Stigma and misconceptions about STIs and sexual behavior

Yes, unfortunately, that’s the reality of it. I recall a former moderator, The, mentioning this once—she’s based over in Ireland, if I remember correctly, and I know that’s somewhat standard practice there (up to a certain age limit, provided everything seems fine).
Though, I suspect things might be shifting regarding that policy, especially since it hasn't exactly proven to be the foolproof prevention method everyone hoped it would be 🤷. Honestly, it's hard to say for sure now, but the truth is that a lot can happen in a three-year span. You could have a significant HPV flare-up, or perhaps a more aggressive bacterial infection—which tends to be quite insidious, really—quietly working its way deeper into the reproductive system and potentially causing issues like blocked fallopian tubes
.

Look, different doctors give different advice—that’s just how it goes.

But honestly, based on everything this girl has shared here, I think we can logically conclude that waiting three years between checkups is way too long. Personally, I’m thinking an annual Pap smear is the move, assuming everything else seems fine.

Or take breast ultrasounds, for example—most docs suggest getting one every 18 months if you're low risk. But, obviously, if there’s family history involved (like, my grandma had breast cancer), then I’m sticking with what my specialist told me at my last ultrasound: get checked every six months. Sadly, breast cancer doesn't mess around; it moves fast.

So, I guess the idea is to stick to the standard screening schedules, but if you have extra risk factors, you should definitely go more often. Better to overdo it than to wait too long. 👍

Just so nobody thinks I'm making this up out of thin air:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pap-smear/about/pac-20394810

My OB-GYN actually told me during my very first appointment back in the day—and I mean this seriously—that I should go in for a checkup every single year, even if everything seems perfectly fine.

It also says here:

1. How long does it take for cervical cancer to develop?
10-15 years

2. At what age is cervical cancer most commonly diagnosed?
Between ages 40 and 50

I feel like 3-5 years is closer to the truth for the first one. It probably shouldn't count from when the virus first enters the body, but rather from when it starts causing actual damage. If they used 10-15 years as their benchmark, it’s no wonder they recommend checkups every three years based on that math.

As for the second answer, I think that number should be lower too. It really depends on when those studies were conducted. These days, people are becoming sexually active much earlier, and we even have an example here on the forum of a girl dealing with HPV-related lesions in her early twenties. A lot can happen between 30 and 40, let alone by 50.

Maybe I'm wrong, since these are official research conclusions, but what I see happening in real life is totally different. People used to say cancer mostly affected older folks, but now we're seeing more and more young people getting sick. I think the theory needs to shift so younger women realize how important regular screenings are. Honestly, I think every young woman should get an annual breast ultrasound. When I tell my friends in their 30s that I'm going for a preventive ultrasound, they act surprised. Not one of them goes. They seem to think the risk doesn't even exist until menopause.

Amanda Roberts2 said:It also mentions here:

1. How much time typically passes before cervical cancer develops?
10-15 years

2. At what age does cervical cancer most commonly develop?
Between 40 and 50 years old

Personally, I tend to get a bit uneasy with these kinds of estimates and broad statistics—it’s all a bit much, I guess. Saying how much time it takes to develop depends on so many different factors, including the host (meaning us and our immune systems), the specific strain of HPV, and quite a few other variables that aren't even mentioned. Besides, we've had young women posting here—literally very young women—sharing their own diagnoses. Based on the statistics provided above, those girls would have had to become sexually active at six years old and been exposed to the virus immediately, which obviously isn't the case.🤮

It is true that this age range remains the most common, partly because so many gynecologists focus on monitoring via regular checkups, so things eventually come to a head. But even that age threshold is a tricky thing to pin down. It seems to be dropping quite significantly; there are plenty of young people facing the reality of CIS. It's widely known that the vast majority of people who encounter HPV do so during their 20s. From there, it varies wildly—for some, it comes and goes; others struggle through it or manage to heal; and then there are those who carry it as a persistent infection for years, only to find themselves needing much more radical procedures in their 40s or 50s once the situation has truly turned sour.

Sophia Wells72 said:It is widely understood that most people encounter HPV during their 20s. From there, the paths diverge: some experience a brief bout that clears itself, others face significant struggles while fighting to heal, and a third group ends up dealing with a chronic infection for years. By the time they reach their 40s or 50s, what started as a minor issue can escalate into needing much more radical medical interventions.

The real issue lies in how many gynecologists tend to dismiss CIN1 as nothing to worry about—treating it as a minor inflammation. If you aren't well-informed, you might find yourself carrying that diagnosis for years simply because you trust your doctor's nonchalance. If you fail to take the situation seriously or skip your regular Pap tests, that is when things truly go south.

Moderator Note: Posts have been extracted from the thread "CIN I, II, III [HPV]".

