—which sounds crazy, I know—but some of my friends still have no clue I have schizophrenia. They’d probably pass out if I told them. Even my immediate family doesn't believe I have it because they say I haven't changed at all. They sense something is "off," sure, but since I've always been a bit different from most people, they don't really dwell on it. I don't know a single person with schizophrenia outside of this little forum, and I notice the illness has taken something away from everyone here. My life hasn't changed much, and neither have I or my family. I was in a bit of a gray zone after my last psychotic episode earlier this year, but sitting here typing this seems to be helping. I’ve never taken medication. I feel like I’m different here too, and honestly, I’m not a fan. It’s exhausting.
Regarding Amorac, most people hear "hermeticism" or "occult" and immediately think of something negative, so they're wary. You don't need to listen to others or read up on it—especially since the internet is full of nonsense—it's best to just see for yourself. There isn't anything mysterious about it. There are plenty of various exercises involving positive and negative breathing, intuition work, self-healing, and so on. Just read their manifesto; you might actually like it.

I'm not afraid of the occult, though I haven't had the best experiences with people who run in those circles (mostly people I've encountered through certain New Age groups or those practicing the techniques of Ž. M. Slavinskog). Personally, I've always resonated more with shamanic practices—without the drugs, obviously; I haven't touched substances in ages, and I don't even drink alcohol. I just have a deep connection to nature and animals. Plus, I love mythology. I'll definitely check out the manifesto, though. These unconventional spiritualities are fascinating to me... unlike the major organized religions, which just aren't my thing. I've never really understood what people find so compelling about them, but hey, to each their own.😁
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:If I'm following you correctly, are you saying I'm stuck in a schizophrenic loop because some person from Amorac manipulated my thoughts? Could you explain a bit more? Like, how does that actually work?

I don't know, I think it actually leans more toward what Laura Castillo6 was saying. It’s like you had a genetic predisposition, and then you ended up in a social environment that acted as the trigger. People who are generally stable can usually mess around with those kinds of things without any lasting impact—well, maybe they feel a temporary rush during a group ritual or something, where the atmosphere gets intense enough to induce a trance, but once it's over, they just go about their day like nothing happened. But for you, things took a different turn. Then again, if you had been in a more supportive environment instead of dealing with hospitals, medication, and worried family members—whatever that setup looked like for you—it's entirely possible the situation would have stabilized on its own and you wouldn't be facing recurring psychosis. Honestly, that diagnosis carries such a heavy stigma. Getting hit with it is an incredibly uncomfortable experience, and it inevitably triggers a whole new set of complications.

Regarding Amorac—look, like I mentioned before, I don’t really know much about the specifics. But I do know people who have dealt with some serious emotional fallout after messing around with different cults. For instance, some struggle to socialize normally after living in those isolated communities, others end up feeling emotionally numb from things like Bhakti or Hare Krishna practices, and then you have the folks who get completely sucked into wild conspiracy theories involving reptiles or whatever else once they start practicing Transcendental Meditation. The human psyche is incredibly complex. When you're young, you just don't have the tools to know how a certain spiritual technique or a specific leader might affect you. You can't exactly check a label on someone's forehead to see if they're a psychopath, and when you're still figuring out your own predispositions and triggers, it’s easy to get steered in the wrong direction. Honestly, it’s probably best to stay away from all that stuff until you're at least forty, but I guess what can you do when life just feels boring? 😁
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jose Ward4 said:Honestly, I think I actually experienced some PTSD before I ended up in the hospital. It was a massive trauma. But look, I’m not going to dive into all that right now—lately, I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive. No doom and gloom today. Maybe it just isn't the right time to go there.

I actually had my diagnosis while I was in the hospital nearly 20 years ago, though life wasn't exactly a walk in the park even before that. On my Medicare records, I'm listed as having bipolar disorder, but in reality, I've dealt with PTSD stemming from the system itself (along with some subsequent traumatic experiences), and I simply don't have the budget for private specialists. Things were pretty rough before I finally figured out what my actual issues were and how to handle them. Now, things are so much better... I still find myself getting triggered by aggressive or manipulative people occasionally, but I've learned how to keep them at arm's length and manage my own reactions, which usually pass within a few minutes. But that didn't happen by accident; it took a lot of learning and hard work. Having a psychotherapist would probably have made the process faster and easier.

I've had the chance to meet quite a few people diagnosed with schizophrenia. I've talked to some of them while they were in the middle of an acute psychotic episode, and those were the moments when it was easiest to understand why they were struggling. Every single time, it’s a deeply uncomfortable life story. It honestly breaks my heart that no one seems to want to work with people during those specific moments anymore; I really feel there is so much potential for help there.
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
George Cook said:Psychosis can be linked to PTSD.

Thanks. I just went and did a quick Google search—honestly, I’m surprised it didn't occur to me sooner—and here is what I found:

https://www.verywellmind.com/relatio...mptoms-2797525

https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/sc...rticle/759866/

That feels like the missing link I've been looking for. 👍
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Chloe Flores83 said:Those people weren't frauds. They were just regular, normal people looking for answers, wanting to understand themselves and God, just like I was. I honestly don't get why anyone in that group would want to exert mental control over me. What could they possibly gain from that?

It’s tough to guess what drives other people... especially since I don't know them personally. But as soon as I typed the name of that order into Google, one of the first things that popped up was this:

https://www.hermetizam.com/amorc-bez-maske.html

Cults are tricky business. For many former members, it takes years to mentally and emotionally recover from an experience like that, even if the groups claim to be all about peace and love. Personally, I feel like spiritual searching is something you should do on your own (maybe with a therapist), or not at all. I've never been much for group rituals, whether we're talking about football games, Gnostic ceremonies, or just a standard church service. I know I’m a pretty terrible follower—people have told me my rational side is just too strong—so I tend to keep a respectful distance from all of it. I study things, but strictly from afar. One thing that has become clear to me is that a lot of spiritual seekers enter these circles just to amass material wealth or gain control over others, all to feed some kind of "spiritualized" ego. Of course, you can't tell that at first glance because everyone in that scene finds it convenient to act like a lamb, even if they are actually predators. To put it bluntly, there are all sorts of moral monsters walking this earth, and you can never be one hundred percent certain about someone else's intentions. Once that realization starts sinking in, your brain can really overdo it and start spiraling into paranoia. Sometimes the mind is like a trained dog—it just does exactly what it's been taught to do. And if you've trained yours to look for mystical symbols and hidden meanings in a puddle on the street, that's exactly what it's going to do.