Posts by wiredmoose3

From the intro, I’m curious—what exactly constitutes these "wrong" types, and why does the author view them as such?

I’m not really satisfied with your answer😁...well, you didn't actually give me one—you just offered a series of different perspectives throughout this entire thread. We're just spinning our wheels here, Jesse Peterson5...
You started this whole thing by saying you were drowning in guilt and asking how to move past it, and then you wrote this:

Jesse Peterson5 said:I get that... I just don't know if I can put it into words properly...
I mess up, I feel bad about it, and I try my best to fix the damage. Eventually, the other person forgives me—the anger fades and they don't hold it over my head anymore. But I still can't forgive myself. Maybe it's because, from where I'm standing, some things are just unforgivable. Even when I feel that sense of relief, I can't quite convince myself it's real. It would feel fake, like I'm just acting.
That relief comes strictly from seeing that I haven't left permanent scars on the people I hurt—seeing that they're back to their normal selves after a while. Otherwise, I can't handle the thought of hurting anyone, especially those close to me. It feels like a curse that I always seem to end up causing the most trouble for the people who actually matter most in my life.😢

If it’s your personal truth—your own conviction—that certain actions are beyond forgiveness, then who am I, or anyone else for that matter, to try and talk you out of it?🤷 Entire religions, philosophies, and great schools of thought are built, among other things, on the concept of forgiveness, yet you’ve decided to rebel against that. You’ve chosen to embrace "non-forgiveness" (in your own eyes) and suffer through the guilt. All I can do is respect your choice and wish you luck.

Jesse Peterson5, if you’re actually convinced that forgiveness is what "releases" guilt—then what exactly is stopping you from extending that same grace to yourself?

Jesse Peterson5 said:I’m not quite the perfectionist you’re making me out to be. If I actually were, I wouldn't be crawling to people on a forum for advice; I’d already have the whole thing mapped out in my head, demanding everything look exactly how I envisioned it. Plus, if I were that intense, I probably wouldn't view everyone else as perfect beings like you do—but I don't see it that way. I guess I am a perfectionist in the sense that I hold myself to high standards. I know what I'm capable of, so it messes with my head when I don't hit the mark or even give it a real shot. Honestly, I think most of us should react that way. Missing out on things because we're afraid to try, or lowering our standards just to play it safe—or worse, convincing ourselves we aren't good enough—doesn't seem healthy to me. To me, that’s a much bigger issue than my version of "perfectionism."🙂

I don't feel guilty just because the world doesn't bend to my will or meet my expectations. I only feel bad if I fail to live up to my own principles—but that doesn't give me any right to demand everyone else follows them too. We all have our own set of rules, whatever they may be. Honestly, the worst thing you can do is claim "I think exactly like you," because let's face it: that's impossible.

I know what I expect from myself, and honestly, sometimes I just fall short. I’ll feel down for a couple of days, but then I get back to work on it. I deal with guilt regarding my actions, but there's a distinction there—my expectations are strictly about me, whereas my actions involve other people. Failing myself isn't the same thing as letting down someone I actually care about. It's easier to let myself down because I know I can pull myself together and fix it. But disappointing someone else? That’s different. No matter what you do, you can't undo that. My guilt comes specifically from asking myself why I didn't step up when I had the chance, and that feeling stays with you.

4. My emotions—I rarely show them because I think it’s just plain crazy to start screaming at someone just to prove a point like, "Hey, look, I'm pissed off." 😁😁 It doesn't make sense to me—just because I don't act a certain way doesn't mean I'm not feeling anything. If I'm happy, I’ll show it. If I'm pissed off, I’ll just laugh in their face until they walk away. If I'm confused, I'll just say, "Yeah, I'm lost." I still show emotion; I just do it on my own terms. 😉Sometimes I think I’m too impulsive with my emotions. Honestly, I can't stand crying in front of people. If I’m going to have a breakdown, I do it on my own. I don't see the point in dragging someone else down with my tears when, at the end of the day, I know I'll get over it and I'm not going to be sobbing for the rest of my life. It's not like I have some perfect image of myself to maintain. But I do push myself to meet the goals I set, mostly because I feel like I deserve them—especially if they're vital for my future. Personally, life wouldn't even feel worth living if I didn't have expectations to chase. That said, I refuse to step on anyone else to get what I want. I'll always find a way to hit my targets without trampling over people to get there.

