Under 30

Give my regards to your friend.

My grandmother had my mom when she was 39. It was a perfectly healthy pregnancy, too. This was back in the mid-20th century, long before we had all the modern medical tech we have now. Then there’s my uncle's wife, who actually had a brother when she was 50—again, back in the mid-1900s during some pretty intense times. She was already starting menopause, but everything went fine.
I ended up having my baby in my late 20s, with all the modern medicine available today, and somehow the baby arrived at only 5 and a half months.
I guess it just goes to show age doesn't really dictate anything. Maybe it seems a bit unusual to have kids in your 40s nowadays, but if it works, why not?

says:
I don't want to freak anyone out, but here’s just what happened with me:
First pregnancy at 29—totally smooth sailing.
Second one, age 33, I had to stay on bed rest for the last two months.
Third one at 36, ended in a miscarriage after two months.
Fourth one at 37, spent months on strict bed rest.

And honestly, don't let it scare you because age isn't everything.
That was my deal too, so you can see... first pregnancy at 17, lost it. Second one at 19, I was on bed rest the whole time. Third one at 23, and yeah, more issues. So, you see? Age doesn't really mean much... and besides, looking at things in the US today, the average age for a first-time mom is actually in her thirties. Rita, I'm so glad everything is going great for you!🙂

Jessica Harris24 said:My grandma had my mom when she was 39—totally smooth pregnancy, everything went great. And this was back in the 1900s, way before all the modern tech we have now. Then, my uncle’s wife actually had a brother when she was 50! That was also back in the 20th century during some really rough times, and she was already starting menopause! No issues at all.
I ended up having my baby in my mid-20s, with all the fancy medicine available today, and the little one was born at only 5 and a half months.
It just goes to show that age doesn't mean anything, I guess. Maybe it seems a bit weird to have kids in your 40s nowadays, but if it happens, why not?!

My mom had me when she was 40 🙂 and they were twins, too, so honestly, what's our excuse?😉

I honestly think that "rule" was cooked up just to keep women panicking until they hit thirty. 😁

The truth is, the human body is way more capable than we give it credit for. I’m convinced that thirty-year cutoff is basically arbitrary—it just sounds like a nice, round number for people to obsess over.
When you consider that life expectancy has basically doubled over the last couple of centuries, it stands to reason that our biological clocks have slowed down too.
Now, if you want to look at the raw statistics, sure, having kids before thirty is probably better. And if you want the absolute peak, maybe in your early twenties.
But I also heard this theory that the real cliff isn't even thirty—it's twenty-four if you're looking at menopause-related health issues. If that's true, most of us are already playing catch-up. Between finishing college and trying to actually land a job in those years, having a baby wasn't even on my radar.

Honestly, ever since I can remember, I haven't had any intention of settling down before thirty.
I’m pretty sure everything will work out fine, and even if things get tricky by forty, I’ll still have some breathing room!
So, look, I totally get why people say you should jump on it as soon as possible. But if I didn't pull the trigger in my early twenties like the textbooks say I should have, being a year or two older than thirty isn't going to change my life.
Don't sweat it 👍 keep your chin up—we'll all be pushing strollers whenever the time is right!

Hannah Barnes24 said:Honestly, I feel like that whole rule was just cooked up to stress women out before they even hit 30.😁
I mean, look at how much longer people actually live compared to, say, two centuries ago. Everything just takes longer now, right?

I've been thinking about this too. If our lifespan keeps stretching out, wouldn't all our biological timelines shift along with it? Like, maybe our bodies will just get more resilient as we age... or something like that? Doesn't that make sense?

And yeah, I've definitely heard that weird version where you’re supposed to have kids by 24! But like... why? Nobody can actually explain it.

