Posts by Sandra Parker3

lonegardener said:It’s a massive difference, obviously—like the difference between seeing a speck of dust with the naked eye versus looking at it through a high-powered microscope.

It comes down to principle. If the cause of dissatisfaction is unavoidable, does that mean we can just dismiss the feeling as invalid? It might be futile (since it leads nowhere), but that doesn't make it any less real.

Are you trying to say "unresolved, but SOLVABLE problems"? 😁

But how do you actually distinguish a solvable problem from an unsolvable one?

It's quite the opposite: you accept the dissatisfaction. In other words, you accept that you will feel dissatisfied the entire time. That is actually what "acceptance" means. What you're describing sounds more like denial.

It isn't unfounded; it's just futile.
We have the power to shift our own emotions. Dissatisfaction is just a feeling, not a permanent state of being. Once you let it turn into a state, you either have to claw your way out of it or just break completely. There's no middle ground.

Don't accept the dissatisfaction. Accept the thing causing it—the root cause.
Are you seriously saying you'll just accept being miserable forever????
It isn't denial, because I'm not denying anything; I'm accepting the "problem," but I'm changing my relationship to it.

What's the issue with distinguishing between unresolved and solvable problems?
The distinction?
Some are easy to spot. A leaky roof in a Seattle apartment? Solvable. Getting decapitated? Unsolvable.
The rest... well, it's kind of a gray area... honestly, it's just enough to keep life from getting too boring.
You know... sometimes it works... sometimes it doesn't...
and
there's
a difference.
🙂

Just find someone who actually gets you and someone you can actually talk to.
There’s honestly no better therapist than that... 🙂

mistybison said:There is an entire collection of fairy tales centered on Beautiful Valley. 🙂 I own a massive eight-volume set of classic American folk tales, and dozens of those stories are dedicated to this heroine.

Honestly, I think I'll just buy myself a complete set of fairy tales. As for that little girl I was thinking about this morning... well, she can get something else instead.
Maybe some reading 😉

Chloe Barnes8 said:>>>>Maybe this is a bit extreme, but I am genuinely curious about one thing. Why on earth does everyone nowadays seem to operate under this totally mindless assumption that every single problem is either fixable, or—if it isn't—that we just shouldn't bother being upset about it? Honestly, that's just life. You deal with hardship, and you just have to bear it. And no, you won't always solve it. Ever.

Exactly my point..

And doesn't this whole habit of denying real struggle actually turn us into neurotic, unhealthy messes when things go wrong????🙄

If you want more info on this weird modern obsession where people try to deny any kind of dissatisfaction and strive to control absolutely EVERYTHING, you should check out "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Beethoven... you'll definitely see yourself in it, and it's a pretty good read...🤣

It’s not about denying actual pain. What else is there? "Fake" pain?

It's about just trying to live a normal life. Who was even bringing up physical disabilities???
So what if someone has one.

Are we supposed to just live in constant misery..........????

Look, you aren't going to deny that if you lost an arm, it happened. You aren't going to claim it's easier this way, but you shouldn't be miserable either—meaning frustrated or neurotic. It's actually the exact opposite.

lonegardener said:Hmmmmmmm... I suppose a man feels pretty dissatisfied when he's being crucified or impaled. Believe it or not, people actually used to do that.

So, what advice do you give someone currently on a spit? Don't be upset—you can't exactly hop off the stake yourself, so there's really no point in losing sleep over it. It won't change the outcome. 😍

It's a bit of a drastic example 😬, but I am genuinely curious why modern people start from such a nonsensical premise: the idea that every problem is either solvable, or if it isn't, you shouldn't let it bother you? For crying out loud, that's just life. You face hardship and you endure it. And no, you aren't going to "fix" it. Not ever.

