While I have never been much of a fan of chronic pessimists—those individuals who seem determined to find the darkest cloud in every silver lining—I suppose I find those who perform an unrelenting, forced cheerfulness even more exhausting. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that I am under no obligation to spend my time in the company of people who don't resonate with me, provided, of course, that I'm not bound by professional duties where cooperation is a necessity. I have certainly encountered those types who, as someone else on this platform once noted, constantly insist, "Why can't you just be positive? I love having fun, I always look on the bright side," and so on. It seems to me that their entire existence revolves around championing positivity and rejecting negativity, yet their actual behavior rarely aligns with such lofty declarations.
If you don't feel this burning necessity to overhaul your entire existence, and you genuinely feel comfortable in your own skin, then I suppose I can't see any real issue with that.
I was wondering if anyone might be able to offer a recommendation for a decent general practitioner out in that small rural town. If you'd prefer to share details privately, feel free to send me a DM.
Tomorrow morning, I’m scheduled for a bone marrow aspiration along with a biopsy; apparently, they intend to handle both procedures in one go. They’ll start by extracting the marrow and then follow up with the biopsy using a separate needle. I suppose I can only hope the pain isn't too overwhelming, though I realize there isn't much choice in the matter—it simply has to be done. I’ll let you all know how it goes once it's over.
Gerald Nelson3 said:Hello, my wife had some blood drawn from her finger at a private doctor's office, and this is what the results show: Biochemical analysis:
P-AMYL= 14.0 HG= 6.75
I assume the first one refers to amylase, but I have no idea what the second one, HG, represents. Generally speaking, the doctor told her that her immune system seems a bit weak and gave her a Vitamin B injection. I suspect there might not be much of a connection here, but I would appreciate your thoughts!
Could you tell me where she had the finger prick done? I've been looking for such an option for quite a while now, since I have significant difficulty with standard blood draws.
quietnomad13 said:It’s almost like I’m reading my own life story here, except for the parts about conquering and reshaping the world.
Look, speaking from raw experience, let me give you this one bit of advice: study. Learn for yourself, not because someone else is breathing down your neck to do it.
Back when I was your age, I was the exact same way—I dodged books like the plague and tried to find every possible shortcut through life. Luckily, I ended up picking a solid trade in high school that actually pays the bills now. If I had actually listened to the older folks who kept nagging me to "reach my full potential," I probably would've achieved way more than I did.
The truth is, I’m still a student today. To be honest, what really lit the fire under me was someone incredibly special to me. Being around them made me realize just how much general knowledge I was missing—stuff I either skipped over or completely blanked on during my school years.
In a pretty short amount of time since then, I’ve knocked out foreign language courses, discovered so many places and things I never even knew existed, and I’m finally diving into the classics I should have read a lifetime ago. Don't get me wrong, I'm pulling about 10-hour shifts most days and working weekends too, so finding time to hit the books isn't exactly easy. I’m old enough that, age-wise, I could practically be your father.
Whether you take my advice to heart—to keep learning and keep growing—is entirely up to you.
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Ah... it is almost as if I am reading my own history. At roughly the same age as the user who started this thread, I, too, refused to listen to anyone else. The whole "realize your potential" lecture always struck me as rather absurd; I mean, why would I care if some stranger thought I had potential? I simply couldn't bring myself to care. Then, years drifted by. Now, at my current age, I have returned to university, and I am planning to start studying a new language this coming fall or winter, even though the coursework is demanding enough that it will likely consume most of my time at home.
