Posts by Sandra Parker3

Angela Rogers2 said:Yeah, true, but I was quoting mistyharbor15. Just imagine following someone online like that, maybe for five years straight, and then you finally meet them for coffee in person and they have Touretov syndrome 😁 I think I'd actually die laughing 😁😁😁
Enchi hit the nail on the head. For example, in my circle of friends, we rarely ever bring up religion, yet religion is basically the second most important thing in my life that I check in on regularly. Hehe.

As for avatars and stuff, hmm... well, as far as I know😂 Sandra Parker3 dyed her hair again. Did something big happen? I don't know, maybe not😁

I'm curious why almost everyone with a science background uses a cat for their avatar? Have you guys noticed that?

🤣
I gotta ask, do you actually have a sense of humor, or are you just performing for this crowd? 😉........
By the way, I've only dyed my hair once, so you clearly aren't paying close attention. 🙂

Christian Wells6 said:It isn't quite that straightforward. 🙂

Ten, the moment you started bringing up gestures, body language, and all that... you really dove straight into physical appearance. When I talk about looks, I don't mean whether someone is overweight or thin or anything of that nature. I was referring specifically to their mannerisms. I find it hard to believe there are many people out there imagining anything else entirely.

The reality is that one can certainly pull a thread from all of this that is worth considering. And that thread is that everything is actually the exact opposite. In that regard, Taylor Swift is absolutely correct. You end up questioning yourself.

Enchi, I can tell. I can sense it simply by the way they write, even if they happen to be lying. I highly doubt anyone would go through the trouble of writing long, dramatic laments about things they don't truly feel. For instance, nobody who is being ignored would suddenly find themselves banned...

Yeah, you can definitely gauge it that way.
Nobody puts in that much effort to aggressively lecture about something that doesn't affect them personally.
So yeah, there’s clearly some sort of underlying interest at play here, at the very least.

The way people react to each other's reactions gives you a much more realistic picture.
Like, what exactly triggers a response.
What manages to get under someone's skin.
Or how people lash out after being provoked.
............it's everything, really. 😁

Christian Wells6 said:It isn't quite that straightforward. 🙂

Ten, the moment you started bringing up gestures, body language, and all that... you really dove straight into physical appearance. When I talk about looks, I don't mean whether someone is overweight or thin or anything of that nature. I was referring specifically to their mannerisms. I find it hard to believe there are many people out there imagining anything else entirely.

The reality is that one can certainly pull a thread from all of this that is worth considering. And that thread is that everything is actually the exact opposite. In that regard, Taylor Swift is absolutely correct. You end up questioning yourself.

Enchi, I can tell. I can sense it simply by the way they write, even if they happen to be lying. I highly doubt anyone would go through the trouble of writing long, dramatic laments about things they don't truly feel. For instance, nobody who is being ignored would suddenly find themselves banned...

Hahaha... right...
But what about the fallout from the bans themselves?
The drama surrounding warnings or temporary suspensions?
There's a whole spectrum of stuff to see... it's all pretty colorful, just like rustymaker5 was saying... 🙂

And in the end, who knows what's actually real... 🤷

rustymaker5 said:I don't spend my time obsessing over people's physical appearances, but I am endlessly fascinated by the way people choose their avatars. It’s funny how much of an impression those little icons—and even just a username—can leave on your mind when you're trying to build a mental image of someone.
For instance, I see Enchi as this delicate, gentle soul who keeps things close to the chest... then there's Labellin, where the persona seems to be a direct reflection of that specific avatar they picked. And Christian Wells6? I picture them as this loud, chaotic tornado that somehow finds its own center of peace amidst all the noise... I won't get into the men, or the ones who swap their pictures every five minutes, but man, this whole digital world is such a strange, colorful sphere to exist in...😍

Honestly, you don't even have to try; the image just kind of forms itself in your head.
That whole psychological mechanism is what interests me—how much I'm subconsciously letting these tiny details shape my perception of someone...

When it comes to avatars... does it actually reflect who they really are, or is it just the persona they want everyone else to see?
It definitely leaves an impression. We're visual creatures after all; you see the icon, and even when you aren't looking directly at it, 😉
it stays with you.

mistyharbor15 said:Maybe "escaping responsibility" is a more accurate way to put it. Like that general superficiality everywhere lately.

