Posts by Harold Anderson3

darksurfer4 said:So, does that mean there’s actually some truth to the idea that people who are naturally gifted in math and physics are more likely to end up dealing with schizophrenia?

That’s not quite right. I’ve heard the myth that people with schizophrenia are all above-average intelligence, which just isn't true either.
Take me, for instance; I have an IQ that's slightly above average, but it honestly didn't amount to much because schizophrenia tends to cancel all that out, and I've really struggled to get ahead in life.
I know plenty of people who aren't nearly as bright as I am but managed to breeze through various college degrees—not necessarily because they were harder workers than I was, since I definitely put in the effort, but simply because they were mentally healthy.
I didn't have to spend a ton of money during my time in university, as professors were pretty accommodating wherever I studied, but at the end of the day, you still have to prove you actually know the material if you want that diploma.
It doesn't matter if you're dealing with a disability, mental illness, or anything else.

Joseph Bailey41 said:In the beginning, there isn't really any ego involved. You’re just one with everything around you, and it’s only natural that your first instinct is to observe your surroundings. After all, your survival depends on it. It's only once you reach a certain level of comfort—when you aren't constantly worrying about where your next meal is coming from—that true self-awareness starts to kick in. Once you realize you can actually take care of yourself, and maybe even start shaping the world around you, that's when you truly begin to find yourself.

Honestly, I don't get this obsession with policing what people post on this forum. If you aren't interested in reading someone else's story, then just scroll past—it’s that simple. For me, being able to type out my thoughts here has actually done more for my mental health than any psychotherapy sessions ever did. Maybe I just ran into a total fraud of a therapist, or maybe I'm just not built for that kind of traditional setup; who knows? Regardless, it worked for others. My advice? Until you have enough money saved up to pay a decent private specialist, just vent here. Some people come on here whining about nothing more than their own boredom or minor hypochondria, acting like they have some massive crisis when they really don't. And now we're supposed to stay quiet just to be "respectful" to potential readers? Give me a break. 🤣

There are all these online courses out there for this and that—you can even earn legitimate certifications if you want. But honestly, everything comes down to the money. It’s expensive, and let’s be real, it’s always about the cash. 😢

Fair enough. I spent about two years in psychoanalysis with this wonderful doctor who's retired now. But get this: she never even brought up schizophrenia as a possibility for me; instead, she was essentially misdiagnosing me with depression. So, the whole process didn't really "cure" anything for me. In fact, digging through the past actually ended up hurting my relationship with my father and stepmother, who were the ones who raised me since my mom was sick and the court gave custody to my dad after the divorce.
My mom never remarried; she just sort of withdrew from the world.

I wish I had my own family too, but that feels like a Hollywood movie script if it ever actually happens. I honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to build a life given the limitations I'm dealing with.
I was always a reserved kid, though an intelligent one.
It didn't bother me much back then; I was perfectly happy living in my "own little world" and staying tucked away in my shell.
The trouble started when I realized I couldn't live like that forever and wanted to be able to function like everyone else. I just found myself craving socialization, but it just wouldn't happen.
And that's when the psychology, the psychiatry... the whole cycle began.

There are all these online courses and certifications out there, and you can even get legitimate degrees through them. But even that requires money. Yeah, damn it, everything comes down to the money. 😢

To be honest, after ten years of studying, I can't even bring myself to pick up a newspaper anymore. 🤣
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but I don't think I could handle more schooling if my life depended on it; academia just isn't my calling.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Physical labor is actually great; it really helps clear your head. Honestly, I’d probably recommend "shovel therapy" to most people on this forum. 🤣

As far as talking things out goes, until you find a solid therapist, try venting here. You’ve written some truly brilliant posts in other sections of the forum, and if you could somehow take that same intelligence you used when discussing physics and religion and turn it inward to explore yourself, I think we could all learn a lot from you.

Thanks for that.
It’s funny how so many people understand the world around them much better than they understand themselves.
Self-awareness usually comes later; we're born focusing on our surroundings first, and then we gradually become aware of who we are as time passes.
Even though it feels like we need to figure ourselves out before we can grasp the world, it doesn't really work that way. It's more like those two processes should be running side-by-side, happening simultaneously.
The forum can definitely help, but I really do need professional therapy; I don't want to suffocate the users here, or my friends, or anyone else in my life, by dumping all my problems on them 🤣 and even if they wanted to listen, there isn't much I could do to help them anyway.

Regarding the science stuff, math always came naturally to me; I never had to struggle too hard and I could solve almost any problem. I even used to compete in math meets. Later on, physics came along, and I found that even easier.
But then illness took its toll, and that talent just sort of evaporated. College is a massive step up from high school, and I just couldn't push my abilities forward no matter how hard I tried. If anything, I’d say I "weakened" compared to how I was in high school, especially back in middle school. It sucks...
Well, I did manage to pass physics at the local community college with an A, so there's a little bit of that old spark left, but that wasn't nearly as tough as the physics at MIT, let alone what they teach at a top-tier research university.

jadelynx2 said:Harold Anderson3, what’s your take on the best path toward mental recovery? Are you searching for some overarching purpose? Do you believe that once you find meaning, the depression just... evaporates? I don't have the answers to any of this myself, so please don't think I'm implying that finding a sense of purpose is some kind of magic cure for depression.

