dustymarlin10 said:I don't know, feels like the ship might have already sailed on this one. She's way too set in her ways at this point.
Maybe she'll eventually come back to her senses, but when it comes to things like finishing school or getting her life on track, I'm worried she's already missed the boat.
Unfortunately, she'll have to foot the bill herself. Once she feels that sting in her own wallet, maybe then she'll actually start acting right.🤷
dustymarlin10 said:Honestly, I’m worried it might be too late at this point. You really have to shut that stuff down the second it starts showing up.
My daughter is basically living proof that if you handle things early, everything turns out just fine.
nah, don't be like that. as long as they're still under your roof, there's hope. if you just throw in the towel, then you really failed as a parent. you can still help them out.
Gregory Wells6 said:Nia got in through her connections. She was a straight-A student back in elementary school—honestly, a 4.0 GPA kind of kid—so getting into her current school was a breeze. But that’s actually where the trouble starts: she just doesn't care about anything anymore. It used to be so different! She was always sketching, attending art workshops, playing tennis, and taking language classes—her English is basically perfect, by the way. Then puberty hit, and suddenly, everything that once sparked her interest just vanished. Now? Her entire world revolves around hanging out at local coffee shops, a cigarette dangling from her lip, a beer in one hand, and some guy in the other. She won't read, she won't engage in hobbies, she's even stopped watching TV. She just retreats to her room to stare at the wall listening to loud, mindless pop music or stays glued to her phone—and even then, I usually have to practically force her to stay indoors. She’d much rather be out on the streets 24/7. On top of all that, she’s latched onto this "golden boy" who is six years older than her. He’s unemployed, has zero education, a criminal record for theft, and honestly, he has even less common sense than she does right now. Every single second she isn't in class, she’s with him. And if I dare ask her to help out with something around the house? She loses it—starts acting crazy and accuses me of being jealous. I feel like I've tried everything. I've driven her everywhere, opened every door possible, and offered endless opportunities just to see if something might finally click and reignite her passion. But she refuses to talk to me about her future, and heaven forbid I even mention school—she just shuts down and tunes me out completely. What would you do if you were dealing with a child like this?
Look, if she doesn't care about school—and we all know she's gotta graduate eventually—just tell her to go hit up the unemployment office. If she’s so grown up like she claims, let her go find a job. I'm not footing the bill for her food and clothes for free. That’s exactly what we told our kid, and it worked. He finally got his head in the game. There were tears, plenty of them, but he finally said he wanted to focus on school. Of course, we told him he had to prove it. Nowadays, I still have to nag him because the internet is always more tempting, but his grades are decent enough. The only time we really clash is when he goes silent on us; then we're right back to square one.🤷
Zenabr1 As specified by James Lee12: The fundamental issue here is that there simply aren't many people like you; most individuals lack that genuine, intrinsic drive to actually master what they are studying. We spend all our time debating the ethics of hiding grades or masking academic performance, but by the time the truth finally comes to light, the damage is already done. It is far too late at that stage to attempt any meaningful course correction.😉
Which school is she attending now? And was that actually her own decision, or was it something forced upon her? I spent my high school years acting out and being difficult, mostly because I had absolutely zero interest in attending a prep school—though my parents were relentless about forcing that path on me. It was the exact same story when I started college. The older generation decided what my major "should" be, practically brainwashed me into accepting their vision, and... well, I dropped out before the first semester was even over.
Is there truly no way to pique her interest? You need to find a method to frame this as something genuinely compelling rather than just another tedious, soul-crushing obligation that she’ll inevitably resent. It is entirely plausible that they are keeping things under wraps simply out of fear regarding how people will react. That was certainly my own motivation, and if I recall correctly, it was the driving force for most of my peers as well.
He's in vocational school, strictly because his dad picked it for him, but the kid is totally checked out. Everything's boring to him, everything's stupid, and everyone is just getting on his last nerve.🤷,
Emily Bailey2 said:I am certainly not boasting here; the entire point of my argument has been missed entirely. It is an undeniable truth that everyone operates differently. For instance, being micromanaged or facing arbitrary restrictions does nothing for me but spike my blood pressure and systematically destroy whatever shred of motivation I have left. That said, I am fully aware that I am studying for my own sake, not to satisfy some group of elderly bureaucrats. Of course, I occasionally stumble, but when I do, I possess enough personal accountability to rectify the situation within a reasonable timeframe. I do this not because I am under some mandate or because someone is breathing down my neck, but because it is what I *choose* to do. Ultimately, everything hinges on internal motivation. While certain individuals might find discipline through strict prohibitions, such tactics only serve to irritate me, and once I am in a foul mood, my ability to study evaporates completely. Regardless, despite these "flaws" I am supposedly bragging about, I am bringing my studies to a close with excellent grades. Why? Because I want this. Because it interests me. Because I actually enjoy the process. I am driven by genuine interest, not by coercion or external pressure.
