Posts by Sandra Parker3

Chloe Barnes8 said:Okay, Sandra Parker3, it’s not a blog, sure, but if I'm the one who kicked off the discussion, I feel responsible for it. Whether I want to or not, I feel like I have to step up and act a bit like a moderator, you know what I mean?

Our views are different, okay, but let's not just toss out an entire value system just because it isn't ours or because someone thinks it isn't "politically correct." In this thread, it feels like a lot of things—knowledge, religion, basically everything—are being dismissed...

If my take is different from yours, fine, I won't force it on you. But if I'm in the minority, I'd really appreciate it if my perspective was respected as such... 🙏

And I shouldn't be expected to just cave to the majority or to people who, I don't know, have been posting here longer than I have, just because that makes it "politically correct"... 😉

So, hey everyone, let's just listen to each other, actually read what's being said, and try to be tolerant...

Even if the debates get a little heated, as long as they're based on actual arguments... 🙂

I had to quote it this way because I wanted to reorganize things, sorry, but I really can't be bothered dealing with a massive pile of quotes.

1. Kind of, yeah, but nothing about eliminating anyone who disagrees or isn't "on script."

2. There’s no such thing as "our opinion"; I've told you this three times already, Jane, John and I don't even share the same view.

3. You're exactly the one expecting that from others 🙂 , and as for that comment about how much people write here, I'll just pretend I didn't see it—pure stupidity.

4. Yes, but you don't get to be the sole judge of what counts as an argument.

And let's not go any further with this...

edit: I don't believe in female solidarity or male solidarity any more than anything else... it's just a basic gender stereotype.

You could definitely try writing more than just a single word, Anthony Kim18.

But hey, what can you do... if you can't keep up. Just when you finally get some momentum... bam... 😉

It wouldn't be the first time, either—remember that thread about abuse...
which was actually perfect because of all that constant bickering between the women on it 😉

I'd say "let's move on," but I already accidentally used that "political" cliché once... so let's just go with: let's move forward...

Chloe Barnes8 said:Look, this is my thread. Like some blogger would say, "my thread, my rules." I'm kind of stepping into a moderator role here, I guess, just because I want to nudge the discussion in the direction I see fit, rather than letting it go wherever... if people don't like that, well, sorry... but I was just trying to help...

Besides, we aren't all here to agree on whether someone writes beautifully or not. My whole idea is that we should try to figure things out TOGETHER, even if it's just small realizations, just by chatting away...

It feels to me like The Ten and Taylor, even though they definitely have plenty to say, tend to be way too critical about everything, which doesn't really work here... we won't get anywhere that way... don't you think?🤷

You started this thread, but it isn't "your" thread, it isn't your personal blog, and it certainly isn't your private playground.

... my thought was that we could try to TOGETHER reach some kind of insight, even if it's just small stuff, through casual chatting..

We end up realizing our opinions differ. Great. So what's the issue? You lack any tolerance for different perspectives and feel entitled to pass dissenters along to someone else. If you're doing that unconsciously... fine... maybe do a little reading...

it seems to me that John and Jane, while they definitely have plenty to say, are being way too critical about everything, which leaves no room..we won't get anywhere then.... don't you agree?🤷

I don't agree. That's just your opinion, which means.... there is room.

And one correction: I'm not acting as Jane's or John's lawyer.
What I wrote to you, I wrote based on my own experience dealing with you in this thread.

@ Chloe Barnes8, your condescending tone combined with those attempts to smear anyone you disagree with... it just ends up driving people away from the conversation, you know?

Look, I reserve the right to jump back in whenever I feel like it.

edit:
I’m not sure if there’s even any point in saying this, but looking at The Tenth's post 285, I find myself almost entirely in agreement—not because I’m trying to offer some cheap little show of support, God knows neither of us needs that... a mature person can simply say "bravo to XY" to distance themselves without making a scene... I'm just expressing my take on the subject... still haven't even gotten through the post above yet.

Maria Walker11 said:I was just lurking along like everyone else until I finally decided to log in... haha.

Honestly, everything is just getting better and better now.

So, what happens when you actually follow through and put your money where your mouth is? Or are you just going to keep talking nonsense for a while longer? 😁

There’s no smarter way to spend my time.

