Stigma and misconceptions about STIs and sexual behavior

I have this one deeply unpleasant memory that still sticks with me: I went to see this prominent doctor, and when I mentioned I was there to get screened for STIs, he basically looked at me and said, "Listen, if you aren't living the kind of lifestyle that warrants testing, you shouldn't even be here."

It felt like a penalty, honestly—like a fine for being a "slut" or whatever label he had in his head. He charged me four times the standard rate you'd pay at an unknown clinic or somewhere else in town... The thing is, he didn't even know me, nor did he ask a single question about my history; the moment I stated my purpose, he decided he already knew everything about my life. This guy is supposed to be a well-known gynecologist here in Washington, D.C. Even though my results came back perfectly clean, he handed me my paperwork with this palpable sense of disgust.

After an encounter like that, I find myself wondering how anyone can judge another person, especially when they seem to believe that having any kind of infection, regardless of severity, means you must just be sleeping around indiscriminately with everyone you meet.

Besides, the sheer irresponsibility of a man acting like him makes my blood boil. I am incredibly careful about who I sleep with without protection... I am meticulous about hygiene... it’s always the same old story: "If you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to use a condom"... "You don't trust me"... "None of my past partners ever had an infection, so clearly you're the one who picked something up from somewhere."

And most importantly, it is incredibly easy to look down on other people's health issues when you lack the basic courage and responsibility to actually visit a doctor yourself, choosing instead to live under the delusion that you're perfectly healthy. Sure.

Terrible 😠 Honestly, doctors these days act like they own the place.

I mean, you already have to deal with all the judgment and prejudice out in the world, but you’d think when you walk into a clinic, you’d get some actual humanity instead of a lecture. But apparently, these doctors are just 🙄

I had one incredibly unpleasant experience: a prominent doctor—when I mentioned I was there to test for STIs—told me, "Look, if you're living the kind of life you are, you shouldn't even need testing."

And then, as if it were some sort of penalty—because apparently, I’m a slut or something—he charged me four times the usual rate compared to what a test would cost at an unknown clinic or somewhere else... To be clear, he doesn't know me, nor did he ask me a single question; once I stated why I was there, he simply jumped to his own conclusion about my lifestyle. The guy is a well-known gynecologist in Washington, D.C. Even though my results showed I am perfectly healthy, he handed me the paperwork with nothing but pure disdain.

After all that, how can anyone even judge others when people like him think that if you have any kind of infection—regardless of how dangerous it actually is—it must mean you're just sleeping around constantly with whoever shows up?

Honestly, this type of irresponsible sexual behavior from doctors just makes my blood boil: I am extremely careful about who I sleep with without protection... I am very strict about hygiene... "If you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to use a condom"... "You don't trust me"... I've never had an infection before, but now you do, so who knows where you picked it up...

And most importantly—it is far too easy to look down on someone else's health issues when you yourself lack the courage or responsibility to actually go to the doctor, choosing instead to live under the delusion that you are perfectly fine. Yes.

A few thoughts on this post.......

Types of pathogens and their causes
Bacterial STIs

* Chlamydia (Chlamydia trachomatis) I had this
* Gardnerella vaginalis
* Gonorrhea (Neisseria gonorrhoeae)
* Syphilis (Treponema pallidum)
* Granuloma venereum (Granuloma inguinale or Calymmatobacterium granulomatis)
* Lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV) (Chlamydia trachomatis serotypes L1, L2, and L3)
* Chancroid (Haemophilus ducreyi)
* Mycoplasmas (Ureaplasma urealyticum I had this and Mycoplasma hominis)

Viral STIs

* Hepatitis (HAV, HBV, HCV, HDV, HEV)
* AIDS (unknown)
* Human Papillomavirus (unknown)
* Genital Herpes (unknown and unknown)

Parasites

* Pubic lice (Phthirus pubis)

* Scabies (Sarcoptes scabiei)

Fungi

* Candidiasis (Candida albicans, Candida glabrata) I had this

Protozoa

* Trichomoniasis (Trichomonas vaginalis)

.....so what does that make me.... a little immoral...... or immoral....🤔

...I wasn't exactly the type to stop every man who walked by me and 🙂

Every now and then, I’ll casually drop some gynecological talk into a conversation over coffee with the ladies—always keeping my cards close to my chest, of course, since they have no clue I’m dealing with unknown. They always seem floored when I mention stuff I picked up back in med school, especially those horror stories about people obsessing over themselves in mirrors. It reminds me of that time at the local community pool where they tested the water and the deck area; they found thirteen different STIs just within twenty square feet of the pool. Absolutely revolting. It’s wild how shocked they get because they truly didn't know. When it comes to unknown, they basically know nothing. They recognize the name, sure, and they might know if it's curable or what types exist, but beyond that? Total blank.