5. My behavior hasn't been an attention grabber before because there’s just no point in it. What I feel, I feel for myself—not to put on a show for anyone else. I think everyone needs to sort their own feelings out internally before bringing them to others. Honestly, trying to get attention by acting out isn't worth the effort if what you're doing isn't actually meaningful.

6. I can handle most things right now, but I can't escape that gut-wrenching guilt that hits after I mess up and have to face the music. If someone hurts me, or if it's some trivial nonsense, I don't feel guilty. But if I violate a core moral principle I actually live by—especially if my actions cause someone else pain—that feeling is intense. In those moments, I just want the ground to swallow me up; it sticks with you. I try to make amends as best I can, but that weight stays because I feel like I let myself down.

7. To me, guilt isn't some useless emotion. If you do something wrong, you're supposed to feel it. Take a heavy example: if someone kills someone incredibly close to you, would you really care whether they felt guilty or not? 😕 The outcome is the same because your loss is still there, but you won't feel the same way inside. It's impossible. When you've done wrong and you repent, the person you hurt feels that weight (unless they're the type who thinks guilt is pointless), and seeing that remorse provides a sense of closure. People who don't feel guilt, in my view, just don't care about others. They act like it doesn't matter if they mess up or not since the end result remains the same anyway. 👎

8. My perfectionism isn't about meeting other people's expectations; it's strictly about how I hold myself. I've mentioned this before. Sure, if you set massive goals for yourself, it's hard for others to watch you fail, but that's not my issue. My issue is being too restrictive with myself. I still love and respect who I am, but I deal with daily guilt. It's hard to explain how that affects my self-love. It's probably because when I meet my goals, everything is fine, but when I have to fix a mistake, it leaves a "mark"... it's a bit complicated to put into words. 🤷

9. I'm looking for the root cause, too. Most of the time, I find it, and I try to work through it on my own. I'm keeping this discussion general, though, because listing every single mistake a person has ever made in their life would be a bit much. 🤣.

First off, I hope you didn't take my previous post as a personal jab or an attack...😳
I have to admit, I didn't quite follow your logic—mostly because you're being incredibly contradictory without even realizing it. Look at the sentence I quoted... doesn't it seem wildly inconsistent? 🙂
I’m fairly certain you’ve fallen into the rationalization trap—it’s what people do, subconsciously, when facing emotions that are just too painful to touch. You think, and think, and think—approaching the issue from every possible angle until you find a solution—but damn it, you still don't feel better. Where’s the catch? You have to process the emotional component, too. You've buried it deep, deep down behind a wall labeled "I am thinking about this." It's invisible to you. As I mentioned before, the root of your struggle likely lies in the environment you grew up in and how you perceived it—you even brought up your mother having similar issues...
Don't get me wrong, reflection and analysis are great—up to a point. They lead us to the cause... and the cause is always emotional. Always. At that stage, you have to actually act—face the pain—and logic won't help you there...
You're fighting your battles, and credit to you for trying, but you're fighting on the wrong field. It’s draining your strength and keeping you in this loop—for years now, hasn't it? 😢
Your defense mechanisms are strong, even if you're trying to tear them down... do a little digging on the subject; there are some excellent articles out there.😉
And please, don't take my last post too literally. I'm analyzing your situation based solely on what you write—I don't know you, after all. But that doesn't mean I can't draw conclusions from what I read, especially since I have the luxury of emotional distance. To some people—and perhaps to you—I might have just written a pile of nonsense. Maybe I offended you or belittled you, but your forgiveness won't matter nearly as much to me as my own self-forgiveness😉... I'll be smarter next time. 😁