It is exactly as you described; I find myself gravitating toward reading things I would have flatly rejected when I was half your age, and strangely, I find a certain joy in it now. Could I have fulfilled my potential better up to this point? I suspect that I could have. But then again, it is never truly too late... I suppose certain realizations just slowly settle into your mind as the years pass. 😁
I find myself in complete agreement with the collective wisdom shared by the various members on this forum thus far. While offering guidance to strangers can be a rather delicate undertaking—especially when one lacks the full context of the situation—it seems to me that the path forward is quite self-evident. One simply cannot remain perpetually tethered to their mother's side of things indefinitely, particularly when there is already a wife and a child involved in the equation. It is, I suppose, a fundamental part of the human experience to establish one's independence and step away from the primary family unit to focus on building one's own; and it appears you have already taken those necessary steps. I won't presume to comment on the intricacies of your marriage—if you and your spouse aren't seeing eye to eye, that is ultimately your decision to make—but I feel quite certain about the needs of your child. They need you, and you absolutely cannot afford to neglect them in favor of your mother. A child is still growing and developing, and they require your guidance, stability, warmth, and every bit of love a parent can provide.
I happen to have those types right in my own extended family, unfortunately. I can still recall, even from when I was just a young girl, how they would constantly meddle in my affairs, spreading rumors and prying into every single little detail of my life. Once we all reached adulthood, the gossip shifted toward what I did or didn't possess; any minor shift in my circumstances seemed to travel through the grapevine with lightning speed... well, you know how it goes once someone decides to fixate on you. Conversely, trying to extract even a shred of information about them is like attempting to infiltrate the CIA—it’s simply impossible. When it comes to themselves, their finances, or their personal relationships, they guard their privacy like a state secret. Yet, here today they are, blabbing about me and my sister to anyone who will listen, without an ounce of restraint, spilling everything they think they know (even though they work so hard to dig up dirt on us, always succeeding despite their best efforts to play it cool). I suppose I don't quite understand why it's been this way since childhood; perhaps it’s some sort of calculated tactic—distracting everyone by gossiping about others so that no one thinks to ask about your own status or where you stand in life. I should probably mention that my sister and I have never gone digging for info on them, nor have we ever truly cared to, yet they never seem to relent, remaining eternally nosy and inserting themselves into places where they clearly don't belong.
I suppose it all depends on the specific circumstances at hand. It isn't quite the same thing whether one is offering feedback to colleagues or perhaps even a supervisor at a firm like Goldman Sachs... generally speaking, in those kinds of environments, one has to be incredibly cautious regarding how—and more importantly, in what manner—that criticism is delivered. Personally, I feel that the matter is entirely different when dealing with intimate relationships, such as when you want to speak candidly to someone very close to you—someone you have weathered many storms with and who knows you deeply, just as you know them (be it a partner, a family member, or a lifelong friend). In those instances, I don't package my critique the way I might at a university lecture or within a corporate office; while I intend to be honest in both scenarios, the delivery wouldn't be identical. In professional settings, I would still state my opinion, as I find hypocrisy and pretension to be quite distasteful... I cannot change that because it is simply part of my core nature, I don't play roles, but I frame it such that it comes out as, "this is merely my perspective, and you may agree or disagree... but this is what I think, since you asked," or perhaps, "if I were in your shoes, I would act this way, but the final decision rests with you."
However, among those individuals with whom I share a profound closeness, we all know that such relationships aren't solely composed of pleasant moments; if you have truly known one another for a long time, there will inevitably be arguments and various tribulations. Certain relationships endure both the good and the bad periods, especially if you are in constant contact over many years. In those cases, I don't tend to sugarcoat things much, perhaps precisely because those same people have, at times, directed rather brutal criticisms toward me, which makes me feel little need to be diplomatic; instead, I just say it straight, simply because that is the nature of our bond.
As for those who struggle to accept criticism—whether it is carefully packaged (which is arguably worse, as one tries to be a diplomat only to have the other person take offense despite having requested an honest opinion) or even when it is blunt—well, that is ultimately their own burden to carry. Perhaps I am only speaking this way because I was fortunate enough to grow up in an environment where criticism was frequent, often unsolicited, and quite harsh. I have become accustomed to receiving it, and now that I am a grown woman who understands herself, I can discern whether someone is saying something merely to insult me or if they are pointing something out for my own benefit (even if they haven't wrapped it in a pretty bow).
