I was re-reading a column by Darko Macan today, titled as Picasso. He tells this story about how he once settled a bar tab just by sketching something on demand for the waiter—it reminded him of that old anecdote about Picasso paying his restaurant bill with a quick doodle on a napkin. It’s a short read, you can check it out here, though you don't really need to. There's this one quote at the very end that sticks with you:
Believe in everything you want to happen as if it's already yours, because reality is never quite as intense as your imagination. Reality is just imagination, only paler.
(The rest says something about not wanting to hold an ace up your sleeve for everyone we meet, but let's ignore that for now)
Do you guys agree with that? Is imagination actually more vivid than reality? Does it depend on the person? How? And if you actually believed this was true, how would it change the way you live your life? Maybe I posted this in the wrong section... maybe it belongs in Psychology or even the Lifestyle corner 😁, but I couldn't think of a better spot for this thought.
hiddenhawk3 said:well, if you're that happy, then congrats, I guess.
maybe take those childhood issues up with a therapist.
@Arthur Barnes, not every girl has a childhood best friend they could actually fall for.
but honestly, most of the time it's true because platonic friendships between men and women barely exist anyway.
🤷
I didn't say it had to be someone from childhood. You meet people along the way, and over a few years, they turn out to be absolutely amazing. And if they love you, wouldn't it be incredible if we could just choose to love them back? But we can't. It either happens or it doesn't.
If it's only halfway there, I think that's just settling... or desperation... or just craving closeness.
silentcobra14 said:Look, nothing is ever perfect. There's always going to be something lacking in a partner. Since I struggle with depression, I have to wonder: am I chasing some impossible standard of perfection that doesn't exist? Am I setting myself up to spend my whole life alone and miserable because I can't let things go? Maybe I'm just being too picky and asking for the moon, I don't know... For now, everything in my current relationship is actually wonderful, and my wife is incredible...
Maybe. I don't know, I don't really know you. And honestly, even if I did, would it even matter?
It's possible, but that's something you have to figure out on your own...
driftinggull21 says: I don't see what the joke is.🤷 I'm just looking at his situation and how he keeps trying to turn love into some math equation. If we have to talk percentages, wouldn't it be better to be the one who's loved more? Right?🤔
>
It just doesn't match reality. Because if it did, I bet way more girls would choose to fall for a close friend they've known for years over some random jerk who gave them a certain look.😉
And honestly, whether you're the one loved more isn't really the point of his problem or this whole debate... since you can't control feelings anyway.
driftinggull21 said:@silentcobra14 If you believe you need professional assistance regarding your mental health, I certainly support you seeking it. We have a dedicated thread on Psychosofa providing recommendations for psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists; please review it.
Regarding relationship issues: I have heard all sorts of advice, but one of the best is simply, "love the person who loves you"😉. Love doesn't always need to be a "tsunami," but if you love this girl and things are good between you, stop overcomplicating it. And why on earth would you tell her, "you love me 60%, while I love you 40%"?🤷 That will almost certainly result in a breakup or, at the very least, leave her deeply hurt. If you see a future with her, then commit to it; if not, be honest, talk it out, and go your separate ways.
Above all, work on yourself first before making decisions that could fundamentally alter the course of your life.
So you think we can actually control who we fall for or how much? Lol.
Chloe Hughes6 said:What you are experiencing is nothing more than a psychological projection of an underlying sense of inadequacy manifesting itself.
That’s definitely one way to look at it. Needs testing though...
Because I don't see a pattern here—it's not like he's been in five different relationships where he ALWAYS feels like he isn't in love enough, it's just this one. Let's not jump to conclusions. It's just as possible that she simply doesn't have that "something" he needs... something he might find with someone else.
I think you’re actually doing her a disservice by sticking around when you aren't even sure of yourself... whatever the reason might be. It's always easier to blame something internal, or worse, point to something external we can't control, like depression... 😉
Look, "objectively" speaking, everything might check out. You could have great communication, amazing sex, mutual understanding... all that stuff. To the "average person"—and I don't mean that as an insult, just strictly in terms of statistical averages—that would be plenty. They wouldn't see anything missing, they'd be happy, everything would be fine. But it doesn't matter how that "average person" feels. It only matters how *you* feel. It doesn't even matter if you're "normal" or not. If you find yourself trapped in this loop of thinking, "If I were normal, this would be enough," or some variation of that... just stop. Just stop it. Why? Because it doesn't matter. You are who you are, and you can't use logic to change your emotions. Ever. If they aren't enough for you, there isn't a single thing you can do to fix that. No amount of self-improvement is going to change how you feel about her.
If you're considering seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, it should be to work through past trauma from being mistreated. Because right now, the idea that you just aren't "in love enough" because she's more invested than you are... that's just a hypothesis. It's possible, sure, but you don't know for sure. Only doing the work—whether with a pro or on your own—will help you find the answer. Once you know, then you'll know. There's also the possibility that she simply isn't the one for you. Maybe you'll meet someone else who is head over heels for you, and you won't have any of these doubts. But until something happens, we're just guessing. Either way, I think you need to be honest with her and tell her what's bothering you, even if you haven't been together long.
So how do you even tell this apart from just a regular crush? At the end of the day, you're the only one who knows what's going on inside your own head. If you feel like it isn't enough... then it isn't. Doesn't matter what anyone else says.
How do you actually know you're in love with her? And how is this different from everything else you've felt before... Have you ever been this crazy about someone?
Kevin Chavez3 said:I was just about to call the Best Buy over at the local mall to see if they got the tickets, only to find out these retail stores don't even have phones 🤣
They actually do. I got a call from one today. If you don't mind driving out to the suburbs, I can give you the number so you can check if they have any left...
quietwalker17 said:when Alice Cooper climbed up on the speaker and tossed the mic into the crowd... security ended the set just to keep her safe. Honestly, she was the last act of the night, so stopping everything felt pretty pointless
well, that's just how she rolls. I actually got to touch her hand when she did that during her show in Europe. man... 😢