My nerves start acting up the second I start typing about this. 🙂 🙂

neonnomad18 said:.....so what does that make me.... just a little girl lacking morals...... or maybe lacking them entirely....🤔

...it’s not like I’m every type of person who passes by and stops to 🙂

Oh, please, you absolutely are. 😁.

Taylor Thompson68 said:I find myself doing it all the time now—wearing my metaphorical gloves, so to speak—dropping gynecological topics into conversation during ladies' coffee dates (and these girls have no clue I even carry unknown), and they just seem perpetually shocked when I mention everything I learned back in college, especially those cases involving people admiring themselves in mirrors and stuff like that (yes, they actually tested the water in the pool area, the tiles, and the surrounding deck, and found thirteen different STIs within a tiny twenty-square-foot area... honestly, gross)...and they are just constantly stunned because they simply didn't know... they truly had no idea... specifically regarding unknown, they haven't a clue about it.. nothing at all.. they recognize the term unknown, sure, and maybe they know what it brings or that there are different types and if it can be cured... but beyond that, nothing

My nerves are already frayed just typing this out. 🙂 🙂

A-ha, but they’re healthy, right? You know, as if they’d actually realize they were sick if they were; they weren't hanging around with anyone like that, they’re perfectly fine, they aren't cowards.... what a joke! 😁.
Honestly, it drives me up the wall.... just today, my brother's girlfriend (she's 27) tells me she went to the gynecologist exactly once and never felt the need to go back, since she isn't experiencing any issues. Goodness gracious...

Lisa Nelson70 said:Honestly, this drives me crazy... my brother’s girlfriend—she’s 27—told me today she went to the OBGYN exactly once and decided she was done with it forever since nothing "wrong" ever came up. Good grief...

Just once??😲😲
I started going when I was barely 21... I can't even count how many times now 😍... at this point, it's just awkward to even try to bend over 🤣... it's become second nature 🤣 but only when I'm actually at the doctor's office

If you weren't such a slut, you wouldn't need a doctor or be spreading your legs quite so much. It’s all the same thing.😁

I’ve honestly caught myself thinking on more than one occasion that maybe I should just follow that logic—why even bother seeing an OBGYN if everything seems fine? Maybe it would be better to just live life as a total slut, so if something actually does go wrong, at least there's a reason for it. But that’s just not who I am, I suppose...

It’s funny, though; these women’s health threads are always flooded with questions from girls and women—some of whom even have kids—who don't even know how to track a basic cycle. They’ve been active for years without ever stepping foot in a clinic because they're too embarrassed, which is ironic considering they aren't embarrassed about the actual sex... and so on. Those of us who actually understand the medical side of things, we only know it because we've been labeled as sluts.

Ugh, now I'm just getting worked up... and I really ought to stop using that word 😁 so much.

As for me, after everything ugly I've had to endure, I've swung to the complete opposite extreme. It isn't exactly healthy, either; I’ve reached a point where I don't even dare to kiss anyone because I'm terrified of catching some kind of disease. I think I've just become afraid of everything.

Lisa Nelson70 said:If you weren't such a slut, you wouldn't need a doctor or be spreading your legs so much. Same thing.😁

I’ve honestly thought about doing the same—why even bother with a gynecologist if everything seems fine? Maybe it’d be better to just act like a slut so there’s actually a reason if something goes wrong. But that's not me, so...

Women's health threads are always filled with questions from girls and women who even have kids, yet they don't even know how to track a cycle. Some have been active for years without ever seeing a doctor because they're embarrassed, even though being sexual isn't the embarrassing part... and things like that. Those of us who actually know anything? We know because we're sluts.

Ugh, now I'm annoyed... and I really need to stop using that word 😁.

After some bad experiences, I've swung to the complete opposite extreme. It's not healthy either—I don't even dare kiss anyone because I'm terrified of catching some disease. I'm scared of everything now.