By the way, who brought up Vasilisa the Beautiful? Enchantress? Honey, you seem to have forgotten the gist of that story; it was probably ages ago. She didn't subject her Johnny to any trials; quite the opposite. The king put him through the wringer, he’d complain, and then Vasilisa would swoop in to save him (quite the girl... 😵 ). In that whole tale, John wasn't some macho hero proving his worth; he was more like a pushover who happened to stumble into success. Besides, he isn't even the main attraction—Vasilisa steals the entire show. 👍 (even though she doesn't show up until the second half). What did she even see in that weakling? This story was almost certainly cooked up by some man xexexexexe

Light EDIT: I actually think we might be talking about a different Vasilisa. You mention the "Beautiful," whereas I'm certain I'm thinking of the "Wise" one. The story starts with the friendship between a sparrow and a mouse—rings any bells? There's the great war between birds and beasts, a wounded eagle, a hunter who misses three times before finally taking him, raising him, and healing him, only for the bird to drop him from the sky three times to settle the score? Then the sisters from the bronze, silver, and gold cities, and those magic boxes that release castles we can't figure out how to put back inside? ... That was my favorite from the "fairytale world" collection. I must have read it at least a hundred times. But as I said, "Vasilisa" might not be that rare a name in these old stories...

There you go again.
That guy mentioned above isn't "unhappy," he's probably just in absolute agony. There's a difference. And honestly, that’s a terrible example; give me something else.

lonegardener said:Hmmmmmmm... I suppose a man feels pretty dissatisfied when he's being crucified or impaled. Believe it or not, people actually used to do that.

So, what advice do you give someone currently on a spit? Don't be upset—you can't exactly hop off the stake yourself, so there's really no point in losing sleep over it. It won't change the outcome. 😍

It's a bit of a drastic example 😬, but I am genuinely curious why modern people start from such a nonsensical premise: the idea that every problem is either solvable, or if it isn't, you shouldn't let it bother you? For crying out loud, that's just life. You face hardship and you endure it. And no, you aren't going to "fix" it. Not ever.

By the way, who brought up Vasilisa the Beautiful? Enchantress? Honey, you seem to have forgotten the gist of that story; it was probably ages ago. She didn't subject her Johnny to any trials; quite the opposite. The king put him through the wringer, he’d complain, and then Vasilisa would swoop in to save him (quite the girl... 😵 ). In that whole tale, John wasn't some macho hero proving his worth; he was more like a pushover who happened to stumble into success. Besides, he isn't even the main attraction—Vasilisa steals the entire show. 👍 (even though she doesn't show up until the second half). What did she even see in that weakling? This story was almost certainly cooked up by some man xexexexexe

Light EDIT: I actually think we might be talking about a different Vasilisa. You mention the "Beautiful," whereas I'm certain I'm thinking of the "Wise" one. The story starts with the friendship between a sparrow and a mouse—rings any bells? There's the great war between birds and beasts, a wounded eagle, a hunter who misses three times before finally taking him, raising him, and healing him, only for the bird to drop him from the sky three times to settle the score? Then the sisters from the bronze, silver, and gold cities, and those magic boxes that release castles we can't figure out how to put back inside? ... That was my favorite from the "fairytale world" collection. I must have read it at least a hundred times. But as I said, "Vasilisa" might not be that rare a name in these old stories...

I'm not saying every problem is solvable; it's just that by pure chance, some aren't.

Unresolved issues cause dissatisfaction—or maybe "a lack of satisfaction" sounds better. Why? Probably because they exist and they wreck your life today, tomorrow, and yesterday... even though they don't *have* to exist. You know what I mean? They don't have to exist because you are perfectly capable of taking action against them.
Believe it or not, I know there are problems that are unsolvable—completely impossible to fix, where there is absolutely nothing you can do to make them go away. In those cases, at least a little dissatisfaction is necessary.
But tell this smart-ass 😉 ... what's the point of being dissatisfied if you can't change anything? You just accept the situation for what it is. I'm not going to spend my entire life feeling miserable just because something is beyond my control....
The problem you live with is one that won't leave you, and you won't leave it. What's the use in fighting it? Just shake hands with it and learn to coexist. As for a reason for true dissatisfaction, don't worry, it'll find its way to you.

