It’s been exactly one year since I received my schizophrenia diagnosis. For a while there, things actually felt like they were looking up—I was able to scale back on some of my medications and felt much more stable—but over the last couple of months, my mood has taken a real dive. Some days are okay, but most of the time, everything just feels heavy. I find myself spiraling into these dark thoughts about why I was even born, and honestly, the idea of suicide is starting to feel like a looming possibility in the distance. At work, I’ve become pretty withdrawn; while everyone else is joking around and being social, I just tend to retreat into my own head. My doctor recently added Edronax to my treatment plan, but since it's quite expensive, I haven't actually started taking it yet. I guess I was wondering how those of you dealing with psychosis manage to fight off the depression that comes along with it?
Larry Howard8 said:What is that supposed to mean? That everyone who goes through some kind of major trauma, like losing someone close to them, just ends up with schizophrenia?
🙄
Well, maybe not everyone, but certainly some people do.
Larry Howard8 said:My little sister told me this thing usually shows up during puberty while you're still figuring out who you are. Since I'm already 27, she basically said, "If you didn't get it by now, you're probably in the clear," but honestly, I've been worried about it since I was 18...
When did you guys first deal with it?
I really admire people who face any kind of illness with courage and just refuse to give up....
🙏
It typically manifests around age 18, which is that scenario where it just seems to happen "on its own." In another scenario, if it's triggered by some incredibly stressful life event, it can really hit you at any stage of your life.
Carol Hall7 said:That’s just my take on it. For those who aren't clued in, my f-score is a solid 25.0 on the schizoaffective scale. Basically, I’m a little bit of everything. When I’m high and feeling like I could sell ice to an Eskimo, everyone suddenly thinks I'm the greatest thing ever. People are smiling at me—hell, just yesterday some guy I barely even know handed me a book.
That’s the high talking; that elevated mood where you feel like you’re walking through a field of flowers. It’s a little bit unhealthy, honestly—just way too much life optimism packed into one dose.
Then there’s the part where I get this urge to mess with people, which is where the "schizo" part kicks in. And don't forget: someone is following me someone is trying to poison me someone is eavesdropping on my thoughts there are articles about me in the newspapers if a red car drives by and then a yellow one follows, it means something terrible is about to happen I can make you climax without even touching you and so on.
So, you're fully convinced this is all happening, which just isn't the reality. That's where the delusion kicks in. I actually went through a phase where I thought everything from that specific "Day D" was being filmed and broadcast on national TV, but it wasn't even mentioned on the local news, haha.😂
Peter Rogers6 said:I mean, yeah, but that happens on a trip too...
But I think the real issue is that when you're dealing with schizophrenia, these things happen constantly without needing any extra substances to trigger them. It’s a bit like the difference between being paralyzed for a few hours after a surgery and being paralyzed for the rest of your life because of a spinal cord injury. I've only ever used marijuana, and when I mentioned that to my psychiatrist, she just looked at me and said, "Well, that's exactly what you aren't supposed to be doing."
Schizophrenia is essentially a condition where you find yourself completely convinced of something that simply isn't true. It can show up through various ways, whether it's dealing with hallucinations, a total retreat from reality, or just some other unpredictable way the mind tries to make sense of things.
Thomas Ramos4 said:I’ve spent my entire life pouring everything I have into dealing with this, and honestly, my dad did the same thing. For a while, it felt like it was actually paying off because there were these stretches where Mom was doing so well that we almost forgot the illness was even there. We’d get comfortable, thinking maybe we’d finally turned a corner, but then it always comes back to haunt you. Like I said before, you learn how to fight the battle, but once I got married, I realized it isn't that simple anymore. Now I’m stuck at this crossroads where I have to make a choice: do I actually live my own life, or do I spend it constantly fighting against my mother's illness? Because right now, trying to do both feels impossible.