The thing is, there aren't many people like you. You actually give a damn about what you're learning. We talk about hiding grades, but by the time anyone finds out they're bad, it's already too late to fix anything.😉
Harold Flores4 said:Heh... I actually managed to pull one over on them. Look, I’m not saying he shouldn't get his unit, but until things actually get squared away, there’s just no way he’s getting any time out on the town. It’s pretty obvious that he’s got every reason to avoid those outings, and honestly, whenever he does end up having to face the music, he’s going to try to fix the situation as fast as humanly possible just to get back to his life. Of course there were a few attempts at sneaking around, but since I’m basically checking the news feed every fifteen minutes, everything gets sniffed out pretty much immediately. Once that happens, he just puts me on lockdown until I make things right, plus whatever extra days we agreed upon to make up for him keeping quiet about his hookups. There's no actual pressure being applied here, though; it’s just the deal we made between us and we both need to stick to it. He expects us to honor every single promise and agreement we've laid out, and honestly, we expect the exact same level of accountability from him. He tried pulling that stuff two or three times, but it won't be happening again.
and then we just cut off the Wi-Fi. Since he’s stuck inside anyway, that’s his only real outlet. Once the internet goes down, you'll see how fast he starts acting right.😂😂
Honestly, whenever I hear an ambulance siren wailing nearby, I just lose it. Total panic mode. My brain immediately jumps straight to the absolute worst-case scenario.
The absolute worst thing about how things work around here is this whole culture of hiding grades. Honestly, all it does is screw over the student, not anyone else.🤷
Look, my kid's 17, right? Claims he’s got a girlfriend, but honestly, I think it's total BS. Kid barely leaves the house—like, maybe three times a year tops. He's basically glued to his PC playing games all day🤷, so if they actually hang out, who knows... maybe after school or something🤷
Harold Flores4 said:Yeah... it really isn't easy... especially since he still hangs out with the "normal" crowd too... so it's not like he's exclusively running with the guys who cause trouble. I want to be clear that I don't have any major issues with him personally, more or less... when he goes out to parties or big bashes, I'm the one driving him and his crew home, so I see firsthand how some of those guys act versus how he actually carries himself. I realize I don't have any right to go around forbidding him from doing anything... he respects our agreements most of the time, even if there's a bit of pushback now and then, but I can't help the constant fear sitting in the back of my mind about whether he'll always stay this responsible.
Of course they will be. No parent is totally chill about it—when your kid is out late, between all the typical teenage drama and worrying if they're actually gonna make it home in one piece or get jumped by some jerk... it's a lot. When mine goes out, I'm wide awake until I hear the door click. We don't even have a car, so he has to rely on the bus or something, which sucks. You've definitely got it easier since you can just pick him up when he calls; all I can tell mine is "grab an Uber and we'll cover it."🤷
Harold Flores4 said:But how? How are you supposed to actually pull someone away from a social circle that's clearly dragging them down? My buddy is dealing with the same kind of questionable crowd, but I don't really have any major issues with him personally... he isn't drinking heavily... or doing drugs (as far as I know, anyway)... even though some of the people he hangs out with definitely are.
Look, my friends finally realized what was actually going on and they just cut ties. Period. Just went cold turkey. They kept showing up to work, she stayed home, locked the doors, took a gap year, lost her old crew... gave her all that time to actually sit there and think. Luckily, she used that time for something good. It ain't easy, trust me, but you can still steer people back toward the right path if you try hard enough.👍
Jessica Hayes82 said:Between a tiny baby and a 14-year-old son (aka puberty in full swing) plus a 10-year-old (aka puberty is right around the corner), my house is a whirlwind. Dear Jesus and God... all I hear is a constant loop of "no," "gross," "ew," "boring," "I don't know," "this sucks," and "you guys are all so clueless." We even tried letting him have a puff of a cigarette once (thankfully he hated it) and a sip of beer (so far he just thinks it’s bitter and gross)... but GIRLS!!! That's the only thing that matters to him now. Nothing else stands a chance.
There you have it.🤷
Mine tried smoking at 14 and thought it was revolting, but now at 16 he’s doing it regularly—not even trying to hide it anymore. He’ll grab a beer, tried some whiskey, maybe some wine🤷, but whatever he does, it always ends with the same old comment about how I'm being hysterical or dealing with PMS🤷
Gregory Wells6 said:I feel like I’ve been navigating the teenage years through various stages of chaos with almost everyone in my orbit. First, there was my former brother-in-law—back when I married my brother, he was just ten and we all lived under one roof. Then came the divorce, followed by my marriage to a truly wonderful, patient man who has three sons from a previous marriage. So, here I am dealing with his three boys hitting their stride—he’s the one doing all the heavy lifting with them since their mom checked out—and my own daughter, who is right around the same age as his youngest. Even our friends' kids are in that same rough patch—mostly boys, too. But this whirlwind my daughter is currently putting us through? I have never seen anything quite like it. When you multiply all those variables together... well, it's overwhelming. I’ve stopped sweating the messy rooms, but the sheer defiance? That nearly knocked me off my feet. People actually ask me, "How can you let her talk to you like that?" and honestly, I’m trying my best to stand my ground, but I am reaching my breaking point. Her stubbornness, the mood swings, the outbursts, and that sudden surge of resentment... it's exhausting. It makes me wonder—are some people just born with a streak of malice? People love to say that children are simply reflections of their parents, but I can't bring myself to agree with that. This behavior she's displaying? She certainly didn't pick it up from us. There hasn't been a hint of drugs, smoking, drinking, or any kind of reckless behavior in our house—not even laziness or a lack of hygiene, despite how much of a mess she lives in. The part that truly drives me up the wall is how endless this feels! It’s like a marathon with no finish line. You find yourself hoping that tomorrow might bring a little peace, only to find that every day is actually getting harder. It’s enough to make anyone lose their mind!