Christian Wells6 said:Honestly, it seems N&N has simply concocted their own unique life script. 🤣

I am inclined to believe they have selected a sort of golden heart—though, perhaps not in the literal sense of a gold bullion, but rather as an abstract, supreme value, blah, blah...

As for the colors, I find myself thinking that Snow White and her seven decent gentlemen would be a much more fitting arrangement than the usual seven dwarves. I once encountered a fellow who truly understood this concept during his university days; studying was quite his forte. I remember arriving to collect my own study guides when he remarked, quite earnestly, that his mother had strictly warned him never to open the door, given that Washington, D.C. is such a massive, unpredictable city. 😍

My own subsequent vocabulary tends to drift into the realm of adult literature. 😍

To tell you the truth, reading the Brothers Karamazov has always been my most effective sleep aid. One is usually out cold after the first two sentences.

Hahahaha 😁
Honestly, who wouldn't? I actually tried to do a quick deep dive into my own mačak today (you can imagine how awkward that looked at the local bookstore), thinking maybe I’d learn something about myself. I eventually decided to save it for another time because I know I'd just cherry-pick the parts that fit my narrative anyway. That would be straight-up self-manipulation. I guess a psychologist would probably just call it rationalization 😁

Sandra Parker3, if you ask me, I think Snow White and seven decent guys sounds much better than seven dwarves. There was this one guy who tried that line on me once—he was a total academic type, lived for studying. I showed up to pick up my study guides, and he goes: "My mom told me never to open the door; Washington, D.C. is a huge city." 😍

Tanja, let's swap out that rafting trip for something else, because there's no way I'm jumping into rough waters... whether it's a river or the ocean... that's a whole different story...
Just save me a seat at the local diner instead...
Because... I really do appreciate people with a sense of unpredictable humor... 🙂

Chloe Barnes8 said:it's not like those "sanitized" versions aren't scary enough already...

if you really sit down and look at classic fairy tales, most of them are actually pretty violent and cruel, so honestly? I’d probably ban reading them to kids altogether...🙄

True, but the original versions are straight-up bloody. I started digging into them a few years ago—bought a huge collection of the classics at work just to see what the fuss was about. I didn't finish the whole thing because it's nothing but gore, literally. We only picked it up to compare them, since even the modern retellings can be interpreted in different ways.

Christian Wells6 said:Since there’s certainly an element of truth to all of this—the whole business regarding fairy tales and those old folk stories—I found myself immediately diving into reading things like *The Girl from Space* and similar titles to my niece. My internal monologue was essentially, forget the prince; they simply aren't worth the investment...🙄

As for N&N, it isn't quite the first time I've encountered the term, though I must admit I am entirely in the dark as to what it actually entails.

Furthermore, I felt compelled to offer another observation. Is there not a certain point where the constant, obsessive tracking and broadcasting of "data"—driven by that specific sort of logic, you know the type—becomes something bordering on a need for clinical psychopathological evaluation?
I mention this merely as an example that presented itself. It is precisely the kind of persona I go to great lengths to avoid; they are simply not my crowd. In fact, one could argue that even the most seasoned psychologists wouldn't be able to make much headway here. One's only real option would be to run for the hills, and then perhaps keep running...

Yeah, whatever, let them have their Snow Whites.... they'll get them anyway, so just go find something else.

I have this one vague memory.... a dragon with god knows how many heads, a labyrinth, and all that stuff, I don't even know... maybe it's just my imagination playing tricks, but I vividly remember those specific details... 🤔

I was actually at the bookstore today, looking for a gift for a little girl. But when it comes to fairy tales, aside from those typical collections everyone knows, there's nothing unless you grab the big anthologies, and those are way too expensive for me right now.

Sandra Parker3, I haven't a clue either; it sounds familiar, but those themes are so common it's hard to pin down anything else. It also occurred to me that maybe the version in your head has been modified over time.
And not every tale has what we'd call a happy ending; maybe this one of yours is meant to teach a kid that people are unpredictable, which is actually a good lesson... a happy end... 🤷

Quincy:

I also wanted to mention something. Isn't that constant habit of tracking and feeding back "data" using logic like I know you, you are...... mature enough for a psych evaluation? I'm bringing this up as an example that presented itself. It's a personality type I avoid at all costs. It's just not my crowd. Honestly, no psychologist could help in that situation. You just run for the hills, far away............

