Posts by Harold Anderson3

Kenneth Barnes4 said:That’s basically what I’m talking about. Getting rewarded just for being a pain in the ass is actually a punishment. You use a system of rewards and consequences to guide a kid, right? But you can't do that unless you actually know where you're going. You shouldn't be sending a kid down a path that's just gonna screw them over. A kid needs to be able to trust their parents. They need to see real-world examples that prove what the parent is doing actually makes sense—that the parent can actually predict an outcome better than the kid can.

Look, I'm trying to make this clear, but I honestly don't get where he's getting it from. 🤷

Let's try this instead—did your cloning thing actually cause any trouble? And are you even aware that running two accounts on the same thread is against the rules?

Answer me that first, then we can move on. ☕

🤣 Who else do you think I am? Just curious. 🤣

Look, this thread isn't about aggressive parents losing their cool and beating their kids. Those people beat adults too, which is a completely different beast, right? Unless they’re only targeting the sick. Which is even worse. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about using punishment to guide a kid. If you're the parent, what's your move? Capable. Deciding what's actually best for your kid. Harder than it looks, right?

The truth is, most people just stay quiet because they can't actually raise a kid properly to begin with. You're all out here giving me examples like, "Oh, these parents were beating their kids." Please. Most folks don't even have the basics down. 😕 So, let's talk about aggressive people. Nowadays, everyone's obsessed with this "no aggression" mantra. You've got these parents who swear by every parenting book on the shelf, trying to raise kids perfectly by the manual. It’s all very polite, right? But honestly, I want to hear from the realists. Does anyone actually have an example of parents who were decent people but still used physical discipline? Is that even allowed to be said anymore?

So I have this friend, right? Total powerhouse. Smart, responsible, killing it in her career. She told me that back when she was fourteen, she ran away from home with some guy and left a note for her parents. When they finally tracked her down, they absolutely laid into her with a belt. She told me—and I’m quoting here—“I never once thought about doing something like that again.” She didn't end up with any long-term trauma or anything; she’s fine. And now that she has her own kid, the idea of messing around with her child like that never even crosses her mind. Why is that?

He’s way too close to his parents. He respects his old man too much. Seeing him react like that? It honestly just shamed her. How much did she have to hurt or scare him to trigger a reaction like that? She's never doing it again. That wasn't the goal.

Honestly, it feels like most of you aren't even listening to what I'm saying. You just don't get it. Look, I’m speaking theoretically here. I'm talking about guiding a kid this way, assuming the parent actually has their life together enough to handle everything else. You gotta nail the basics first—emotional stability. The kid needs to feel safe, protected, and actually led in the right direction. That's the priority. What’s the number one thing when it comes to raising kids? Honestly, what even matters most?

The examples you guys are throwing out about aggressive psychos are total nonsense. They have zero to do with what we're actually talking about. 🤔 Look, I’m not talking about child abuse here, and I’m definitely not even hinting at it. 🤣

Exactly. It all comes down to the "why." If a kid breaks a glass and gets physically lashed out at for it? That’s straight-up twisted. People like that shouldn't even be allowed near kids. Punishment should only ever be about what's actually good for the child. Period.

I’ll put in a little effort to give this a proper response.
It’s a bit of a struggle for me to stay focused lately, but I suppose that doesn't really matter.

Regarding that girl (who is a woman now) and what she went through with a belt when she was fourteen.
Back in the day, we had one teacher from the old school system who absolutely terrified everyone. I actually ended up getting slapped by him a few times myself, even though he wasn't even my instructor.

And yet, all his former students held such deep respect—and maybe a bit of performative affection—for him once he stopped teaching them.

In fact, most of the kids in his classes grew up to be quite successful in their careers, and they're all around thirty years old now.

My home life was a total disaster zone. I had a high-strung, volatile stepmother who took her frustrations out on her kids, including me, so there were many times when being at school felt much safer than being at home.

For that teacher, and for my stepmother, that kind of discipline was considered perfectly acceptable. They simply didn't know any better at the time.

I don't hold it against them, even though I suffered a psychotic break when I was twenty-one. There are plenty of reasons why I'm on so much medication today; that isn't the only factor.

Anyway, what I mean to say is that we shouldn't judge people solely based on the mistakes they made in the past. My stepmother just gripped the reins as tightly as she could for as long as she could. And your friend is probably full of praise for her father,
from what I can gather, despite the fact that he laid hands on her when she was fourteen.