I am including this quote within my post just to make the conversation a bit easier to follow:

Betty Wilson15 said:Hey everyone, I had a Pap smear done about two weeks ago, and I called the clinic today only to find out my result shows CIN1. The nurse simply told me that I need to come back in four months for a follow-up and that I should focus on "boosting my immune system"... 😕 She didn't mention anything about additional testing to identify the specific cause of the CIN 1!!! Should I be asking for those tests myself? And does anyone know what the cost might be? I don't have any visible warts...
I am honestly terrified that I might have passed something to my boyfriend—if I have HPV, I've read that it can lead to serious issues for men too, even cancer. I am so scared that I've ruined things for him. 😢 I suggested he see a urologist for a check-up just to be safe.
Since I'm on my period right now, I won't be able to do any swabs for at least another week, but I'm heading to my gynecologist tomorrow to ask about the next steps...
If I do have HPV, is it possible to actually "clear" it, and will I ever be able to get a clean result again? 😢😢
P.S. I recently dealt with a yeast infection, and I had the Pap smear right after it cleared up while my immune system was still a bit low from having the flu. Could that have influenced the results?
Please help, I'm so anxious 😢

I've already talked to him, and I'm worried he might break up with me... 😢
He was my first, and now this happens... 😢

Betty Wilson15 said:I told him, and now I think he’s going to break up with me... 😢
He's my first partner, and then this happens...😢

I am assuming you both are quite young, perhaps in your early twenties... Look, you both need to take a breath and calm down. First off, a positive test does NOT necessarily mean it was caused by HPV. It could be bacterial—ureaplasma, mycoplasma, chlamydia, and so on. Second, even if it is HPV, it can happen to absolutely anyone; most of the time there aren't even symptoms, and it is incredibly transmissible. Theoretically, you could have picked it up through oral sex or even just skin-to-skin contact. There are studies showing HPV present on the fingers of male college students, right under the fingernails, so don't go spiraling trying to figure out exactly how you "caught" it from him... Given that you are his first, while he clearly isn't yours, he objectively should have known there was a risk involved—just like anyone else who engages in sexual activity, which is a completely natural part of life. Furthermore, illnesses occur, much as we might wish they didn't. This doesn't mean he caught anything from you, and even if he did contract HPV, while there is a certain level of risk for men, actual symptomatic cases are far rarer because guys tend to have stronger immune responses and clear the virus faster. If it is HPV, the body can often clear it within a year or two, depending on the strain. Things can get complicated, sure, but there is no need to be a doomsayer—GET YOUR TESTS AND TYPING DONE! In the meantime, focus on building your immunity: exercise, quit smoking, cut back on the alcohol, and get enough sleep. And as difficult as it sounds—try not to panic. If he actually leaves you over this, you'll eventually find someone a bit more grounded...

Thank you for your response, ruggedsurfer32... I actually showed my boyfriend your reply along with a whole mountain of other information I found online, but it seems like nothing can truly calm his nerves right now... I have an appointment with my gynecologist this coming Monday to request all the necessary swabs and typing, and I’m currently debating whether it would be wiser to bring him along so he can ask his own questions directly, or if I should just suggest he sees a urologist instead to get his concerns addressed there... Which approach do you think is more sensible??

I also have two other questions:
Is HPV transmissible through kissing? Ever since he read that HPV can be present in the throat and oral cavity, he won't even kiss me anymore, let alone anything else (which, in fairness, I understand)... Today, he even went as far as questioning if my hands were clean when I was grabbing some chocolate, worrying that I might somehow pass it to him through food... It honestly makes me feel like I'm carrying the plague...😢
Secondly, if it turns out that I do have HPV, I suppose I have to consider where I might have contracted it. I haven't been in contact with the two men I suspect for quite a long time now. I'm at a loss as to what to do... Should I reach out to them and tell them to be careful with their current partners if they have any...?🙄

Betty Wilson15 said:Thanks for the reply, ruggedsurfer32. I showed my boyfriend your response—along with a mountain of other stuff I found online—but now, it seems, there's just no calming him down... I'm heading to the gynecologist on Monday to ask about all those swabs and typing tests, and I'm debating whether I should bring him along so he can ask everything himself, or if I should just tell him to go see a urologist instead. Which would be the smarter move??

While I certainly get the initial shock and the disbelief, blah blah blah... I really don't understand why it’s such a struggle for him to just educate himself if this has shaken him up so much (honestly, there is an overwhelming amount of useful info available on the internet these days). He needs to realize and understand that we are talking about HPV (human papillomavirus), which is arguably the most common sexually transmitted "disease" (well, virus). Most sexually active people have it without even knowing, or they had it once and didn't even realize because their immune system cleared it out naturally. What matters here is your mutual support, not this kind of misunderstanding and refusal to grasp the reality of the situation. We're dealing with a virus that has over 100 different types, and most people (especially younger folks) encounter some type during their lifetime. Even condoms don't provide 100% protection from it. It's most often asymptomatic, can persist for quite a while despite a perfectly normal Pap smear, and men can test negative (since there isn't a standard HPV swab for them yet).

