Jesse Fowler82 said:Look, everyone has the right to feel abandoned when they hit a massive health crisis—it hurts like hell. I became disabled at 35, and honestly, it feels like my whole world just sank. Everyone keeps telling me to "fight it" and that "everything will be fine," but that’s easy to say. Who knows, maybe I missed the mark with this forum too, but I don't even feel like I have a lifeline to grab onto anymore.
By the way, what happened to me isn't a death sentence in real life, but it makes intimacy incredibly awkward. Basically, I had an ileostomy—essentially having part of the large intestine removed. I'm forced to wear a bag for the rest of my life, and even though it's been a month since the surgery, I haven't come to terms with it. My girlfriend left me, my friends look at me with pity—which is the last thing I need—and family, well, family is family; they're both supportive and judgmental at the same time. It’s brutal seeing healthy people around you who turn their backs because of a physical flaw, leaving you feeling completely isolated. I've been sliding into depression lately, and I honestly don't know if I'll pull through, but I'm fighting and I'm not giving up. The worst part is that I feel like I've shrunk my chances of building what I wanted most: a family and true happiness. I have this gut feeling that people find it repulsive, especially women—that "who would ever want me like this?" thought is devastating. Fine, I'll stay alone if I have to, but what kind of life is this, I ask you...
Regarding medications, I've been following the posts above. There is one amazing supplement that you can't buy here in the States, but you can order it from abroad—it's called Shilajit, and I highly recommend it to everyone. I know people who have taken it, and since then, they've been using it constantly, not to mention it seems to extend their lives. If you need any advice on it, let me know... You can read more about it at www.evalar.ru
"Do not fear, you are not alone,
there are others besides you, unknown to you, living your life
and everything that flees you, hears you, and what burns
within them with the same fervor, beauty, and purity"
Tin Ujević, "Brotherhood of Faces in Space"
I can't claim to know what it's like to live with a bag, but I do know that once you accept the reality, anything is possible!
From my perspective, you lost a piece of your anatomy, but you gained so much more. You got a clean break—a filter that showed you exactly who your fake friends were and which girlfriend never truly loved the real you.
Still, I have to ask: didn't you perhaps push them away yourself with your attitude and behavior? For instance, by surrendering yourself entirely to self-pity and depression?
Take a hard look in the mirror. Listen, this is your reality now; you have to deal with what you have, accept it, and move forward. Refusing to accept it is just standing still and slamming your head against a brick wall that won't budge. You aren't the only person in the world facing something like this. People move on, rebuild their lives, and live perfectly normal lives—they have families, jobs, little joys, and hobbies. Drawing a line under your life at your age just because of one "minor" handicap (and let's be honest, there are people dealing with much more severe physical impairments) is just foolish. Get moving, because you've actually been given a chance to build a much happier and more fulfilled life than the one you had before.
http://s156.photobucket.com/albums/t...idenemozes.flv