I suspect that even Bill Gates and his associates wouldn't be in any position to engage in this kind of large-scale philanthropy if they hadn't first amassed such staggering fortunes. I suppose one must possess significant resources before they can even consider extending a hand to others. In my view, the entire discussion feels somewhat misguided from the outset; rather than questioning how one should manage immense wealth—whether it is ethically sound to hoard it all or if there is an obligation to assist those in need—the conversation tends to focus solely on that specific segment of society that accumulates vast sums only to indulge themselves endlessly. I imagine there will always be such individuals, regardless of which country you look at in the US or elsewhere. The crux of the matter, I think, is that we cannot simply assume every wealthy individual is inherently malevolent or corrupt just because they spend their money on luxury cars and estates while others struggle; being poor doesn't automatically make someone virtuous.
It seems to me that those who are wealthy and also morally bankrupt were perhaps once quite impoverished themselves... whereas, on the other hand, there are many who have acquired wealth through honest work, inheritance, or marriage, yet remain entirely decent people who neither steal nor lie for profit. Just as there are honest people living in poverty, there are certainly dishonest people in poverty who would likely seize any opportunity to grab wealth instantly, becoming just as predatory as those who currently hold it and continue to exploit the system. One really cannot afford to generalize in matters such as these.
My mother is a classic Midwesterner at heart; back when my grandparents were still around and we’d make those trips out there, the conversation almost always gravitated toward one thing—exactly what was on the menu and when everyone was eating, stretching from lunch today to tomorrow and the day after, indefinitely. Since I transitioned to being a vegetarian (it's been years now, though I suppose you can imagine how that sits with people from the Midwest), Mom has fully embraced it. Even now, whenever I go to visit, she practically nudges me with an entire spread prepared just for me, albeit entirely meat-free. Some things truly never change. It’s the same with my aunt; when she takes over the kitchen, it feels less like a standard Tuesday dinner and more like some elaborate, high-end catered event... she’s actually gotten quite skilled at it, pivoting from her usual meat and fish dishes to whipping up three or four different gourmet delicacies specifically for my sister and me, since we both follow a vegetarian diet. Most of the time, we end up heading home with our cars packed with bags overflowing with food (because, naturally, there is always an endless surplus). Personally, I’ve never found it bothersome; if anything, I find it quite touching when someone goes out of their way to care for you, especially when they put effort into cooking meals you can actually eat despite them not sharing those dietary habits themselves. In the end, I suppose it all serves as a profound expression of genuine attention and love.
Here is an example of a study conducted here in the USA—though I suppose it isn't much of a surprise, since we see similar patterns domestically too; I recall even President Obama addressing this very issue on national television just a few months back. In my estimation, these represent the most glaring injustices one faces when navigating life as a woman. I suppose one could bring up arguments regarding maternity leave or childbirth, and while those issues certainly bother me, I suspect one eventually just accepts them as part of the female experience. However, when you see such blatant discrimination at the executive level in what is supposed to be the 21st century—where you possess identical qualifications and hold the exact same position as a man, yet receive significantly lower pay simply because of your gender—it really forces you to consider whether being male offers a distinct advantage from a purely financial perspective. In today's climate, where wealth and earnings are so central to our existence, it’s hard to ignore; education is becoming increasingly accessible across the country, whereas things have always been structured differently elsewhere. Women drive cars now, too, and they aren't just sticking to some tiny subcompact like a vintage Volkswagen Beetle just because they're women. It seems clear that societal norms in the modern West have shifted, yet this remains a critical issue that we must continue to fight against as time moves forward. I am reasonably certain that things will eventually balance out, but perhaps not within our own lifetime—or so the experts seem to suggest.