Just a quick thought regarding life expectancy

The fact that people are living longer—say, reaching 78 or 80 these days—doesn't mean folks back in the day were dropping dead of "old age" at 39, or that women were hitting menopause at 27... It just means more people survived childhood and middle age because we aren't constantly battling infectious diseases that are now easily cured or totally wiped out. Back then, if you were lucky enough to have decent living conditions, you still had a solid shot at reaching old age, just like people do today

So, I wouldn't necessarily bank on a proportional increase in our fertile years, even though it’s definitely possible that better overall health and living standards could play a role in that too...

Hannah Barnes24 said:Ladies, stop stressing and being sad about it!!!

Times have changed. I have one friend who had her first at 39, and another just two weeks ago at 41. Five kids total!!!👍

My great-grandmother also had her first—my grandmother (back in 1926)—at 35, then had two more children, with the third arriving around age forty... and she lived to be nearly ninety.

So what's your point? 😁

Frequent ejaculation lowers sperm counts.

NEW YORK - A recent medical study suggests that the more often a man ejaculates during the week, the lower his sperm count tends to be. However, frequency alone doesn't fully explain why sperm levels fluctuate so much from one test to the next.
The findings, published in the journal Fertility and Sterility, came from a 16-month study involving 27 healthy men. Participants provided monthly samples and completed questionnaires regarding their ejaculation frequency, abstinence periods, and health history. Lead researcher Elizabeth Carlson and her colleagues at the Mayo Clinic in Copenhagen noted that seasonal changes played a role—specifically, ejaculation frequency tended to peak in the spring compared to winter. Interestingly, they found no significant impact on sperm motility or morphology based on the season.
The data showed a clear drop in concentration as frequency increased. Compared to a single ejaculation, the count dropped by 29 percent with two, and by 41 percent with three. On the bright side, how often someone ejaculates doesn't seem to affect the movement or shape of the sperm itself.

👋

tinchi said:stormylynx14,

Fine. Let’s try this approach.
I’m 22 with PCOS. A dozen doctors tell me "pregnancy is the cure; you should conceive as soon as possible." Suppose that without treatment, it's harder for me to conceive than the average woman, and that difficulty only increases with age. So what? Am I supposed to believe that because I’m 22, have a career, a life, and a partner waiting in the wings—that I should just drop everything and get pregnant right now?

I haven't even finished college, I don't have a steady job, and there isn't a man in sight that I want to have a baby with. What then? Should I just rush into it and give birth in a few years simply because I might struggle later? Or follow the doctors' advice that it would somehow benefit my body?

I am prepared for the possibility of struggling to conceive one day, though I could also get lucky on the first try. If the worst happens, I could adopt. Honestly... I don't want to dwell on the worst-case scenario. That would be like refusing to leave the house just because there's a chance a car might hit me. No thanks.

tinchi, I am not addressing people like you when I ask them to consider having children. You are aware of your situation, you've weighed your options, and you've made a decision based on your current circumstances. There is nothing more you can do.

When I was 22, I wasn't seriously considering children; I pushed the idea far into a distant future to focus on reaching my potential. My career came first. Then second, then third. The heartache only started much later, realizing that having children won't be easy—if it happens at all. Had I known then, or even considered the mere 20% probability, I would have prioritized differently. This is about setting priorities when you have a choice, and deciding how to act if fertility issues arise. I'm not suggesting anyone should have children at any cost just because of future complications, nor would I suggest children as a substitute for other life goals.

Some women put their careers above everything else, only to reach the peak of their profession in 15 or 20 years and spend the rest of their lives feeling unfulfilled and miserable every time they see a pregnant woman. Some couples delay seeing a specialist when they can't conceive (my dear partner and I fall into that category). With a little awareness regarding fertility risks, that wouldn't be necessary.

stormylynx14 said:Some women just put their careers above everything else—climbing that ladder for 15 or 20 years until they hit the top, only to spend the rest of their lives feeling empty and miserable, especially every time they catch sight of a pregnant woman. Then you’ve got couples who drag their feet about seeing a doctor when they can't conceive (which is exactly what my partner and I have been doing)... if they actually understood the fertility risks involved, they probably wouldn't be waiting this long.

give me a break, if you knew at 22 that you were gonna have fertility issues, you would've done this, or that, or whatever... you could only guess

it's one of those things where you say, "if only I had known back then"... (but then it wouldn't even be my life anymore, would it?)