No, why would you think that? I mean, I get the logic behind it, but honestly, no.

If you really want to look at it that way, a certain number of us just run away from things, and whether we admit it to ourselves or not, it happens.
Whether there was a relationship involved or not, or if someone was prone to a specific type of behavior 😉
At least you're hiding out somewhere for a little while...

Chloe Barnes8 said:Hmm, okay... maybe we’re looking at a whole new psychological phenomenon here..

So, here's the thing... there are tons of people out there actively searching for a relationship in one specific place...
Yeah, most of them have college degrees (well, at least half of them do). And since everyone seems way more obsessed with staying fit these days, let's just assume a good chunk of them look pretty decent. For single people, that matters, right? So they probably put in that extra effort to look their best when they head out..

So, you've got all these attractive moments happening... educated folks, mostly physically fit, plenty of different hobbies and interests... and then what happens?

They find someone. Someone catches their eye. Sometimes it's mutual...

But because there are so many options constantly being thrown at them, a lot of people don't want to settle on just one crush. It's that whole "plenty of fish in the sea" mentality, I guess. So they end up seeing multiple people at once—some are in actual relationships, some are just "situationships," and with others, they're just flirting. It creates this totally new kind of chaos in modern dating...

And since they stay in this loop for so long, naturally, you get breakups, total meltdowns, frustration on all sides... just a lot of confusion...

And I honestly don't think it's just the people who were already prone to playing the field or juggling multiple partners. I think so many other people are getting sucked into this "model" simply because it's so accessible and becoming the new norm....😕

Exactly.

Quinn:

... because it’s just become so accessible and common lately....😕

I actually think the reason is something else entirely.
It's basically a way to escape reality.
And it's incredibly easy to mess up, specifically because of what you mentioned above—people aren't used to this, which means they aren't being careful enough.

Plus, what Enzo wrote about how it "shatters" your mental framework and moral standards...
is spot on.🙂

Angela Rogers2 said:@Taylor, I’m not talking strictly about the internet as a way for people to connect. This specific version—forums, chat rooms—is definitely one of the most interactive ways to go about it. But I guess the fundamental purpose of the internet is just moving information along. Then again, that really depends on what kind of information we're talking about, etc., etc. You could even argue that things like dating profiles or looking for soulmates fall under that umbrella😁, just another form of information.
You know how there are whole sections dedicated to people trying to recover from internet addiction? Well, those kinds of thoughts... 😉
And honestly, what physical traits am I supposed to expect behind a screen name? Personally, I'm more interested in studying psychological 😉 😁

I guess we're all studying those psychological vibes, right? 🙂
Personally, I can't separate the physical from the mental. Whether you want to or not, you build a mental image of what someone looks like.
Go ahead and try to study just one side; it’s just as fascinating.

But honestly, there's more of yourself to analyze here. 🙄
How did you even land on that specific mental image of them?
Because it changes. At least, that's how it works for me.
All it takes is changing a profile picture, and suddenly I've created a totally different persona for that user.
Of course, through the way people write, a physical image starts to emerge too.
It doesn't matter if they say something concrete... or just throw out a random comment... or whatever...
Then I start making comparisons.
And so on... it's kind of a fun little game for me.

I really do spend my time... scrolling through people...

Christian Wells6 said:The question I find myself pondering is whether one can truly craft a virtual persona on a forum—the kind of digital identity one frequents—and sustain that facade over a significant stretch of time. Now, if I were merely lurking on a site dedicated to finding a romantic partner, where most interactions fizzle out in less than a month, then yes, I suppose such a charade is entirely feasible.

However, if I am situated in a community where I intend to remain for a year or more... and my goal is to engage in meaningful conversation (and let’s be perfectly honest, I seek an immense amount of interaction), then I simply cannot, nor will I, pretend to be someone I am not. It would be utterly futile, as I would never actually achieve the connection I am searching for.

Besides, I once spent an entire night trying to fix the pages on Spark for Friends because they wouldn't load properly, and it gave me a glimpse into how some of these dialogues unfold. Honestly, I think I would have lost my mind at the very first exchange!

