Stigma and misconceptions about STIs and sexual behavior

I actually put in the work and read through every single post here.

bluemoose21 honestly, I’d do the exact same thing Sophia Wells72 did. If my boyfriend pulled stuff like this, I’d dump him on the spot just so he wouldn't have to deal with the fallout. You should be embarrassed. I'm assuming this is a girl you actually care about, yet when she’s scared and needs you to back her up, you’re just mocking her like she’s some kind of pariah.
First off, you clearly have no clue what you're talking about. Do yourself a favor, open Google, and search for CIN 1 to see how this whole thing starts; right now, you just look ridiculous (and that's being polite). A friend of mine dealt with CIN 2 because of a bacterial imbalance—it's the kind of bacteria that lives naturally in the body, but once the good flora gets wiped out, these things take over and cause all kinds of inflammation and nonsense (look up Gardnerella vaginalis if you want to learn something). If my husband acted the way you are, I’d be filing for divorce immediately, because some cheating jerk is probably infecting him with god knows what. 😲 🤦

We seriously need better sex ed in American schools. It's pathetic how many people are completely clueless and then try to project that ignorance onto everyone else.

Betty Wilson15 said:I have two more questions:
Can HPV be transmitted through kissing? Honestly, after reading that HPV can be found in the throat and oral cavity, my partner won't even kiss me anymore, let alone anything else (which I get). Today he even warned me to make sure my hands were clean when I was grabbing chocolate, so I wouldn't infect his house via food... I feel like I have the plague... 😢
Secondly, if I do have HPV, I assume I know who I might have caught it from. But I haven't been in contact with the two guys I suspect for quite a while now. I don't know what to do—should I call them and tell them to watch out for their girlfriends if they have anyone...? 🙄

Ugh, I see this debate has turned ugly. I don't intend to jump into that mess, but rather this—you've probably scrolled through enough to know you can't pinpoint exactly where you picked it up, and whether calling former partners makes sense, I honestly don't know until YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE. It might not even be HPV; it could just be some bacteria acting up because your system is out of balance. So, both of you just calm down. You aren't going to pass HPV to anyone via objects you touch; even if you touched yourself and then grabbed chocolate with unwashed hands, HPV DOES NOT LIVE ON FOOD OR OBJECTS. There is a reason it is called Human Papillomavirus—it thrives on human mucous membranes 🙂 damn it. Some studies show it can survive briefly on moist surfaces, but we are talking milliseconds here; someone would literally have to sit directly on that spot (direct skin contact) to catch it, and even then, it’s a stretch. In short, there is almost zero chance of catching HPV if someone a) showers behind you or with you, b) wears your laundry (clean or dirty), or c) sits on the toilet seat after you. Doctors claim they have found HPV in young children, though not necessarily an active infection, which somewhat implies that sexual contact isn't the only way to encounter the virus. However, that isn't fully settled science yet, so for now, it just means HPV has so many strains that it's nearly unavoidable, but not always infectious. Most people don't even realize they have it, and it just clears on its own. Therefore, if you have it in your throat, mouth, gut, or urethra, medically speaking, it doesn't matter at all, because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it unless lesions develop and cause a visible problem. But we can worry about that later; maybe Nibir will hit us soon, or at least some satellite, and then bye-bye HPV 😂 Anyway, ENOUGH about HPV. Go get your swabs and typing done and be done with it. As for the boyfriend... do whatever you feel is best for yourself ☕ side note—getting restful sleep and staying in a low-stress environment is vital for recovery, so get rid of everything that stresses you out, IF YOU EVEN HAVE HPV 😍 good luck

bluemoose21, please, I really think you should stop fueling this whole unnecessary controversy... 🙄

Betty Wilson15 said:bluemoose21, please stop starting these massive shitstorms. 🙄

Right. A small piece of advice here: just settle this through a direct conversation. Looking back at his previous posts on this forum, they haven't been particularly high quality, so there really isn't any need for these ego battles. I suspect you both value your own peace of mind more than these outbursts... best regards. 😁

