Posts by Walter Myers4

crimsongull20 said:I'm talking about the lack of situational awareness mentioned in the original post.

The example above was my own little disaster. Usually, I don't even notice who's sitting at the next table in a Starbucks or walking past me on the sidewalk, let alone if someone is staring. If I’m treating people's behavior like a play at a theater, sure, I see the reactions... but otherwise? No chance I'd spot a celebrity in a crowd.

Yeah. Same here. Honestly, I'm way more wrapped up in my own thoughts than any social dynamics.😁
The only "social dynamic" I care about is making sure I don't accidentally walk into someone while I'm staring at my phone.

placidranger said:Damn, yeah—drifted into off-topic territory there.

Anyway, where were we... the patient doesn't feel like part of the group because he’s missing the social cues... hmmm...
He needs to get out of his own head and actually look at what's happening around him. Honestly, the best move would be to start studying non-verbal communication. Pick up some books, observe people, test theories—that kind of thing.

You can't spot something if you don't even realize it exists.
It’s like when you learn a new slang term and suddenly it’s everywhere—in the papers, on TV, in every conversation. Or you decide you want a specific Jeep and suddenly you see them on every street corner. It's just a matter of tuning your perception and opening up those filters. Once you do, you realize how much interesting subtext is hidden in someone's posture, their stance, or just a glance...

Look, that's all fine and dandy if you actually GIVE A DAMN about all that nonsense. But what if you don't?
What if you couldn't care less about social dynamics? 😁

crimsongull20 said:Let him reach out once he forgets to say hi to the boss twice in two days... just because he didn't notice her walking by like I did...

I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about here.

placidranger said:Damn, yeah—drifted into off-topic territory there.

Anyway, where were we... the patient doesn't feel like part of the group because he’s missing the social cues... hmmm...
He needs to get out of his own head and actually look at what's happening around him. Honestly, the best move would be to start studying non-verbal communication. Pick up some books, observe people, test theories—that kind of thing.

You can't spot something if you don't even realize it exists.
It’s like when you learn a new slang term and suddenly it’s everywhere—in the papers, on TV, in every conversation. Or you decide you want a specific Jeep and suddenly you see them on every street corner. It's just a matter of tuning your perception and opening up those filters. Once you do, you realize how much interesting subtext is hidden in someone's posture, their stance, or just a glance...

It’s entirely possible they’re just too wrapped up in their own head and their own reactions.

crimsongull20 said:That’s not just a problem. It’s an epidemic. 😁

Yeah. Maybe he's just shy and can't stand being stuck in a crowd. 😁

placidranger said:Now you're swinging too far in the opposite direction. Sure, it takes two, but a mature, productive response involves owning your part of the equation. You have to identify your own flaws if you actually want to fix them—otherwise, what's the point?

The only issue he’s bringing up is that he doesn't notice girls checking him out. Honestly? Maybe I've got that same damn problem myself.

placidranger said:Seriously, read the words one by one. You skipped over the two most important ones—“if I wanted”... to become something... blah blah...
The guy wants to develop qualities he doesn't naturally possess—traits other people just seem to have—so a major part of the process involves observing those people in their "natural habitat" while they actually display those traits.

Sure, though that's a pretty weak way to go about it (just copying the competition).
It's much better to focus on developing and leaning into your own actual competitive advantages.

placidranger said:it’s not attractive. let's be real.

if someone is sane, they should get that.
honestly, it's happened to me—getting brushed off or even dumped because I acted terrified during an intimate moment.
and while logic suggests being composed is the way to go, I think women can always lean into their femininity to smooth things over, right? 😁

I don't know the specifics. maybe you overreacted, but honestly—in those moments, being adventurous is more feminine than acting frightened. 😁

I think it really goes both ways.
So, I'm definitely not blaming just myself for this.
And the same goes for some terrified kid—he shouldn't walk away thinking there's something wrong with him just because he didn't click with a girl right off the bat.

placidranger said:Look, if you actually wanted to pull that off, your first move would be to watch how those girls interact with people—then mimic them until you get the hang of it.

