fadedranger2 said:Lately, I’ve been spiraling quite a bit over my scars. It’s becoming a massive weight on my shoulders, especially since I’m nearing graduation and constantly worrying about my future career and how my colleagues might perceive me. I didn't dwell on it this much before, but during a recent internship, I finally saw a glimpse of where I might actually end up working, and honestly, I felt such intense shame that I kept my arms covered in long sleeves just so no one would see. Since then, I haven't been able to stop wondering what people will think of me. My parents have definitely fueled this anxiety; they've warned me that it’ll be awkward and specifically mentioned that during job interviews—where there might even be a psychologist present—I should wear long sleeves to avoid any "problems." I feel terrible, and despite everyone claiming that physical appearance doesn't matter, we all know deep down that people notice everything.
To give you an idea, I have about 50 scars on my body from several years of self-harming. Thankfully, that chapter of my life is behind me, but the marks remain. The hardest part is that they're on my arms. They aren't all huge, and I don't have dozens scattered everywhere, but there are a few that are quite visible, not to mention if the inner part of my upper arms gets exposed. 👎 When I go to the beach, it isn't a big deal if I'm with friends who already know my history, but if I were with strangers, I’d feel absolutely mortified because once I'm in a swimsuit, everything is on display. I feel like I'll just look "crazy" or unstable because of them; my arms look like I've been through a war zone, especially in the sunlight when even the faintest lines become obvious. It’s a heavy feeling to carry. Not to mention, it just feeds right back into my social anxiety. 😢
I doubt anyone here can offer firsthand professional advice, but I figured I'd ask anyway. Does anyone have any perspective? What would you honestly think if a colleague walked in with scars like mine? I also find myself fearing the future—like when I eventually have children. I worry they'll be embarrassed by their mom, and I'll feel uncomfortable around other people. You can't change the past, but living with it isn't easy at all.
I mean, you wouldn't even judge based on that alone—so why on earth would you think anyone else would?
You’re making a wrong assumption here—you really think there aren't empathetic people out there? There are plenty who actually get that life and its messiness can push someone to a breaking point... right?
Quincy:
| If I were the one hiring someone to deal with customers in a government office all day—and I had two people with the exact same credentials—I’d definitely go with the person who looks more conventional. Like, why pick someone with tattoos covering their entire arms or something that just stands out that much? Wouldn't you want someone a bit more low-key for that kind of role? |
Scars aren't even that big of a deal compared to tattoos—I mean, people always jump to conclusions about tattoos being "eccentric," right? Scars... they just look like you've actually lived through something—an accident or an injury—you know?
I mean, come on—there are plenty of tattooed people working in government jobs anyway, especially if they just wear long sleeves... right?
Maybe start off wearing a long-sleeve shirt—I mean, nobody shows up to a job interview in a tank top anyway, right? Then, once you actually get to know them, you can show those scars and be real about your past. They’ll respect you for having the guts to be honest...
Once you prove yourself through pure quality—once you actually become indispensable—nobody’s gonna care about those old scars anymore, right? They won't even try to link your past baggage to the work you're doing... or the work you're capable of doing.
Man, I’m really sorry to hear that your parents are just bringing you down more—instead of actually being there to lift you up? That's rough.
But then you're gonna have to handle that all on your own—if you really want to go through with it?