I’m doing alright for the most part right now. I’ve been dealing with some fragmented sleep and a few mood swings here and there, but that’s about the extent of it. Life has felt relatively stable since I decided to leave university behind; I wouldn't say it was a mistake to move on, but honestly, the whole thing was just way too high-stress for my liking. Happy Easter, everyone! 🙂 I’m currently looking for something local to work in back in my hometown in the Midwest, because if I can't land anything by the end of April, I guess I'll be heading back to Chicago. 🙂
Thanks, Rebecca Rivera3. I’m doing alright at the moment. I suppose the core of this whole struggle is just how much reality shifts, though swinging back and forth between mania and depression is unfortunately just the hand we're dealt with this condition. It's quite the psychological paradox, really.
I’ve been scrolling through these replies, and it feels like we have two extremes here—some people are being incredibly pessimistic, while others are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. There are moments when I just feel down, even when everything in my life seems to be going perfectly fine. On the flip side, I’ll occasionally find myself feeling great, even when things are actually turning out rather poorly. Most of the time, my mood tends to mirror whatever is happening around me, though there are certainly those little deviations from the norm. When I'm hitting a particularly rough patch, I just try to hold on and wait for better days to arrive. And when things are looking up, I make sure to really soak it all in and enjoy the moment. It’s a lot like the weather; after a storm comes the sunshine, but eventually, the rain always returns, sometimes lasting much longer than you'd like. In those times, I either wait for the clouds to clear or I just grab an umbrella 🙂. It isn't exactly the most pleasant way to live, but it beats getting soaked.
That’s a fair point. To be honest, almost any antipsychotic comes with the risk of dragging down your mood or triggering suicidal thoughts, but Zyprexa is the one that actually manages to clear out my symptoms and help me stay productive—it really feels like the most effective option available to me. Still, I know what you're saying about the side effects; it seems like there's always a trade-off where the more effective a medication is at treating the core issues, the harder it hits you with those other downsides.
I realize that you all can't actually fix my situation, even if you truly wanted to, but I’d still appreciate it if you could just listen to what I have to say. Sometimes, when someone who is struggling finds an ear, it feels like a little bit of that heavy burden gets shared with the listener, which helps more than you might think. I have a follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist coming up soon, and I'm planning to ask about adding another antidepressant to my regimen or perhaps bumping up the dosage of what I'm already taking. There are moments when I spiral into these deep, dark places where the most intrusive, terrible thoughts just start flooding my mind.
E: I find myself having to wash the dishes just to feel even a tiny bit useful.🙂
So, let me try to wrap this all up. Ever since my diagnosis, I’ve been pretty consistent with my medication regimen. For a while there, I was seeing a therapist to help supplement the clinical side of things, which led to this somewhat tragicomic situation where my psychiatrist would ask what my therapist was advising, and then my therapist would turn around and ask the same about the psychiatrist. It felt like they were just passing the buck back and forth instead of actually helping. I have a few friends, but they aren't really people I can open up to about any of this—even though two of them have admitted they struggle with depression themselves. I don't have a partner, and honestly, I don't want one until I feel like I've sorted myself out (if that ever actually happens), because when we were together, we were both just equally miserable. Now, it feels like I'm the only one struggling. I find it a little easier to be around people than to be left alone with my own thoughts. Lately, I’ve been having these recurring thoughts, the kind where I think it might have been better if I had never been born rather than having to endure this constant struggle. My doctor told me those kinds of thoughts are "normal," not just for people with mental health conditions, but for anyone facing severe hardship. To be honest, it really irritates me when people claim that "everyone goes through hard times." That isn't true. Some people deal with depression because of external circumstances or specific crises, but for me, the depression is just a symptom of the illness itself; there is no underlying reason. It’s not like I’m starving or drowning in debt, but I know I could have achieved so much more in life if I weren't dealing with this. Accepting that is incredibly difficult. The idea that you could have had a college degree, a solid career, and a family, but instead you're just living off disability or social security... it's heavy. I'll say it again: I sometimes feel it would have been better never to have existed than to live this kind of life. The medications I take, including the injections, help keep me grounded in reality and aware of my surroundings, but they don't make me functional in any meaningful way. I don't know how much longer I can carry this weight and these crises, and I'm starting to fear that the question isn't whether I will eventually give up, but simply when. The world is a beautiful place full of possibilities, but I just don't feel like I belong here.🕺
Jose Ward4 said:Don't talk like that, Harold Anderson3. Things will turn around. Tomorrow is a fresh start, and honestly, the morning always feels a bit wiser than the day itself. I’m struggling too. I’m constantly praying for some extra cash, and I spent all that time getting a degree that now feels completely useless. I should have played my cards differently, sure, but that isn't a reason to throw your life away. Morning brings clarity. And man, this weather is brutal; it really drags you down and makes you spiral into these heavy thoughts about everything. You aren't alone in this. I've asked myself a thousand times why I even bother, but hey, that's just how I am. I actually have to head out into this miserable weather today. It makes me want to just give up on everything, but maybe tomorrow will be better and I'll have a clearer head. I just wish the sun would come out for once.