It's like I'm listening to myself... just a slut 😬.
It's actually sad... I was reading a thread yesterday where an 18-year-old was asking HOW to take birth control pills and how to get them... and she said she won't go to a doctor. Obviously, the other girls in the thread tore her apart. Her little comeback? She said her boyfriend is "well-equipped" and she doesn't need some doctor looking down there... as if it's optional. Her grandma never went to a doctor either, and look what happened to her.🙂🙂🤦
Just my little hometown... totally uneducated.

Taylor Thompson68 said:It’s like I’m just talking to myself at this point... what an idiot.😬
It’s honestly depressing... I was reading through a thread yesterday where this eighteen-year-old girl is asking HOW to take birth control pills and how to even get them in the first place... and she insists she won't go to a doctor. Naturally, the other girls in the thread tore her to shreds. Her little defense? She said her boyfriend is "too precious" and she doesn't want some doctor poking around down there... as if a visit is even necessary. Apparently, her grandmother never went to a doctor either, and look how that turned out for her.🙂🙂🤦
Just my little corner of the world... so uneducated.

There are plenty of people older than eighteen just like that. It isn't necessarily because they grew up in the middle of nowhere—I mean, I did.😁 It has nothing to do with being from a small town; girls from the big cities aren't any better. From what my ex used to tell me—and he was a city boy from Washington, D.C.—they were just, well, healthier.😕 When I had an infection, his logic was that I must have been cheating on him, or maybe I just didn't wash properly because I'm a "country girl." I could never quite wrap my head around which excuse he preferred.😁
And here is another lovely prejudice: if some guy from my neck of the woods finds some fungus or bacteria or whatever, what does he actually know? He just tells his friends back in Washington, D.C., that I should come over to his place instead.🤣👍 And then he claims none of his exes ever had any issues—not one, ever—so he concludes I must be cheating on him. Good grief, where did I find this man...

Anyway, I'm drifting off-topic now, and we're supposed to be chatting—I'll stop, I promise. Let's give everyone else a chance to speak. If they want to, that is.😁

Lisa Nelson70 said:There are plenty of women older than 18 like that too. It’s not even about growing up in the middle of nowhere—I lived in a small town myself, 😁. It has nothing to do with rural life; girls from the big cities aren't any better. Based on what my ex used to say—he was a city guy from Washington, D.C.—they were just "healthier" 😕. Because I had an infection, he basically assumed I was cheating or just didn't wash properly because I was a country girl. I could never quite figure out which excuse he preferred. 😁
And here's another bias: if some guy from my tiny hometown finds some fungus or bacteria, what does he actually know? He’d just tell his buddy back in Washington, D.C., to come over instead 🤣👍. And since none of his exes ever had issues—not one single one—they’d just tell him I must be cheating. Honestly, where did I find that guy...

Anyway, that's getting off track, and we're supposed to be chatting—I'll stop, I swear. Let's give everyone else a turn. If they want to jump in. 😁

No, no... I wasn't trying to insult small towns... I spent a part of my life in one once (it was the best time😍😍)... but anyway... let's stick to the chat... enough from me... ladies, take the floor... go ahead 😁

Lisa Nelson70 said:When women's health comes up, you get all these questions from girls and women who even have kids, yet they don't even know how to track their own cycle. Some have been having sex for years without ever seeing a gynecologist because they're too embarrassed—which is weird since they aren't too embarrassed to have sex... and stuff like that. I guess those of us who actually know things only know them because we're considered "sluts."

So, I have this coworker, maybe 55, and her company just set up these systematic checkups where everyone gets a physical, including a gyno exam for the women.

Now, we're talking about it, and she’s basically bragging about finally going, because hey, if it's being offered, why not? Especially since she hasn't stepped foot in a doctor's office in 40 years—like, ever. 😲 She never married or had kids, and since she never had any issues, she figured she didn't need to go because she knows how to stay clean enough. 🤦 Basically, she thinks those of us who actually go regularly are just dirty. 🙄

Honestly, it really bugs me when someone claims they don't need a doctor because they're "hygienic" enough that everything must be fine. ☕

And yeah, what you said, Lisa Nelson70—if you show even a little bit of knowledge about gynecological stuff, people just label you a slut. 😳

Lisa Nelson70 said:And none of his exes ever had any issues, not even once. They just told him he was definitely cheating on him. Good grief, where did I even find this guy...

