Posts by Harold Anderson3

Paul White80 said:Honestly, you could probably use a little prayer right about now.

From what, though? I'm a little lost here. 🤷

I’m definitely looking forward to it too 🎉

Carl Rivera43 said:Just shoot your phone number over in a private message, and we'll let you know exactly where we're setting up.

You’ve already got my number 👍so try not to lose it somewhere

I’d love to join you guys—actually, I definitely will! The only catch is that I’m likely stuck at work until about 5:00 on Saturday (though if they let us off early since it's the weekend, I might be lucky), and my office is right over by Times Square. So, I’ll probably be running a little late... or maybe we could push things back to 5:00 just to accommodate me? 🤦I’m really sorry for the last-minute heads-up.

Well, you actually pulled it off, so huge congrats ☕

Douglas King8 said:Hey everyone. I figured I’d jump in here since this seems to be the most active thread regarding schizophrenia. I'm looking for some perspective or maybe just some advice.
So, for about a year now, insomnia has been my shadow. It takes me anywhere from two to three hours just to drift off. I’ve tried the whole "exhaust yourself" routine at the local Gold's Gym, sat through sessions with a psychologist, and even tried taking some Xanax for a bit, but nothing sticks. Back in the summer, when I was running on total fumes, I’d pass out pretty quick. Now? I’m getting maybe five to seven hours, and I’m waking up constantly in the middle of the night. I spend the next day looking like a zombie with dark circles under my eyes, though weirdly enough, I don't feel physically drained.
The insomnia comes with a side of mental noise. When I finally hit the pillow and close my eyes, desperate to pass out, my brain just starts racing. And I don't mean "thinking about my to-do list" racing—it's different. These aren't thoughts I'm consciously projecting. It’s more like words and sentences just... dropping into my head. They don't connect to anything. I can actually hear them in my mind. I’d break them down into three buckets:
1. Random words that just pop in, totally out of nowhere and without any rhyme or reason.
2. Strings of words or disjointed sentences that float by right before I manage to fall asleep. These get particularly intense if I wake up in the middle of the night, but they always seem to subside enough for me to drift off again.
3. Sentences or thoughts that feel like they’re being spoken by people I actually know—like a coworker using their specific inflection to say, "That's how you do it!" Or, it's like hearing a snippet of dialogue from a TV show or pulling a single sentence out of a book without the context. Just a fragment hanging there.
Honestly, the thoughts aren't terrifying in themselves. If it's just a few sentences, I usually ride the wave and fall asleep. But if it's just those random words, I stay wide awake.
The sensation when this happens is similar to being in a trance or a semi-dream state, except it feels like one part of my consciousness is generating these thoughts while another part is just standing there, watching them happen in parallel.
I am fully aware that these aren't real. They only happen late at night right before bed or first thing in the morning when I wake up; during the day, everything is quiet. Still, it’s messing with my head.
A few months ago, my psychiatrist told me these are hypnagogic hallucinations—stuff that happens right on the edge of sleep. Apparently, not everyone experiences them, but I'm worried because they seem to be getting more intense lately.
The hardest part is trying to explain what they actually sound like.
While it's happening, I feel like I'm dreaming while still being awake. Part of my mind tracks the thoughts, and then once they pass, I snap back to full awareness and start analyzing them—which makes me wonder how I even thought of them in the first place. Then I forget them and try to go back to sleep, and the whole cycle repeats until I finally crash.
For instance, while trying to drift off, the word "pride" just flashed in my mind. Or, I’ll clearly hear a friend's voice saying, "Look at these stairs."
I've already booked another appointment with my doctor because I'm genuinely spooked.
Can anyone tell me if this is a symptom of schizophrenia? It's starting to really scare me.
Thanks for listening. 🙂

Hey there! I wanted to jump in and say that while insomnia can be a factor, it doesn't necessarily mean you're dealing with schizophrenia. I’ve actually been living with schizophrenia for five years now, and even though I've stayed pretty consistent with my medication—though the dosage wasn't particularly high at first—I did hit a rough patch recently due to some intense stress at college. It all started with about a week of sleepless nights, which then spiraled into paranoid thoughts and a bit of escapism from reality. In the end, the fix was actually quite straightforward: my doctor just bumped up my antipsychotic. So, instead of the usual 5 mg, I'm on 10 mg of Zyprexa now.
Could you share what your specific diagnosis is? Have you experienced any psychotic episodes, and what kind of medication are you currently taking?
Your doctor will definitely be the best person to help you navigate this.

Paul Thompson3 said:Sorry for jumping in when I'm technically off-topic—I just really enjoyed reading this and plan on sticking around for a bit over the next few days.
Good luck, Beautifulhearte!