But honestly? I pick things up fast. So, regarding this whole topic, I’d catch up on everything I missed in no time at all.
I mean, if my life depended on it, I’d probably master the whole world of fashion, makeup, femininity, and seduction—all that feminine nonsense—before you could even blink.
God knows, I stumbled onto the wedding subforum here the other day by accident. Seriously, go there and take a look at the headspace those women are in. At first, I thought they were all just messing around, but apparently, they take this stuff incredibly seriously. Like, they say they’ve been preparing for their wedding day their entire lives! It sounds totally bizarre to me, but hey, if I lived in a society where that kind of mindset was considered normal, I’d probably adapt pretty quickly too.

placidranger said:Look, if you actually wanted to pull that off, your first move would be to watch how those girls interact with people—then mimic them until you get the hang of it.

That is just ridiculous.
If I wasn't born with it, the last thing I’d ever think about is "learning" how to be some kind of player.
Same goes for other stuff—if I have small breasts, I'm not getting implants, you know what I mean?
If I've got a small dick, I'm not running off for some enlargement procedure.

I don't have that kind of insecurity.
So no, I don't want to "become" a player.
And honestly, I'm too much of a man for all that.

placidranger said:Go back and reread what I actually wrote versus what you think I said. 😉
Let me clarify: to actually "be yourself," you need the guts to be spontaneous, honest, and firm in your convictions—and building self-confidence is the only way to get there.
What good is "being yourself" if you're just some terrified kid stuttering and staring at his shoes while trying to talk to a girl? You see my point?

I get it. So you're saying a scared kid doesn't even get the chance to "be himself" because he's too busy panicking?
But why not just deal with it by being honest and admitting you're freaking out?

If someone is halfway decent, they should get that.
Honestly, even I've had moments where I got brushed off or totally shut down just because I acted intimidated during an intimate moment.
Even though, logically, that should be seen as being vulnerable, I feel like women can always just use that "feminine grace" excuse to bail, right? 😁

placidranger said:There’s a massive difference between putting on an act and actually becoming the person you claim to be—one is just theater, the other is growth. And let’s get one thing straight: it isn't about being "macho." That's just insecurity in a cheap suit. Real confidence doesn't need to shout.
The absolute worst advice you can give someone facing this kind of struggle is "just be yourself." It’s hollow—completely misses the mark. It doesn't touch the actual core of the issue—the deep-seated anxieties and social fears one has to actually dismantle just to function like a normal person in society.

I totally disagree.
Honestly, it's way easier and smarter to just "be yourself" than to put on some ridiculous act, because when you fake it, you just end up looking like a total clown.
Plus, from a long-term perspective, being real is actually more efficient. I mean, imagine if someone falls for the persona you're faking? Now you're stuck living a lie forever. That sounds absolutely exhausting.
On the flip side, if you're just being who you are, life is simpler for you and everyone else involved.

For instance, I would find it freaking hilarious if I tried to pretend I was some wild party girl, because that is just not me.

blueranger12 said:Self-control doesn't mean you aren't honest. You take a second, step back, and realize you want to tell the truth even if it totally wrecks you. Controlling yourself doesn't make you an actor. It just means you actually think before you act.

So now we're talking about fine-tuning emotions—basically having the discipline to filter yourself before you snap and cause a massive mess.
I'll give you that, it's a sign of intelligence.
But my point is that you guys are basically coaching this kid to act like some tough guy persona when it clearly isn't him at all.😁

blueranger12 said:"Honesty" is just a fancy word for having zero self-control. 😉

Absolute stupidity.
Honestly, nothing cracks me up more than watching some scrawny kid try to act like he’s Bruce Willis or some other gritty, hard-boiled action star. It’s ridiculous. You see these little guys walking around with that fake tough-guy stare, acting like they’ve seen some serious combat, when the most intense thing they've ever dealt with was getting grounded by their parents. Give me a break. 😁
placidranger, that goes for you too.

Look, if playing pretend is your actual job description, then fine, go ahead. But otherwise? It’s just plain tacky. Seriously, it’s totally out of line and completely inappropriate for what's actually going on here.