I'm fully aware that a complete recovery might not be possible.
I know what I want to get out of life, but there's no guarantee I'll feel satisfied even if I achieve it.
You should always try to be content with what you have while still striving for something better at the same time. But dissatisfaction and depression aren't the same thing. It's easy to dream things up, but much harder to make them a reality.
To start with, it would be good to just find a decent-paying job, and then we'll see where things go from there.
My brother is getting married in two weeks, so after the wedding festivities, I'm planning to head to Washington, D.C. I already have a few ideas about what my next steps should be.

Donna White50 said:Look, if you learn how to hang drywall, do taping and mudding, painting, plastering, or even laying laminate, you'll be set—you could pick up side gigs on top of your main job and the money would be way better... 👍

I mean, sure, most of those jobs are about as straightforward as they come—you just roll up your sleeves and, like you said, learn the ropes... so why not just go for it?🙂

mistydrifter55 said:Harold Anderson3

Look, it’s people, your environment, and life circumstances that trigger these depressive episodes.
Try tackling those actual issues. Antidepressants just patch up the symptoms—they don't fix the root cause.

It’s the same story with antipsychotics; they don't really solve the core problem either. If you stop taking them, the psychosis tends to come crawling back sooner or later.
Since psychosis feels like a "level above" depression, the medication has to be proportionally stronger to manage it.
Personally, I don't have any issues with my prescriptions—I've been on them for about ten years now without any bad side effects.
For a few years after my psychotic episode, things actually seemed to be getting better and better, though lately, I feel like I've just hit a plateau.
Now, I'm trying to find ways to make more progress through other avenues, like working with a therapist.

Thanks so much lady number 🙂
Right now, my options are pretty limited to working as a construction laborer.
That’s really the only thing I can step into given my experience, though the pay is nothing to write home about.
I've actually heard of IBM therapy mentioned before, but honestly, I don't know the first thing about it.🕺
I'll give it a good search on Google; thanks for the tip.😉

I’m currently on the latest and arguably the most effective medications available on the market today.
Honestly, I don't see much room for improvement there.
If anything, I might consider bumping up my antidepressant dosage, since I tend to find myself feeling low more often than I feel actually okay. But then again, I can't really make any moves like that without sitting down for a proper evaluation with my psychiatrist first.

I guess I’m writing this post in the hope that someone out there might actually listen, understand, and maybe point me in the right direction.
I’ve been a member of this forum for over eleven years now. When I first joined, I was dealing with a diagnosis of anxiety and depression, along with occasional manic episodes. After living with that for two years, I went through two consecutive psychotic episodes—the second one being particularly brutal, requiring six months in the hospital—which led to a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. It completely derailed my education; I dropped out of every college program I tried, from the FBI academy training tracks to MIT and various local community colleges.
Right now, I just feel utterly despondent and let down by everything.
I really want psychotherapy, and while talking to friends, partners, or family often feels like a step toward that, we all know deep down that a casual conversation can't replace a professional psychiatrist.
The thing is, real psychotherapy costs money, and no matter how much people tell you how noble and dedicated these doctors are, every single one of them expects something like $117 for just one hour of their time. To earn enough for a single hour of therapy, I have to spend a day and a half working manual labor on a construction site.
Currently, I’m back home in the Midwest (though I’m planning to head to Washington, D.C. after the first of May), and the psychiatric care out here is honestly tragic.
I went to a check-up with my mom—who deals with the same diagnosis—about four days ago, and all I got were a few trivial pieces of advice and the same old prescription, maybe a slight adjustment next time.
It isn't necessarily about whether the doctor is good or bad; the real issue is that they are simply overwhelmed with too many patients. That’s the systemic failure of our entire healthcare system, especially within psychiatry.
Even if I decided to go the private psychotherapy route, I know I shouldn't expect any miracles; my condition is biological, so medication is absolutely necessary.
If I think about it further, I might even decide to commit to private sessions, regardless of the cost, just to feel even slightly better—because I can't talk about this stuff with the people in my daily life nearly as much as I would like to.
I’m not a religious person, and I don't make a point of bragging about that, but I simply am not, so I have no desire to sit down for a talk with a priest.
I have no idea what the next ten years hold for me, but I do know that I face the struggle of every conscious day, because as long as my soul continues to ache, I suppose I'm still alive.
For now, I’m functioning okay-ish, depending on which kind of day it happens to be.
I’m not asking for anything more than a normal life, but at the moment, a normal life feels completely out of reach.
I don't have anything or anyone besides myself. I find myself wondering just how much further I can fall before I finally reach a point where I can accept it.

Benjamin Hall6 said:Lately, though, I've been feeling better for quite some while now. I feel more motivated, more active... I actually have a sense that this stability might stick, given how things went last time. I was functioning almost entirely normally before making the foolish decision to taper off my meds. These days, my main issue is a lack of libido. My emotional range has returned, though much like before, I don't really have the capacity to cry... but all in all, I am content.