You really have to live your own life; there’s only so much you can do for your mom regardless. Keep in touch and stay present, but you have to prioritize your own family. That’s some advice from Dr. Harold Anderson3🙂
Thomas Ramos4 said:I’m looking for anyone who’s been through the exact same thing... how do you actually deal with it? How do you even manage to function like a normal person when life is like this? My entire existence has basically been shaped by my mother's horrific illness. I can feel it leaving these deep psychological scars on both me and my dad, and honestly, the weight of it just keeps building. What’s the right way to handle this? How do you act, or even what is the "correct" way to behave when everything feels this heavy?
If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be to go see a psychiatrist for a consultation, especially since you mentioned how much your mom's illness has affected your own mental health. My own mother struggles with schizophrenia, and looking back, everything would have been so much easier if I had just listened to my doctor and kept taking my prescribed medication. I ended up developing the same condition myself because of it. I've actually been in treatment since I was nineteen, starting with depression and later moving into bipolar disorder. Less than a year ago, I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder, which happened after I decided to stop taking my meds. Trust me, I've learned the hard way that stopping your medication on your own is never a good idea.
mistyseal11 said:For those of you actually living with schizophrenia, how would you even put this illness into words?
Like, just yesterday I found myself having a full-on conversation out loud with another version of myself. Is that a sign of things getting worse? 😁
Right now, my experience mostly boils down to the fact that I have to stay on a strict regimen of medications that leave me feeling pretty drowsy. Before my last stay at the hospital, I was dealing with hallucinations where I thought I was walking along a major interstate, but it was just a regular local road, and I kept seeing tons of cars that simply weren't there. I made sure to tell everything to the doctor who came to pick me up, noting that I can still communicate normally with people... so yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it 🙂
bluebison70 said:I guess there's a certain advantage to being bisexual: you basically get to experience everything the world has to offer, and honestly, things never really get stale.
In a certain sense, it really is the best way to be 👍
I've always felt that within any psychologically healthy individual, there's both a homosexual and a heterosexual component; it’s really just a matter of how those two sides are balanced. That’s essentially why we see the spectrum of heterosexuals, bisexuals, and homosexuals. Personally, I don't have any issue with gay people at all, though I do feel quite content being straight. If I were gay, I suppose I might just be indifferent about the whole thing 😕 As for the social side of things—it really comes down to your family upbringing. In many American households, it can still be a point of tension, but I truly believe that dynamic is starting to shift 😉
It’s almost like you have to pretend to be okay with everything if you can actually stomach it. But honestly, if things get to be too much, just lean on the people who truly care about you, and then keep everyone else strictly professional 🙂
Lawrence Wells said:If you don't get that foundation of love from your family growing up—I mean, if it's just not there—don't hold your breath expecting someone else to just swoop in and fix it for you. In most cases, that's just how life works.
I honestly can't say for sure, but I haven't had an experience quite like that myself, since everyone—aside from my father and stepmother—has always been there to offer me a sense of security and support.
i feel good 🙂 Just wanted to give you all an update... I finally sat down and had some real, open conversations with my mom, my grandma, and my friends. Everyone really seemed to see right through me and offered their full support, though my dad wasn't quite on the same page. Honestly, though, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Please, don't ever feel like you have to bottle things up inside; reach out to your friends, talk to doctors, therapists, or your parents... it truly is worth 🙂 In the meantime, the Zoloft has actually started kicking in, and now I'm feeling a little wild 😈 so there's that... sending a big 😘 to everyone
Kyle Nelson2 said:There’s really just one question you have to ask yourself—do you actually want to make it out? Like, do you love yourself enough to do whatever it takes to get through this? It doesn't matter how much depression is crushing you right now... It's kind of like when you step outside into that brutal, sweltering heat, and you don't even realize how bad it is until you finally step back into the shade, and then you can actually feel the heat radiating off your own skin.
Some things just take time, I guess.
I started spiraling about four years ago, just a slow and steady decline. It didn't take me very long to admit to myself that I had a serious problem on my hands. Since then, I've spent quite a bit of time sitting in offices with psychologists and psychiatrists... but honestly, things have only seemed to get worse... enough time passes that you eventually start losing hope that anything will ever truly feel better...