So, I’m sensing we have a serious breakdown in communication regarding what actually constitutes an insult here. Honestly, where exactly did you feel offended? I’ll go ahead and call in the authorities to take a look if that helps! The truth is simple: I called out how you treated that girl, and I’m going to keep calling it out. It doesn't matter if your behavior stems from being uninformed, your religious views, your lifestyle, or whatever else is driving you. It doesn't change anything. Your actions are repulsive to me, whether you meant them to be or not. Do you really think I’m going to sit here and comment on behavior like yours with bubbly little emojis and sweet, sugary words wrapped up in a cute Hello Kitty bow? Not a chance. Do I need to make this any clearer, or are we just going to keep running in circles?

I’m with you on this, one hundred percent. Honestly? I’m not proud of how I acted. I’m ashamed of it. If anything, I probably despise my own actions even more than you do. And look, you aren't the only one calling me out. No one has been handing out critiques wrapped in pretty little bows or sugarcoating things with cute emojis and sweet talk. I hear everything you're saying, and I agree with all of it. In fact, I think I deserve much worse. At the end of the day, what would I actually gain by trying to justify myself to anyone else? Just more self-loathing? More contempt for everyone reading this? It isn't worth it.
Look, what really bugs me about your comment is that I think you’ve gone way too far. Honestly? You picked the absolute worst possible time to drop a take like that. Let me explain why.

First off, I have to point out that you’re being totally contradictory again.
Do you think the internet is an unimportant way to communicate? Of course not! Honestly, I’ve built so many genuine friendships here. I've picked up so much useful advice from people I truly care about, shared some amazing times, and more than that. Like you said yourself, my 10,000 posts pretty much speak for themselves, don't they?

So, you basically give me this indirect hint that you should break up with me, and then follow it up with, "It seems like something happened after my last post (though I really hope it didn't), even though it seems unbelievable to me." Are you kidding me? Is that really how we're doing this? You drop a subtle suggestion that we're over, and then immediately pivot to acting surprised about how things might have shifted? It’s such a weird way to phrase things. Why play these games? I mean, seriously, why would some random username on an online forum have that kind of influence? Does anyone actually believe that? "

And just like that, you’ve pulled another total 180. You went from being some random anonymous handle to acting like someone whose opinion actually carries weight. "I've been posting on this thread for four years, so I must know a thing or two," right? Give me a break!

Look, I’m going to explain exactly why your comment stung. If you were talking about her, you'd be telling her to just stop everything in both scenarios. Why would you even say that?

If you honestly think you’re nothing more than some random username on a screen, then why on earth would you treat her any differently? Seriously, what's the logic there? If she’s just a handle to you, why should it hurt your soul to read what she has to say? It’s all just pixels and nicknames, right? So why let it get to you?
The only reason you’re lashing out like this is because you felt attacked. Deep down, you felt targeted because you’ve been stuck in that exact same spot before, haven't you? You aren't even trying to help; you're just using this thread as a way to vent your own anger. Honestly, it feels like you don't even care how much this is going to hurt her. Is that really where we are now?

If you actually care about her—if you truly feel for her and want to help—then I don’t get why you’re dumping even more stress on her by pushing the idea of a breakup. Especially knowing how much she's been struggling emotionally lately. You can't possibly know if it would be better for her to face this alone or to have me by her side, flaws and all. If your goal was genuinely to support her, wouldn't you just stick to critiquing my actions? Those were the actual issue here. Why push it further and force her into an even more impossible situation?
Honestly, I think giving advice like that is just totally out of line during moments like this. Is it really the right time? It feels misplaced.

Look, I’m not even offended by you calling me "shamelessly hypocritical," and honestly, I didn't care when you tried to patronize me by acting like I was some child. Even when you were putting on that all-polished, sophisticated act to lecture me about everything under the sun, I stayed calm. But ADD? That’s a whole different story. It's a different level entirely. And since we're already trading insults, why don't you go ahead and quote the specific insult I actually directed at you in this thread? Go on.