We've got about three more days of this winter chill before things finally start to warm up. I've been feeling pretty drained lately, but at least today I'm feeling a bit more like myself. People who haven't dealt with mental health struggles just don't realize how heavy and unpredictable this battle can truly be. And honestly, people are still afraid of us. 😲
Rebecca Rivera3 said:I'm feeling completely worn down... how are you all holding up?
Honestly, I can't say I am. I can't help but feel like I've just squandered every single opportunity that ever came my way. Between relationships, college, and various jobs... I eventually ended up crawling back to this tiny little town in the Midwest, which honestly feels more like the middle of nowhere. I don't have a job, nothing to keep me busy, no social life—just nothing at all. I'm only 30 years old, yet I feel like I'm already 80, and the thought of having another 50 years ahead of me is exhausting.☕ Life just feels pretty bleak right now, if I'm being honest... 🕺 I'm just ready for it all to be over. I don't really want to keep going.☕
Thomas Nelson25 said:So you're dealing with depression then? Like, your mood is just constantly bottomed out?
According to transpersonal psychology, those folks have basically expanded their ego—or what's called the "self"—into a sense of wholeness, in a nutshell.
I suppose that’s just how it goes. It is incredibly difficult to fine-tune medication dosages without constantly swinging between feeling completely depressed and hitting those manic highs associated with schizophrenia and similar disorders, so you really have to figure it out as you go. It’s a bit of a balancing act where if you take too much, you end up feeling like a total zombie, but if you don't take enough, it feels like the whole world belongs to you—and honestly, neither of those extremes is a healthy place to be. You're basically spending your time searching for that narrow, steady middle ground between those two extremes.
Joseph Bailey41 said:But how do you actually measure those neurotransmitter levels?
Of course you don't need to run tests on every single patient, and honestly, it isn't even really possible to do so. Instead, we look at things indirectly by observing the specific symptoms a person is experiencing. That said, modern psychology has reached a consensus that pretty much every mental health condition stems from an imbalance in the brain's neurotransmitters—and there are about twenty different types to consider. This understanding comes from decades of various scientific studies and research.
Thomas Nelson25 said:Why is fanaticism even an issue if you're actually happy in that state? People would just call it a "blessing"—I mean, isn't that how it used to be? Besides, those types of people were the ones writing holy books... you know, all the additions to the Bible and stuff.
It isn't really a problem as long as you can still function normally in your day-to-day life, whether you're a devout believer or not. Honestly, I find myself a little envious of people who naturally have slightly higher dopamine levels; they seem able to feel something more than just the basic reality, which makes them appear much more content than I usually am.
Joseph Bailey41 said:Did you deal with other issues back then, or were those mystical experiences enough on their own for them to diagnose you with psychosis?
There were definitely other symptoms involved, though I think they all stem from the same root cause: an excess of dopamine in the brain, along with some kind of imbalance—either too much or too little—of other neurotransmitters.
I wouldn't exactly call myself a believer, but whenever I’ve experienced that "something" more—that mystical sensation that defies any kind of verbal description—it has invariably led me straight into a psychotic episode and a stay at the psychiatric ward. I remember reading somewhere that "healthy believers" tend to have slightly higher dopamine levels compared to atheists, and in my case, the hallmark of my illness is an extremely high surge of that specific neurotransmitter. Brandon Lopez6, you know better than anyone what I'm up against. It makes me wonder if my medication, which works by bringing those dopamine levels down, might also be dampening that "healthy" spark of faith in God, or perhaps some other subtle connection we can't quite perceive directly. Since we're discussing this from a psychological perspective, I've come to think that depending on one's brain chemistry, you essentially have atheists, healthy believers, and then the fanatics who actually require psychiatric intervention. I'm also aware of instances where various charismatic leaders have pushed people into trances that ultimately resulted in hospitalizations due to acute psychosis.