Maybe try cutting her loose from whatever crowd she’s hanging out with🤷. Our buddies went through the exact same thing with their daughter at that age—bad crowd, drugs, staying out until sunrise. They had to go hard on her to fix it. She stayed home for three months straight, then transferred to a new school, got a job, worked five days a week, and now she’s married and doing great. Like, it’s a totally different person.🤷
Look, we’ve seen stuff like this before, but never on this kind of scale. Back in the day, things weren't constantly blowing up in everyone's faces like they are now. It's just the way life moves in America these days—we're barely even home to see our own kids, and when we actually *are* there, we spend the whole damn time just trying to figure out how to talk to them without an argument breaking out. Thank God I'm not dealing with the heavy stuff yet, but man, it drives me insane seeing the bedroom looking like a freaking bomb went off. Half the clothes are scattered across the floor, the rest is shoved into some corner... it's a disaster. They aren't going out much yet, and honestly, I'm not even gonna waste my energy trying to track their every move or guessing when they might actually decide to show up again. My daughter has a curfew of 9 PM—maybe later in the summer—and luckily she’s mostly just hanging at the park with her friends. Then there's the 17-year-old, still glued to his chair, living his entire life through a gaming headset.
wiredcanyon25 said:Reading this nightmare makes me wonder if I was the one who wrote it... It feels like my own story, just with one difference—I have an 11-year-old boy... He's basically in a constant state of mood swings and chaos... Puberty has already started hitting him, and his attitude... which was always a bit much... has gone through the roof... One minute there's warmth and conversation, and the next, everything falls apart if things don't go his way. He'll sulk, pout, and complain even more than when he was a baby... And he was such a sweet, smiling little thing back then. I find myself wondering where this grumpy kid came from... I read a ton of books, and even with a background in education, nothing seems to work—not being gentle and not being strict either...
It makes me feel a little less alone. I'll probably be back here to vent again soon...
Look, if it helps you feel better, he'll probably stay like this until he's 15, then he'll chill out. That's how it went for everyone we know in the States🤷
Look, everything I just listed? It’s all the same deal. We're talking kids—a 12-year-old girl and a 17-year-old guy. But if you actually ask them for help, it’s always the same old song and dance. They'll grumble through it, sure, but it’s constant whining: "Can't I do it tomorrow?" or "Why does it have to be me right now?" If you send them down to the corner store for something, they'll give you that attitude like it's some huge injustice, or they'll just sulk. I try to let them do their own thing up to a point, but when I genuinely need a hand, yeah, there might be a little yelling involved before they actually step up. I get it, we're all stressed out and dealing with our own crap, but honestly, we've gotta find some middle ground somewhere.😉
Gregory Wells6 said:I really hope you’re right and that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, that little bit of hope is what keeps me going—though I just wish it wouldn't take forever to get there. It feels like it happens so suddenly, almost overnight. One evening, you have your sweet little angel tucked into bed, and by the next morning, you're dealing with a tiny, grumpy monster. Then come the lies. Just yesterday, they were the most honest kid in the world; now, you can't even trust your own ears when they look you in the eye. Before you even know what hit you, your house feels like a madhouse (especially if you're raising a daughter). Boys tend to burn off that frantic energy through sports, but girls? Their moods shift every three seconds from pure euphoria to total despair. One moment they're laughing and giving you a hug, and the next, they're slamming doors and throwing hysterics like they've been struck by lightning. Suddenly, "tidiness" is a foreign concept, schoolwork feels like science fiction, and every basic responsibility is treated like a heavy burden imposed by a tyrant. And when you're a single parent like me, all that redirected tension lands squarely on your shoulders—you become the scapegoat for everything. It’s terrifying; I am genuinely dreading the teenage years! Unfortunately, everyone seems to focus on one thing: how hard it is for the kids during puberty. Does anyone ever stop to ask the parents how *they* are doing, or how they're managing all this chaos? No one prepares you for the reality of what to expect, and nobody gives you a manual on how to handle it. All you can do is pray to Quincy that your child doesn't turn out like mine—or worse, veers toward something dark like self-harm.
I am 100% with you on this. Sorry I didn't jump in sooner, I just got home from the hospital. Seriously, nobody asks how the parents are holding up. Everyone is so busy saying, "Oh, poor kids going through puberty," but where are we in all this?