Elizabeth Gomez11 said:Since "internet addiction" first entered the public consciousness back in 1994, the global Network has undergone such a massive transformation that it has become increasingly magnetic to those prone to compulsive behaviors. In the early days, the very concept of digital addiction was met with intense skepticism; most people dismissed it as little more than a poorly conceived joke from an overzealous psychiatrist. However, as the Network expanded exponentially over the decades, what was once a punchline evolved into a profound phenomenon that began to challenge the social stability of Western nations. Today, this isn't just a niche concern—it is a serious subject handled by leading psychiatrists, specialized treatment clinics are being established to combat it, and the term has even found its way into the legal frameworks of various states.

The internet is practically overflowing with witty little checklists designed to help you diagnose whether you’ve become hopelessly addicted to the digital world. If you find yourself spending fifteen minutes just scrolling through your girlfriend's social media feed, if you catch yourself subconsciously brainstorming your next deep-dive search query during dinner, or if you refuse to go on vacation unless you're certain there's high-speed Wi-Fi available, you might be in trouble. It goes deeper than that: you start dreaming in code or interface layouts, you find yourself reflexively typing ".com" at the end of every sentence, and you even start doodling smiley faces in handwritten notes. It's a strange kind of modern compulsion.

When it comes to the scientific consensus, we are still playing catch-up. The noticeable lag in how we interpret this phenomenon isn't actually that surprising, considering the internet arrived almost entirely without warning, catching us all somewhat off guard. Most other major breakthroughs are preceded by decades, even centuries, of anticipation. Leonardo da Vinci was sketching helicopters, Verne was dreaming up submarines, and countless science fiction authors were busy forecasting the radio, the telephone, the television, and even jet rockets. We even saw early iterations of mobile phones envisioned in Star Trek. Yet, there wasn't a single book, film, or TV series that truly captured the essence of the internet; nobody saw its specific arrival coming. In hindsight, people have tried to retroactively label various authors as "prophets," though most were simply predicting a future where "machines talk to one another"—a concept that doesn't necessarily align with the reality of the internet. One such author, Thomas Pynchon, wrote about interconnected spores communicating globally, leading some to claim he predicted the web. But the reality remains: no one did it. At least, no one did it with the same clarity and specificity used to predict previous inventions. It stands to reason, then, that our academic understanding of this phenomenon—and the social shifts accompanying it—is trailing behind the actual technology that blindsided us.

While most experts tend to dismiss the idea of "internet addiction" as an overblown or baseless concept—arguing that it’s fundamentally impossible to be addicted to a mere tool like technology—the reality on the ground tells a different story. There are people out there who, for one reason or another, find themselves tethered to their monitors for hours on end, day after day. To be precise, I think labeling this as a "computer addiction" misses the mark entirely. It would be far more accurate to say that people become hooked on the specific types of content or activities the computer facilitates. You see individuals who spend days hunched over a desk without ever actually logging onto the web. They aren't chasing the connection itself; rather, they are compulsively driven by the act of gaming, the meticulous process of photo editing, or the immersive flow of film montage. It isn't the machine they crave, but the digital world it unlocks.

When we look at the nature of digital addiction, it’s clear that people latch onto vastly different forms of online stimulation. It isn't a monolith; rather, it's a spectrum of compulsions tailored to individual interests. You might see one person spiraling into an obsession with adult content, while another finds themselves unable to step away from the high-stakes adrenaline of competitive online gaming. Then there are those who become tethered to the constant pulse of instant messaging and chat rooms, or the restless habit of refreshing news feeds to stay on top of every headline. Even the relentless pursuit of every scrap of trivia regarding a favorite celebrity falls under this umbrella. Each path is unique, yet they all stem from that same fundamental drive to remain plugged in.

Every single one of these addictions shares a common thread: a compulsive, almost ritualistic attachment—a sense of obligation that the user feels toward satisfying their own impulse. In essence, there isn’t much of a distinction between the daily habit of downloading adult content, ripping MP3s, or obsessively searching for news about what Jennifer Lopez had for breakfast this morning. The underlying mechanism is identical. It is driven by a compulsion, an urgent perceived need to pull something from the internet. Much like any other neurotic cycle, the actual gratification of the impulse is fleeting; it provides only a momentary release of tension. That brief hit of satisfaction is secondary to the act itself—the physical and psychological process of downloading the content. Once the task is complete, the result immediately loses its value. The satisfaction evaporates, leaving behind nothing but the renewed urge to hunt for the next image, the next video, the next song, or the next scrap of trivia. It is a cycle without an endgame. There will always be new imagery and fresh data waiting to be transferred onto a hard drive, fueling an endless loop of consumption.