Hey, what's up?
Hey, nothing much, you?
Nothing, what are you doing?
Nothing, what are you doing?
Nothing.
................and then, after a long silence....

Anyone else around?
Dunno.
Anything happening?
Dunno.
What's going on?
Nothing.

And so it continues, hour after hour. 😲

No, we don't share even a shred of commonality with those types of sites. 👎
Suppose, for instance, I were to find a partner through a simple "hey" on one of those platforms, which effectively constitutes their entire conversational repertoire. On Dateline, the headline would read that she beat him to death with her bare hands after he asked her "what's up" for the 2,356th time.

😁

Christian Wells6 said:I am entirely convinced that humans are not biologically wired for monogamy; I'd say that's a hundred percent certain. However, we are also cultural beings—and when I say that, I don't mean monogamy as a set of rigid, imposed societal rules, which I tend to ignore entirely🙄 but rather in the sense of emotional exclusivity.

In that regard, I have never caused any friction or issues because, frankly, it seems pointless. Once the energy for a connection dissipates, you're both just exhausted; there isn't some external force that can reignite that spark. It has to be a mutual experience.

To be perfectly honest, I am so hyperactive—not even in a sexual sense, mind you—that the idea of seeking anything on the side has never once crossed my mind. My relationships often fall apart simply because a partner can't manage to wake up at 5:00 AM to be in San Diego by 10:00, or they lack the stamina to head down to the beach at Kačjak—or Crikva, during the summer months—on a Sunday because they just can't be bothered. Men seem to be such weary organisms, whereas I find that lack of drive quite grating.🤷

It’s Christian Wells6, but I have to admit you've got a point there... though most people would probably say the exact same thing about women. 🤷

Christian Wells6 said:There are also those individuals who have navigated their emotional dilemmas and ultimately decided to live together. Honestly, it tends to be a far more sensible decision if there are children involved. It spares you the grueling, twenty-four-seven mental exhaustion that usually precedes a divorce. They remain excellent friends, though I highly doubt they are sharing a bed; I truly don't believe it reaches that level of intimacy.

That's a relatively rare scenario. You have to be on the same page, work through all the heavy stuff, and not be looking for a new long-term commitment, otherwise the whole thing is pointless and you just end up right back where you started.

Jonathan Mitchell said:To me, a "vicious Circle" means it's hard to figure out how much of what we call guilt is actually ours, versus just swallowing values handed down by others. When you hit a certain age and start questioning those deep-seated beliefs, things get ugly—you realize people say one thing, do another, and you have no clue what they're really thinking. It leaves you doubting everything. If you don't feel like deconstructing every single thing shoved into your head during your childhood, fine. You can be a happy person, ignoring the past, present, and future...
But once life hits you with something heavy, those doubts float right to the surface. And honestly? I think my generation is defined by doubt—blaming the ones before us, or blaming ourselves...
I grew up with a completely different set of values. Today, my kids are learning that most of it is total garbage...
The bottom line? The whole thing is a mess...
So, some people swim through it better than others... but you, you see it as an inability to change and just making peace with it.
I’m definitely not the type to just "make peace" with nonsense, though I know there's still a lot of mental clutter in my own head that needs sorting out.
But hey, I'm lazy!
Most people operate this way, or else we'd all end up in an asylum, at war with ourselves and the world...🤷 😂 😛

Just try using a spiral instead of a Circle 😵
A Circle has no beginning, no end, and no exit—just some messy blur inside...
But a spiral builds on itself and keeps moving forward... 😁

As for the doubt, honestly, I think it's perfectly fine.

Everything stuck in your "head" can be worked through, you lazybones (welcome to the club)🙄
And you won't end up in an asylum because of it.
You'll eventually feel when it's getting to be too much and know when to stop.
Take a break.
Then pick it back up and blah blah blah... 😁

rustymaker5 said:It’s just a fact of life that every single one of us carries both light and dark sides within us... you can't really have one without the other, because if you did, you wouldn't even be able to define who you are in the first place.
The whole thing really boils down to balance. That tiny little fraction that tips the scales toward one side or the other... well, that comes down entirely to our own choices, our conscience, our morals, and honestly, just how self-aware we actually are about our true nature.
The second you start feeling that pang of guilt, it means that—at least for a fleeting moment—we made the wrong call, or at the very least, we realize there was a better path we could have taken instead.
What matters most is making sure we don't let outside forces dictate how we feel or try to force any kind of guilt upon us... as long as it's coming from within ourselves, we can actually learn to handle it.