Thanks, Paul! I'm so glad you're enjoying it. If you had half as much fun reading this blog as I did writing it, then I suppose I actually had twice as much fun as you did. 😁

I’m sorry for dropping in so suddenly like a parachute without warning, but I wanted to share one more thing—this will be my final post on my blog 😉

I feel pretty bad about heading out so early, but I was just completely wiped out. Honestly, I was so exhausted that I actually showed up an hour late to work yesterday. Luckily, my boss didn't give me any grief about it, but if you ask me, we should definitely aim for a Saturday next time.

I'll be heading over too 😉 so I should see you all in just a little over two hours.

I’m right there with Larry Lewis; he’s clearly been navigating this mental rollercoaster for a while now, given his last two posts.😁

@Dana Vaughn—it honestly feels perfectly reasonable to bump up your antipsychotic dose for a day or two if you start sensing those psychotic symptoms creeping back in. I tend to do the exact same thing myself when things feel a bit off.

@David Lee2—no one should be standing in your way when it comes to getting the medication you need, especially since a decent doctor would never deny you that support. Personally, I think most people can find decent enough medical care here in the States; despite all its flaws, our healthcare system generally does a pretty good job of prioritizing patient wellness.

Benjamin Robinson3 said:I have a question for anyone living with schizophrenia. How did it all start for you? What were the first symptoms you noticed?

If we don't count me being a naturally withdrawn and shy kid, my first actual symptoms popped up when I was 16—mostly intrusive thoughts and this heavy emotional flatness, or apathy. About two or three years later, I started getting treated for depression, which eventually turned into bipolar disorder, and then by the time I hit 21, I went through two psychotic episodes back-to-back. That second one was particularly rough, and it was right after that that I received a diagnosis of schizophrenia. I'm 26 now, and I've actually been in a steady state of remission for five years; I don't deal with psychotic symptoms anymore, though I still have some occasional mood swings.

Henry Garcia9 said:I'm doing okay, I guess. Just stuck in a bit of a funk lately. Is this just part of the deal with this illness?? Is it even normal to be on antidepressants while dealing with schizophrenia?

Whenever I find my way back to this forum after a long break, I always make sure to check in on this specific thread...

Henry, what you're experiencing is completely normal for this condition; there's actually a formal diagnosis for it called post-schizophrenic depression. I was actually in the hospital for this during my last stay.

If I were to try and offer a logical explanation for why this happens... when we are in a state of psychosis, we aren't typically feeling depressed at all; instead, it's usually the exact opposite, where we feel hyperactive or manic. Once we take antipsychotics, things settle down, and if the medication is keeping the illness under control without being too heavy-handed, we start to feel somewhat normal. However, as the illness recedes over time, those medications can sometimes feel overwhelming, leaving us feeling depressed or just totally drained of energy. There are generally two ways to handle this: tapering down the antipsychotics or adding an antidepressant to the regimen. While antidepressants and antipsychotics don't have perfectly opposing effects, the reality is that the former lifts your mood, whereas the latter tends to lower it or, more accurately, stabilize it. Reducing the antipsychotics can run the risk of causing a relapse, so sometimes it’s actually better to just introduce an additional medication to help boost your mood.
That's just my layman's take on it, though if anyone here with more medical expertise has a better way of explaining it, please do weigh in.

As for me, I've been taking Effexor XR at 150 mg, and I'm quite happy with how it works for me.

restlesstiger49 said:Hmm, that's interesting. When I was on it about four years ago, I actually found my appetite increased. I'm planning to start back up on it tomorrow.

What kind of starting dose are you looking at? I started out on 75 mg XL, but I've bumped up to 150 mg now.

It really is a solid antidepressant since it targets two different neurotransmitters, specifically serotonin and norepinephrine.

That said, even with a dosage this high, I still find myself hitting those occasional low points. Whenever I mess something up at work or feel like I've made a mistake, I don't really deal with guilt so much as I just spiral into a deep depression.

I suppose that might be more of a situation for psychotherapy rather than just relying on medication—at least, that's how it feels to me...