Perhaps we are looking at the remnants of an unfulfilled developmental stage driving a compulsion to collect, or maybe it’s just that innate childhood curiosity that pushes us to hunt for new information. Or perhaps it is simply the natural human impulse when faced with this vast, colorful world... Who can say? In any case, that isn't what we are here to dissect. I suspect the remedy for such impulses lies deep within the individual psyche, buried in the subconscious and forged during childhood. I don't believe those roots are easily unearthed, nor is there much to be gained by dwelling on them. Compulsive neurosis functions on the internet exactly as it does in the physical world.

There is a specific type of addiction to certain types of online content that might actually be solved through an understanding of this phenomenon. While it certainly involves elements of repetitive compulsion, the underlying reasons are (for the most part) universal to the human condition, rather than being tied to the unique psychological development of a single individual. We cannot claim to know why someone might compulsively download images of designer boots, naval warships, or specific tracks of music every single day, but there is one type of content whose allure we can attribute to universal traits—traits that are, therefore, universally solvable. That content is the internet forum.

There have been several different iterations of what we call forums, evolving alongside the expansion of the internet and gradually superseding one another. There is also a phenomenon closely related to forums—chat rooms—but we won't be delving into those for reasons that will become clear as we proceed.

The most widely accepted and prevalent form of the forum—what we generally mean when we use the term today—is a website, or a specific section of a site, featuring predefined subforums where members start new threads and/or contribute comments to existing discussions. Modern forums are essentially a collection of what used to be standalone message boards, integrated into a single hub; consequently, those older, independent boards are now referred to as "subforums," serving as constituent parts of a larger Forum structure.

I live for these kinds of explanations via Freudian stages, honestly.🙄

Chloe Barnes8 said:A little too much Modern literature, dear Sandra Parker3, just a bit too much...😍

Fine

lonegardener said:I think we need to be a bit more precise when we define what "exact" actually means.😬

Electrical energy is "exact" because if I run 120 volts through a 100-ohm wire, I can calculate precisely how much that wire will heat up in one minute. It will happen that way every single time, with minimal deviation—and even when deviations occur, we know exactly how and why they happen.

Nothing in the study of behavioral pathology comes anywhere close to being that "exact." To be fair, there are certain chemical imbalances within the brain, as you mentioned, but I wouldn't classify those under psychology in the "strict sense"—that’s more biological. When I read descriptions of various personality disorders, it strikes me that they could actually serve as a decent psychological profile test: seeing what percentage of each disorder a person recognizes in themselves.😬 Based on those percentages, I think you could build a fairly accurate map of someone's psychological makeup.

Or maybe just a solid gauge of who's just a massive hypochondriac. 🙄

Chloe Barnes8 said:I mean!

I honestly don't know if it'll be misused, but when you consider that so many mental health struggles involve such massive amounts of suffering, why wouldn't this be a good thing?

And besides... this whole obsession with psychology and its supposed "all-knowingness" has turned into such cheap, watered-down pop psychology lately... like, the whole "you can control everything, you can change anything, the power is within you" vibe (as if! 😁 )...

Anyway, you can see from my earlier posts that I haven't exactly been a cheerleader for that mindset, where people think they can just think their way through every single problem... ha! 😍

But, I guess you still can do a lot! 🙂

There is definitely massive power inside you.
The way you think changes a huge amount of things.
You can't do everything, but you can do plenty.

It’s nothing to laugh at.

Either way, it's better than writing letters to that World... what a joke. 😁

Gerald Rivera60 said:Let’s take a closer look at the "exact" sciences, shall we?
Biology focuses on living organisms, yet we still haven't reached a consensus on what life actually is. For instance, science can't simply manufacture life from scratch.
Physics is often just a collection of hypothetical constructs—string theory, parallel universes, extra dimensions...
There is an immense amount of guesswork involved there too.
To be clear, I have nothing against science itself.

Furthermore, modern research approaches the so-called "soul" through an interdisciplinary lens, such as linking various brain activities to mental processes—take Neuroeconomics, for example. It isn't merely a matter of statistics, though there is plenty of it; statistical models are standard tools used in physics and nearly every other scientific field.
... apologies for going off-topic.