I really want to thank everyone for the support lately... but I’m honestly afraid I won't be able to pull myself out of this very easily. Or, if I’m being completely honest, I don't think I can get out at all. I feel like I've dug myself into such a deep hole, and I just can't see any way for things to actually get better. I keep getting more tangled up in my own thoughts, and I can't find the exit. I suspect that's really at the heart of my depression. It feels like when nothing you do ever goes right, it's only logical that you'd eventually lose the will to try anything at all—and that's exactly what depression feels like. Everything feels heavy right now, even just sitting down to write this. I find myself withdrawing more and more, and it feels like my mom is the only person I have left. But she struggles with schizophrenia herself, so she isn't in a position to help me. If I were to do something to myself, it would automatically mean I had done it to her too, because I am truly her entire world.
Besides, it’s not like we'd be losing anything, since we're all just struggling through these miserable lives anyway..
Kyle Nelson2 said:You're making a mistake... Not because you let it all out, but because you're asking strangers for their opinion again... If you feel better now that you've vented, there's probably a good reason for that.
Maybe you have a point and I am making a mistake... but I just have this deep-seated need to share my thoughts and how I'm feeling with someone, you know? Since I can't always open up like this with my friends or my parents, I end up turning to this forum instead.🙄
Kyle Nelson2 said:Well, looks like you're finally moving forward... Just don't feel ashamed of how you feel (especially not around those old folks)
I actually called my old man today and just laid it all out—told him exactly what I think about his parenting and how he has absolutely no right to demand academic results from me at college when his own upbringing is the root cause of my struggles. It wasn't like he reached out to check in on me out of the goodness of his heart, after all.
Naturally, things got pretty heated. He’s convinced this is all just laziness on my part, or that I'm some kind of manipulator who only moved back in with my mom because I can get away with whatever I want... His mindset is just so narrow; he doesn't have any concept of psychology or the fact that people actually have feelings, let alone understanding anything regarding mental health. And honestly, he ended up marrying someone struggling with schizophrenia. I mean, the whole thing fell apart after three years, but still... In any case, I feel a little lighter now that we've talked, even if it was through a massive argument. I just needed to vent those negative emotions and make sure he knows that I hold him responsible for where I am today. Am I being fair here, or am I totally off base?
nimbleviper142 said:Yeah, makes sense then... you haven't been on them long enough. They usually take three or four weeks to really kick in. It’s probably already working and you just haven't noticed yet. If that's the case, don't sweat it, you'll feel it soon enough.🙂 I started on Risperdal and it used to put me out for like 16 or 17 hours straight. Waking up felt like I'd been run over by a truck. So I switched to 10mg of Zyprexa. Didn't make me sleepy, just made me ravenous. Didn't last too long though, because I ended up getting diagnosed with anorexia right after... just my luck, I guess. I get it, I know the feeling. Sometimes I get like that—totally scattered, thoughts flying everywhere, just non-stop overthinking until I hit total overload. Then comes the phase where my brain just goes completely blank, totally numb. And then there are days when I'm actually okay, believe it or not. 😬 But I'm managing. I'm off all meds right now. When things get crazy, I just stay inside. The visual hallucinations are mostly gone, except when I'm exhausted. The voices are almost gone too—way less than before. I'm not as paranoid, but I've definitely retreated into myself. I barely talk, and even when I'm in a good mood, it doesn't last long. I don't know, I'd honestly rather be completely out of my mind than deal with pills ever again. But if they help you, stick with it. Maybe one day you won't need them. Hopefully it happens soon.👍
I have to say, your way of thinking is a bit unusual; you'd probably feel much better if you had the right medication for you. If I knew for certain that it would make me feel better, I'd take whatever was necessary. My mom, for example, doesn't stand a chance without her meds; the moment she misses a single dose, the anxieties start creeping back and she becomes paranoid. Sometimes she even gets that way even when she's being consistent with her prescription, so she ends up increasing her own dosage. She takes Seroquel, Artane, Haldol, and Norvasc, all three times a day. Either her condition is more severe than yours, or you've just learned how to live with yours and keep it under control. Maybe for you, it's just a matter of sheer willpower. Whether you're on meds or not, hang in there! 👋