I got my own sort of payback by finally shouting back at her and her father when she thought she could still boss me around at twenty-five just like she did when I was ten. Though, I don't see the point in seeking direct revenge against someone who was cruel to me; after all, that person might be dead by now, and here I am still dwelling on things they did to me fifteen or twenty years ago.

I never hit her—my stepmother—even though my father told me he thought I eventually would, given how I was acting back then.

I hated my stepmother with every fiber of my being because of how she treated me throughout my entire childhood up until I moved out at eighteen, and even after that.

But I realize that carrying that hate gets me nowhere. Even though I tend to react impulsively or sharply sometimes, most of the time I try to act calm and composed.
Hate just eats you alive.
I could even say that those who have undergone psychoanalysis often learn just how much damage digging through the past can do. For me, that process was the trigger for my psychosis. I’ve come to realize that, in my case, cognitive behavioral therapy might actually be the better choice, especially with more severe diagnoses where medication isn't an option, but a necessity.

My half-brothers never saw a psychiatrist, even though, in some ways, they had a much harder upbringing than I did, particularly my older brother.

I think there are times when hitting a child might feel justified (regardless of the consequences from $100), but you can't apply the exact same principles or methods of punishment to every different child. What is the point of a punishment if it doesn't sting in some way? Personally, I found it easier to take a slap every now and then than to be stripped of my computer for a week or a month. 🤷

ruggedmarlin18 said:Last year, this guy decided to hike all the way from a small town in the Midwest toward Italy. They eventually found him in Greece.
He was perfectly fine until a year ago when a car accident triggered everything, and ever since then he's been a completely different person—dealing with these bizarre delusions and totally letting himself and his apartment go to hell. His therapist said the illness had been lying dormant inside him until he hit his late thirties, and then that crash just flipped the switch on everything.

Man, that sounds a lot like my situation, though I wasn't exactly trying to cross any borders. Did this guy miss a flight or something?🤔 😉
E: Oh, I see now that he was on foot. Still, I'm a little confused by the geography... starting in Poland, heading to Italy... and ending up in Greece? 😁

Robin Lopez2 said:My first episode back in '99: I actually walked up to a police officer, snatched the hat right off his head, and told him, "You're fired from the Department of Justice effective immediately." Naturally, as the invincible master of the universe, I ended up getting absolutely wrecked by the rest of the officers. As for the guy I "fired," he was pretty shaken up.

I've heard that story before. 🤣🤣 So you're actually that legendary Pokemon!! 🙂 🤣

Jose Ward4 said:The absolute craziest thing I ever did while I was going through a psychotic break was actually checking myself into the hospital 😁 (the local psychiatric ward)

Man, if only I were half as wild as that...🤣

they wouldn't have kept me locked up for six whole months.

But hey, that's just how life goes, I guess...☕

What’s the absolute craziest, most nonsensical thing you’ve ever done during a psychotic episode?
For me, I decided I was just going to walk from Washington, D.C., all the way to the coast, wearing nothing but a T-shirt and shorts.
I genuinely thought to myself, "Hey, I'll be at the beach in maybe three days tops."
The girl I was doing all this for, well, she turned me down, naturally. ☕
I'm being completely honest about everything I wrote here.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I think we misunderstood each other; those are two different things. What I was talking about wasn't about the actual experience while it's happening (like when you felt like you were being recorded).

I’ve never experienced anything quite like that, except for when a memory from, say, five years old pops up. It doesn't feel like I'm reliving it or seeing through my own eyes. Instead, it’s like watching a finished movie from a third-person perspective, looking down from above... as if I stepped a few feet out of my own body back then to film what was happening, and now I'm just watching the footage.

To put it in gaming terms, regular memories feel like playing 'Doom,' whereas these dissociative ones feel more like 'Tomb Raider' (I don't mean the story itself, just the camera angle—first-person versus third-person).

Well, that’s exactly what I was getting at. 🤔

When you're going through a psychotic episode, there’s this distinct, unsettling sensation where you start having these vivid hallucinations that people are talking about you in the third person.
And just imagine if they were filming you, too.