Look, all those labels I used? They were aimed at what you said, not at who you are as a person. Before I even thought about using an epithet, I made sure to quote exactly which statements I was reacting to. It would be pretty ridiculous of me to assume you’re going to act hypocritically or childishly every single time we talk, but when it comes to those specific descriptions I used in response to your points? I stand by them. Completely.

Look, you’re absolutely right. I don't have enough pieces of the puzzle to actually judge someone's entire character or start handing out "advice." How could I? I just don't know enough.

I don't know if you missed this, but I am NOT making any judgment on their entire character here—mostly because I don't have enough to go on—but what's actually happening is pretty obvious to anyone reading this thread.

So, I’ve been thinking about one of your reactions—or maybe it was a whole string of them—after your girlfriend found out your Pap smear results weren't exactly stellar. Honestly? I feel like I have to call you out on how you handled things, mostly because it seems like you were flying totally blind. Were you actually processing what was happening, or were you just reacting to the panic in the room? It felt like a lot of your behavior stemmed from just not knowing the facts. When the news hits, especially regarding something like HPV, it's easy to spiral. But instead of getting the facts straight, it looked like you just reacted blindly. Don't you think it would have been better to take a breath first? Why let confusion turn into a mess of bad decisions? You can't fix a situation if you don't even understand the problem you're facing.

Look, maybe you aren't judging my entire character, but you’re clearly judging a huge part of who I am if you think you can just lump me into a group of "people like me." Based on how this conversation is going, that is definitely not a club I'm looking to join. Is that really how you see me? Because trust me, I don't see myself that way at all.
Look, like I said before, I don’t have any issue with your judgments regarding my specific actions or how I reacted. Honestly? I actually agree with them. But I just can't get behind that indirect advice you dropped in your very first post. That’s really the heart of my entire argument.

Wait, I think you’ve got it completely backwards. You didn't even quote her post—you quoted me! And honestly? Your own words just prove my point. You literally said you "felt the need to at least try to defend yourself against unsolicited advice from a Good Samaritan." So, you *do* feel the need. Got it. Understood.

I was actually quoting you to address that last part of your post—the bit I didn't quite agree with.
You covered everything she mentioned in her previous posts. Because you hit on all those points, I felt like I could indirectly justify myself to her through your writing—knowing full well she’s going to read every single word of it.

Regarding that whole "this isn't the place for excuses" thing—look, when I said "save it for real life," what I actually meant was that you don't owe ME any explanations. Period.

Honestly, looking at the context, it isn't even that obvious that it carries that specific meaning in the translation.

I really put in the work and sat down to read through every single post.

Look, bluemoose21, I have to say it: if you were my boyfriend, I’d dump you on the spot after seeing something like this. You wouldn't even know what hit you. Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is someone you're supposedly with because you love her, right? And now, in a moment when she’s actually terrified and needs you to have her back, you decide to mock her? You're treating her like she’s some kind of outcast. How can you act like that?
First off, you are completely out of the loop here. Seriously, just hop on Google and search for CIN 1 to see how this actually works. You’re making yourself look pretty ridiculous right now—if you'll excuse my language. A close friend of mine dealt with CIN 2, and it turned out to be caused by a bacteria that's actually a normal part of the vaginal and intestinal flora. But once that balance of good bacteria gets thrown off? That's when these things cluster together and cause all kinds of inflammation and nonsense. Just look up *Gardnerella vaginalis* if you want the facts. And honestly, if my friend had a husband like you, she should have filed for divorce immediately. If he's being that clueless, he's likely being cheated on by someone who's going to pass on God knows what kind of nasty infection to him.

We seriously need to get comprehensive sex education into our schools. It’s honestly heartbreaking to see how many people are just completely in the dark, only to turn around and pass that ignorance on to everyone else. How can we expect anyone to make healthy choices when they're flying blind?