Take him to your doctor if things are unclear, and let him read through this thread (and the older one too)—it might help him realize that HPV doesn't just happen to "other people" or those who are promiscuous.

Can HPV be spread through kissing? Because after he read that it can be found in the throat and oral cavity, he doesn't even want to kiss me anymore, let alone anything else (which I suppose I understand). Today, he even warned me to make sure my hands were clean when I was grabbing chocolate, so I wouldn't infect his home through food... I feel like I have the plague... 😢

To be perfectly honest, forgive me for saying this (because his narrow-minded and completely unjustified behavior has actually made me angry): I would leave someone like that. This is easily one of the most repulsive things a guy can say to a girl, and I've seen plenty of people online acting out in panic over this. It honestly infuriates me when people behave the way some do toward someone who is HIV positive, and it's no different here. He is taking what he reads and completely twisting it, unnecessarily ramping up the panic for both you and himself, which only makes things harder for you.

Look, you can show him this post too, along with the advice that he really needs to get informed and absolutely MUST go talk to a gynecologist or a urologist, because this whole thing about washing hands and chocolate is just 👎 👎 👎 ridiculous.

edit: anyway, from what I can gather, you just have a slightly abnormal Pap smear, which doesn't necessarily mean you have a specific type of HPV present.

Sophia Wells72 said:Look, I totally get the initial shock and the disbelief, but... I really don't get why he’s making such a huge deal about looking things up if he’s this shaken by it. (Honestly, there is SO much info out there online these days, and most of it is actually useful). You have to realize and understand that HPV (human papillomavirus) is the most common sexually transmitted "illness" (well, virus). Most sexually active people have it without even knowing, or they had it once and never realized because their immune system just cleared it naturally. What matters right now is supporting each other, not this lack of understanding and refusal to accept reality. We're talking about a virus with over 100 different types, and almost everyone—especially young people—runs into some version of it during their lifetime. Even condoms don't offer 100% protection. It's usually asymptomatic, can linger for a long time, and you can still have a perfectly normal Pap smear or even test negative as a guy (since there isn't an adequate test for men yet).

While I don't think forums are exactly the best place to solve intimate issues, I felt like I needed to step in and defend myself against all this unsolicited advice from people acting like saints.

To clear everything up: I am that clueless guy being talked about here. Your assumption that I'm just refusing to educate myself is totally flawed. If you say "there is SO much info out there online," it’s entirely possible that some of that info is flat-out wrong.
I realize people today act like the internet is omniscient and infallible, but you really have to approach information from quasi-medical sites and forums with a healthy dose of skepticism. I *am* educating myself; I just don't take everything I read at face value.

Take him to her gynecologist if things are unclear, and tell him to read this thread (and that old one too). It might help him realize that HPV doesn't just happen to "other people" or people who are promiscuous.

To be completely honest, forgive me for having to say this (but his ignorant and totally unjustified behavior really pissed me off): I would leave a guy like that. That is honestly one of the grossest things a guy can say to a girl, and I've seen plenty of people panicking about this online. It infuriates me when people act the way they did—and still do—toward someone who is HIV positive, and it's the same thing here. He and whatever he reads are just twisting everything, unnecessarily ramping up the panic for both you and himself, and making a bad situation even harder.

Look, you can show him this post and suggest he actually gets informed. Tell him he NEEDS to go talk to a gynecologist or a urologist, because this whole business with the hand-washing and the chocolate is just 👎 👎 👎.
.

Ignorance and irrational behavior often go hand in hand. I'll admit it, I've had my own outbursts that I can't justify—it's easy for a guy to lash out sometimes—but it’s not always that simple. This chocolate thing was disgusting, no matter how you look at it. But we should mention that her hands had been in contact with mucous membranes right before that, and honestly, the whole thing was just a half-baked idea. I have a pretty stupid sense of humor sometimes; my intention was to provoke the exact opposite reaction, and I am sincerely sorry it turned out this way.

I’m genuinely trying my hardest to be there for her. I realize she's going through way more than I am, so every single time we talk about this, I make sure to tell her I'm not angry and that she has absolutely no reason to feel guilty.

When we first started dating, she laid everything out on the table. Look, I have my own set of values and a specific idea of how life should be lived, but those are *my* rules. I don't force them on anyone else, and I certainly don't judge people by them. Even though our lifestyles are worlds apart, I fell for her exactly as she is. How could I possibly be mad at her?

The truth is, my outbursts come from a place of bitterness. I live by certain principles. For instance, I stayed away from casual hookups because, honestly, the temporary release just wasn't worth the potential fallout. I was convinced that by playing it safe, I'd avoid contracting STIs—so now, seeing all of this happen, it feels like all that caution was for nothing. Long story short: some illusions I held onto have been shattered. I'm trying to process that, but I'm not doing it alone. And every time I fail to check my own selfishness, she's the one who pays the price.