It isn’t a bad idea to leave the past behind you—not in the sense of erasing it entirely, mind you, but more about reaching that point where you realize those old, negative chapters just don't have any power over you anymore.
It doesn't feel quite right to lean too far in either direction, honestly—even when it comes to daydreaming about some sort of perfect future.
I really feel like we all need to find a way to ground ourselves back in the present moment, no matter how difficult that might be.

Peter Murphy6 said:Ugh, man. I am seriously so sorry for everything you and your brother went through... but I can see you're fighting to get to a better place. 👍

I'm not gonna stick my nose into your relationship with your brother. Especially because I know not everyone wants to fix things—and definitely not in a way that works for me or you. Plus, it's hard to help someone else when you haven't helped yourself yet.
Sometimes, just being there as support and showing love is enough.

I have a sister too, and I think she's had it even tougher than I did in some ways.
All I want is for her to be happy and at peace with herself... but I can't force anything except being there whenever she needs me. I just hope we've built enough of a bond that she actually feels comfortable reaching out when she needs support or just someone to sit with.
I got pretty lucky—I didn't learn to repress everything, but she didn't have that luxury.

As for me personally, all those shifts drove me crazy. Honestly, the emotional stuff hit way harder than the physical punishments. One minute I'm telling my parent everything, the next I feel like I have an anchor tied around my neck; one second I see love and connection, the next it's pure rage—or like I said, hate. All those mixed signals really messed with me since I was a sponge, soaking up everything around me as a kid. And I only saw "pure" love during the moments where I was completely submissive, so that became my default mode—being submissive was how I functioned in childhood. That's why, among other things, I used to just fall apart.

I don't hold grudges anymore, though. I've finally started seeing my parents as just humans rather than "gods" who were "obligated" to love me.

And yeah, I've made peace with death. I've been thinking about it since I was 13. I almost died myself—thankfully I survived, but there was this period where I felt this weird grief that I wasn't dead already.

Maybe in the last year or two, everything just flipped. I hit rock bottom, remembered all the stuff I wanted to forget, was right on the edge of making some drastic moves... and then, for the first time, I rebuilt myself on some actual solid ground.
Now, I see things for what they actually are, not how I wished they would be.

I suppose, what else is there left to do? 😒

I’ve hit rock bottom myself, more than once, and I found that the way out wasn't tucked away in just one thing—not in my faith, my career, my family, sports, my social life, or even medication—but rather in finding a way to weave all of those pieces together. 🙂

Joseph Bailey41 said:That sense of detachment is actually called dissociation. It’s when you try to recall certain moments later and either find huge gaps in your memory, or you see those scenes playing back like a movie filmed from a few feet above your head. You might even experience this during an everyday situation where parts of the "film" just go missing, even if you haven't touched any alcohol or drugs. For instance, you might drive to work, park in the lot, and realize you have absolutely no memory of the drive itself. Logically, you know you took the usual route and didn't get into any accidents, but the memory just isn't there. Or, someone could be talking to you and it’s like they aren't making a sound, even though your hearing is perfectly fine. You realize you've missed the last fifteen minutes of their story because you simply checked out (which can often be a lingering effect of emotional trauma experienced during childhood).

As for making peace with death... honestly, if someone told me I was going to pass away tomorrow, I don't think I'd have much of an emotional meltdown. I’d probably just focus on getting my affairs in order—finishing up work tasks, drafting a will, cleaning out my computer, and organizing my paperwork. There's a certain practical advantage to that mindset, too. ☕

That first thing I mentioned actually happened to me right at the height of a psychotic episode. I had this overwhelming sensation that everything was being recorded, almost like I was living inside some massive version of Big Brother 😲

I've made my peace with death, and while it's unlikely to happen soon, I know I could die tomorrow. I've actually come pretty close to dying about ten different times in my life. But I'm still here, and I view every day since then as a gift. We all face mortality eventually, one way or another, it's just part of the deal.

Peter Murphy6 said:Look, I’m not a parent yet, so I don't claim to know everything—I just have a pretty clear vision of how I want things to go.
From a kid's perspective, the worst part about physical punishment wasn't even the actual hit or the pain... it was seeing that pure rage, almost hatred, in my parents' eyes. That's what really creeped me out—that raw aggression.

Honestly, it feels to me like when a parent raises their hand, it’s rarely some calm, rational single strike that sticks with you. It’s usually just an explosion of anger because they ran out of patience.