And honestly? Maybe those women *are* unhappy because they spent 20 years "making it big" and now seeing pregnant people gets under their skin... but even if they weren't, they'd probably just be bitter watching other women crush it in the corporate world instead.

whatever

rustymoose54 said:Come on, don't overstate it... if you knew at 22 that you were going to have fertility issues, you would've done this or that or whatever else you're thinking about right now... maybe...

That’s what people mean when they say, "If only I had been smarter back then..." though honestly, life wouldn't even be mine anymore if I'd made different choices...

I feel like some women might be unhappy because they spent their 20s "checking all the boxes," and now seeing pregnant women just hits a nerve... but even if that weren't the case, they'd probably just find something else to be frustrated by, like seeing other women killing it in their careers...

whatever

There's an old saying for that kind of hindsight: If they actually had the guts, they wouldn't be sitting there talking about it... 😁

electricdriver78 said:It’s a classic for a reason: If she had the stones, she wouldn't be a grandma, she'd be a grandpa.😁

man, electricdriver78... you just keep winning me over.👋 🙂 👋

rustymoose54 said:Don't exaggerate. If you knew at 22 that you'd face fertility issues, you would have done this or that... or whatever. You can always imagine.

That’s what people mean by "if only I had known back then"... except if you change the past, it isn't even your life anymore.

Some women might be miserable because they spent 15 or 20 years "achieving everything," only to find seeing pregnant women frustrating now. But if it wasn't that, they'd probably just be frustrated by women succeeding in their careers instead.

whatever

Look, what are the odds of developing breast cancer? I'd say it's significantly lower than 20%. Regardless, breast exams are a constant topic on Health forums, and you likely go for screenings yourself. Fertility struggles, however unlikely they may be, simply aren't on most people's radar. It’s about awareness, not experience.

That’s just a totally flawed comparison... like, seriously... honestly? You can't even compare those two things—it's apples and oranges, or more like comparing a greasy burger from In-N-Out to a five-star steakhouse meal... which, let's be real, isn't even close... anyway, you're missing the whole point there...

Look, nobody’s ever actually dropped dead from fertility issues... but you know, people definitely kick the bucket from cancer. It's just one of those things, isn't it?

Every single woman who’s posted in here has her own thing going on—like, seriously, everyone’s got a totally different story... it's wild how much variety there actually is.

If I actually sat down and replied to every single one of them individually... honestly? Every single response would end up sounding exactly like what I told Tinchy. Just total carbon copies... nothing more.

So, here’s my deal... looking back about 10 or 15 years ago—I’m 33 now, so yeah—it felt like my chances of ever actually having a kid were basically zero. I was dealing with this chronic illness that, honestly, wasn't even treated that well back then... you know how it is. Even if I’d had a partner at the time, I wouldn't have even dreamed of trying for a baby. It just felt way too risky for me, and obviously for a little one too. And yeah, I won't lie, it sucked... I was pretty miserable about it because I've always wanted to be a mom, deep down. For a long time, I figured things would only get worse health-wise, but then life happened. Medical treatments have actually come a long way since then, and I finally found someone I want to spend my whole life with—someone I actually want to start a family with. So, somehow, against all those old odds... pregnancy is actually a possibility for me now.