And honestly? I have to call you out: you are being incredibly hypocritical. You're criticizing me for reacting poorly when my actions are driven by a lack of information, yet you're turning around and giving my girlfriend the most extreme advice possible regarding our relationship—all while being nowhere near informed enough to give any advice at all.

As for that anger you're feeling toward people who act poorly toward those living with HIV, maybe take a second to question if that's even justified. It seems like you love to judge, but is it really fair to be furious at people who simply don't have the facts? They aren't choosing to hold views you find immoral; they just don't have the same information you do.

bluemoose21 said:That chocolate thing was disgusting, no matter how you look at it—but we should probably mention her hands were already in contact with the mucous membrane before that, and honestly, the whole idea was just poorly conceived. I suppose I have a somewhat idiotic sense of humor, my intention was actually to trigger the exact opposite reaction, and I truly am sorry it turned out that way.

And that is precisely why I have every right to weigh in on this forum (as you so eloquently put it) and write whatever the hell I want—because frankly, this brand of "support" (or whatever you think you're providing) when your girlfriend is distressed and feeling like she’s dying of the plague (her words, though MAYBE she has HPV) is just revolting. ☕

Furthermore, I don't really need to justify myself by citing various lifestyles or beliefs and such, because I'm not judging *you* per se; I'm simply commenting on how you've presented yourself based on what your girlfriend wrote a few posts ago. That is my absolute prerogative, and I imagine it's clear enough that I won't be changing my mind regardless of what you might think of me.

As for taking internet information with a grain of salt—that's fair, which is exactly why I suggested she go have a conversation with her gynecologist.

Finally, I would like to warn you that you are being shamelessly hypocritical. You criticize me for my unjustified actions, knowing they stem from a lack of information, yet on the other hand, you are indirectly giving my girlfriend the most extreme advice regarding our relationship, despite not being nearly informed enough to offer any actual advice.

Shamelessly hypocritical for honestly stating what I think about people like you? Then I am 100% what you say, and I don't feel even a shred of regret about it. There, take that.

I stated what *I* would do, and we all know we aren't going to make major life decisions based on what some random username on a forum tells us. And yes, I would have done exactly that because I've been through everything she's going through (I've been posting on this and the old thread for four years now, if my memory serves), but I was incredibly lucky to have a calm, well-informed partner by my side who was an absolute pillar of support and made things significantly easier for me. Similarly, I was there for him when he battled cancer. (Edit: It wasn't HPV, but something else entirely.)

And regarding your anger over how certain uninformed people behave toward those who are HIV positive, perhaps ask yourself how justified that anger really is. I see you have a tendency to judge others, but is it truly reasonable to be angry at people who simply lack the necessary information to act appropriately? This isn't a situation where they possess the same level of knowledge as you but choose to hold a viewpoint that you find morally unacceptable.

I have every right to be angry because these are the same people who refuse to educate themselves; it isn't an issue for them to scroll through social media every single day, yet suddenly it becomes a massive struggle to visit one or two websites that explain everything about a disease, transmission, treatment, and so on. They find it problematic to consult a professional, yet in the meantime, they pass judgment on the sick. This is especially true for young people in today's internet age, where any piece of vital information is practically at one's fingertips.

As far as I’m concerned—and I really mean this—there is absolutely no need for you to justify yourself or defend against my "advice." I simply stated my opinion; if you happened to take it personally or felt insulted by it, well... honestly, that's not my problem.
👋

p.s. And there it is—now I’m officially being blatantly hypocritical. 😉😈

edit: Actually, let's pause—we're drifting away from the main point here, so it would probably be best if we stayed ON topic. Anything else can be handled via PM.

Sophia Wells72 said:And that is exactly why I have every right to weigh in on this forum (as you so eloquently put it) and write whatever the hell I want. This kind of "support"—if that’s even what you call it—when your girlfriend is freaking out and feels like she's dying (her words, though maybe she doesn't/does have HPV) is just nauseating. ☕

Beyond that, you don't need to sit here and justify your lifestyle or your beliefs to me. I'm not judging you; I'm just commenting on how you've come across based on what your girlfriend wrote a few posts ago. That is my absolute right, and I think it's pretty clear I'm not going to change my mind no matter what you think of me.

As for being cautious about taking medical info from the internet—I get it. That's exactly why I suggested she go talk to her gynecologist.

Am I being shamelessly hypocritical for honestly saying what I think about people like you? Then I am 100% what you say I am, and frankly, I don't care one bit. There. Take that.

You're being contradictory. You claim you aren't judging me, yet just a few sentences later you've lumped me in with "people like you." It only took a couple of posts for you to decide exactly what kind of person I am. I really hope you don't research other topics this superficially while being so convinced that you're—well, well-informed. 😉

Sorry if I gave you the impression that I was trying to justify myself to you. Actually, I was justifying myself to her by using your post as a stepping stone. My bad. 🙂

Honesty is a great virtue, and you should be proud if you actually have it. But there's a difference between being honest and being responsible for the fallout your words cause. That's child's play. Part of growing up is realizing that our actions have consequences, and learning to phrase our "honest thoughts" carefully before we throw them at people.