Sigh...😍 🙂
Here we go again—another perfectionist drowning in guilt because the rest of the world doesn't fit her specific, rigid mold. Or rather, she fails to meet her own standards—though she’d never admit to having any—and to avoid showing actual anger (God forbid she displays a real emotion; that would shatter the illusion of her own flawless composure), she’d much rather retreat into a corner with a faint, patronizing smile and a heavy dose of self-reproach—unconsciously playing the part of the quiet, composed aristocrat...
So, Jesse Peterson5, what is it you're actually afraid of? What's scarier than this pointless self-flagellation?😢
Because let's be honest: guilt is one of the most useless emotions a person can harbor. It achieves nothing beyond self-destruction—which, believe me, is never pretty—and it solves absolutely nothing. If anything, it just keeps you spinning in circles. Feeling guilty won't fix things, and it certainly won't change people. They’ll stay exactly the same, whether you’re feeling guilty or not—get it?
And really, why is expressing an emotion so terrifying to you? What are you hiding from?😢
This whole perfectionism thing is just a mask worn by people who haven't made peace with themselves—and by extension, don't love themselves. Since they lack a sense of their own worth, they hunt for external validation... but satisfying everyone else is an impossible task. You have to be perfect to do it!😳
The roots of all this usually go back to how we perceived our surroundings growing up...😢
In general, guilt is merely a symptom. You need to find the cause. What you described is just stirring up the silt at the bottom of the pond—it makes the water murky. Finding the actual source isn't pleasant; it's exhausting. It requires courage and willpower... but it's worth every bit of effort.🙂

👋

Good grief...😕
And here I was, thinking everything would turn out fine...🤷

Angela Morgan3 said:I mean, I'll give them the green light to love me if they want to 🙂 but they just won't 🙂

🤣🤣
it's keeping me amused at this late hour
👍

OT
I try to be considerate—but I’m also perfectly willing to be ruthless when the situation calls for it.

coppermason said:Quentin Tarantino

Quentin Tarantino

It’s pretty obvious to me that people are only going to treat you the way you let them. And let's just say, if we're being honest, I’m usually the last person to set any kind of boundary.Total garbage.I don't know what the term is for this phenomenon, but I honestly can't wrap my head around why people act this way. It’s not just me, either—I only brought them up because I actually know them, but they treat everyone with that same level of disrespect. They tend to run into similar types over and over again, too. Depending on the person, they either cut them off entirely or just let the relationship fizzle out into nothing, and those rare few who actually stay close usually end up in constant conflict. So, I'm genuinely curious if anyone here knows what drives someone to be that incredibly tactless. Like, seriously, why?

Let's just breeze through the "-isms"—you know, narcissism, egoism, sadism... then we'll toss in a little lack of empathy, zero self-respect, a total absence of healthy self-love... throw in some psychological compensations, projections, and deep-seated frustrations... give it all a good shake, subtract a little here and add a little there... and—voila!
😁😍

Love isn't blind—it sees everything clearly, and it refuses to be misrepresented. It requires reciprocity...
Infatuation and obsession? Those are blind, sure, but they have a remarkably short shelf life...
If you want to understand why people sink into toxic, bottom-of-the-barrel relationships, you have to dig deep into their psyche—specifically, those formative early connections with their parents. Those dynamics shape us subconsciously, creating the blueprint for every relationship that follows. If you know anyone who struggles with this, you'll notice they tend to fall into the same dysfunctional patterns by default—though, of course, it’s possible to break the cycle...
Now, I realize I'm generalizing here—everyone is an individual—but the core truth remains...
Let me clarify that first point: romantic love is inherently selfish. That's just human nature, and there's nothing wrong with it. To truly love someone without demanding, expecting, or needing anything from them—to simply be grateful that they exist—requires reaching a certain level of spiritual maturity. How many people do you actually know who can do that, including yourself? It's not impossible, though...

True Love knows no opposites.
If your love relies on opposites, then it isn't love;
it's just the ego's desperate craving for a more complete and profound
sense of its own selfhood—
a void that a partner temporarily fills.
It is the ego's substitute for salvation.

But eventually, the partner starts acting
differently—they stop meeting your needs, or rather,
they stop feeding the ego's requirements.
The fear, pain, and sense of lack inherent to
the ego—feelings that the "relationship" managed to mask—
begin to resurface.
At that point, you start blaming your partner for those feelings.

Your love doesn't exist externally; it lives deep within you.
You can never lose it, and
it can never leave you.

Eckhart Tolle

The human brain remains the least understood part of our anatomy.
The human psyche? Even less so.
I was reading a piece where they asked for input from that renowned neuropsychiatrist out of San Francisco, Dr. Urlić—who noted, more or less, that everyone obsesses over the drop that overflows the glass, yet nobody stops to consider how the glass got filled in the first place...