Just thinking out loud here, but I hope that when I eventually reach that stage where my kid is driving me absolutely insane and I feel the urge to lash out... I'll be able to just walk away, cool off, and then deal with it.
Right after, I'll take a second to actually figure out why I'm feeling the urge to hit someone—especially a child. Aggression kicks in whenever someone doesn't "flow" exactly the way we planned for them.

My point is, if "disciplinary" hits ever happen, they aren't coming from a place of wanting to teach the kid a lesson. They come from wanting to satisfy an impulse. And then it gets wrapped up in this whole "doing it for the child's own good" excuse.

It's honestly terrifying 😢 reading about how children manage to survive those kinds of situations in a book I once came across.
It mentioned things like dissociating from your own body or making peace with death—I don't remember every detail, but that was the gist. Some people grow up to become sociopaths, while most deal with various psychological struggles.
I vividly remember my younger half-brother, who's three years my junior, getting beaten because he struggled with math. My stepmother used to hit him so hard he'd lose track of which hand was his left and which was his right. I'm not exaggerating. It’s actually quite surprising how normally he seems to have turned out, but he still struggles with sudden, impulsive reactions and can never seem to just sit still; he always has to be doing something.
I don't want to pry into his personal business, especially since I carry my own baggage from everything I went through, too. But genetics plays such a massive role here; someone who has endured all that chaos might still end up a healthy person, provided they have the right genetic foundation.

@ rowdytiger13, my stepmother—who used to beat me and my half-siblings until we were completely exhausted—was also beaten herself until she was bruised blue by her own mother, who would actually hold a knife to her throat.
It’s this heavy chain that just keeps passing down through the generations. But, honestly, I truly believe the chance to break that cycle always lies right here in the present moment, and if I ever have kids of my own, I promise I won't lay a hand on them.
Did your parents ever deal with physical abuse? Do you know anything about what their childhood was like?

@Musk, you should bring your boyfriend or me along to work one day so we can collectively "re-educate" those little kids who keep acting out toward you 😒
I mean, seriously, why on earth would someone actually try to punch you? I feel terrible about it 😢 hang in there!

I know it’s not exactly classy, but I find myself swearing every now and then just to take the edge off. There are moments when I even end up losing my temper with God, though I can usually hold myself back if there's a religious person nearby or someone else who might be offended by it. But once I've had a little bit to drink... well, things get a lot louder. Still, I've heard it's much better to vent with words than to actually get into a fight, so I try to stick to that philosophy. 😒

I’m honestly not quite sure how to approach this topic. I grew up in a household where getting spanked was pretty standard—just like my half-brothers—and occasionally, it even happened at school back in the day. On one hand, I suppose that instilled a certain level of discipline in me, but on the other, I can't help but feel that such a turbulent childhood likely contributed to my struggles with psychosis. These days, you can't even raise your voice at a kid without someone threatening to call CPS, and then you have the whole issue of peer bullying among the kids themselves. It’s a complicated era we're living in, my friend ☕

I’m sorry if I came off a little harsh in my last post; that wasn't my intention at all. I truly hope you're doing alright on the basics, like having enough food and staying warm. To be honest, I'm not quite sure if I should suggest moving somewhere else, because trying to find your footing in a completely different country can be such an uphill battle, especially if you're already struggling with your mental health. I don't really have a clear picture of what your day-to-day life looks like or how you're actually holding up mentally, other than knowing things have been tough for you and hearing you express that struggle.

Carol Barrett2 said:Yeah, well, I've got plenty of other health issues to deal with too. Most of them just pop up out of nowhere. I guess that's just my luck. 😢

Steve Jobs, I don't think complaining really helps much if you aren't actually doing anything about it, or if you've just decided to let your surroundings fall apart. My family has been struggling financially for decades, and I made a conscious choice to break that cycle, even though I'm dealing with schizophrenia and a handful of other struggles myself. That’s why I push myself so hard and stay so focused on my studies at college. To be fair, I usually have people around me who offer support—it isn't always constant, but if one person lets me down, there's almost always someone else ready to step up. Still, at the end of the day, I know the weight falls on my shoulders; most of this is really up to me.