northerneagle3, I suppose you were right to warn us beforehand that this is a generalization, given that there aren't really any set rules regarding the specific examples mentioned here. Personally, I know a few mothers who are quite cold and rather reserved, yet they often think much less in terms of that black-and-white spectrum you described—where you mentioned expressing yourself in colors, if not full shades. They simply are that way, and unfortunately, there isn't much one can do about it. As for myself, I enjoy talking, dreaming, and philosophizing about just about everything; in that regard, I am much like many women. On the other hand, having lived independently for years, many have told me that I tend to function more like a man than a woman. By that, I mean I don't overcomplicate things, I don't exhaust myself with trivialities, and I actually enjoy tackling whatever challenges come my way in various forms. However, I don't care for, say, vapid conversations about fashion, or dissecting how some woman on the cover of Vogue looks, or gossiping about other women and their appearance—which I’ve noticed many women seem to adore. Again, I don't wish to generalize, nor should I, but it seems to be a frequent occurrence. I was honestly surprised by how many women I've met who obsess over the clothing and looks of others to an almost mindless degree. I don't know; there are no rules, I suppose. It comes down to individual character, and in that sense, I don't believe one can simply claim that women are one way and men are another. There are surely men who are worlds apart in temperament as well... that's just how it is.
The role of women in society—ranging from the workplace to the home and the opportunities available in life—is a subject that could sustain endless discussion. It's a perennial topic that many experts tackle, and there are even dedicated gender studies programs right here in the States (I actually met a professor from one recently). But, I won't delve into all that; I'm merely noting that it's one lens through which one could view these matters. What I mentioned in my first post on this topic remains true for me: personally, menstruation and certain hormonal shifts that women experience are bothersome. From that perspective, I imagine I would be much more satisfied if they didn't exist; I think I would feel far more comfortable and free, not to repeat what I wrote previously. But aside from when I find myself circling back to this topic, I don't dwell on it too much. I was born a woman, and that is simply the reality; I don't spend too much time daydreaming about "what if."
I suppose I should just weigh in on this topic by saying that dealing with a monthly cycle—or even more frequently if you're struggling with a hormonal disorder—is hardly some kind of privilege, nor have I ever felt particularly fortunate to experience it. Not every single person has to navigate that reality, and while most women in this group might be younger, we shouldn't overlook the inevitable transition into perimenopause and eventually menopause, which presents its own unique set of challenges that we all eventually face. The sheer variety of physical issues one deals with simply because of their biology isn't something I would ever classify as an advantage. Setting aside the broader debate regarding gender equality in the workplace or other social spheres, if we are looking strictly at what nature has handed us, I think that biological burden is the primary reason why I might have chosen to be a man instead. Just imagine being able to go through your entire life without having to worry about blood flow or cramps every single month; not having to start contemplating perimenopause in your forties or managing the various physiological shifts that come with aging; not having to stress about whether your cycle will ruin a planned vacation; or not needing to rely on various medications to manage the fallout... Perhaps for some people, these things aren't genetically predisposed to be an issue, so they don't place much emphasis on them, but there are women like me who find it quite difficult, as we are born with these specific complications. And then there is the financial aspect, such as the cost of visiting a doctor for checkups or purchasing various hormone replacement therapies to regulate everything, not to mention the ongoing expense of menstrual products...
I won't dwell on it any longer, but that remains my main reason for wishing I were male, along with a few other factors that I'll leave unsaid to avoid rambling.
Without being entirely redundant here, I suppose I find myself in complete agreement with everything lucky_star articulated; her points regarding why one might desire to be a man are, in my estimation, quite valid and resonate with my own perspective as well.
Oh, please, don't even bother exhausting yourself over this. One should simply live their life as they see fit, provided it doesn't cause harm to others, and I certainly don't get the impression that you're some kind of criminal or anything of the sort. I mean, honestly, who on earth is offended by—or how does it possibly infringe upon anyone else's rights—the fact that you aren't, say, married or following some perfectly curated, stereotypical lifestyle? I am thirty-six years old, I live entirely on my own terms, and frankly, the opinions of others don't affect me in the slightest. Besides, those people won't be standing by my side when things get difficult; they won't be helping me navigate my life choices, nor do they truly understand what matters to me, or what brings me joy or sorrow. Their opinions are much like the cars I pass while driving through heavy traffic in Chicago; I can't even begin to remember how many vehicles zipped by me that day or what brands they were... it really doesn't matter. I have my own life, and as long as I am happy, finding my way in my own unique fashion without hurting anyone else, let the small-minded folks talk all they want. Don't let it weigh on you, or you'll find your life becomes much less pleasant than it could be.