That drop in libido could definitely be a side effect of the medication, though it isn't a guarantee.
I dealt with that exact same thing back when I was on the Risperdal long-acting injection.
It seems like everyone wants to try tapering off their meds at least once in their lives, but I still find myself hitting occasional rough patches even when I'm staying consistent with my prescription. It's also probably wise to stay away from alcohol.

Carol Barrett2 said:Regarding my mood, I’ve tried explaining it to them—it’s all over the place. One minute I’m feeling down, the next I’m fine, then I’m just totally numb, you know? But this stuff they're giving me now is causing a total short circuit in my brain. I’ve even started hearing voices—which is wild because I’ve never dealt with auditory hallucinations or anything like that before. It actually happened today.

And honestly, the Risperidone and Prozac? They've just caused more mental static, bringing up all these dark, intrusive thoughts.

I had someone who was staying in the hospital with me tell me straight up that the doctors don't have a clue what's going on.

To top it off, I got discharged by some other doctor instead of my own.

Man, where on earth were you staying? That sounds heavy.

If everything you're saying is true, then those doctors aren't exactly hitting the mark either.

At least it seems like your treatment isn't overly aggressive, though.

I actually had a very similar experience when it came to my diagnosis process. Even our treatment plans are pretty much identical—I’m also on an ability maintenance program right now.
I can generally handle the psychotic symptoms without too much trouble, but those sudden shifts in mood really take a toll on me. Do you ever find yourself getting hit by those waves of deep depression every now and then?

So, how much Saphris are you currently on? Personally, I take 50 mg before bed. It really is one of the most effective antipsychotics out there, though I have to admit the side effects can be a bit of a struggle sometimes. I also use a 400 mg injection of Abilify every four weeks to help manage things.

I’m starting to lean toward the idea that I might actually be dealing with schizoaffective disorder, specifically the mixed type, mostly because my mood swings are just so intense and frequent. It’s something that Dubravka pointed out a while back, and honestly, her assessment still rings true for me today.
She recently tied the knot for the second time, so I really hope everything works out beautifully for her.

I’ve actually found myself doing quite well on Abilify, specifically when I’m using the injectable version. That said, I do tend to combine it with Lexapro; while the Lexapro definitely packs a stronger punch and brings along more side effects, I manage to keep my dosage relatively low to balance things out.

Man, I’m really not feeling too great today.

I honestly can't wrap my head around why so many people push back against medication-based therapy. It feels like if one specific drug doesn't hit the mark or leaves you feeling terrible from side effects, there’s usually another option waiting in the wings. There are roughly 50 different antipsychotics available these days, so there's a lot of room for trial and error. Of course, everyone reacts differently—some people handle the side effects much better than others, which is just a reality of biology. I actually brought this up with my doctor, and she told me the most common reason patients drop their meds is simply because they start feeling better and mistakenly believe they've fully recovered. In my own experience, I only ever stopped my treatment once, and even then, I wasn't dealing with schizophrenia, just schizotypal disorder, which is essentially just one step shy of it. But I know plenty of people who have cycled on and off their prescriptions three or four times now, still convinced they don't need them. The tragedy is that every time they stop, the condition comes back even harder, eventually reaching a point where things get so complicated that help becomes much harder to find.

Jose Ward4 said:But wait, what does that actually mean? Like, is that why people go see a therapist?

Well, you could say that’s one of the two primary paths in psychotherapy. The other is psychoanalysis. Ideally, psychoanalysis is supposed to fully resolve a psychological issue—assuming you don't completely lose it first, which is a struggle I know all too well. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, on the other hand, is more about helping you accept the situation and learning how to manage your life alongside it.

Jose Ward4 said:Wait, what exactly is CBT? I’m sorry, I’m really not joking—I genuinely have no clue what that stands for.

It's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Benjamin Hall6 said:What are your thoughts on this? Personally, I find several points quite compelling, which is why I’m actually considering starting CBT soon...
http://behaviorismandmentalhealth.co...ot-an-illness/

Hmm... my English isn't exactly great, so I didn't dive too deep into reading because I probably wouldn't have grasped half of it anyway, but I do know that CBT can definitely be helpful for schizophrenia. It’s especially useful for managing depression and those other negative symptoms, though, of course, you'd still need to be on medication alongside it.

George Cook said:Moving back to Chicago seems like a solid plan; there's more to do there during your downtime.
Focus on the job hunt and your hobbies. An ending is just the preface to a new chapter. Plenty of successful people never finished their degrees; what matters is forward momentum—reading, staying informed, solving puzzles, and keeping the mind occupied. You're resilient, and your contributions here have helped many others. Hang in there. 🙂

Part of me really wants to stay put because I don't have to worry about rent or groceries right now, and I also want to be around to help my mom and grandma, who rely on me quite a bit. But if I can't find work here in my hometown, I won't really have a choice, and I'll just have to settle for visiting everyone every other weekend.