I probably won't make it out, since I'm actually planning on heading back home to the Midwest for the weekend. Sorry about that. If I end up staying in New York City, though, I might pop in..
Rebecca Rivera3 said:Based on my test results, I fall into the schizoid category... though I’m not a fan of that label. It feels a bit too depressing for me.
I honestly can't say... after I had sex, I spiraled into a psychosis. Generally speaking, I struggle with processing emotions—it's hard for me to manage them or even fully grasp what I'm feeling. At its core, my psychological struggles stem from this inability to understand or navigate my own emotional state.
Do any of you deal with similar emotional issues? Do you ever experience a total sense of emotional numbness?
Yeah, honestly, that’s actually a pretty standard symptom of this condition, especially during those early stages before things really get managed with treatment. I was reading an article about schizophrenia the other day, and it mentioned:
''In the early stages of the illness, a typical syndrome involves the loss of emotional warmth. This loss can be subtle or quite pronounced, with individuals reporting changes in how they feel toward themselves and the world around them.''
When I was going through it, the thing that hit me the hardest wasn't just the numbness itself, but this overwhelming sense of responsibility and guilt. I’d find myself spiraling, wondering, ''What kind of person am I if I don't feel devastated when, say, my mother or someone close to me passes away?'' It worked the same way in reverse, too—if something wonderful happened, I’d just feel nothing at all, which was equally unsettling. Eventually, between the medication (which started out as just antidepressants) and working through psychotherapy, everything started to balance out and settle back into place.
Carl Rivera43 said:Mark your calendars! We’re getting the whole crew together this Saturday, January 27th, starting at 7:00 PM. We'll be hanging out right near AMC Theatres, specifically at the corner of Times Square and Broadway—meet us at Starbucks!
Planning things three whole weeks in advance?
Well, we'll just have to wait and see, I suppose. 🙂
Hey there, my fellow enthusiasts, how are we all doing on the weight front? I have to admit... I’m not exactly having my best moment here. Right now, I’m sitting somewhere between 185 and 195 pounds, standing about 5'11". I've definitely had phases where I was much leaner, though I’ve also seen higher numbers—if I recall correctly, my personal "not-so-proud" record was around 210 pounds. I tend to drink quite a lot of coffee (usually with milk) and sweetened tea, which I'm sure isn't helping me stay light on my feet. On top of that, one of those pesky side effects from taking certain antipsychotics is significant weight gain. The official word is that they just boost your appetite, but if you ask me, it feels more like they slow down your entire metabolism. Plus, when you're dealing with depression, it seems like you end up reaching for food much more often than someone experiencing mania or psychosis might.
I’m inclined to agree with most of the group here. I’ll admit, I tend to slip up quite often, but I can definitely pull myself together if the situation calls for it or if I’m in an environment where it’s expected. It’s been about five years since my last confession, so if I decide to head down to the rectory and actually be honest when the time comes—assuming there isn't a massive line out the door—I’ll probably end up pulling ten Hail Marys just to make amends, goodness gracious, praise be to the Lord! 😁
Rebecca Rivera3 said:There was this one stretch where I kept seeing ghosts. I’d go out of my way to avoid wherever they might be, practically jumping around like a fool because every time one appeared, I’d either bolt or just stare at it in total panic... During one psychiatric evaluation, there was actually a ghost right there in the exam room. My eyes were darting everywhere—I had pure terror written all over my face. The psychiatrist noticed immediately, but I lied and told him I was just looking at the furniture.
The worst part, though, is the catatonic episodes. Some of them hit incredibly hard. You just freeze up completely, totally lifeless, with absolutely zero strength to move an inch. I’m terrified of those episodes because I can’t seem to break out of them. Has anyone else dealt with this?
I've actually never heard of the catatonic state before.😕
So, you mean that feeling where you're just physically unable to move? If I remember correctly, that's a symptom of catatonic schizophrenia.😕
I've been through quite a lot in my life, but I've never experienced anything quite like that.