Right. If you're honest and tell a guy you have some kind of gynecological issue, suddenly you're the suspicious one. Meanwhile, other women hide it or don't get checked at all, and they come out looking "clean." It's like lying actually pays off. Honestly though, you should be truthful for your own sake and conscience. If you're with a decent person, you won't deal with this nonsense. Maybe you catch a bacteria, but you end up getting rid of a much worse disease—a guy like that. 😉

I've started bringing this up more subtly during chats with my girlfriends, trying to nudge them toward getting checked. So many women have never even had swabs done because they think it's something you only do when planning a pregnancy. The worst part is that plenty of doctors never even bring up swabs themselves. I actually first learned about them through this online community, and luckily my current doctor suggested them. My old doctor, who I saw for years, never even mentioned them.

copperraven53 said:I’m generally pretty allergic to people telling me not to see a gynecologist just because they claim they're super hygienic and everything is perfectly fine. ☕

Women just aren't informed enough. It’s not surprising for the older generations, but for younger women who have every bit of info at their fingertips, this lack of knowledge is still sticking around. A lot of them assume that if their period feels fine and there's no pain, they don't need to see a doctor. I waited quite a while before having sex for the first time, and I remember questioning back in high school if I should go in for an exam anyway. Since I was a virgin, my primary care physician told me there was no point in seeing a specialist until I became sexually active. To make matters worse, my mom agreed with her, mentioning she didn't even step foot in a clinic until she actually got pregnant. 😁

Women are definitely uninformed—we all know the media, our laws, and society at large are lagging behind, but let’s be honest, some women are just as bad about it (and men even more so!!). I have someone close to me—someone I care about deeply—but I swear I’m going to lose my mind when I have to explain things regarding illnesses, infections, and transmission for the 55th time. Don't even get me started on testing—she needed a swab once, but she just refuses to go. She simply won't learn, won't retain the info, and frankly, doesn't seem to care. She just deadpans that she knows nothing about it because, in her mind, she's perfectly healthy! And then she expects me to whisper all the necessary details in her ear for the 56th time while she's getting ready for her gynecologist appointment. What makes it worse is that she’s a young mom. She worries constantly about the baby, health, and hygiene, yet she has absolutely zero clue about STIs or testing; she's one of those people for whom hormone levels might as well be science fiction. And the story doesn't end there—her sister is currently battling unknown, and they talk about it every single time, yet she remains completely indifferent. I try to explain it persistently, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Then, probably for the 30th time, she asks me the same questions about her sister's unknown condition, claiming she doesn't understand how it happens because "it only happens to other people." Then she actually acts surprised that it happened to her sister—who had only been with two guys in her life and always used protection! Well, newsflash: having fewer partners and using condoms isn't some magical guarantee. Of course, that's not an excuse to ditch condoms entirely and swap partners like socks—we all know the risk skyrockets—but women, and especially MEN, really need to grasp the basics.

A colleague of mine—well, he was an 18-year-old kid, so I can give him a pass—once told me that his cousin (who lives in Sweden) picked up Chlamydia from some girl over there because apparently, it's just "common" there, unlike here in the States. 😂
Ugh, people need to realize that national borders aren't exactly aerobic, anaerobic, or Chlamydia-proof boundaries.

Lisa Nelson70 said:Oh, please—as if you actually were. 😁.

God... damn it.

Taylor Thompson68 Asks:
Only one?? I mean, seriously? Just one?😲😲
I was already around twenty-one when I started—so, honestly, I can’t even begin to count them all on my fingers. 😍Honestly, I’ve reached a point where I don't even have the energy to get worked up anymore—it’s literally become part of my character at this stage. 🤣🤣 But only under a doctor's supervision—that's the only way to go.

Honestly, I find it much easier to schedule an appointment with my gynecologist than it is to actually sit through a blood draw. 🥳

Sophia Wells72 said:So, one of my colleagues—though, let’s be honest, he was only eighteen at the time, so I suppose I can give him a bit of a pass—was telling me this story about his cousin. Apparently, the guy lives over in Sweden and ended up catching Chlamydia from some girl there. He made it sound like it’s just a common thing over there—not quite like how things are here in the States, I guess. 😂
It seems like you might have accidentally sent an incomplete message. If there was a specific post or text you wanted me to rewrite following those strict guidelines, please go ahead and paste it! I am ready to handle the transformation.Honestly, people really need to grasp that national borders aren't some kind of biological threshold—they aren't aerobic, anaerobic, or even related to chlamydia or anything of the sort. It’s just... I don't know, maybe there's a fundamental misunderstanding of how physical boundaries work versus how biology works.