There's an even worse version: "What do you know, you don't feel things the same way, you're just saying that, I know who you are..."
There you go, plenty of reason to start sprinting....

Chloe Barnes8 said:Man, this group shot of us is actually pretty great....🤣 🤣 👋 👍

To's subjective, I guess.
I can't really recall the whole plot of the cat story either... just bits and pieces... honestly, what a joke, yet somehow it was my absolute favorite growing up....
By the way, has anyone actually read the original fairy tales, like the ones by Grimm? Everything we were taught as kids was just some sanitized, "pretty" version. The originals are bloody as hell.... 😲

Give me a break, you three 🙄

Don't you have anything better to do than stick your nose in here? Is this actually how you choose to spend your time? 🙄

Chloe Barnes8 said:Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from..

I guess I was just a little worried about us heading down that path—you know, chasing that endless "state of pure bliss" thing. Honestly, that feels kind of psychologically unhealthy to me...

I mean, let's be real, life is basically just one long string of inconveniences and frustrations. It starts the second you wake up (like, when you're absolutely exhausted and just *really* want to stay under the covers) and it goes all the way until right before you drift off (you know, those moments when you start spiraling over existential stuff that actually matters to a ton of people, like, "will I have enough left this month to cover my electric bill and rent")...

In my opinion, how much discomfort we can actually tolerate, or how we deal with it, is pretty much the benchmark for our mental health...

Because, seriously, what are we supposed to do about the things we can't control?

What if you're dealing with a chronic illness that you're fighting your whole life? Like, if someone is managing diabetes, "just" dealing with it... man, that complicates everything. Or what if there's some heavy situation in your family that you had zero say in, but you just have to live with it...

At that point, you just have to accept the frustration and find a way to exist alongside it...

Things out of our hands are simply beyond our reach...?
Please.
You take them as they come; there's no point in making a scene over them.
Though I still wouldn't agree with being stuck in that constant state of discontent.
If you can't change something, why bother getting worked up? It’s outside your power. Being pissed off or frustrated by it doesn't solve a damn thing.
Real frustration actually comes from the things we *can* influence—the stuff we should be shaping or changing—but we choose not to.
So, ultimately, you end up being frustrated with yourself. You aren't shifting the blame onto someone else. What's the point? Every single second, you could have taken action, and right now... you aren't. That's where the frustration lives.
I had something else to say but I totally blanked.
Probably something about tolerance...

Chloe Barnes8 said:I guess I was trying to say that not all kinds of discontent are bad... or unhealthy... or some kind of benchmark for mental health or stability...

and it's not the other way around either—like being happy is a guaranteed sign of health... that's just silly stuff... don't want to be too superficial, my point is...

It actually is pretty serious. Usually, the root cause stems from something toxic in a relationship—whether that’s with someone else or just how you deal with yourself.
Dismissing any kind of discontent is superficial, even if it feels minor. I'm not saying you need to throw a tantrum over every little thing....
But if you feel like it's trivial, or that there are "bigger issues" to tackle first, you end up pushing those feelings aside. You think you're being productive by focusing elsewhere, but that suppressed feeling doesn't just vanish; it sits there, waiting for an opening or a moment of support, and it grows.

By asking that, you're basically questioning whether one's level of self-satisfaction dictates the need for professional help...

It definitely influences the need for support. Whether that means seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist, or just trying self-help... well, that comes down to choice, capability, intensity, and how much you reflect on it...

🤷 ...that's just my point.

Chloe Barnes8 said:So... yeah... I don't think I can really agree with the idea that being satisfied with yourself is the only thing that determines whether or not we need psychological help...