Sometimes you just have to make an educated guess; there isn't really any other way.
Without a little speculation, even in the scientific community, we wouldn't be making any progress at all...................

Chloe Barnes8 said:lonegardener, just because not every bad thing is purely negative, doesn't mean psychology's push toward becoming a "hard" science with all that precision isn't actually paying off in some ways...

Nowadays, we know that certain mental health struggles aren't just "in someone's head"—they're often just neurotransmitter imbalances. And honestly, treating them with medication to try and level things out is how it's done now...
I mean, the brain is such a complex, high-tech organ, right? It’s one of those things where if it decides it doesn't want to cooperate, you can't exactly force it to fix itself—not that we've cracked the perfect formula yet (we really haven't)... so current treatments aren't perfect by any means, but they're still a massive step up from what was available just a few decades ago...

We can sit here and criticize meds, or psychotherapy, or psychiatry all we want, but when things get really heavy, most people are more than happy to reach out for that pharmacological help... and hey, it saves lives, so there's that...

If science keeps moving at this pace, we might eventually get to a point where schizophrenia is managed much like we manage diabetes today—just another biochemical condition to keep in check....☕

Psychiatry doesn't automatically mean you're being handed a prescription.
And psychology definitely doesn't.
???

I don't have an issue with medication, but it shouldn't be the only tool in the box. 🤷
Wasn't that what you were getting at?

Look what I stumbled upon. It's an ONT—not like I had any say in the matter, just putting it out there... 😲...

Chloe Barnes8 said:Alright, whether that was just a random tangent or not, we definitely drifted a little too far off topic. Let's steer things back toward psychology and relationship dynamics...

Look, you guys can't honestly tell me you don't believe, even just a tiny bit, in those stories about people helping folks untangle their love lives. I mean, just look at those lifestyle columns in the magazines... they're full of all sorts of wild stuff. People write in, experts respond... it's pretty wild how much goes on there.

For me, I've always been kind of fascinated by Magda Weltrusky. I think I've been reading her since I was a kid, probably...🤣

I don't even read 🤷

Chloe Barnes8 said:Alright, whether that was just a random tangent or not, we definitely drifted a little too far off topic. Let's steer things back toward psychology and relationship dynamics...

Look, you guys can't honestly tell me you don't believe, even just a tiny bit, in those stories about people helping folks untangle their love lives. I mean, just look at those lifestyle columns in the magazines... they're full of all sorts of wild stuff. People write in, experts respond... it's pretty wild how much goes on there.

For me, I've always been kind of fascinated by Magda Weltrusky. I think I've been reading her since I was a kid, probably...🤣

Oh boy, Sandra Parker3, what happened to you? You should probably be writing advice columns somewhere else instead.....🙄.....

..........I'm not really in the right headspace, just rambling a bit here.

rustymaker5 said:I think I’ve gotten a little lost in all these fairy tales you guys are spinning here, though maybe that’s just because my own memory of them has faded so much... they only really mattered back when I was some little kid, and since my daughter never cared for them, I never really had the chance to brush up on them or anything.
But there is one particular fairy tale that people still cling to today, especially when it comes to how men and women interact... it goes something like this: "What we have is different, and if I just love him enough, I can change him." Unfortunately, that story never, ever has a happy ending...

I can't deny the bolded part because I'd be lying, though I don't buy the underlined bit for a second.

Half a fairy tale?

Back on my usual mental loops again...
Thoughts are just one of those things you can't actually control 🤷

Christian Wells6 said:Depression?

The other day, my clutch decided to give up the ghost right in the middle of the road. I was left stranded on the shoulder of the highway, which effectively ruined my entire yesterday. A complete and utter nuisance.
Then, as if on cue, the refrigerator died, followed by the television barely half an hour later. (It is one of those peculiar phenomena where everything you buy at once seems to reach its expiration date simultaneously. 🤷 ))

I suppose I choose to view it as a form of entertainment.

O.K.
The reality is that I have the funds to cover all three repairs, which significantly alters the gravity of the situation; however, had I been lacking the means, we would have faced a domino effect—first the car, then the fridge two months down the line, and finally the TV.

It changes things, sure, but not really.
At the end of the day, it's all about your mindset when you play.