Look, on the flip side, being straight with people actually pays off sometimes. It really does.
So, you finally get back out there. You actually find a girl you really, truly care about after that last breakup absolutely wrecked you. It’s heavy, right? It’s that feeling where you’re trying to be all cool and collected, but underneath, you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop because you've been burned before. It’s nerve-wracking as hell.
She actually looks me right in the eye and asks, "Do you love me?" Seriously? Like, out of nowhere? Just when I'm trying to breathe!
Look, you don't want to be that person who just loses it and has zero self-control. But at the same time, I honestly can't even picture living a life where I'm constantly holding back. Sometimes, you just have to look someone right in the eye and give them a blunt, "No way, pal." 😁
And she’s gone for good. Just like that. Gone.
What the hell are you even talking about? Seriously? Get to the point already.

Honestly, acting like that just screams that someone has zero emotional intelligence. It’s a total giveaway. You can practically see the lack of social skills and basic common sense staring you right in the face. It’s pathetic.

brightotter7 said:I'm not sure if "social intelligence" is even the right term for this, but feel free to set me straight if I'm off base 🙂

So, look, I'm just not great at navigating group dynamics or picking up on those unspoken social cues. To give you an idea: say I’m out at a bar with my buddies, and I am definitely NOT going to notice if some girl is checking me out. Like, a friend will go, "Hey, she's looking at you," and I'll just stare back totally clueless, wondering why she'd be interested in *me*. Then another friend chimes in and confirms it, and I’m still just sitting there like... what? It's the same deal with all those tiny little signals people throw around in groups. Sometimes I feel like a complete idiot because there's this constant stream of information flying around me and I'm just missing it entirely. I don't really care much about what someone's wearing, what kind of car they drive, or obsessing over every little detail—unless it's actually a juicy story, obviously. I'm not socially awkward or anything; I can hold a conversation and I love a good joke, but I guess I just miss the subtleties.
Anyone else deal with this? How would you even label it? Am I just the guy sitting in the cave planning the strategy while everyone else is busy hunting mammoths? Help!

Yeah, this is an interesting topic.
A lot of us didn't fully socialize growing up, and that’s the main reason we struggle with basic social situations later on.
For example, when I was a kid, after preschool, I didn't really play with other kids much. I remember my parents even used to discourage me from hanging out with certain groups, so eventually, I just gave up on socializing and started reading books instead.
To be honest, those social circles weren't even that great anyway; the kids were pretty wild and aggressive, especially the girls fighting amongst themselves.
And that went on for a long time, basically until college. Sure, I had friends and social circles through activities I did—like ballet, language classes, music lessons, and Scouts—but it was always more of a "going through the motions" thing. I wasn't out partying or hanging out like a "normal" person. Naturally, you end up missing things later in life because you never learned the common jokes, body language, or how to just mess around in a group.
I can boast about having a sophisticated sense of humor and being polite, but I often lack spontaneity and that ability to just relax in a crowd, mostly because I didn't get enough social practice when I was young.
On the flip side, I did manage to avoid falling into the traps of bad crowds, not that I want to list them all.
Listen, can you make up for it? I believe you can, but you'll always have that one fundamental gap. Then again, I think you probably gained something from it too—just like I gained a ton from all those books I devoured while my peers were busy playing in the yard or sniffing glue.

Casey Rogers47 said:It hit the big city two days ago too. They confirmed it over at the local Infectious disease hospital.

Really? You think it could be the exact same thing?

Does anyone actually know when this thing is happening or which city it's hitting?

I feel terrible for side. I really hope everything turns out okay 🙂

With the first warm winter days hitting the city, the flu has officially arrived here too.
I think I caught it this morning.
Ugh, seriously? My head is absolutely killing me, and now my throat is acting up too. Just great. Everything hurts.
Look, I’m telling you, they've already recorded the first cases in Los Angeles and Chicago, so don't even try to tell me I'm just making things up or being paranoid. It's happening.
Is anyone else dealing with this nasty flu right now? Seriously, I feel like the whole damn country is coming down with it at once. It’s brutal.
How are you all holding up? Seriously, how’s everyone doing out there? 😁

Christian Doyle3 said:I read somewhere that we’re always drawn to people who reflect how we see ourselves... I don't know if there's any truth to that, maybe...

Well, if that's the case, then I must be absolutely perfect. 😁