I suppose everything ultimately hinges on the individual—how they choose to process it, how they view their family, themselves, and the illness itself; whether they remain a fighter or have simply reached a point of exhaustion with it all. Personally, I would fight until the very end, clinging to the hope of overcoming the disease (I’ve dealt with my own share of significant health struggles, so I know I am someone who fights, perhaps driven by a certain stubbornness that seems to permeate much of my life). I have also seen examples within my extended family where people refused to surrender, regardless of what the eventual outcome might be, though one can never truly know those results in advance. I will reiterate, I suspect it all comes down to the person, their specific circumstances, and a multitude of other factors... It is difficult to tell anyone what would be the wise course of action or what is truly best for them, but if there is one thing I can offer you here on this forum, it is my sincere wish that you defeat this illness and emerge victorious.
I find myself in agreement with the sentiments expressed by keks. The core of the issue, I suppose, is quite elementary: one simply cannot claim to be social with individuals whom they subsequently describe as exhausting, gossip about, mock, or actively avoid... The solution seems rather straightforward, if one is willing to face it—just don't associate with such people. It would likely be for the best for them as well, as they would no longer be subjected to embarrassment and might finally grasp the reality of their situation. I suspect the young man in this particular scenario believes you all consider yourselves his friends, largely because no one ever bothered to communicate your true feelings with any degree of clarity, which I imagine was a significant oversight. Unless, of course, there is some sort of perverse satisfaction to be found in avoiding him... in which case, we are dealing with an entirely different and rather grim matter. I am merely suggesting that if his presence is truly bothersome, the remedy is simple: help him out by being direct and making it clear that he is no longer welcome in your circle.
Perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to mock people like that; if anything, I suppose we might even be inadvertently encouraging their behavior. People often engage in such mockery without ever realizing that they themselves have played some part, however small, in shaping that person's actions. I say this because, unfortunately, I found myself in a similar position for a while—not quite as extreme, perhaps, but... well, I hit my thirties and suddenly found myself completely isolated. Everything just fell apart. I didn't have a partner, and the loneliness became overwhelming. During that period, before I could truly find my footing and work through things on my own, all I really wanted was someone to talk to, someone to grab a coffee with, or just someone to tell about how my day had gone (in my case, that was my sister). I was truly on the edge; I simply didn't know how to exist within my own company. Once I began to pick up on the nonverbal cues—realizing that my presence was no longer something she particularly enjoyed—I slowly started to withdraw. Nowadays, I almost never reach out first. If she initiates contact, fine; if she doesn't... well, that's just how it is.
But... looking back at that critical period of profound isolation, I realize now that other people are often just as much to blame for the whole situation. They won't tell you clearly or in a timely manner that you're bothering them, or that they aren't interested in socializing with you. Instead, they’ll agree to grab coffee, they might even be the ones calling you, only to avoid you later in ways that can be deeply hurtful to a person. Personally, I find that being entirely alone is far preferable to being in the company of people to whom I don't belong, because there is something inherently humiliating about that dynamic. However, just because I managed to pull myself out of that phase on my own doesn't mean it couldn't have been resolved much faster if someone had simply been honest with me about where things stood.
In this particular situation, I honestly don't understand why you would sit down for coffee with this person in the first place. Believe me, he doesn't understand what's happening; he thinks you are friends, and his reactions are likely driven by a sense of loneliness and a simple desire for companionship. Please, don't lead him on by sitting for coffee only to resort to such childishly evasive maneuvers later. Just have a conversation. Tell him, in a kind and decent way, that you won't be hanging out anymore because you aren't a good match. Given enough time, he will accept it. Anything is better than this cycle of pretending to socialize and then running away... either spend time with him or leave him be entirely. This current approach is far worse, both for him and for yourselves.
Your Brain is 67 % Female It seems you possess an entirely masculine mindset Analytical and thorough, you generally prefer to rely on hard data And though I suppose your emotions might influence you on occasion... You rarely allow yourself to become overly sentimental
I can't say I haven't been aware of this for quite some time now😁