What does "endure until the end" even mean? It’s like saying someone will stay angry for their entire life. The whole thing is bursting at the seams; there's nothing good about it.

How are you going to be unsatisfied? Heh, or maybe this: once you accept that you'll be dissatisfied all the time, there's your twist. You basically fuck up your own theory. Acceptance brings peace. You think you've accepted dissatisfaction, but deep down, you just process it as accepting the cause...
Otherwise, a subtle dose of dissatisfaction is fine because it keeps you moving. Or maybe there's a better way to put it, I don't know.

Regarding the roof.
The criteria for what's unsolvable vary from person to person. Some things might just be impossible. But then they fall into that category where there's no point in suffering over a fact you can't change. We just go in circles.
I think the only thing that matters is how you feel in the end. Are you at peace with yourself or not? If you are, call it acceptance of whatever—it doesn't matter.
If you aren't... well, you aren't. Work on being. You have plenty of downtime to deal with dissatisfaction, frustrations, and all that other bullshit. No worries.

lonegardener said:But there is a third option—just see it through to the end. 🙂

Fair point. I haven't quite mastered that yet. But I think I'll have to.

Okay, fine. But do you know anyone dealing with serious depression just because their roof leaks?
Actually, someone could be depressed over a leaky roof—say, if they can't afford the repairs and have begged everyone for help only to be ignored.

As for what constitutes "real" suffering, I don't think I agree with you, or Teresa (or even Jung). If a young girl is miserable because she's five pounds overweight, that's a very real struggle—it's just not caused by those five pounds. It's caused by something much deeper: the realization that she isn't attractive enough, or at least not as attractive as she wants to be. That almost never stems from the weight itself, but from factors she can't fix simply by starving herself. Now, that's an unsolvable problem...

.. for too early in the morning, if you actually went to sleep.

Obviously, it's not about the five pounds. You see it isn't unsolvable. You're halfway there. Once the real reasons for her self-loathing hit home, she won't be starving herself anymore. And it wasn't some minor struggle; it was the real deal, deep-seated, none of that immature kid stuff.
I actually went out, but not to sleep.

edit:

lonegardener said:Man. Sometimes I honestly feel like sitting down with a therapist just out of pure curiosity. But then again, I’d much rather just pay for a drink instead. $100 I’d rather talk to a panhandler on the street than a private shrink; social services would probably just blow me off at the first opportunity anyway. Besides, I actually met the therapist my sister was seeing. I met him because the guy somehow managed to fall for her. His marriage was a total wreck, and for a while, he even seemed to hope something could happen between them, despite all the ethical red flags. What a loser. Not as a person—because, let's be honest, I'm no better than anyone else here, so if you're reading this, don't get the wrong idea—but as a professional. After just seven sentences, it was obvious we were struggling with the exact same issues, except he’s the one "helping" people. Give me a break. Would you buy an elixir for eternal youth and beauty from some old, haggard woman? How is someone supposed to help me when they don't even believe in the soul themselves? It just doesn't add up.

So what's really bothering you? You also "took the opportunity," knelt down where you shouldn't have 😁

Mačec, neither you nor Jung are going to convince me that you know more about what a teenager is actually going through than she does.

And what are you even getting at? What "avoiding the problem" are you talking about?
Try telling a teen that her struggles aren't "real" problems, and see how fast you drive her straight into a neurotic spiral. ................

good luck to everyone, I guess ............... 😉

Chloe Barnes8 said:That’s a really good question, though. Is there such a thing as "fake" suffering?

Oh, definitely. Honestly, our culture is just overflowing with it these days... like, the absolute meltdown of a teenager because she’s 55 kilos instead of 50... or the drama from someone who only has a hundred bucks in their pocket instead of two hundred... or just that constant, heavy ache of feeling like we aren't physically or mentally perfect, or being super jealous of people who seem to have it a little easier...

It’s basically what our entire consumerist, ego-driven culture is built on... so yeah, I guess that’s my definition of a "fake" struggle.🤣

No.
Pain is pain, period.

You can try to rationalize why someone else is struggling, and you can think their reasons seem "trivial" to you, but at the end of the day, it’s still real suffering for a teenager who’s obsessed with being 110 lbs instead of 120.
Until she works through it herself, it doesn't matter how it looks from the outside.