I have every right to be angry. It's the same people who refuse to educate themselves. They can spend all day scrolling through social media without a second thought, but suddenly it's a huge chore to visit one or two websites to learn about a disease, how it spreads, or how it's treated. They won't bother asking a professional, yet they'll turn around and judge the sick. This is especially true for young people today in the age of the internet, where vital information is practically at your fingertips.

You're assigning a lot of rights to yourself here. 🙂 Sorry if this sounds blunt, but who are you to tell others how to spend their free time or what they should choose to stay informed about?
In the US, there are only a few hundred people living with HIV, yet there are dozens of diseases affecting way more people that manifest much more aggressively than HIV. By what criteria does HIV deserve more attention than those? And why limit the conversation to just diseases? Why don't people bother to get informed when it comes to making economic, sociological, or even ecological decisions that directly impact them and future generations? See where this is going?
Try looking at things from the perspective of these kids for a second. One of the biggest failures in our school system and society as a whole is just how much we drown people in raw data. We basically shovel information at kids without giving them any actual tools to process it or develop the cognitive skills needed to make sense of it all.

It’s pretty arbitrary to decide which topics matter most and then get all worked up when someone else doesn't see eye to eye with you. Honestly, fighting over stuff like that is just tilting at windmills. Maybe those people should try expanding their horizons a bit?

edit: Whoops, I'm drifting off-topic here. Let's try to stay ON topic, okay? If you want to argue about anything else, let's just take it to the DMs.

PS I finally sorted things out with my girlfriend, so I don't really have a reason to hang out on this forum anymore. If you've got more to say and can't help yourself, just send it through her profile.

PPS My bad to everyone if I distracted from the main discussion.

There isn’t anything more to it than my username; my handle is simply my handle. You just signed up for the forum, so there you have it... 🙂

bluemoose21 said:You’re acting like you have all the authority here. 🙂 Forgive me if I come off as blunt, but who are you to judge how others spend their free time or what they should be informed about?

Just another imperfect username on an American message board making comments like that—actually, being outraged by whatever it was you told your girlfriend, whether she liked it or not. As far as I’m concerned, you can live in ignorance, but the moment your little story landed here—well, yes, I, Sophia Wells72, along with everyone else, have every right to comment because, heavens above, this is a forum. Are you honestly still hoping I’ll change my mind about your actions regardless of the reason? I won't. But looking at the rest of your post, I see you're strangely invested in trying to flip the script by asking "who am I" and claiming I'm "acting entitled." Well, this is the internet, and I have every right to be appalled by your, as you put it, "nonsense."

I was actually just justifying myself to her by using your post.

So, you’re apologizing to your own girlfriend via the internet, using someone else's posts as leverage? Brilliant! 👏 Even if we had doxed you—posted your full name, Social Security number, address, the works—it seems you’d still feel this desperate need. Save the apologies for real life.

P.S. I sorted things out with my girlfriend, so I have no more reason to visit this forum.

If it's already "sorted" and you supposedly have no reason to be here, then what exactly is the point of your username popping up to philosophize about something completely irrelevant to the topic? 😕

Good grief. 👋

If you have anything else to say and can't keep it to yourself, send it through her account.

I have nothing to settle with you; I expressed my opinion regarding your behavior, and that is where the conversation ends. 🙂

I should probably go turn myself in to the authorities for being so difficult:

Sophia Wells72 said:Just some random, imperfect username on a forum who’s going to comment on this—actually, even go off on you—regardless of whether what you told your girlfriend pleased you or not. As far as I’m concerned, you can live in ignorance, but the second your story hits this thread, yeah, I—Sophia Wells72—just like everyone else, have every right to weigh in because, heaven forbid, this is a forum. Are you seriously still hoping I’ll change my mind about your actions, no matter the reason? NOPE. But reading the rest of your post, it’s pretty obvious you care way too much about it, trying to shift things by telling me "who I am" and saying I'm "presuming too much authority." Well, newsflash: this is the internet, and I have every right to be outraged by your, as you put it, "total mess."

So, does that mean in real life—or using "RL" slang—you don't hold those views? Avoid the question if you want; it won't matter in the end, and I doubt any answer would be justified anyway. I don't have a problem with you commenting; you aren't the only one who has. It's more about *how* you comment. And if you think you have the right to criticize me and my actions, which have now become part of this forum thread, then I guess I have just as much right to criticize the comments from your "random, imperfect username" who is, God forbid, also a part of this forum community.
Oh, wow, you totally misunderstood me. I'm not sitting here hoping you'll change your mind. I wouldn't dare set my goals that high! My goal was simply to warn you that you might be jumping to conclusions way too fast, and to give you a few pieces of information that I believe are actually pretty vital for making an informed decision. Whether you change your mind or not is completely out of my hands. 🙂
That entire section where you claim I'm trying to change your opinion is actually referring to your stance on people being under-informed about HIV. Try reading with comprehension for once. 👍

Are you really justifying yourself to your own girlfriend through the internet, via someone else's posts? Brilliant! 👏 Even if we hadn't mentioned your full name, crucified you on a cross, or leaked your SSN and everything else, you'd still feel this need. Save the justifications for real life.