I mean, someone could be totally unhealthy but also incredibly full of themselves (just look at some of those politicians in D.C., they’re basically a walking gallery of people like that 😁)... on the flip side, you could be unhappy with yourself without the reasons even being that deep or "unhealthy" per se. But still, I think psychology can definitely help us see ourselves more clearly, understand our needs, and figure out how we relate to everyone else...

Self-dissatisfaction always stems from reasons that are bad enough (healthyly unhealthy) to matter.
Cut down the reasons, cut down the dissatisfaction.
Eliminate the reasons, eliminate the dissatisfaction.
🙂

Christian Wells6 said:Here are some guidelines based on the "life script" provided by 🤷

I’m curious, which story was your absolute favorite when you were under six years old?

I shall provide an explanation for this inquiry shortly. 🙄

Puss in Boots 🙂

(They kept trying to push Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Riding Hood, and all those other losers on me, but none of that ever clicked.)

Amanda Ramirez69 said:But what specifically are we talking about here?

It really comes down to the actual quality of what you’ve built and how satisfied you truly are with it, plus whether you’re actually putting in the work to fix your own messes—and if you're doing it the right way, too. Like, is it even okay to want to change things, and how much of your current situation is actually your own fault? Then there's the question of whether you're being selfish when you try to pivot from something you chose yourself rather than something forced on you, and honestly, who was I even kidding while I was playing along with all this, including myself... just all that deep stuff....
Just a bunch of philosophical rambling, I guess...
Heading out... night🙂

Look, it’s not even about whether I’m right or wrong. It’s just that something about this whole situation feels fundamentally off to me...
I can't stop questioning it.... 🙄
Whatever, things will eventually settle themselves out. Just don't expect it to happen overnight 😉

Thanks for the chat and the food for thought, heading to bed now. Goodnight 🙂

Amanda Ramirez69 said:It’s basic math—2+2=4—and things should work accordingly. We don't need to reinvent the wheel here. You either know what you want, or you don't, and that's that. Problems only start cropping up when people pretend they aren't sure. If someone doesn't want a relationship, then fine, they don't want one. If someone does want one, then they want one. I couldn't care less about the specifics; we're just overcomplicating everything...

The thing is, wanting it isn't enough; you actually have to put in the work.

Why on earth do you think that's an issue, and why does it suddenly mean I don't know what I want?

Angela Rogers2 said:Honestly, nobody can really fix this. You need shows like *Everybody Loves Raymond*—something where you can actually observe how people navigate marriage. Because if you're acting the way you are, I guess even Freud couldn't help you at this point. 😁😁😁

Maybe some marriage counselors can help out when it comes to minor disagreements, but I always end up saying the same thing: a person's character is pretty much their destiny. So, if we're talking about a hardcore, deep-seated issue... 🤷

Like what?
Besides, maybe someone just isn't looking for a relationship right now, which wouldn't be all that weird if that's the case.

@ Amanda Ramirez69, what kind of dark reproduction are you even talking about 😕

Jerry Martinez5 said:But I have to wonder, if someone struggles to find a partner for a long time, could a psychologist or a psychiatrist actually fix that issue?

What are you even getting at?
Sure, they can't just magically manifest a partner, but if there's an underlying issue within the person itself...
they need to work through it with a therapist or a psychiatrist... unless they want to keep doing things the hard way.
That’s how you clear the path toward, I don't know, finding someone or actually building a relationship....

You know perfectly well a psychiatrist isn't going to wave a magic wand and solve everything for them... I honestly don't get why you're even asking this.

Heheheh desetka, I know what rationalization is, but we all got way too tangled up in this mess, so we needed an outsider—someone like you—to untangle things... 🙄

The muscles look fake to me, honestly, the whole guy just seems off, so I have no idea who Steve is or why we're even bringing him into this now.
It feels weird to me, trying to define attraction based on traits you eventually want to pass down to your kids. Is that actually instinctual, or just some overly calculated approach?

Pheromones? I’m not convinced they actually do anything.
And I don't mean those cheap stuff products people peddle to make a quick buck, haha... 😁