Of course you would leave me—there’s really no question there. You haven't spent months or years by my side, you haven't told me you love me (nor have you heard me say it), and you don't have any memory of my good deeds to weigh against this if you were ever going to consider forgiving me. Plus, how could you even begin to imagine what our relationship would actually look like?
Objectively speaking, it’s impossible for anyone to claim they’d end a relationship in every single imaginable scenario based on one isolated incident while completely ignoring all the other factors that make up a partnership.
I don't want this to sound like I'm making excuses, but she wasn't the only one who was terrified. When she first found out about the CIN1, she didn't know much more than I did. While we were both scouring the internet for answers, she actually told me, "I'll understand if you leave me." Meanwhile, on those sensationalist health websites, you read stuff saying HPV can cause cancer, that certain oral strains are high-risk, that the most dangerous types are the ones that don't even show symptoms like warts, and that it stays in your system for years... It scares the hell out of you! Fear usually comes from a lack of knowledge, right? You start wondering, "Is this really a dealbreaker?" And then the person you care about—someone you think has more life experience and knows better why people break up—tells you it would be justified to walk away. That just throws you for a loop.
On top of all that, dealing with my medical history and recovering from having both mono and Type A flu at the exact same time turned me into a total paranoid hypochondriac. I had a couple of nasty outbursts that day, but I never, ever intended to make her feel sucked dry by the situation. By the very next day, she had my absolute, unwavering support (better than ever before, hopefully 😢 )
As for the teasing? Yeah, I’m guilty. I was judging myself by my own standards. I personally feel better when someone I care about cracks a joke like "drop dead" while I'm lying there sick, rather than hovering over me with pity, telling me how pathetic I am and promising things will get better one day.
It’s just my nature to lean on humor when things get stressful. My intention wasn't to hurt her, but honestly, that doesn't even matter right now. For that specific action, I expect nothing but criticism.
I also think the comparison to a husband isn't fair. I would never leave her because of this; the only breakup I've even considered is the one where she leaves me because I didn't act the way I should have.

I totally agree that sex education needs to be mandatory in schools.

PS: This whole response to you ended up being an excuse, didn't it? Even though I said I wouldn't make excuses. 😢

I’ve been posting on this women's health forum, and honestly, I don't think I ever really belonged in these lower-tier discussions... I hit a nerve, my ego went into overdrive, and I let things spiral way too far. I feel terrible about it. I'm stepping back from this conversation with my head held low. I want to sincerely apologize to everyone I offended in my previous posts. My bad. Best regards,

I suppose I should probably start by saying that I don’t claim to have all the answers—far from it—but I feel compelled to weigh in on this. It seems we’ve reached a point where certain nuances are being completely overlooked, or perhaps they're just being intentionally ignored—though I suspect it’s more of the former. It’s easy to look at the surface level of things, isn't it? But if you dig even a little bit deeper—and I mean really dig—you realize how much gets lost in translation when people try to simplify complex issues for the sake of convenience. I guess what I’m trying to get at—and please bear with me if I’m rambling—is that there is a significant difference between what is actually happening and the narrative being pushed by the mainstream media outlets in New York or D.C. It’s almost as if they believe the average American isn't capable of grasping the finer details—which, frankly, is a rather condescending assumption to make, don't you think? Maybe I'm being too cynical, but it feels like we are constantly being fed a sanitized version of reality. It’s all very calculated—the way they frame the debate, the way they choose their words—to ensure that the actual substance remains buried under a mountain of rhetoric. Anyway, that's just my two cents. I'm sure others will disagree, as they inevitably do. kaže:
First, I feel compelled to point out that you are being contradictory once again.
To the question of whether I consider the internet an unimportant method of communication—well, of course not. Through this medium, I’ve managed to forge numerous friendships, gather invaluable insights from people I truly respect, enjoy wonderful social interactions, and so much more... which, as you so aptly pointed out, is clearly evidenced by my ten thousand posts. It seems that something quite unexpected occurred following my previous entry (though, I sincerely hope that isn't the case), even if I find the whole situation rather unbelievable. It feels almost like being lost in translation when someone indirectly suggests I should stop communicating with them, only to follow it up with such a reaction. I mean, why exactly would some random username on an online forum carry that much weight? I guess it’s just one of those questions that seems obvious, yet somehow people still trip over it—though, honestly, it might just be getting lost in translation. "
...
And then—just when you think things have settled—you go and pull another complete U-turn...