Carol Barrett2 said:Look, let’s get one thing straight—I haven't actually had any hallucinations. To be fair, I was pretty much losing my mind back then, but whether that qualifies as "hallucinating" is up for debate. I didn't see things then, and I don't see them now. What happened the second time around? That was likely a delusion. The first time, I just snapped under the sheer weight of everything going wrong. The second time, yeah, I went down a religious rabbit hole. And honestly, I think the medication I've been on for the last four or five years might be doing more harm than good—maybe it's a side effect of the methadone, or maybe it’s just because I spend way too much time glued to my laptop. I can't tell. If anything, I feel like my mental state is slipping because of this treatment, or maybe it's just the constant pressure from life hitting me all at once. Lately, I've been getting these intrusive, nasty thoughts, and when they hit, I find myself shaking my head just to try and shake them off.

The absolute worst part about this whole mess is that you're basically left with zero rights when it comes to getting actual help. It’s nearly impossible to find a job even if you're mostly sane. For someone like me, dealing with both physical and mental struggles? Forget about it. You're stuck in this impossible middle ground where you aren't "crazy" enough to qualify for certain support, but you're definitely not healthy enough to hold down a job. You're just stuck in limbo.

I really don't know what to say to you. Things are tough here, and I'm sure they're even tougher elsewhere. I have a few friends from Canada; one former colleague finished her Master's in English and moved away—I think she's in France now. She even spent some time in China. I've always believed that if you don't have much money, you just have to be careful with your spending. It makes sense. While the wealth gap between countries isn't necessarily massive, the inequality between individuals within a single country can be huge. Still, things can always get worse, so please don't lose hope.

I’ve experienced hallucinations a few times throughout my life, and for me, they always feel like the absolute breaking point—a complete and total escape from reality. They were incredibly vivid, to the point where I was actually aware that they were hallucinations rather than real sensory input. It started with auditory ones, then moved to visual, and eventually even reached olfactory sensations. At a certain stage, you start losing the ability to distinguish between what you’re seeing and hearing versus what you’re just imagining in your head, and everything starts feeling surreal. It’s like being trapped in a dream while you're wide awake. I spent several hours in that state before the police ended up taking me to the hospital. I ended up staying there for six months, and for another four months after that, I wasn't even capable of handling the simplest part-time college jobs because of the heavy medications I was being put on. That was about eight years ago. Since then, I’ve had a few milder hospitalizations, mostly involving just auditory hallucinations, if anything at all.

neonscout42 said:Harold Anderson3, you sound incredibly coherent for someone dealing with that diagnosis and juggling so many meds 👍

Thanks so much 🙂 I just really want to break down those old stereotypes about people in my situation, among other things. Besides, I have my own "off" days and rough months every now and then too, so no worries at all 🙂

Rebecca Rivera3 said:My psychiatrist mentioned that Solian is actually quite effective.
I’ve tried plenty of antidepressants, but they just don't seem to do anything for me; I honestly felt like I was on Ladiomil for a while there. Unfortunately, I haven't felt any real difference.
College is... well... it could be better. I’m passing some classes, but struggling with others. I went through a few intense psychotic episodes recently, which left me mentally and physically drained, and it really took a toll on my studies. It was all incredibly exhausting.
Once I started recovering, my performance at school stabilized a bit. But now, the constant drowsiness from the medication is making me totally unproductive. I try to focus, but I end up falling asleep instead of studying, or I struggle to even stay awake during lectures. I’ve been drinking several cups of coffee and even the occasional Red Bull just to stay upright. It helps slightly, but it isn't a real fix.
It’s tough. The medication helps, but the fatigue and sluggishness are overwhelming.
Harold Anderson3, how are things going with your classes?

Well, typically, antidepressants don't hit quite as hard against depression as antipsychotics do for psychosis, though they still work; even if depression is unpleasant, it isn't quite as heavy a burden as dealing with psychosis. Since you're managing this condition, you'll likely continue to cycle through phases of depression, mania, psychosis, and euphoria throughout your life. You're smart, so I'm sure you've already started to figure out your own patterns. Tell me, do you ever experience those moments of pure euphoria? That feeling where you're finally "in the zone"? Even that isn't necessarily "good" in the long run, but it does feel nice to actually feel alive again after being stuck in a state of depression or apathy.
College is going alright for me—I'm in my second year. To give you the specifics, I've passed two midterms and failed two. I decided to take out a student loan so I wouldn't have to work, which felt like the only real way I could actually focus enough to finally finish my degree.

Could someone give me a quick heads-up on the headcount—who's actually making it, who’s out, and if there have been any last-minute shifts in the plans?
Count me in, I'm bringing a plus one.