Some actions carry symbolic weight, even if they slip past even the most cautious eye when viewed superficially (or maliciously). After all these lessons you've given me about freedom of thought and action on forums, are you really going to try to stop me from attempting to explain myself here? 🤣
And considering you have 10,000 posts, I highly doubt you view the internet and forums as some trivial, insignificant way to communicate.

If you're already done and don't feel the need to be here, then what's the point of your username showing up and philosophizing about something totally irrelevant to the topic? 😕

Because I'm a stickler for detail, and honestly, this is kind of entertaining.😁 Don’t go blaming me for going off on a tangent; I’m just building on what you’ve been saying in your own posts.

Oh boy... 👋

Look, I don't have anything to settle with you personally. I simply shared my opinion on how you've been acting, and that should be the end of it. 🙂

Haha, clearly this conversation isn't over if you say that. Just look back at your last few posts—there aren't even that many! Do you actually have ADHD, or is there some other reason why you're seeing things so differently?

bluemoose21 said:So, what you're saying is that in actual, real-world settings—or if we’re using the term "RL" in its most literal sense—you don't actually hold those views? You seem to be avoiding a direct answer altogether, which, honestly, I suspect wouldn't be justified even if you did step up to it.

I’m curious—how exactly did you manage to arrive at such a bizarre conclusion?
What kind of answers am I avoiding? You just keep spinning the same old narrative—and honestly, you’re making it increasingly personal every time you do.

My intention here was simply to caution you—perhaps you're jumping to conclusions a bit too hastily? I thought I might provide a few pieces of information that, in my estimation, are somewhat vital if one wants to reach an informed conclusion.

Well, you’ve certainly made it clear that you have both the space and the time—you’ve pointed that out quite explicitly. That's fine, I suppose. 😉

That entire section where you claim I’m trying to sway your opinion of me—it really just boils down to your specific stance on people who aren't sufficiently informed about HIV. I'm reading between the lines here. 👍

It’s quite interesting how you keep insisting that I need to practice "reading with comprehension"—all while tossing around an ADHD diagnosis as if it were a casual insult—yet somehow you still fail to grasp the bottom line of my argument. Let me be perfectly clear: I don't approve of your behavior. There is something fundamentally wrong with you acting so smug toward a girl when she is at her absolute lowest, especially since your entire stance is built on being completely misinformed. As for the comparison to HIV, that was merely a parallel—admittedly, those two viruses are worlds apart, but that bitter sensation and the lingering feeling of being "tainted" are exactly the same. Just like my indignation here.

So, after all those exhaustive lectures we’ve endured regarding freedom of speech and the right to express oneself on these forums—are you actually going to try and block me from attempting to defend my own position here? 🤣

Where exactly am I supposed to be seeing any kind of prohibition from my side? I mean, honestly—where? 😕 Well, here we are—another fresh thread. I suppose this gives everyone a chance to offer their excuses on a much grander scale.

Given that you have upwards of 10,000 posts under your belt, I suspect you don't exactly view the internet or online forums as anything more than some trivial, secondary way to communicate—if you even consider them at all.

Of course not—I’ve built quite a few genuine friendships here, gathered plenty of useful insights from wonderful people, and enjoyed some truly great conversations along the way. It’s all part of that larger picture which, as you so aptly pointed out, ten thousand posts more than adequately illustrates.

I honestly don’t get why you feel this constant need to derail the main point—and I mean *constantly*, you seem to be the first one to do it every single time. I started this whole discussion because of how some guy I was seeing acted toward a girl—using terms like "prc," for instance—simply because he’s so incredibly uninformed about basic respect. That was the entire premise: that his behavior is frankly revolting. So, I’m struggling to see why we’re suddenly pivoting away from that to engage in all this philosophical deep-diving regarding my own character. Right now, the focus here is supposed to be on you—specifically, your lack of awareness and the fallout that stems from it. I might be blunt, or perhaps a bit abrasive, I suppose, but that doesn't change the fundamental subject of this thread.

Since I tend to be rather meticulous—and frankly, I find this whole thing quite entertaining 😁

Then just say so; don't go diving headfirst into your keyboard claiming there's nothing left to search for on this forum. If you're being entertained, then by all means, stick around. 🙂

Haha, obviously the conversation hasn't stopped; just look at the last few posts, there aren't many. Or maybe you have ADHD or some other reason for thinking otherwise?