The posts are perfectly clear—crystal clear, really—and I don't see any contradictions whatsoever. Just to be safe, I should probably clarify that my comments regarding the "clearing" process refer specifically to the CIN 1 and HPV stuff—you know, the actual topic we were discussing before we got moved over here. 😉
I have absolutely no intention of being repetitive here—though I suppose you might interpret that as me dodging your questions or, heaven forbid, being "contradictory" once again.
I really have no desire to play "lost in translation"—I simply can't stand it when people take my sentences out of context.

If you truly believe you’re nothing more than a digital handle on a screen, then I suppose there’s really no reason to view her any differently either. I mean—if we’re being consistent—what possible reason is there to let your soul ache while reading her posts? After all, if you're just a nickname, then she is too. It’s all just data in the end, I guess.
The only reason you’re reacting with such vitriol in this instance—if I may be so bold—is that you likely felt personally attacked yourself. It seems to me you’ve found yourself in this exact same position before, and perhaps your decision to weigh in was less about the facts and more about venting some pent-up frustration. I suppose, in your haste to release that anger, you didn't give much thought to how your outburst might impact her.

He missed the entire damn soccer match.
I believe I’ve already made it quite clear to you—though perhaps my point was lost in translation—that I haven't exactly found myself in that same position, nor even remotely close to it, when it comes to matters of support and genuine understanding.
The way you handled that situation was completely unacceptable, and frankly—if I’m being honest—I find myself having to condemn it.
Well, you finally admitted it—you’re actually self-aware regarding how you react. You laid everything out on the table and explained yourself, which I suppose makes things okay... and honestly, that’s perfectly fine by me.

Furthermore, you seem to have an issue with my sentence—"I would have left them like that"—and you apparently take offense at my way of "offering advice."

I suppose I should mention that—though it might feel a bit out of place given the circumstances—that offering advice at a time like this feels somewhat misplaced. Maybe it's just me, but I suspect such suggestions can come across as rather tone-deaf when things are this heavy.
...
I simply cannot find a way to justify that indirect advice you offered in your initial post—and honestly, that seems to be the crux of my entire argument.

Alright, that’s actually important. Finally.
But...

If I were in your shoes—though I’m certainly not—I suppose I might have taken a different approach, but personally? I wouldn't.
Look, at the end of the day, we aren't all cut from the same cloth—nor do we all process things through the same mental lens, I suppose. If you find yourself unable to grasp—or perhaps more importantly, accept—my reaction or the advice I’ve offered here, then I guess there isn't much else for me to do. There's really no point in dwelling on it. 🤷
I should probably offer an apology for my previous stances—and for those indirect suggestions I made (regardless of how anyone might have interpreted them)—but I truly have no intention of offering advice of any kind moving forward.

In your post, you managed to touch upon pretty much everything she brought up in her previous comments—so, I guess I was able to indirectly justify myself to her through your writing, knowing full well that she’ll end up reading it.

I think my point in that previous post was pretty clear—it’s essentially what you and several others have been suggesting—that apologies and explanations should be handled in real life, directly, between the two of you. Since you felt the need to bring it into this space... fine. 🙂

edit: while I was typing this out, someone else reached out to me about a different matter.
Look, I don't really know what advice I can offer, other than perhaps suggesting you dial back the intensity if this whole thing has shaken you up quite a bit. It's perfectly fine that everything is being addressed and that you're aware of how you reacted. The actual issue seems to be your disagreement with my specific comment—my advice and my stance. Just try to view it as a simple case of us not seeing eye to eye.

The debate really started heating up the moment you jumped in, mostly because I hit a nerve—just as much as I was hit when I read how your girlfriend is feeling.

Regardless, I wish you both the best—wishing you plenty of health, love, and happiness.