Maybe we actually made the right choice, but we just haven't figured out how to live with it yet. Is that where that feeling comes from?
We can work through it and push past it 🙂

But regardless, we made our choice, whether driven by our gut or someone else's pressure.

Jonathan Mitchell said:I wouldn't say it's easier to deal with our own guilt... honestly, it's just one big vicious cycle. And that "internal" guilt is built up because we're social creatures and all that...
But I couldn't care less what my neighbor down the street thinks. What would actually kill me is if someone I actually love and respect had something to say about it. For myself? That's the hardest part to forgive...

A "vicious cycle" makes it sound like change is impossible. And like finding peace is out of reach.

Fear? There’s a flip side to everything, right?
The thing is, when we set our own moral standards, we basically leave ourselves plenty of room to feel guilty about it too. 😉
Autocorrect?
Balance?

Samuel Miller21 said:That is precisely the point. Humans are creatures designed for attachment, yet the moment we attach ourselves to something, we surrender a portion of our autonomy. Consider a mother: she is significantly less free in her daily actions than a woman without children, yet that mother possesses a much richer emotional life—even if it comes at the expense of certain freedoms.
A mother has far less time to focus solely on herself; she is constrained by the constant worry for her child, and she faces the weight of guilt whenever she steps out for a moment and leaves them with a nanny or a sitter.

Freedom feels wonderful when one is being suppressed—when one is under the thumb of overbearing parents, an obsessive partner, a demanding spouse, a grueling job, or a stifling environment. In those moments, freedom is like oxygen; without it, we would suffocate.

On the other hand, a person who is entirely free is someone who depends on no one emotionally—someone whom no one can trigger with feelings of guilt or fear. In other words, they are someone completely detached from the rest of humanity.
And such a level of freedom is actually unbearable for a human being; it is the precipice where one might reach for a gun and end it all. (It is quite similar to the first scenario, where one is utterly suffocated.)

Humanity is always oscillating between these two extremes: total freedom and the complete absence of it.
Both the total lack of freedom and absolute, unattached freedom are intolerable for a person who simultaneously craves individuality (following their own inner impulses) and feels a fundamental need to connect with others.

Look, I completely disagree with you here.
Being a mom doesn't automatically make you less free than someone who isn't.
At the end of the day, everyone sets their own boundaries—or lives by the ones already set for them.

A woman with a child who is actually free in her soul might deal with way less fear and guilt than someone else who’s totally shackled by social expectations and rigid norms.

I don't get why you think leaving a kid with a sitter or anyone else should cause guilt at all. 😕
And honestly, what kind of guilt develops when you stay home all the time just to avoid feeling bad about handing them off to someone else?
It's just guilt turned inward or projected onto others...
I really don't follow your logic....

Oh right, I almost forgot. We aren't seeing eye to eye on this one either.
The idea that having a kid leads to a "richer emotional life" 😕
Why would that be? And apparently, according to you, at the cost of your freedom too....
I think the balance between freedom and emotional depth works a little differently than that.... 🙂

So "amoral."

You nailed it, rustymaker5 (that second part of your post) 🙂

(ugh, I'm so tired)

Was just reading.
Every time we get attached to someone?
Well, we’re constantly in some kind of relationship, whether it's obvious or not.
Fear of loss? Please, no way.
In my opinion, freedom isn't actually freedom if the cost is The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
Actually, let me rephrase: if the price is unbearable, then what's the point? Why bother enjoying its benefits?

So we end up circling back to guilt, right?
When the price tag gets that high, you start feeling guilty toward yourself... or toward someone else.
But that’s not quite it.

You know what true freedom feels like? Right now. It's the fact that I logged back on just to give you an answer.
And I don't feel guilty about it. Not by my own standards, anyway. A while ago, I wouldn't have even thought to mention it. 🙂

Just one more thing:

Samuel Miller21 said:I wouldn't go so far as to say that human nature is inherently free.
Just look at how many ways we tend to torment ourselves, even when there isn't some external "whip" driving us.
We all carry internal mechanisms designed to restrict our own freedom; human nature is actually quite far from being truly liberated.
Freedom is one extreme, and total subjugation is the other. Humans always exist somewhere in the middle. We are constantly seeking a balance—when we lack freedom, we dream of it, but when we are free, we often find ourselves searching for something to bind us to, or some way to submit.