Oh, boohoo! 😢
What a lovely way to communicate. You seem to call this a "discussion," though you're actually just proving my initial assessment of you was far too generous. This is 👎. Is the point of this post to demonstrate whether you're even capable of holding a coherent argument and staying on topic?

Sophia Wells72 said:How on earth did you jump to such a bizarre conclusion?
What answers am I dodging? You just keep recycling the same old story, and honestly, you're making this more and more personal by the second.

When I tried to justify my stance, you basically dodged the question by describing yourself as just an "ordinary, imperfect person." It feels like you’re trying to draw a line between your real life and your persona here as "Sophia Wells72."
The whole thing only turned personal for you once you felt insulted. I really hope you realize how hard it is to stay polite when someone keeps telling you that you're being obnoxious.

It’s funny how you keep mentioning "reading comprehension" and throwing ADHD at me as an insult, yet you completely miss the bottom line of what I’m saying: I don't approve of how you're acting—basically mocking a girl when she's at her lowest point—all because you're so ill-informed. The mention of HIV was just a parallel; sure, those two viruses are worlds apart, but that bitter feeling of being "infected" or tainted is exactly the same. Just like my disgust.

I only gave you that one warning about reading comprehension because you clearly missed the point of what I was saying and there wasn't a better way to put it. Sorry if that stung. I see your bottom line, but I have one too. And mine is that I don't think you have nearly enough information to be out here telling people to end their relationships or judging someone's entire character based on a couple of posts. And the irony? You're criticizing me for being uninformed...

Where exactly do you see me forbidding you from doing anything? 😕 Besides, here we are in a brand new thread, so feel free to go explain yourself to everyone else.

Maybe "forbidding" isn't the right word. But you did tell me directly that this forum isn't a place for "making excuses." Which is pretty hilarious coming from someone who just lectured me on user rights. Again, I’ll say it: I was only explaining myself to one person, and I have zero interest in justifying my actions to the masses.

I just don't get why you constantly need to veer off course—and you're always the first one to do it. I started this because I wanted to talk about a guy who, through sheer ignorance, treats his girlfriend like garbage (is that "mocking" or what?), and that’s the whole point: I find it repulsive. Why are we drifting into all this philosophy about what kind of person I am? Right now, the topic is *you*—specifically your lack of info and the fallout from that. I might be blunt or whatever, but that doesn't change the subject of this discussion.

Every single one of my posts is a direct response to yours, and I’m trying to address everything you say. I can't take sole responsibility for the direction this conversation is heading.
You started out by criticizing some random guy, but it turns out I’m actually that guy. I thought your conclusions were totally unjustified, so I decided to step up and defend myself. Honestly, once I dropped my first post, the whole idea of me being just "some uninformed dude" completely fell apart.
If this thread was actually about "how I acted," you wouldn't even have a reason to reply to my post—or at least, you shouldn't be replying to the parts you think don't apply to your topic.

Look, if that's how it is, just say so. Don't jump all over the keyboard claiming there's nothing left for you to look for on this forum. If you're having fun, then stay. 🙂

Yeah, unfortunately, I realized that only after I already wrote that I had no reason to stick around anymore.

Boo! 😢
What a lovely way to communicate. You call this a discussion? You're trying to prove you're actually even worse than what I initially judged from your previous writing. This is just 👎. So, what's the point of this post? Are you even capable of having a real debate and actually sticking to the topic?

I really don't get why you feel the need to judge me. Do you seriously think I'm looking for your approval? My point is simple: I'm going to correct you if you say something that isn't true. And if I'm not always being perfectly polite, it's because you're criticizing me—plus, let's be real, you haven't hesitated to throw insults since your very first post.

bluemoose21 said:It seems you only decided to take this personally once you actually felt insulted yourself. I truly hope you realize how difficult it is to maintain a sense of decorum when someone repeatedly goes out of their way to tell you that you're making them sick.

It seems we’re having a bit of a breakdown in communication regarding what actually constitutes an insult—it's quite fascinating, really. I genuinely fail to see where I’ve crossed any line here (though, I suppose, I should probably call in the authorities to take a closer look at my wording just to be safe). All I did was condemn your behavior toward that girl—an action I fully intend to continue condemning, regardless of whether it stems from your lack of information, your religious convictions, your specific lifestyle, or perhaps some other factor I haven't even considered yet. I honestly find your actions quite distasteful—whether they stem from a genuine lack of information or if you actually know better and are choosing to act this way anyway. It’s hard to tell, I guess, but either way, it's unpleasant. Do you honestly think I’m going to sit here and respond to behavior like that with cheerful little emojis and sweet, sugary words—all wrapped up in a neat little bow with a Hello Kitty ribbon? I mean, really. Do I actually need to spell this out for you, or are we planning to just spin in circles indefinitely? 🤷

By the way—and I mean this with total sincerity—I wasn't actually offended by being called "shamelessly hypocritical," nor was I particularly moved when you decided to patronize me with those little "childlike qualities" remarks—not to mention that overly polished, rehearsed way you have of lecturing about everything under the sun. But ADD? That’s a different conversation entirely. It’s something else altogether. And since we seem to be on the subject of insults, I would truly appreciate it if you could actually quote the specific insult I directed at you in this thread.