I guess I'll see you all then. I haven't quite managed to finish reading through the entire thread because my internet connection here is being incredibly slow, but from what I can gather, there might be about ten people attending, maybe even a few more... it should be a really interesting experience to finally meet everyone in person after only ever seeing their posts online. 🙂

Are applications still open? 😉

I’d love to join in, assuming you guys wouldn't mind having me around. 😛

Dana Vaughn said:As far as I can remember, I've always been a pretty normal person. Though, I suppose I've always had bad luck—just constant issues following me around. There was drug experimentation, messing things up with alcohol... I lived quite a turbulent life. And then, out of nowhere, I fell into this inexplicable state. I started this online relationship with a guy, and it ended badly. I was terrified of him listening to my phone calls—even though he said he wouldn't—and I'd get anxious at every little movement of the mouse on my computer. I felt like everything was connected back to him. I don't know, I wasn't totally "gone," but my parents said I seemed different than usual. They suggested I go to the hospital to let things settle down, so I stayed for about 20 days. I was put on Solian and Depakote. Honestly, I've mostly forgotten that whole period because I was hospitalized for those 20 days before the meds even really kicked in to help. All the medication really gave me were the negative side effects, which I mentioned earlier.
I'm not sure how one actually recovers from this. I'm really hoping that the Velafax is the answer, so I can eventually drop the Depakote.
Regarding the depression itself, maybe it is a bit easier to treat. I think faith plays a big part in helping, and I agree with what you said—it's easier to function when you're dealing with that compared to other things.

It’s entirely possible that your mind just reached a breaking point after living through all that, and that relationship was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. My own experience was limited to trying weed—which I mixed with alcohol, a truly terrible mistake 🙂—but I think genetics played the biggest role since my mother struggles with the same issues, and I’m fairly certain a pretty traumatic childhood was a major contributing factor too.

But please, don't go changing anything on your own; even if Depakote feels like one of the milder options out there, you really have to follow what the doctors say. Regardless of whether it feels like the medication isn't working, there's a chance you experienced a genuine psychotic episode that could easily return if you stop taking them abruptly.
And yeah, faith definitely helps in any case, but how can you be so sure that’s what I meant? Come on, enlighten my paranoid mind. 🤣

Dana Vaughn said:I'm going to start taking that Azolar this Monday, though I have my doubts about whether it'll actually get me steady again. I feel like I probably need a heavy-duty antidepressant to boost my dopamine and serotonin levels and find some equilibrium.
It is a new drug, but unfortunately, my doctor didn't offer it to me right away.
I don't know which is worse—being psychotic or being stuck in this state. I completely understand where you're coming from.
I'm also taking Depakote; does that have any impact on your mental state?

Personally, I think depression feels heavier than psychosis, mainly because at least with depression, you can still function somewhat, whereas with psychosis, you're just totally out of it.
I took Depakote for a while too (those large white pills), and it definitely tends to dampen your mood, and if my memory serves me right, it could even trigger manic episodes. I ended up taking it to help manage some compulsive behaviors I had shortly after my bout with psychosis.

As for Effexor... I take 150 mg, though I know there are 75 mg and 37.5 mg doses out there. I can say it helps, but I still don't always feel great; I still experience bouts of heavy depression from time to time. It's hard for me to socialize sometimes because I feel this sense of unease and restlessness. People tell me I come across as melancholy, but that’s just how I’ve been since I was a kid, long before I ever got sick. In my case, the illness seemed to develop quite gradually over time.

David Vaughn75 said:But if that's how it works, then how come I’m taking these antipsychotics and I still—more often than not—actually feel some damn joy and excitement? 🤷

Honestly, I’d just be grateful for the medication and my psychiatrist. If you aren't dealing with symptoms on top of everything else, it really means your dosage is right where it needs to be. 😉

Nicole Barrett76 said:It was recently mentioned that antipsychotics function by targeting dopamine. I have heard that certain psychiatric patients in clinical settings are actually administered dopamine via injection, or perhaps they receive a substance that either stimulates its release or increases the sensitivity of dopamine receptors. This typically results in a transient sense of euphoria.

This led me to wonder: in specific instances involving post-schizophrenic depression, could clinicians prescribe lower doses of dopamine when an antipsychotic triggers excessive side effects? For example, if a patient starts an antipsychotic and suffers from severe adverse reactions, making an immediate transition to a different medication difficult due to the intensity of those symptoms, would they ever be given small amounts of dopamine—or perhaps substances that support it?

I haven't actually heard of patients being given dopamine, and honestly, it seems pretty counterproductive to give someone a drug that blocks dopamine at the exact same time you're giving them something to stimulate its release, especially if it's just for a fleeting moment of euphoria. If that were the case, wouldn't the symptoms of the illness just resurface alongside that feeling? They'd likely be just as temporary.
I'm hoping someone here with a bit more expertise can shed some light on how this works.

In the case of post-schizophrenic depression, antidepressants are typically prescribed, which focus specifically on serotonin; though, even then, higher doses can sometimes trigger mild Psychotic symptoms in people dealing with schizophrenia.