I find myself in complete agreement with this...

Sophia Wells72 said:She keeps asking me the same damn questions about her sister's unknown situation like, what, thirty times now? And every single time, she’s all like, "Oh, she wouldn't catch that," because apparently, it only happens to other people. I guess.

Honestly, I feel like some women just straight-up refuse to learn about gynecological health on purpose. Like, they actually want to stay clueless because, in their heads, being uninformed is proof that nothing is wrong. They think if they start asking questions or actually educating themselves, it somehow makes them look promiscuous. It’s wild. 🙄

Sophia Wells72 said:Ugh, people seriously need to get it through their heads: national borders aren't some kind of biological boundary. They don't stop aerobic or anaerobic bacteria, or anything else like that. It just doesn't work like that.

🙏

Someone needs to engrave this somewhere. 😁

Sophia Wells72 said:Ugh, people need to realize that national borders aren't some kind of barrier against aerobic or anaerobic bacteria or STIs.

Haha, this is gold! 🤣😁😍

copperraven53 said:I have a rather low tolerance for people who claim they don't need to visit their gynecologist simply because they maintain high standards of personal hygiene. To suggest that being clean somehow renders medical checkups unnecessary is, frankly, a bit absurd. ☕

Lisa Nelson70, I have to agree with you. If you happen to demonstrate even a modicum of expertise regarding gynecological matters in front of certain people, you somehow end up being labeled as a prude. 😳

Whenever I bring up health topics, I frequently encounter people—regardless of gender—who insist that hygiene is their primary defense. When I attempt to explain that cleanliness alone isn't a complete solution, I am often met with puzzled stares; even after a detailed explanation, it seems the message rarely sticks. It appears some individuals choose to ignore the reality out of fear of a negative outcome, while others simply don't see the point in worrying about it at all.
I have a friend who hasn't seen her gynecologist in over twelve years. She insists that it’s perfectly fine—after all, why bother with an exam if there aren't any symptoms? Despite my attempts to share my own experiences and offer some sensible advice, she remains completely stubborn about her stance.
I live in a small town where medical resources seem to be prioritized quite differently than they should be. Honestly, you wouldn't believe it, but they don't even bother with routine screenings here—not even when someone becomes pregnant. It seems like they only bother with testing once a serious problem has already surfaced. I actually heard about these specific tests through word of mouth and decided to advocate for myself and request them on my own initiative. When the results finally came back, I nearly fainted. Reading that I tested positive for high-risk unknown was a massive shock. I am curious about how things work in your parts of the country. Do you typically wait for a gynecologist to recommend these screenings, or are you proactive about requesting them yourselves? Is it standard practice for your doctors to make these tests mandatory once a pregnancy is confirmed, or is it left entirely up to the patient?

For years, I saw a doctor at a public clinic, and he never once—not even once—brought up getting swabs done.
A friend of mine finally recommended a private specialist, which honestly hadn't even crossed my mind before; I didn't realize you could just opt for private care.
So, I went in.
The doctor looks at me and asks, "Have you had testing done for this?" Well, I didn't know. He basically told me if I wasn't sure, then I hadn't done it. Then he started pointing to different things, asking about this or that.
He suggested I should get all these tests, even though I wasn't experiencing any symptoms. Since they were being recommended one by one, and none of it was cheap, he suggested I just go back to my regular public health provider.

Honestly, I was already so frustrated that I just snapped. I told him to just run EVERYTHING right then and there, regardless of what it cost, because I had absolutely no intention of ever stepping foot in that public clinic again.

It ended up costing me about $567. Maybe over $2,000? I can't remember the exact amount.

So, there I was, seeing public doctors for about ten years, getting my Pap smears and everything else, and nobody ever mentioned these specific swabs. I genuinely thought everything would show up on a standard Pap test.

Lisa Nelson70 said:I actually had a really unpleasant experience once: I went to see a well-known doctor to get tested for STIs, and he basically told me, "Look, if you weren't living the kind of lifestyle you're living, you wouldn't even need the testing."

And you didn't just turn around and vanish into thin air like a magician? Why didn't you?

What an absolute idiot...🙄