My contention remains that you simply don't have enough information to be handing out breakup advice or passing judgment on someone’s entire character based on a handful of forum posts. And—if we're being honest about the irony here—it’s almost funny that you're criticizing me and my actions for being uninformed when you're doing the exact same thing.

It’s absolutely true—I simply don't have enough information at this stage to form a proper judgment on the matter. I suppose we should look at the whole thing—in its entirety—if we want to be thorough about it. It seems we have ourselves a situation where people feel entitled to judge someone’s character—and then, of course, go ahead and offer their unsolicited "advice." It's quite a pattern, really. I suppose some individuals simply find it impossible to mind their own business without feeling the need to play therapist or moral compass for everyone else. It’s a bit much, don't you think?

I'm not sure if you missed this—but I am certainly NOT passing judgment on... I suppose one could look at the whole situation—if you can even call it that—as a complete and utter mess. It’s all quite overwhelming, really. It’s all written right there in their character—though, to be fair, I don't really have any other data points to go on besides what's laid out in this thread. It’s pretty obvious to anyone actually paying attention.

I find myself compelled to reflect—perhaps a bit too much, if I’m being honest—on one or more of your recent reactions. It seems to me that they were largely driven by a certain... let's call it a lack of situational awareness... following the moment your partner discovered her Pap smear results weren't exactly stellar.

I don’t know about you, but reading that she feels like she’s coming down with the plague—following that whole chocolate incident—honestly just broke my heart. And, I have to say, my stomach actually turned a bit when I read your post explaining that the whole thing was intended as a "joke"—not to mention that part about the kissing. It feels a little much, as if her situation isn't already difficult enough. To make matters worse, we don't even have any clarity on whether she’s dealing with some type of HPV or not.

I didn't go so far as to claim I’d mapped out your entire personality—that would be quite an undertaking—but rather, I expressed my sheer distaste for your incredibly inappropriate reactions (though, for all we know, she might not even have HPV!). My point was simply that you seem somewhat uninformed on the subject, and frankly, you're just spreading unnecessary panic and making things harder for her. To top it off, you think you're being "funny," when what she actually needs is support and empathy—the kind of thing one would expect from a mature adult.

I don't know if you’re up to speed on ADHD, the national debt, or even the logistics of mowing the grass in Central Park—honestly, it's all pretty irrelevant—but I am talking about HPV (and any other STI) and the stigma that comes attached to it. I’m not judging your lack of knowledge on those other topics, nor am I attacking your entire character here. It would be a different story if you were simply uninformed and reacted with total shock, viewing everything as some sort of personal failure; but instead, you tried to keep a level head for the sake of someone you care about. Even in the middle of a panic, you actually attempted to gather information so things might make sense, all while trying to support your girlfriend through those initial, difficult moments.

Prejudices usually stem from—well, let's be honest—a lack of information, or perhaps no information at all. It’s hardly a secret, but I find that kind of behavior quite objectionable regardless. I chose to state my position publicly just to shut down that specific line of reasoning, and I have no qualms about repeating myself. Since I’m not using my full legal name or any fancy professional titles, anyone—and I mean absolutely anyone—can take my words and apply them to their own life if they feel inclined.

It seems something must have happened following my previous entry (though I sincerely hope not), which strikes me as rather odd—I mean, why would some random username on an internet forum carry such weight? If everything really is settled, as you claim, then fine. I'll stick to my guns, and you can stick to yours. 😉

Perhaps "forbidding" isn't quite the right way to put it. But you did tell me directly that this forum isn't a place for "making excuses." Which, frankly, feels a bit ironic coming from someone who just lectured me on user rights. Regardless, I want to reiterate that I was only attempting to explain myself to one specific person; I have zero interest in making grand justifications to the masses.

Actually, I see the exact opposite happening here, given that you quoted me instead of her post—which brings us back to your own words: I feel the need to at least try to defend myself against the advice of these good Samaritans. You "feel the need," okay.

As for this whole "not a place for excuses" business, I simply said "save it for real life," which is just my way of saying you don't need to justify anything TO ME.

You started out criticizing some guy, but it turns out that guy was me. I felt your conclusions were unjustified, so I decided to attempt a defense. As far as I was concerned, the topic of "what some uninformed person did" ceased to be relevant the moment I made my first post.

No, it didn't stop being relevant. By deciding to step in and deal with the criticism, you actually made the issue even more current.

I don't intend to comment on the rest of your post because it inevitably devolves into this "me versus you" dynamic. We are supposed to be discussing your reaction to CIN1, the cause of which hasn't even been identified yet.