Oh, one more thing you’re totally glossing over—the demographic here... we're talking to guys and girls in their early twenties, sure, but the women who might feel targeted by this stuff? They're my age. And look, most of us were just out there trying to survive the fallout of a recession, dealing with total instability, or basically just trying to keep our heads above water through some seriously rough times... I know you mean well, really, I do, but adding a side of guilt over potential infertility on top of everything else? That's the last thing those women need after everything they've already been through... honestly...

rustymoose54 said:chill out, if you knew at 22 you'd have fertility issues, you would've done this or that or whatever... just saying

it's that whole "if only I knew then" thing... (except then it wouldn't even be my life anymore)

maybe some women are miserable because they spent their 20s "checking all the boxes" and now seeing pregnant women gets to them... but if it wasn't that, it'd probably just be seeing successful women instead

whatever

spot on

better if I don't hang around here, these topics suck
stormylynx14, would it actually be good for your kid (or you and your wife) to have rushed into it at 20 just because someone told you the odds were great? imagine having a baby in a tiny studio apartment, struggling to eat, maybe one of you is unemployed...
probably would've ended up having the kid 10 years later anyway, hoping things worked out

Amanda Stewart71 said:Spot on.

I think I'll stay away from these threads; topics like this just weigh on me.
stormylynx14, would it actually be good for your child—or you and your wife—to have had one at 20 just because someone told you fertility rates were high? Imagine having a baby while living in a tiny studio apartment as renters, struggling to eat, maybe even dealing with unemployment. It’s a lot to ask.
Honestly, you'd probably end up having that kid ten years later anyway, hoping things finally fall into place.

It gets complicated once you start bringing "economic circumstances" into the mix.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own lived experiences.
stormylynx14 was simply sharing his perspective based on what he's been through; he isn't claiming his experience is the universal rule for everyone.

As for living in poverty, I grew up in a big city and back in '63, we had a baby in a single room. We were renters, so that one room was our kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom all in one. We made it through.

Our second child was planned in '74 under different circumstances. For us, fertility wasn't the issue, but I know how much of a struggle it remains for many women. Many men deal with low counts or poor quality too... and our lifestyle choices—diet, drinking, smoking, drugs, stress—all play a huge role.

stormylynx14 makes a fair point when he says you women tend to have these discussions and talk about your struggles, which is great. But what about the men? Nobody seems interested. It’s always been that way, and frankly, people just shrug and say everything will work out.

Thousands of people would still be here if they just went to the doctor twice a year and actually took care of themselves.
Sad, but true.

👋 👋

I’ve decided to step back from this conversation mostly because I’m tired of the feeling that half of you are talking about one thing while the other half are discussing something else entirely—it’s just endless noise. But, just for the sake of clarity, I’ll quote the original post to remind everyone what we were actually here to discuss:

plaza said:If it’s true that a woman needs to have her first child before thirty—especially for her own health—then I am officially panicking. I turn thirty in a month (brrr, that sounds absolutely terrifying), and apparently, that rule doesn't apply to me anymore. If this is actually an objective truth... I really hope it won't be too late for me later on.

The point is, nobody has mentioned anything regarding male infertility, especially not in the way Jamie Clark74 is interpreting it. That simply isn't the subject of this thread. Why such a negative attitude? 😕

Amanda Stewart71 said:stormylynx14, would it be "good" for your kid—or you and your wife—if you had rushed into this at 20 just because someone promised you fertility was a breeze? Imagine having that child living in a tiny studio apartment, struggling to eat, maybe unemployed, all because you didn't plan ahead.
I'd probably just end up having them ten years later anyway, hoping things finally work out.

Spot on. If you want my take, I waited too long. I could have acted sooner, but I didn't care enough back then. Pure negligence—whether it was deciding to have kids or how we handled it once we hit roadblocks. Now I regret it. My wife went through hell to get us this one child, and it looks like this is all we get. I know how selfish single children can be; I see it in myself. 😬

violent_femmes9 said:False equivalence.

Fertility issues don't kill you. Cancer does.

It was about probability.

violent_femmes9 said:You’re overlooking one thing: the target demographic is people in their early 20s, but the women who might feel personally attacked are those my age. Most of us were just trying to survive recessions, instability, and hardship back then. I know you mean well, but adding potential infertility to the list of burdens these women have already carried is unnecessary.

I haven't forgotten. I see how much it hurts my own wife. Tell me why a woman would feel targeted if she didn't have children when circumstances simply wouldn't allow for them? That's out of anyone's hands. You can't be blamed for fate.