People don't just aim for some "middle ground."

Free from what, exactly?
If you're thinking about getting into a relationship, you don't necessarily have to be "free" to do that.

And even then, I don't think anyone is looking to "bind" themselves or "submit" in the way you're describing.

Also, yeah, I agree that morality is an internal compass, not something forced on us from the outside. But isn't having that internal code enough to make someone "unfree"?

And if the cost of staying true to yourself is too high... then that's not really freedom, Samuel Miller21.
The concept of "cost" is also an internal judgment. It's about being able to look yourself in the mirror. 🙂

@fr., I'm actually heading to bed now; I'll go back and read through this rambling mess once I'm sober................. 🙂

I don't think we can ever truly shake off guilt, fear, or any intense emotion—at least, not if we want to stay human.
If we strip everything down to the bare essentials and cut out the destructive stuff (whenever that actually happens), we might find something resembling freedom. Right now, though, that "freedom" just feels like my own inner demon.

The trouble starts when you've spent a lifetime holding yourself back, living unfree, or carrying around this deep-seated sense of guilt you either inherited or picked up along the way...
(And look, blaming others doesn't help; it only helps explain why we act the way we do.)
...just like anything else that's suddenly let off the leash, we're bound to make some wrong moves.
From what I've dealt with personally, I’ve definitely regretted things I did purely on instinct—stuff I never would have done before. It happened because I finally allowed myself to react exactly how I wanted to. Without the shackles. I should have probably waited a beat before deciding, but since freedom feels so damn good, there's no immediate sense that I'm being reckless or making mistakes.
But honestly? That’s fine. It’s okay... because it's progress, which is better than constantly obsessing over who I might accidentally hurt.

Total freedom, much like any other "ideal," isn't actually achievable. But a version of freedom tailored to each of us? That's definitely within reach.

One more thing: it's much easier to start the journey of freeing yourself from guilt than it is to try and shed something else:
specifically, the perfect little control mechanism where you pin the blame on someone else just to secure a flawless alibi.
You should never feel guilty for making your own free choices.

Anyway, as much as I'm drifting off-topic here...🤷

@ frikuscha, you know when we end up running in circles? When we overthink everything too much.😉

Chris Sanchez11 said:👍
I think
Kyle Nelson2
touched on this quite a bit. At the end of the day, we're all our own worst dictators. We just call it conscience, morality, or ethics to make it sound better. But how does a person even get to that point? 🙂

Oh yeah, he always writes the best stuff 😉

Honestly, I don't care much about the backstory.
What matters to me is how you dial back that internal dictatorship so you can actually live with yourself.

Besides, if freedom just means being shackled to responsibility—where responsibility breeds fear of failure, which then drags in guilt—is that even true freedom?
Something in that chain feels broken. 😉
If responsibility didn't automatically trigger fear... maybe there wouldn't be any guilt tied to our choices at all?

Anyway, I'm rambling again...

"The devil within" is just who we really are when the mask slips.

edit:
It's us without any guilt, having given ourselves permission—basically "forgiving" ourselves—to be flawed, regardless of how we look to ourselves or everyone else.

I'm not religious, so I don't have a higher power telling me what to do; I'm my own dictator.

I’m honestly just dying to know how she actually tried to 🙄

The underlying causes can vary wildly, and while hormonal imbalances are often the culprit, they aren't the only possibility. You really have to pin that down first, otherwise, you're just looking at a completely different treatment plan.
So, you basically have to go back to square one and start the diagnostic process from scratch.........

hiddentrucker40 said:I can't believe I'm actually sitting here typing this out, but honestly, sometimes you just have to vent because nothing else seems to work. How much? Is medical treatment actually free?
Do I actually need to have a parent present for this? Because honestly... I'm embarrassed. I should probably discuss this with my own people...

Treating what exactly?
What kind of increased hairiness are parents even failing to notice?